PJPaul Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Listen, there are 2 alternate goals of NC. One is if you never want to see the person again and move on. But the other is if you don't feel like you are strong enough to think with your head instead of your heart. NC gives you the method to improve your strength. So that when you do get disrespected, you are able to fully stick up for yourself and what's right for you. This isn't a ****ing match, it's not about who can hold out not contacting the longest, or who gets the last word. This is not a game, this is all about looking out for YOU #1 and your emotional well being and doing whatever it takes to make your life the very best it can be. I agree with this 100% like i said before NC isn't for her at all. It is totally for you. And yes she will email you back. I urge you not to read it. Either delete it of file it away to read months from now. Your strong dude. I was still a sobbing mess for the 1st 2 weeks. But you get the point know that you deserve better and realized your better as a person with out her Link to comment
zrehman Posted December 23, 2008 Author Share Posted December 23, 2008 hahaha good question link removed Link to comment
PJPaul Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 where do you guys find these type of women anyway?? I also have no idea!! They seem so amazing, then once they realized you've fallen in love with them, they change! Its almost like they put on a front to get you to fall for them then once they have you its like "OK i can be myself now" and since you love them you remember the girl that you feel in love with in hopes that she'll return. But she never does and it just gets worse and worse tell I can't take anymore. Link to comment
zrehman Posted December 23, 2008 Author Share Posted December 23, 2008 I also have no idea!! They seem so amazing then once they realized you've fallen in love with they change! Its almost like they put on a front to get you to fall for them then once they have you its like "OK i can be myself now" and since you love them you remember the girl that you feel in love with in hopes that she'll return. But he never does and it jus gets worse and worse tell I can't take anymore. That's exactly what happened to me! Link to comment
PJPaul Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Dude trust me I know lol Link to comment
diamond78 Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 I'm laughing at you two....hehe yes, I guess women can put on the 'oh so sweet' charm early on....but hey, there's alot of competition out there. We gotta do what we gotta do to reel 'em in. Granted, I'm not crazy though... Link to comment
PJPaul Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 I'm laughing at you too....hehe yes, I guess women can put on the 'oh so sweet' charm early on....but hey, there's alot of competition out there. We gotta do what we gotta do to reel 'em in. Granted, I'm not crazy though... And you a had a long long long conversation about this at a party. The whole party stopped a everyone was sitting around talking about the and that's exactly what women said almost to a "T" The only counter measure to that is to only date women that your friends with 1st, Because most people can't keep you a front for more than a year and get to learn about there history and the kind of woman she really is. from all the female friends that I have and would NEVER date any of them! My relationships failed because when I look back on it I was like "OMG she's amazing I have to get her before someone else does" and I end up begin disappointed and hurt. Learned my lesson LOL Link to comment
dreamguy Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Means she'd to f-ed up in the head to be good relationship material. Every guy had at least on gurl like that in his life. Count me in as a guy who "had a girl like that in his life". Namely, my last ex whom, even after telling me she is seeing someone, had the guts to add "keep in touch". I've been in NC for exactly 4 weeks and I sure won't break it for the holidays. She can have all the freedom in the world with her "new" guy. zrehman, heed the advice you have been given in this thead. It'll save you from a big heartache. Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 I also have no idea!! They seem so amazing, then once they realized you've fallen in love with them, they change! Its almost like they put on a front to get you to fall for them then once they have you its like "OK i can be myself now" and since you love them you remember the girl that you feel in love with in hopes that she'll return. But she never does and it just gets worse and worse tell I can't take anymore. So sad how so many men get in the same situation. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 And you a had a long long long conversation about this at a party. The whole party stopped a everyone was sitting around talking about the and that's exactly what women said almost to a "T" The only counter measure to that is to only date women that your friends with 1st, Because most people can't keep you a front for more than a year and get to learn about there history and the kind of woman she really is. from all the female friends that I have and would NEVER date any of them! My relationships failed because when I look back on it I was like "OMG she's amazing I have to get her before someone else does" and I end up begin disappointed and hurt. Learned my lesson LOL Well, I think that people are naturally on their best behavior when trying to meet someone and court them. You know that whole spiel about first impressions and whatnot. Some people are genuinely sweet and good-natured while others are just wolves in sheep's clothing. Both men and women are guilty of this and it's just a matter of trying to learn and finding out the 'real' persona sooner rather than later. Just gotta try harder to find the normal, sane girls out there....We do exist!! Link to comment
diamond78 Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 So sad how so many men get in the same situation. oh yea, cuz like you men are a picnic to have around!!! lol..you know I luv ya! Link to comment
PJPaul Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Well, I think that people are naturally on their best behavior when trying to meet someone and court them. You know that whole spiel about first impressions and whatnot. Some people are genuinely sweet and good-natured while others are just wolves in sheep's clothing. Both men and women are guilty of this and it's just a matter of trying to learn and finding out the 'real' persona sooner rather than later. Just gotta try harder to find the normal, sane girls out there....We do exist!! Yeah we know there mixed in with all the crazies and there camouflaged! lol Link to comment
zrehman Posted December 23, 2008 Author Share Posted December 23, 2008 Life can be such a B**** sometimes lol Link to comment
zrehman Posted December 24, 2008 Author Share Posted December 24, 2008 What's up peoplez? I woke up today, feeling sad and lonely ... not sure if that is a normal reaction to be. But I was thinking about my ex a lot and actually missing her. I guess I was thinking about all the good times we had and how good the sex was. I was also thinking that maybe my email was mean ... which I shouldn't cause I'm glad I stood up for myself and said what I had to say ... but I was just thinking about her feelings this morning. Is it normal to wake up missing your ex? As the day progress', I notice I miss her less and less. I always miss her the most in the morning and late night. Well since I was getting sad, I started to force myself to think about all the bad things she did during the course of our relationship. That's when I started to miss her less and I didn't feel so bad about the letter I sent her. Link to comment
