question mainly for the ladies...would you be willing to?

[nowonder]

Question:

 

let's say you break up with your boyfriend. 6 months or more later, would you be willing to get back together with him?

I just wonder how the female mind works and if you break up with a person, is it totally over?

 

 

 

 

Thanks for any replies that I may get.

[bluexin99]

Now that depends on why we broke up, how i still feel about him, etc etc etc. The time frame issue isn't a big deal if the important determinants are satisfied.

 

However, i think i would've moved on by then.

[kaoticbaby]

nope. i can't really explain it more than that.

[PrincessBOT]

Question:

 

let's say you break up with your boyfriend. 6 months or more later, would you be willing to get back together with him?

I just wonder how the female mind works and if you break up with a person, is it totally over?

 

Thanks for any replies that I may get.

 

For me there are different types of break ups. There is the break up to make up, like after a fight or disagreement. This is where from experience with each other we both know it's just a matter of who is willing to give in first to start the apology that will start the talk that will get us back together.

 

Then there is the it's over break up, like the cheater and liar type break up. Once it's over it's over whether it is 6 months, 6 years or 6 decades and I would still not get back together.

 

Also, there is the we just are not working out and it's no one's fault break up. Down line there could be a possibility of getting back together because people change, grow, mature, etc. So in 5 years we may more compatible than we were before, if the attraction is there, then maybe.

 

Hope that helps.

[greywolf]

Depends on the reason for the breakup, but probably not.

[shes2smart]

let's say you break up with your boyfriend. 6 months or more later, would you be willing to get back together with him?

 

Historically no. If one believes past behavior is a good indication of future behavior, then (if I was single) the answer would be "extremely unlikely."

 

I just wonder how the female mind works and if you break up with a person, is it totally over?

 

Can't speak for any other female, but when I have been the one to initiate the break-up, there is (for me) no going back. No point. When I've decided breaking up is the only option left, it means I've done all I'm willing, able, and/or going to do to make things work.

[YZRiderF]

This doesnt look to good for me then... Been 2 months with about 6 weeks of NC. The only texts were from her for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Other than one in between asking me a stupid question. O well I need to move on!

[adelaster]

The reason why you split in the first place is pretty important.

[hereagain]

There is a saying 'an ex is an ex for a reason'. But still keeping this in mind, it is difficult to put a diffinitive answer yes or no to all exes.

 

Depends on the ex as has been stated above. But I certainly would try to look at the reasons why we broke up and look at the situation from a realistic perspective rather than a rose coloured view.

 

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.. Its a very person thing that is diffierent for every individual.

[nowonder]

I started the post and forgot to subscribe to it, and here I thought that no one was replying, sorry.

 

Anyway, the reason for the break up was very big, at least to her it was. There were actually a lot of different reasons making one big one, I guess.

 

 

Here are the reasons:

 

1)We are in two different places in our lives.

She's ready to start school and begin a career, and she knows what she's going for and what she needs to do to get there.

 

2)She feels I don't have enough confidence in myself.

She thinks she has to encourage me to do things so much that she is using all the strength that she has to do it and does not have much left to get what she needs to get done.

 

3)We're just not working out anymore.

Over the last nine months that we were together, I've been depressed and things got pretty bad, to the point where I was taking so many things out on her that it got very wearing. But during the last two months we were together, a lot had changed for the better, I had realized what I was doing wrong, and started to catch myself before I did them, sort of. And during this time, she fell out of love with me and realized that we were not going to work out.

 

4)She felt out futures would clash.

She wanted a more simple life with little possessions and a lot of donating and socially consious help. I wanted to start a business, get rich and have two houses and a lot of cars also. I assured her that through out this process we could both have what we want out of life, as she could still donate to the different causes and I would be able to have what I want.

 

There are many reasons pointing to us not being good for each other and whatever else, but some of the things that we had were great also. We were always supporting each other, confiding in each other, most of all we understood each other. But sometimes it felt like she was always questioning my acceptance of her, and yes I accepted her, but it seemed like there was always something that was brought up that would make her question things again and again.

 

I realize that at the end of the relationship, I wasn't happy, and neither was she, but my heart tells me that once we both get ourselves together, we will be perfect for each other considering that there are a lot of things that were great and the other things are within personal growth. She is 2.5 years older than me, and I'm in my mid 20's.

