She called at 2:41 am ... TWICE

[PJPaul]

That would be great. In the letter I did send to her letting her know of what I need, in the last paragraph I wrote:

 

"I respect your decision and thoughts about everything we talked about today. I am adamant that you will succeed and flourish in your career and the decisions you decide to make in your life. I've always thought of you to be a brilliant person and the rest of NYC will notice that ... I can guarantee that!!!"

 

I do want her to be happy and successful. If she really wants to focus on herself or "do me" as she claims it, then that's what I'm gonna let her do. But I can't just be there for the ride, when she doesn't even know were I stand in her life.

 

GOOD! I did some what of the same. I wrote her a nice loving goodbye letter even though she did my completely and utter dirty. Step out nicely don't be mean nor disrespectful. Then just walk away and don't look back. You'll come out the bigger better more mature person and maybe, just maybe she'll learn from that a mature herself a few years down the line

[Kristin25]

Hey there, new to this. I'm not sure what LC and NC means, if y'all could clue me in that would help.

 

Honey, your ex sounds like a nutcase. One of those women who has it great with a great man, but unconsciously wants to mess it up for many reasons. Some women need to have this weird dangerous excitement in their lives, "drama" as trite as it may sound.

 

Yes, she is pretty much stringing you along and when it hits her that you are not going to be there, that you are not going to stroke her ego and give her what SHE thinks SHE needs (not you and your needs) then she calls.

 

And you sound like an amazing guy by the way. I would take you out to dinner if I didn't live in the South! But really, you need to focus on your exams and by the best you can be. What is that you are persuing?

 

I think one of the best things that helps me get through my break up is to imagine where I want to be soon and what kind of person I want to be (maybe that is just me being in my late 20's). If I see myself in a situation I would like to be in, if I have things around me that inspire me to be the woman I want to be, then slowly your brain starts to wire itself to be that and then you attract what you want.

 

I think her actions have spoke for her. You have an amazing insight and sensitivity that any woman (in her right mind of course, trust us we are out there) would appreciate, love and nurture. And not to mention take care of you while you are studying!

 

You will find her, I am sure of it. Good women (and men) are everywhere, like the statistics said!

 

Let her call in the middle of the night and look pathetic, because to me she is a child. That is pathetic. She needs to set aside time to talk to you if she has self-worth. At a decent hour, and when you have a study break because that is your priority

[PJPaul]

Oh I hear you bro, I don't want to put an innocent woman through that at all. But it's like it will always hold me back. She might get like 25% since we're throwing numbers around, but it wouldn't be fair.

 

There is a reason why man got thrown out of heaven. He trusted a woman. There is a reason for saying not to trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. (No offense to all women as I know not everyone is like that, but for the most part people are.)

 

*GASP* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

OMG that's awesome

 

But man there are good women out here. At this point in time im still to scorn to she one if she stared me in the face. I'm incapable of giving any woman access to my heart but that's not forever. I try not be judgmental of females but i've been burned so many times I can help it ya know. That will change one day, i know that but I have no business being an a relationship until then

[PJPaul]

Hey Kristin25,

 

LC = Limited Contact

NC = No Contact

[zrehman]

Firstly, welcome to eNotAlone!

 

Wow! Thank you ... You just made me go from TO haha!

 

When I was in the Caribbean studying at my medical school, she put me through HELL and BACK literally! She broke up with me countless times, she cheated on me twice (once with a girl, but claims that does not count since its the same sex) and she always put the spotlight on here and me being the idiot that I am, I always took her back and gave her EVERYTHING she wanted.

 

For example, on Valentines Day, I bought her 5 expensive / amazing gifts and on top of that I took her to an amazing restaurant that overlooked Niagara Falls (breath taking view). She didn't get me 1 gift nor do anything for me on Valentines Day. Two days later, she told me that she felt like since I bought her all those gifts and took her out to dinner that I did my part for Valentines Day and I didn't even bother asking her how she is feeling ... When she told me that, we actually got into a big fight, because I felt so disrespected on how she could possibly even take it there for all I tried to do on Valentines Day for her and I never complained once that she did nothing for me on that day. So that is an idea of how she would be. She is a very very attractive woman, and gets hit on ALL the time. So I know she will be moving on soon enough and with her pride she will not call and walk away like she did nothing wrong. Life's a * * * * * haha

 

I am done with my 2 years of Medical School, and now I'm studying for my USMLE Step 1. I'm not sure what field I want to go into, but I'm leaning towards Cardiology.

