She called at 2:41 am ... TWICE

[Seymore]

WOW ... that quick!

 

So when you were telling her that you love her ... what would she say in response to that?

 

Well, she'd say "I love you too". My point was that a week ago everything was just about hunky-dory (well...as it COULD be, I did love her, but was having doubts about our relationship due to her anger issues and manipulation) and we were saying I love you and now it's a totally different side to her that's got me considering changing the locks. Sure she misses me. She misses the convenience and all the great things I offered. It's TOO LATE.

 

To help though, I think of just all the bad things she did, and it reminds me that I did and am doing the right thing. I also talk to my parents a lot since we're close. That and...well...I listen a lot to Kriss Kross and Vanilla Ice (now, that's a secret...don't tell It brings me back to the time before I met her, but WAY before. Helps me feel like a kid again.

[zrehman]

I know your right .. I'm blinded by love right now and she is in the mindset of "do I want him" or "i wanna be single" ... so she is using whatever she can for her advantage ... I guess, I'm not sure. My mind is clouded, and that's why I'm taking your peoples advice, cause you have been through it!

 

Thanks again hun!

 

P.S. Your absolutely lovely and you can attract any man! Your pic speaks for itself

[zrehman]

haha Kriss Kross .. that's what I'm talking about! Those were definitely the golden days for us!

 

So she wants you back and you are definitely not gonna take her back? Wow - you are strong for resisting ... I don't know, I would have broken down and taken her back! But hopefully with time, I can heal.

 

Thanks!

[fiffy]

Hey,

 

You seem really strong and grounded so I have no doubt you will be able to deal with anything that is thrown at you.

 

I suggest just to get through the hard times you buy a couple of books to help you keep positive. I would recommend make up don't break up, how to get back with your ex lover, journey from abandonment and reiinventing your life. I just pick them up when I feel a bit low when I am on my own.

 

When you are seriously struggling just come on here and post, don't break.

 

It so hard to listen to our advice when it goes against how you feel and what you feel like doing. I know initially I ignored it all but I am learning with time.

 

I have some information that may help you, if you are interested PM me your e-mail and I will send you some documents for you to read.

 

xx

[Seymore]

haha Kriss Kross .. that's what I'm talking about! Those were definitely the golden days for us!

 

So she wants you back and you are definitely not gonna take her back? Wow - you are strong for resisting ... I don't know, I would have broken down and taken her back! But hopefully with time, I can heal.

 

Thanks!

 

Thanks for the support. The good people here have played a major part in helping me stay strong. I'm not taking her back because I've heard it the excuses and the "I'm getting better" before...for over a year now. Every time I went back, a couple of weeks later I was banging my head on the wall, saying "I had the chance to leave...it was RIGHT there and I let it slip away". I'm a little spoiled though this time around...her odd behavior is pushing me away even more, which is a boon, strangely enough.

 

Remember - you're human, thereforee you CAN heal. WILL you heal, is the question. You will if you allow yourself to.

 

Any questions or if you wanna talk, just let me know.

[riley123]

Hey man,

 

Just read through your thread. First, I’m sorry that you’re in such pain. I was there myself, just about a year ago.

 

You can read my story here if you’d like ( ), but basically my ex dumped me after about 8 years together. To this day I have no idea if she dumped me for someone else (no desire to find out) but I heard many of the same lines you did, “I just want to work on me,” “I’m looking for others to date,” (ouch, hate that memory) “I really want to end up with you.” Ha-ha. It’s kind of eerie. Do they hand out break up scripts somewhere?

 

First of all I think you absolutely did the right thing by telling her you have to stop torturing yourself. This is YOUR life and she made the choice to walk away from you – so you don’t owe her any calls, notes, etc.

 

Second, be firm on healing. It is very, very easy to backtrack and start thinking “Well, I guess I could be her friend.” No, you can’t. At least no right now – maybe down the road but not now. Do what others have said: delete e-mails, put pictures away, block her on Facebook, etc. Basically, try to eliminate any type of physical reminders.

 

Third, take out a piece of paper and right a letter to her (but be sure you don’t mail it!!) and let it ALL out – everything. The lies, the betrayal, the hurt, put it all down on paper. And every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to bed, take it out to remind yourself of all the pain she caused. It also really helps to start a “Road to recovery” journal. Document your progress on a day by day basis. It will astonish you when you heal how much you have grown.

 

Finally, stop wasting time on her. I spent almost one agonizing year in between her breaking up with me and me finally walking away – and I really wish I had that year back because I realize now that I wasn’t living – just existing. And that’s not a life.

 

You tried with this girl. You made the effort, so take solace in that. Focus your energies on your pain and your healing. You will feel better. Take care.

[Seymore]

True words, riley.

 

And remember, do something crazy or strange! Kriss Kross! lol...sit inside and play video games for 2 days straight (if it helps)...go ride a rollercoaster...play baseball using an apple as the ball...my point is, just be nuts! DON'T do drugs or get drunk (I got drunk the first 2 nights, but while it helped, I didn't want to fall into a habit).

[zrehman]

Thanks guys! Will do my best for ya!

 

If I get weak, I will let you know my thoughts and hopefully you guys can cheer me up!

[SighSob]

NC for 8 weeks- thats when the serious doubts come into their head.

 

That's what I believe too. It takes a lot of time for ex's to actually realize what they have done. They say you only realize how much you need/love something the moment you lose it forever. I think most of us ENAers can say that is very true, and that we all realized how much we loved our ex's the moment they dumped us. Well, our ex's will get a taste of "I've lost him forever" only after a long period of NC. Then hopefully they'll realize how much they need us and love us too.

[kiwi24]

Take this time to concentrate on yourself. I don't know if your religious but for me what helps is that things happen for a reason...did you ever question what was happening in your relationship and why you allowed it to happen to you??

 

I did for me but i never had the strength to leave it. So I think God got me out of that situation....Ultimately you will grow out of this experience but during this time, no matter what the outcome, take care of yourself. Do stuff you have never done before. Reconnect with old friends...anything you enjoy or want to try.

 

And one day you might just realize that life is much better without her. I hope I do!!!

 

The quote from the book goes...

"with every diffculty there is relief

With every difficulty there is relief"

 

And maybe one day when you least expect it you will find someone who will care for you as much as you would for her.

[riley123]

 

And one day you might just realize that life is much better without her.

 

 

For most dumpees, this is what usually happens with the benefit of time and distance.

[PJPaul]

For most dumpees, this is what usually happens with the benefit of time and distance.

 

I'd have to agree