Exes threatening suicide

[sandrawg]

Why do so many of us have to deal with this?

 

My ex texted me Sunday night with a bunch of angry crap, including saying "my life will end soon"...is this a not-too-subtle suicide threat? I wasn't sure how to handle it, but I'm friends with his mother, so I told her so she could keep an eye on him.

 

My story is basically, he had an ex in the background the whole time, and I only found out last Friday to what extent. It was always, while we were together, "she's crazy, she's a headcase, I told her not to talk to me anymore." Then we broke up in April, and he hooked up with her! I only found out it was her, by guessing. he decided almost immediately to get back with me...and he made it sound like it "just happened" with her-no plannign involved...she was trying to set him up w/ a friend...right?

 

Then I found out they'd been IM'ing and emailing each other before we broke up. I thought that was the extent of it. That alone made me pretty ticked. But I got over it and forgave him, we moved on.

 

Broke up because I had trouble trusting him-was always feeling insecure.

 

Now I know why! My gut was telling me, I did not have the whole picture.

 

A chance comment from back in March on his ex's myspace page, told me what I needed to know. He was seeing her before we broke up! I emailed her, and she confirmed it. She also told me he lied to her back then and told HER that he and I were broken up when we weren't!!

 

And when they hooked up, it was every weekend for 2 months while we were broken up (mind you, he and I had post-breakup sex one weekend during that time. I had no idea she was his side dish.)

 

He had been talking to her about moving in together and all this crap.

 

I'm so disgusted-I wake up every morning feeling like I'm going to puke.

 

When I texted him to inform him that I knew all this stuff and that I thought he was an evil liar and never want to see his face again, he lashed out at ME, and that's when he sent the "my life is over soon" message.

 

I know others on this forum have dealt with similar threats. How did you handle them? I think I handled it as best I could. I don't want to engage with him-I'm not his babysitter anymore.

[laisla]

don't even reply to those threats. they are just for attention. even if anything happen you are NOT responsible for the actions he takes.

[Bad Wolf]

Point him in the direction of the nearest bridge or building.

[LADetached]

"I don't want to engage with him-I'm not his babysitter anymore."

 

Correctamundo. That's how I would handle it. I've got a friend who pulls this stunt every time a girl dumps him. Most of us just ignore him when he starts getting "suicidal." All he really wants is to manipulate someone into talking to him, and feeding that sort of behavior will never curb it.

 

And before anyone tells me that I'm dooming him to a death sentence, consider this:

 

People who REALLY want to die kill themselves without asking for help. People who are having a hard time and want help but don't know any other way to get it threaten suicide early and often.

[My Advice]

I don't know whether they are for attention or not but your ex sounds like a lying major scum bag. Don't reply. If you do, do it just with the words Get help and leave me alone. He is utterly selfish and using suicide as a means to control the situation is beyond contemptible. You can do much better. You are not responsible for the mental health of somebody who betrayed you. And actually, I like what the guys said above. He threatens suicide, tell him the golden gate bridge is always a nice place to do it.

[itsallgrand]

That is so low.

 

Not engaging - you got it right, in my books. That is what I would do.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

It seems weird, but you just have to let this go. He will spiral out of control once he cannot vent to you and garner your attention, but once he does, he will hopefully learn something about himself.

[redhearts]

And when they hooked up, it was every weekend for 2 months while we were broken up (mind you, he and I had post-breakup sex one weekend during that time. I had no idea she was his side dish.)

 

Or maybe you were his side dish.

 

It is just a form of attention that is all it is.

[littlestar]

I am sorry you're having to deal with these suicial messages. My ex did that to me as well. At first i really thought he was going to do something to harm or kill himself. But he kept threatening one time to many and fortunately never went through with it.

I would ring him and he would answer his phone or my messages to get me thinking he had gone through with what he said he would, then i would go round to his place and he would be sitting watching tv like nothing happened.

 

In the end i didnt believe him anymore. I knew it was only a way to get my attention. When that didnt work he even resorted to telling me his life was in danger and his father wanted to kill him.

 

I know what you're gonig through and it isnt easy having someone you love or once loved say things regrading suicide. Bigs (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

[vmrhine18]

As you already know I just went through this same situation....it sucks!! I do agree with everyone that this should be ignored. If he was really in danger of hurting himself he would have done it already. Plus, you mentioned that you told his mom, so she can be the babysitter and you can move on with your life!