 

Thanks again for making me feel better hun!

[Kristin25]

Good, glad I could help. Hey at least yours told you y'all were breaking up. Mine has just decided to stop calling after we have been together for a year.

 

I keep thinking to myself while writing that some of us on here are still waiting for that phone call or knock on the door. That suddenly everything will be fixed. I've never really had my heart broken until now.

 

But yes, focus on what you want to do. And my goodness, you are doctor! You will have women crawling all over you trust me. But you have to be on the defense then, weed out the bad ones. I have friends who went to college only to meet a husband according to their major.

[zrehman]

Good, glad I could help. Hey at least yours told you y'all were breaking up. Mine has just decided to stop calling after we have been together for a year.

 

I keep thinking to myself while writing that some of us on here are still waiting for that phone call or knock on the door. That suddenly everything will be fixed. I've never really had my heart broken until now.

 

But yes, focus on what you want to do. And my goodness, you are doctor! You will have women crawling all over you trust me. But you have to be on the defense then, weed out the bad ones. I have friends who went to college only to meet a husband according to their major.

 

Well mine didn't tell me that we were breaking up. She just became indecisive, one minute - we are taking things slow to make things work out, then the next minute she tells me, "I don't know" ... bummer, eh? So I'm just saving myself the same constant pain that I've been feeling for the last 3 years, and just taking myself out of her life and letting her do whatever it is she wants to do with herself.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. How did it lead up to him not calling you anymore?

 

I'm not waiting for a call or a knock on the door. I am actually done with my ex and I am moving on. I don't want to ever look back and think that I should of been with her. She is 25 years old and still acts like a child playing mind games.

[Kristin25]

I started my own thread. You can read about my angst! I was waaaay more mature at 25 than she is, and that was only a few years ago! It sounds like you are doing really well with it. I can't wait until I get there.

[zrehman]

I started my own thread. You can read about my angst! I was waaaay more mature at 25 than she is, and that was only a few years ago! It sounds like you are doing really well with it. I can't wait until I get there.

 

It's only been 2 days of NC, but I've been on this site ALOT since the last 2 days. It's made me realize a lot about my relationship and the wrong she was doing.

[HopeArises]

Okay, I thought I'd step in here and try and be a voice of reason to you zrehman. You seem like a nice enough guy. Maybe a little naive, but you have the best of intentions, that I can tell.

 

Listen, you need to listen to yourself more than what others tell you. You seem to be very easily influenced by other peoples comments. Be confident in yourself and your own abilities.

 

I don't think you should be listening to all the people who are saying that your ex is messed up, or is damaged goods, or is playing you. I can guarantee you that for the most part, none of that is true. Many people on here are hurt, or have been recently hurt and there seems to be an air of negativity and bitterness floating around this board lately.

 

People are giving you THEIR opinions, based on their OWN experiences.

 

I can see that you love this girl, but you need to look at this through a completely different perspective if you can. I need you to put yourself in HER shoes for just 2 seconds if you can. What I see is that she knows that you are MADLY in love with her. From what I get from your words, she is NOT sure that you are the one for her and that may be for many different reasons. Ones you may not even be aware of, BUT, whatever the reason is, I can promise you that you will NEVER EVER EVER get her back, or regain her respect, or even her attraction for you if you keep DECLARING your feelings to her. NO MORE long letters. No more saying what about MEEEEEEEEE??? The more you make it about your needs, the more she will step back. RESPECT the woman. If she needs space, give her space. If she is unsure, tell her you understand. NO PRESSURE. Pressure pushes away. Pressure will make her resent you. You have to act a little more confident around her. KNOW that you are a good catch. ACT IT if you do not yet feel it. ACT it until you can BE IT.

