She called at 2:41 am ... TWICE

[zrehman]

Hey guys, I just started NC with my ex and its been 2 days and last night at 2:41 and 2:43 am, she called me.

 

If you check my short previous thread that I started, you will know the deal of our situation. In short, she kept on telling me, "I don't know" and "I'm gonna do me and focus on my career" when I asked her were I stand in her life and what she thinks about us. I already tried countless times to tell her how I feel and how I want things to work. She also made it a point to tell me, "I'm single as of now and if I meet someone that I have an interest with and I get to know that person more and develop feelings, then I'll eventually be in a relationship with them." That killed me the most! So I wrote her a letter (a long letter), with all my feelings on their and basically told her that I can't be a "?" mark in her life and because she is not clear about "us", I need time to heal and move on.

 

So last night she called, I didn't pick up. I got a voicemail, but it was a 2 sec voicemail with nothing said. Then she called again and left a 2 minute voicemail basically saying that, "I think you have things confused with our conversation and because of that your starting to confuse me now". Basically she was telling me that I was taking what she said out of context, BUT she didn't even bother explaining anything to me on the voicemail that concerned us! Then she just said, "Give me a call, if I don't hear from you then study well and good luck on your exam, bye."

 

She just left it a mystery again for me to decipher ... which I'm tired of playing games and being honest with her, and getting this sort of feed back from her.

 

What do you guys thinks?

[DN]

I think she wants to keep you around until she finds someone else or gets tired of you. So - just like before - she is being deliberately vague.

 

Unless she realises she made a mistake and says so - I would continue no contact.

[zrehman]

I think she wants to keep you around until she finds someone else or gets tired of you. So - just like before - she is being deliberately vague.

 

Unless she realises she made a mistake and says so - I would continue no contact.

 

I agree. I also was leaning towards continuing NC, cause she is making it hard to tell were she is coming from still.

[NewPhillyGuy]

I agree with DN, and I've been in a similar situation before. I had an ex email me that she was thinking about me, so I gave it a chance and tried to reconcile with her. When it came down to it, she was unwilling to work with me to tackle the issues we had in the relationship, namely her insensitivity toward me. I tried to talk to them with her, and she acted like she didn't care - yet again. The same old issues popped up, and we wound up fighting again, ending things, and I had to start all over. I should have just ignored that email. She told me time and time again through her words that a true reconciliation was not what she was after - she was just lonely or something.

 

So, yes, I agree. Continue with NC, unless she expresses a genuine interest in working things out. However, not to make you paranoid, I would also be concerned if she suddenly one day becomes mrs. perfect and says she wants to work everything out with you. People do not change over night, so if this does happen, make sure to take things very slowly.

[crab62]

"I'm single as of now and if I meet someone that I have an interest with and I get to know that person more and develop feelings, then I'll eventually be in a relationship with them."??????????????

 

what?... that's not only rude, but its extremely insensitive and arrogant. wow! I'm sorry you had to hear that

 

it sounds like (by her call) that she wants to control the situation. wants you to hang around if she decides she has stronger feelings for she, and wants you around in case the new waters she is testing are not so great.

 

If you go with LC... it will either work or it will be a mess and you'll be right back to NC again. I don't see LC working with people unless both people want to be in chaos all the time, I could not deal with that. Either I'm in a relationship or not... I can't deal with that inbetween stuff.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Stay in NC. Notice she calls in the middle of the night...a time when she is feeling lonely so she needs her fix. Do not respond to her...she make her choice and now she needs to live with it no matter what time of the day or night it hits her that she is lonely.

[sidehop]

I think she wants to keep you around until she finds someone else or gets tired of you. So - just like before - she is being deliberately vague.

 

Unless she realises she made a mistake and says so - I would continue no contact.

 

I agree, she's playing with your mind & heart. Once she finds that 'other' person you're done.

 

Keep your head up & be strong

[Timebandit]

Stay in NC. Notice she calls in the middle of the night...a time when she is feeling lonely so she needs her fix.

 

This is the real deal. Night-calling or drunk-calling are seldom the result of a mature decisionmaking process (to say the least).

[zrehman]

Thanks guys for all your thoughts on this and the reasons why she could be calling.

 

I think she is still just trying to have the upper hand in the situation and to be in control.

 

I'm just mentally and physically tired of always getting hurt with her and her never being open to me as I am with her. I do love her and care for her, but I think I would be more happy single than with her.

 

I also have my USMLE Step 1 exam coming up in May and I think I should be single and just completely focused on that till its done. Then I can think about other things.

[catfeeder]

I think you already know that you deserve better than being drunk dialed. Hold NC, and hold your head up.

 

In your corner.

[zrehman]

I think you already know that you deserve better than being drunk dialed. Hold NC, and hold your head up.

 

In your corner.

 

She wasn't drunk or under any other influence when she called ... I'm sure of it.

 

But I will definitely hold the NC even though I would love to be with her again. But I recall that there haven't been many moments in our time together recently were I have not been happy. I should concentrate on my USMLE Step 1 Exam and conquer that first.

[zrehman]

You're her backup while she plays the field. She's manipulative. Damaged goods, move on.

 

That is what I think too.

 

What does "damaged goods" mean lol

[PJPaul]

That is what I think too.

 

What does "damaged goods" mean lol

 

Means she'd to f-ed up in the head to be good relationship material. Every guy had at least on gurl like that in his life.

[zrehman]

I like to think of it someone that is not capable of a healthy relationship, doesn't know what love is and how to treat someone they love, the list goes on and on. Sometimes it's based on their past experiences or simply the way they have been born/raised.