 

Whatever happens, I know I'll be okay though, I've come to realize that I need to experience more women before I can settle for someone, which is what I was going to do with her. And at the same time, she want to be friends still, she said that she needs about six months apart before we could start a friendship. But I don't know what I want to do, it's up to me to contact her is I really want to be her friend.

[secretness87]

Question:

 

let's say you break up with your boyfriend. 6 months or more later, would you be willing to get back together with him?

I just wonder how the female mind works and if you break up with a person, is it totally over?

 

Thanks for any replies that I may get.

 

Coming from my experiences, I probably wouldn't get back together with him. But like one of the posters said, it depends on how much I liked him, and why we even broke up in the first place.. that would have a lot to do with my choice too, and if I would even want to get back with him in the first place. But for me, most likely I wouldn't get back with him.. and I'd probably be moved on by then.

[thistime]

I was able to reconnect with a BF after 5 years...I was the one who initiated the break-up, but knew within days I had made a mistake. He was very angry and hurt, so at the time when i tried to contact him, he didnt respond. I let it go and moved on. He made the initial contact this time, saying that he really just wanted to clear the air and hopefully be able to be civil, if not friends with each other. i was completely honest with him and said that although i would accept being his friend, i had missed and loved him and wanted more, if possible. we are slowly building the relationship back. i broke up with him long ago because i was newly divorced and didnt want to jump back into a commited long term relationship. I definatley do now, tho! if it is meaqnt to be it will be...but love takes time to heal when there is alot of hurt. and you cant push someone towards you...

[nowonder]

I'm not trying to force anything to happen, it's hard to explain, but at this moment I'd rather not be in a relationship with anyone because I'm not ready to be in one, not even with my ex that I still love. At the same time, I know that when I am ready to be in a committed relationship, I would like to be with someone like her. The thing is, she still wants to be friends (in about six months), once all the feelings and pain of the break up heals. She was my first long term serious relationship, my first love if you will, and at the moment, I know I have to experience more before I can ever commit to anyone in that way again. Still I want to know that there is still hope somewhere down the line(1,2,3,10 years from now.).

[25thfloor]

no, when i break up...it's for good.

[johnnyp]

Funny that nearly all the women here say they'd never go back, and yet this forum is full of men that have had their ex come back to them, and I've even been told here many times by women that my ex will probably regret leaving me. Strange!

[FloatingAnchor]

I'm not trying to force anything to happen, it's hard to explain, but at this moment I'd rather not be in a relationship with anyone because I'm not ready to be in one, not even with my ex that I still love. At the same time, I know that when I am ready to be in a committed relationship, I would like to be with someone like her. The thing is, she still wants to be friends (in about six months), once all the feelings and pain of the break up heals. She was my first long term serious relationship, my first love if you will, and at the moment, I know I have to experience more before I can ever commit to anyone in that way again. Still I want to know that there is still hope somewhere down the line(1,2,3,10 years from now.).

 

I don't think you should think this way. You shouldn't be waiting for her. If it takes time for both of you to work on your problems and grow, then take the time, but don't do it with the expectation of getting someone back. Do it because it's good for you. I know she said "six months," but is that so she can heal or so you can heal? She said she just wants to be friends. I think you should take that at face value unless you have cause to wonder.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Question:

 

let's say you break up with your boyfriend. 6 months or more later, would you be willing to get back together with him?

I just wonder how the female mind works and if you break up with a person, is it totally over?

 

 

 

 

Thanks for any replies that I may get.

 

if i break up with someone, it's because things are truly not working. i wouldn't break up with someone if i knew there was potential or a great connection.

i haven't done alot of dumping but the one time i can recall, it was b.c the guy was too clingy and left me with a bad impression. he was also very pushy and i noticed i just wasn't that into him..

 

the only way i'd have gone back to him is if i found no one better to date. i hate to admit it (but at least i didn't do it).

 

another guy i was in a relationship with for 7 months or so, i broke up with. at first it hurt bad and i wished we could get back together. but in reality it was only b/c i was missing having someone to spend time with.

over time i met another guy and realised i was never that happy with my ex. (things ended with the new guy.. then i REALLY regretted ending things with my bf, but they ended for the best and i wouldn't go back to him).

[JeckyllNHyde]

Funny that nearly all the women here say they'd never go back, and yet this forum is full of men that have had their ex come back to them, and I've even been told here many times by women that my ex will probably regret leaving me. Strange!

 

i think it's usually the "grass is greener" syndrom. you're with the guy, and think there is better out there. you break it off and realise, man you should have stuck with that guy who loved you like crazy.