 

I see nothing wrong with LC (it is what I am currently doing with my ex who ended it with me a little over 3 weeks ago). My ex is putting me through the EXACT same thing as yours is. I can tell you that when I act accepting, she is okay with more contact. When I start getting heavy again and talk about MY FEELINGS or ask her to talk about hers, she RUNS for the hills. Act INDEPENDENT. Act ALOOF. Act ACCEPTING and act HAPPY.

 

Keep this up for a while and see what happens. NC is not necessary. If you can control your emotions when around her, you can be in contact with her, but don't call her every day. Keep busy and have a life. ALSO, try and improve yourself. This will A. impress her and maybe it will even B. inspire her to do the same.

 

If you have any questions for me, don't be shy, because you and I are in the same boat my friend.

[ewatford]

I am single and I've been out of a relationship for 4 mths.

 

As a guy, I feel a man shouldn't get into the "emotional game with a woman"

 

If a woman knows you are emotionally attached to her, for example..always

 

being there for her and expressing your deep love for her, she already knows

 

that she has you in her back pocket. She can become arrogant and knows

 

that I have him as a back up if my other option doesn't work out with other guy.

 

Just let her go, break off all communication and 9 times out of 10..she will be

 

calling you back soon, in the meantime date other women if you like and like

 

the old saying goes, you never know what you had until it's gone. It's so true

 

happens to me from experience

 

have fun.

[zrehman]

HopeArises

 

Listen .... you don't know me and you don't know what I've been through with my ex for the last 4 years. I've been stuck in a box for 4 years of my life and been walked all over and was too naive to see it. You have NO respect coming onto this thread and accusing me of characteristics which aren't true at all, especially calling me naive. These friends of mine on this thread are opening my eyes and helping me look outside the box in my relationship, they are helping me realize things that I didn't see.

 

How on earth can YOU guarantee me that my ex is not messed up or even playing games with me?? Again, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME, let alone what I've been through ... you read a few posts about her on this site and came up with your own conclusions ... not the smartest thing to do because there is a huge chunk of my life with my ex that I've left out and don't wish to share with everyone on this site because its personal to me and hard to talk about.

 

I don't agree with your approach one bit and I think everyone has to do what they think is best for them. Maybe LC is the best approach for you, but it certainly is not for me. I've done LC with my ex and maybe it did get us back together, but I was still in the same spot were she would take advantage of every situation and make me unhappy no matter how open I was with her. Secondly, I can't "act" like I don't feel anything when I'm talking to my ex ... that's called holding your feelings back, and I'm not the type of person to be emotionless - I wear my heart on my sleeve and I like to be open with my friends, family and loved ones. I can't go on pretending to enjoy a conversation when in fact I'm hurting ... I can't turn my emotions on and off as I please.

 

I wasn't really to happy with your post and did not feel like it was positive or motivational. As they say, If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

 

I'm going to continue doing NC because LC hasn't worked for me in the past and I feel like NC will make me a stronger person and help me get through this and be a stronger person in the end.

[zrehman]

I am single and I've been out of a relationship for 4 mths.

 

As a guy, I feel a man shouldn't get into the "emotional game with a woman"

 

If a woman knows you are emotionally attached to her, for example..always

 

being there for her and expressing your deep love for her, she already knows

 

that she has you in her back pocket. She can become arrogant and knows

 

that I have him as a back up if my other option doesn't work out with other guy.

 

Just let her go, break off all communication and 9 times out of 10..she will be

 

calling you back soon, in the meantime date other women if you like and like

 

the old saying goes, you never know what you had until it's gone. It's so true

 

happens to me from experience

 

have fun.

 

I agree completely with this and I think HopeArises needs to go through some older threads and do some research so he can realize that he can be that "guy" being strung along and when your ex finds someone better, she will pick them and place you in the "friend" category when the whole time you would be thinking in the back of your head that things will work out eventually. Save yourself the misery ... contact your ex only if you don't have feelings for her.