 

I see. She has told me plenty of times through the course of our 4 year relationship that I am the best BF she has ever had. She would go on to tell me how her previous BFs have cheated on her, abused her, etc..

 

So I get confused to why she would not want to be with me, when she claims I am the best thing to have happened to her.

 

I guess that really does equal DAMAGED GOODS lol

[zrehman]

Means she'd to f-ed up in the head to be good relationship material. Every guy had at least on gurl like that in his life.

 

ahahaha ... that sucks .... unlucky me!

[zrehman]

Yeah she has let her past relationships change her and affect her future relationships. Some people just don't learn and get used to abusiveness and bad relationships. It's like being addicted to heroin and they can't stop and forget what even normal is. They have their insecurities and fears played against them to the point where they are depended on that person for validation. What is not healthy becomes healthy and so on. Damaged goods as I like to call people like that, male or female.

 

Sad world we live in.

 

Amen to that!

[PJPaul]

I couldn't have said any better Forsaken. Some women have just been through too much to be a decent girlfriend/wife and its sad because your ex, my ex and Forsakens ex will have a long hard life ahead of them filled with horrible men. I really do wish my ex happiness but that not possible for her. Her taste in men prevents it.

 

And yeah my ex would tell me thinks like "Your the best bf she every had" and "how your the most amazing man ever" and blah blah blah. Unstable women....learn your lesson and stay away. You life you learn man. There are plenty of GREAT women in this world. Don't get all strung by this one woman who obviously donesn't know what she want nor knows what true happiness is. Do u want to marry and have kids with that? I'd hope not. Learn form this and move on. There 3 billion women in the world! If there are only .1% of women that are right for you that still leaves 30 million women that would be perfect for you! LMAO gotta love numbers

[zrehman]

.1% = 30 million!?

 

I calculated that ... and you are right! lol - That's freaking crazy!

 

I do agree with you my friend, its just sad that they have an oppurtunity to have something good in their life, but want to prevent that from happening.

 

I guess there is only so much we can do, and if they can't accept that, we must move on.

[PJPaul]

Man that's nothing you can do. She is not with you so you no long can protect her or show a good loving fulling life. She is a grown a$$ woman. She makes her own choices. That choice wasn't you. Fine, so be it. Her loss. Maybe one day she'll see it or maybe she wont......who cares you have 30 million women that would just right for you and in six months you be fine. In a year you look back on it a laugh. I've been with some crappy women. Just don't let her make you bitter and prejudge the next woman off what she did. You had a relationship, it didnt work out, move you.

 

Im 20 they'll be other women in my life that will like me for me, love me for me, and fit in my life as perfectly as i fit in hers. Until then do you. Ur free now dude go party! LOL Life is great. Live it, love it

[catfish1199]

Zrehman, Just stay total NC. Do everything you can not to let her contact you. I think it can go one of two ways with this girl. She will get very irritated with you being strong enough to resist her completely, and she will go full-blown crazy and self destruct. OR, you will inspire her. She will know that you are growing as a person, and she may take a step back and do the same for herself. She could emerge emotionally mature. Wouldnt that be great.

[PJPaul]

Just to note, personally I have been affected by my previous experiences for the more negative. The main one being the ability to trust, and to me that's a big one. As of late I've come to the conclusion that I will not be able to trust even remotely as I have before, especially my most recent relationship where she was given everything that I have had, my soul, heart, mind, body, finances, family, everything. And she took a big dump on it. So in essense I am damaged goods myself. I will never trust again but to me you need to do that with your SO or it won't last in the long run. It's like a cluster**** of sorts.

 

I kinda feel like that, but that's kinda unfair because I've been on the receiving end of that and its not a good feeling at all. Constantly have to prove myself, prove my love and proof im trust worth. Weak Sauce my friend. I know how it feels and im not willing to put someone through that.

 

Yeah as of now I'm still gettin over the whole thing but like I said I have my whole friggin' life ahead me! I'm not letting one stupid chic (no offense) dictate my future lol Im better than that

[PJPaul]

I had to laugh hard at that one. There is a better chance of hell freezing over than that happening.

 

LMAO!!! Yo man i did too!! Oh man "Mature" thats funny

[zrehman]

Zrehman, Just stay total NC. Do everything you can not to let her contact you. I think it can go one of two ways with this girl. She will get very irritated with you being strong enough to resist her completely, and she will go full-blown crazy and self destruct. OR, you will inspire her. She will know that you are growing as a person, and she may take a step back and do the same for herself. She could emerge emotionally mature. Wouldnt that be great.

 

That would be great. In the letter I did send to her letting her know of what I need, in the last paragraph I wrote:

 

"I respect your decision and thoughts about everything we talked about today. I am adamant that you will succeed and flourish in your career and the decisions you decide to make in your life. I've always thought of you to be a brilliant person and the rest of NYC will notice that ... I can guarantee that!!!"

 

I do want her to be happy and successful. If she really wants to focus on herself or "do me" as she claims it, then that's what I'm gonna let her do. But I can't just be there for the ride, when she doesn't even know were I stand in her life.

[heaven66]

Ignore her...keep the NC...she is playing games....

[zrehman]

Ignore her...keep the NC...she is playing games....

 

I agree with you heaven66 ... instead of just telling me what she wants, she can't do that ... I'm done and tired of playing these mind games ... I have a freaking huge exam coming up and she knows about it and is still inconsiderate of my feelings.