 

the reason people break up always boils down to feeling that there is someone better out there for u (IMO). even if it hurts to break things off.

[nowonder]

I don't think you should think this way. You shouldn't be waiting for her. If it takes time for both of you to work on your problems and grow, then take the time, but don't do it with the expectation of getting someone back. Do it because it's good for you. I know she said "six months," but is that so she can heal or so you can heal? She said she just wants to be friends. I think you should take that at face value unless you have cause to wonder.

 

here's the deal, I really don't want to get back with her, at least not right now, this post was intended to feel out the female mind and see what they think about things along these lines. The six months that we agreed upon is to heal the both of us, mainly her because she said from experience that's how long it takes for her to completely get over someone. With me, I know there are things that I need to work on to be able to ever start a new relationship with anyone. I wasn't very clingy in the relationship but I wasn't comfortable either, at least not until near the end. I don't expect to get back with her, at least not anytime soon, I just feel like I'm losing someone that is very important to me in an instant. I'm coping fine now, but in beginning I didn't think I would know how to go from seeing somebody everyday to not seeing them at all, without much contact, that was what really troubled me and I'm now at a point where I have realized and accepted that we would not be together again, but every so often the thoughts and wants to be back where I was comes creeping up on me. That's what makes it hard, I just keep jumping back and forth over and over again, but when I think about the way I felt when I was in the relationship, I realize that I really don't want to go back at all. It's hard to explain, but I hope this gives you an idea of how it all feels.

[FloatingAnchor]

I think I understand how you feel. You want to take time to work on yourself before you bring up the idea of a reconciliation. You can do LC and show her how you're changing if you want her to reconsider you. But it's important to note that this was a break up, not a break (am I right?). She may start dating within the 6-month time period. Can you handle that?

[nowonder]

Here's the deal, I am still a little irrational right now, but I know that I wasn't happy there. I know I have to experience more before I can start and maintain another relationship like that. But I feel that sometimes people break up because they were together during a time that isn't right for the both of them, and when a better time comes around they should get back together. Like right now, she is going back to school to be a teacher, I'm still pretty much trying to figure out what I want to do. That was a major part in why we broke up. She felt we were in two different places in our lives. The other is that she felt that I didn't have enough confidence in myself. Third, and probably the biggest thing is that she feels our passions(futures) would clash. I kept telling her that things will work out if we put work into it, but it seems that she didn't want to put that kind of work into a relationship.

 

Besides the passions, self-confidence, and being in two different places in our lives, she always questioned whether I accepted her. I accept her for who she is but sometimes there are little things that need to be compromised, and it's the same way with her acceptance of me. I believe that there is no one that will fully and completely accept another person in this world, that's why people compromise. But one night, we had a big argument and from the argument, I realized that I was treating her wrong in some ways, and she got that we were no longer good for each other. So, for nearly two months after that argument, she began to fall out of love with me, and everything was over analyzed. Then one night, it was over.

 

To sum it all up, I still long for her sometimes in the moment, but when I am in a rational state, I realize that I wasn't happy there. The physical attraction wasn't there most of the time for me either, but sometimes people stay in relationships to avoid the pain of breaking up or possibly making a mistake. This may sound weird, but I won't be getting into any relationship until I'm okay with being alone.

[yankeefan74]

But I feel that sometimes people break up because they were together during a time that isn't right for the both of them, and when a better time comes around they should get back together.

 

I don't know if they "should" get back together...but I've seen a lot of people go through that exact scenario. Time passes, and you realize outside circumstances have an impact on who you are as a person...and that, obviously, will then change the dynamic of a relationship. Sometimes it can help, sometimes it tears people apart. This is a big reason why it's generally not a good idea to get involved with anyone that is going through a divorce, or is just coming out of a tough breakup.

 

Time passes, and you realize the things that brought you together the first time are there...but the cause of the tension, or the stresser that caused the breakup no longer exists.

 

That's why the reason for the breakup is so important. If there is a personality conflict that's never going to change...if two people have different goals or lifestyle plans...it's not going to work regardless. Obviously, if someone is abusive or violent, that wouldn't work either.

[IBelieve]

 

Time passes, and you realize the things that brought you together the first time are there...but the cause of the tension, or the stresser that caused the breakup no longer exists.

 

That's why the reason for the breakup is so important. If there is a personality conflict that's never going to change...if two people have different goals or lifestyle plans...it's not going to work regardless.

 

Words of wisdom