[sandrawg]

I don't know whether they are for attention or not but your ex sounds like a lying major scum bag. Don't reply. If you do, do it just with the words Get help and leave me alone. He is utterly selfish and using suicide as a means to control the situation is beyond contemptible. You can do much better. You are not responsible for the mental health of somebody who betrayed you. And actually, I like what the guys said above. He threatens suicide, tell him the golden gate bridge is always a nice place to do it.

 

I pretty much did do this. I told him to quit texting me and if he feels like hurting himself or doing something stupid, to get therapy!

[Balbina]

I agree with everyone else. Don't even bother replying to the loser.

 

Good luck!

[greywolf]

He's trying to manipulate you. Don't pay attention to them.

[greywolf]

People who REALLY want to die kill themselves without asking for help. People who are having a hard time and want help but don't know any other way to get it threaten suicide early and often.

 

That's a myth. People often tell someone that they feel like killing themselves before they commit suicide.

[vmrhine18]

That's a myth. People often tell someone that they feel like killing themselves before they commit suicide.

 

I agree. I went to high school with a kid that texted all his friends, saying he was going to do it, and he did....

[sandrawg]

I agree. I went to high school with a kid that texted all his friends, saying he was going to do it, and he did....

 

Now you guys are scaring me. This guy is pretty unstable.

[My Advice]

Yeah, whoever said that is dead wrong, no pun intended.

 

Almost everybody who is suicidal will either threaten it or leave clues. They are cries for help. This has nothing to do with the OP but it is dangerous to send misinformation about suicide.

[vmrhine18]

Now you guys are scaring me. This guy is pretty unstable.

 

You said that he has done this on more than one occation? Like I said I think if he was really going to do it he would have done it already. But if you do feel worried about it you could always call one of those 1 800 numbers that deal with suicidal people. When I really thought my ex was going to do it, I called that number. He ended up being ok(just trying to get my attention) but the police got involved after I called and he was sent to the hospital for awile for an evaluation.

[greywolf]

Now you guys are scaring me. This guy is pretty unstable.

 

Even if he's telling the truth, it's not your responsibility. You've already told his mom. You've done your part.

[My Advice]

sand the thing is, besides telling him to get help and cutting him off, there is NOTHING you can do. Otherwise, whether he is serious or not, he will use this as a means to control and hurt you further. You are not responsible for this. You can text him and say are you threatening suicide, and if he says anything that is not an outright no you can then call the cops on him and they can force him to an emergency room where they will do a psychiatric evaluation. You can show the cops the text message.

 

Beyond that, he has the personal choice to get help and he can't expect somebody who he has back stabbed to be the one to save him. I was once unstable and suicidal but I didn't cheat or back stab people. That part of the equation was an act of contempt for you on his part.

[greywolf]

^ I agree with My Advice. If you are that worried, then call the police.

[My Advice]

You said that he has done this on more than one occation? Like I said I think if he was really going to do it he would have done it already. But if you do feel worried about it you could always call one of those 1 800 numbers that deal with suicidal people. When I really thought my ex was going to do it, I called that number. He ended up being ok(just trying to get my attention) but the police got involved after I called and he was sent to the hospital for awile for an evaluation.

 

YM, that isn't true. People make threats for years and then with the proper catalyst suddenly one day seriously mean it. If they are angry at somebody there is a higher probability because it is like calling their bluff and they will kill themselves with the attitude "this will show them!"

 

 

She should call the police if he is threatening suicide, but that is the extent of it.

[My Advice]

Even if he's telling the truth, it's not your responsibility. You've already told his mom. You've done your part.

 

agreed. if he threatens again, call the cops and use a text as proof.

[vmrhine18]

agreed. if he threatens again, call the cops and use a text as proof.

 

I agree with this also. Just don't let yourself feel responsible.

[sandrawg]

Ok-I'll keep the previous text in case I need it as evidence.

 

It's starting to hit me, now that I know the truth about his ex, that this guy was emotionally abusive. He was a different shade of abusive than my EX EX, who I talk about in another thread. But...abusive nonetheless, and this is another example. I just couldn't see it because I didn't know the truth about what he'd done behind my back.