why do we try to keep someone who doesn't want to keep us?

[lux848]

hi all, i've been lurking here for awhile. this kinda behavior happens all the time, to me as well. why do you think it's so common for us to try to keep the other person when they don't want to keep us? the girl i've been dating for 2 months just dumped me for another guy. apparently she's been seeing him behind my back all the time. during the 2 months we had a lot of fun. she said she loved me. last monday we hung out and everything was cool. on friday she emailed me told me "she's made up her mind, and found someone better, thanks"

 

for the idiot that i am, all i could do was wish the two of them good luck. but part of me still hope that she would come back to me, even though my logic tells me a big NO.

 

if you are ill you seek treatment

if you are endangered you act in defense and protect yourself

but the girl doesnt love me and yet i want her back. i just cant understand this equation.

 

...sigh

[Robert013]

We do this because we we want what we can't have. Or better yet we want what we had, but can't have anymore.

[wtm78]

because you were not the one that wanted to leave

[k-rock]

ahh... the typical head vs heart dilemma...

 

it's hard to walk away from someone / something you have feelings for. You heart is still attatched to that person and doesnt want to endure the pain of losing them regardless of the situation. Your head is telling you to walk away though. Usually it means you have to sit down, listen to both of them, and try to see which one is right (or meet in the middle if you can't figure it out).

 

In this situation, the head should take the cake. She's not only with someone else, told you there's no chance, she's disrepecting you with the whole 'someone better' comment. That's a personal attack on you as a human being. She's making the assumption that not only is she better than you are, but her new guy is too. F-her

[Mutley]

For some reason....it seems like a crummy relationship is better than being alone. Which is totally false. A month or two after it's over (in most cases) we begin to think logically again.

[Loki71]

because you were not the one that wanted to leave

 

This is pretty good advise. Another way to explain it is rejection is hard for anyone to accept. No one likes to be rejected and there for we fight to avoid it

[waveseer]

I react fast when I get rejected. In the past I have done and said things I later regretted. Just because someone no longer wants to be with me doesn't make them a bad person. lol

 

In the future I hope I will learn to temper my response and be more understanding and forgiving. One thing I have always admired in other people is the ability to wait until they are calm before responding. If I can master that I'll really feel like I've made major progress.

[testcase]

I do think it is rejection. Or wanting what you can't have. I know in my experience in my most recent break up I saw it coming from months away. Believe me I wanted it to work but I thought I was prepared to let go. When the day came all my preparation was for nothing and as much as I thought it had to happen I was crushed.

[Vulcan800]

I have ofetn asked myself the same thing now. Crazy to think that i did want my ex for so long CRAZY!

[In Limbo]

All of you have felt this way cuz each one of you is a nice,caring and sensitive individual.You all are such loving people.You could not cause them pain.When its something that we can't do , we feel bewildered when someone else does.

 

I think all this world needs is a little love and empathy.Wonder if more people could realise this simple truth & stop being cold & heartless!

[mr_m4x]

because you were not the one that wanted to leave

 

I know I didn't want to leave, I was forced into breaking up! I was the person in love, she wasn't and I had to break up. That's not fair!

 

I chased her at first. But then, like other post stated, we start to think with our heads instead of our hearts and realize that why should you be chasing someone who doesn't want to be with you? That's what I did.

 

I still love her, really bad. But I don't think I'd take her back if she asked me to start over. I have done a lot of thinking and she greatly underappreciated me and that wouldn't be fair to myself.

 

So I stopped wanting to get back with her. I'm on that time when I'm falling out of love with her. And trust me, this is the hardest part when you have your heart broken like mine is.

[pumpkinmoon]

aint we all?

 

oh come on.. dont be such a drama queen... everyone goes through the same thing here... its call YOOU ARE NOT ALONE forum...

 

I don't mean to sound rude but that's a bit harsh. Yes we have all been through it here and we know only too well what it feels like but he is just expressing his feelings, that is one of the things this forum is for.