[PJPaul]

zrehman,

 

You got it dude. You have learned just as we have. Me, You, Forsaken......we're only human and make bad choices in women. But its those bad choices that mold us, make us learn lessons, and helps us to figure out what we want/need in a woman. You make not know EXACTLY what you want but from this experience I know, you know, what you don't want. There are girls and women, boys and men. Men can never work out with girls and Women can never work out with boys. (I mean this with the utmost respect) Its time to grow into the man you want to be so that you can find the woman that you want. I'm 20 and can no way say I'm a grown 100% mature man. But through this time with me, myself, I (and ENA) I'm finding out who I am and what is unacceptable behavior from women. We just know that next time we have to put our foot down and not to accept everything "she" dishes out.

 

Its all in a life's lesson.

[zrehman]

Couldn't have been said any better!

[zrehman]

UPDATE EVERYONE:

 

As I am studying, I get a TEXT message from my ex:

 

"Fwd: Fwd: You have 30 mins 2 tell 10 people u luv them, (includin me) or 2009 will be ur worst year. SO I LUV U!"

 

I'm not gonna read too much into it nor am I gonna reply back. She could be just sending this to 10 other people and I was 1 of the 10. I don't think this is anything important, but I wanted to just share this with you guys, since you've been there for me every step of the way so far. And hopefully this thread can be used as a tool to understanding the DOs and DONTs of NC.

[heloladies21]

She's really good at manipulating the situation to her advantage dude. She does just enough to get you thinking without putting herself out there.

 

You're very smart not to read the wrong message into it. She is just trying to maintain control of the situation at your expense. Look out for your well being, you deserve better than that.

[zrehman]

She's really good at manipulating the situation to her advantage dude. She does just enough to get you thinking without putting herself out there.

 

You're very smart not to read the wrong message into it. She is just trying to maintain control of the situation at your expense. Look out for your well being, you deserve better than that.

 

Thank you my friend!

 

Love the avatar! :splat:

[PJPaul]

yep she was just tryin to see if you would send it back or say "hey" or something. I glad you can see right through her BS keep it up man!

[zrehman]

yep she was just tryin to see if you would send it back or say "hey" or something. I glad you can see right through her BS keep it up man!

 

So she was trying to see if I was still in the "i love you" zone that I was in on Friday when I was telling her how much I loved her and wanted us to work things out?

[PJPaul]

Yep, Girls (not women) play stupid little mind games. She checking if you where still going to talk to her, say I love you back or spark up a conversation. And even if you called her out on it, she could play it off like "You where just 1 of the ten people i sent that to". Good thing about have mostly female friends is that they fill you in on there stupid little tricks and games. I'd put money on it and bet she just sent that to you and only you. Ignore it, Ignore her. She wants a life with out you then show her a life with out you COMPLETELY. She wont know what she had until it gone.

 

And with this time you can see the kinda person she really is and if she wises up and comes to her senses, you can make a complete logical decision on if you should take her back or not. Your heart is hurting, time to use your brain my good friend. You heart loves, your brain thinks. Don't think with your heart at this time. You'll only get hurt if you do. She'll show her true colors in the up coming weeks. Step back don't say a world and watch. Then make a mature decision on if you want her or not

[zrehman]

My man ... I wish I was as thoughtful as you when I was 20 years old. That was great advice ... Thanks!

 

Also, you think you can pass over some of your female friends this way haha j/k!

[PJPaul]

Ehh I learned most of what I typed her on ENA! I'm just regurgitating advice that was given to me and has worked perfectly!

[gundr1kr]

Ehh I learned most of what I typed her on ENA! I'm just regurgitating advice that was given to me and has worked perfectly!

 

I have to agree. I think you are very very wise. You give very very good advice. In fact, I wrote the sentence, "She wants a life with out you then show her a life with out you COMPLETELY. She wont know what she had until it gone" on a sticky note so I could focus on it.

 

I know it wasnt directed at me, but thanks for the advice!

[zrehman]

UPDATE:

 

I got a blocked call ... I assumed it was her, and I didn't answer + there was no voicemail.

 

Then I got a text:

 

"Hey, I know you don't want to talk to me right now, but I'm at the apple store and they want to charge me 600 bucks for some shyt and I'm not even sure I understand what the guy is saying bc all those computer words. And he's asking me question about the laptop that I just don't know about. You can talk to this guy and just tell me if I have to do this for the laptop or not"

 

I'm very pissed off by this text.