PJPaul Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 Yeah that's completely normal. I think a dreamt about my ex for 2-3 weeks strait after we woke up and I was sad every single morning. And missing the sex is normal I guess too, but its not something I spoke about but after seeing that you thing of it too, but the missing the sex goes away fairly quickly Also I felt the same way as my morning were crappy and sad. By lunch I was better and by the evening I hardly though of her only to woke up then next day ad feel crappy again. But trust me man it get better. I didn't even think about my ex until I read this thread. There were good times in my relationship too, but the are other underlying issues that show me that we would have never worked out. Focusing oh why you broke up and why your better off with out her helps. Also go out and have fun man! It makes you feel A LOT better and then with the day is don't you'll be proud that you when hours with out thinking about her Another things that help me more tremendously: -taking down pictures of us and her -deleted pics off my laptop or do like I didnt and just moved them to a CD and put it with the pictures -If you guys have Myspace/Facebook delete her and DON'T LOOK AT HER PAGE EVER! -Delete pictures out of your phone -Put an "z" in front of her name in ur phone book in you cell so she is at the bottom of the list and you wont see it. Like if her name is Mary change it to zMary. -Keep in contact with friends! They help so so so much Link to comment
zrehman Posted December 24, 2008 Author Share Posted December 24, 2008 UPDATE: Yesterday, I deposited the $200 that I said I would into her account, after I did, I texted her, "$200 has been deposited into your account" She texted me today with this: "Thank you so much. Sorry it took me a while to say that but I was at work when you texted me and left my phone on vibe all day... Well, thanks again." Any comments? Link to comment
zrehman Posted December 24, 2008 Author Share Posted December 24, 2008 Just leave it at that. What do you mean? I will indefinitely NOT contact her, but just curious to read people's thoughts on it. Link to comment
DN Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 It seems to me that she was acknowleding your message - i don't see anything else in it. So i think you should just not say anything else. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 Why are you giving her $200 when she owes you $3000?? Link to comment
PJPaul Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 Why are you giving her $200 when she owes you $3000?? x2!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
Jaywade05 Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 lol dont overthink that I mean think with your head not your heart "Thank you so much. Sorry it took me a while to say that but I was at work when you texted me and left my phone on vibe all day... Well, thanks again." Really what other way can you take that =] NC youll be fine Link to comment
zrehman Posted December 25, 2008 Author Share Posted December 25, 2008 UPDATE Ok guys, don't be mad, cause I'm not ... but I called her. I didn't call her cause I was missing her or I was sad. I called her because emailing back and forth was getting pretty tiring and I wanted answers and wanted to figure things out for myself and what I want. Basically this is how the conversation went in a nutshell Her stand point is this ... I was in St. Lucia (Medical School) for 2 years that we were together while she was in NY. She feels that since we have been apart for so long and argued a lot that we lost the friendship that we started within each other. And we became lovers, but couldn't confide in each other with each others experiences that we were going through (which is true, because we would talk about random stuff on the phone, but I kept things from her, cause I wasn't ready to be open with her from the hurt she gave me ... but I loved her). She wants to be friends and she wants me in her life. She feels that we need to start off as friends and build that foundation again if we are ever to have a relationship again. I told her that I feel like she is keeping me on the back burner and I feel like if she finds someone better, she will peace out on me. She denied that I'm on the back burner and she told me that her mind isn't even on thinking about a relationship. She says that its not that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with only me, she just doesn't want to be in one, until she can figure out what is going on in her life. She says she is 25, living at her parents house, working part time ... she says she is unhappy. I asked her why she can't work on her life and be with me at the same time ... she says "she can't, some people can, but she has tried that in the past with me when I was in medical school and she hasn't moved achieved anything" So all in all ... she wants to be friends and wants me in her life. I told her what I want and thats to be with her and I can't be friends with her because that would be emotionally hard for me and I can't go back to being in a 4 year relationship and then back to being friends ... I just can't do it. She says that she understands. I tell her that I can't be a ? mark in her life and I feel like I will be setting up myself to get hurt. She tells me that she cannot plan what will happen, but knows that if she is to be in a relationship it will happen due to the fact that she has a strong friendship with that person. thereforeE, I told her that I need time to think about this, because you know were I'm coming from and it will be too hard for me to be friends with no emotions. I told her I will let her know my decision after I think it through. What do you guys thinks? I read SUPERDAVEs post and he talked about how he used to be friends with his ex and although it hurt him to hear her talk about her problems and guys, he put that aside and was friends with her still and eventually they got closer and he basically got her liking him again. But the question going through my mind is do I really have to do that? Should I do that? My mind is clouded right now and would love all the input here. I do think that she is being completely honest with me and is not toying with my emotions for the first time, because I felt the conversation in a positive way. But at the same time, I worry. If I do stay in LC with her, will she get over me and eventually realize that she doesn't want to be with me OR will she realize that I have been there for her and will give her a more of a reason to be with me. HELP ME! I told her when I make up my mind, I will let her know my decision. Link to comment
zrehman Posted December 25, 2008 Author Share Posted December 25, 2008 Do you think that would be me abandoning her in the time of need? Wouldn't that push her further away from me? I do believe that if I do let her go and she comes back to me, then we are meant to be. But if I let her go and she moves on, then she never loved me. But I feel if I'm not there for her, than she will move on ... right? Link to comment
zrehman Posted December 25, 2008 Author Share Posted December 25, 2008 Are you doing the same thing? Are you the dumpee and are you now doing NC? Link to comment
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