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Moving in together too soon... how to undo the damage?


pufferfish
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I've seen a few posts on here lately about moving in with your SO too soon and having it cause major problems. I'm in a similar boat and would love advice, or even just someone who can commiserate with me!

 

I moved in with my boyfriend only a few weeks after we met - it seriously felt right, plus his lease was ending and he could no longer afford the rent at his old place. Things were really great for the first month or so- really nice to fall asleep in his arms each night, and just to be in each other's company.

 

OK, but now some of that magic is gone and I feel like we're already married! I'm out of school and work from home a lot, and he's currently jobless, so he's here all the time. He is a genuinely good guy and has so many wonderful qualities.... and living with him isn't hard because he's so laid-back. But at the same time - I just want to have some personal space once in a while, which is hard when you share a tiny studio apartment with someone. We spend quantity time together, not quality. Like right now, we're sitting on opposite sides of the room working on our computers, not having really talked in a meaningful way all day.

 

I think things would be so so so much better if we lived separately. And had a chance to look forward to seeing each other, instead of having it be a given that he'll always be here. I know relationships eventually grow to be less passionate (I think?) but we really didn't have much time for all the romantic stuff. I'm not attracted to him as much, I feel like sex is a chore.....usually my sex drive is pretty high but now I feel like I could go weeks and weeks without it. In fact I get annoyed when he wakes me up in the middle of the night wanting to give it a go- I'd soo rather sleep!

 

So my question: HOW can you undo the damage after having moved in together too soon? Is there even a way? Or was moving in basically the kiss of death?

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i really know where you're coming from...and it's hard to undo when the response is likely to be negative or passive.

maybe try to get him to meet you from work one day (on a day that you're not working from home) so that you have the experience of arranging a 'date' - there's something fun about 'what time and where?' that living together kills...!!

or go see a movie together (but dont actually watch it...!)

try breakfasting in bed on a lazy sunday morning

and as for sex...try banning the bedroom...make sex a challenge again (without actively witholding it, because that gets into dodgy game playing territory. bah.)

i'm going to be checking this thread...could do with the advice as well!!

good luck xx

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