Single mother

[Jbomb]

I'm attracted to a friend of mine, who has a young son, and am wondering input anybody has.

 

I've brought the two of them out for coffee and shopping with me, but I'd like to get some more meaningful time out with her (dinner, perhaps, but her kid doesn't behave himself if she's out with friends)

 

Has anybody been in a situation like this? In no sense do I want to take her away from her kid, but I would like to get to know her when she can have an uninterrupted conversation.

[drewciouS281]

patience my friend, this situation always requires lots of patience. i was seeing a few ladies with kids and you basically have to work around thier schedule if you want some alone time. You have to choose your words wisely when asking for this. for example "so i would like to get to know you better, would you like to grab a drink". In my experiance, if they are truly interested they will say, let me try to find a sitter or something. again this comes the part of waiting and patience. In the mean time just deal with what you can and getting to know her on the phone. If she sees your good with kids, that will definitly help your chances. You will get your alone time eventually.

[metrogirl]

I'm attracted to a friend of mine, who has a young son, and am wondering input anybody has.

 

I've brought the two of them out for coffee and shopping with me, but I'd like to get some more meaningful time out with her (dinner, perhaps, but her kid doesn't behave himself if she's out with friends)

 

Has anybody been in a situation like this? In no sense do I want to take her away from her kid, but I would like to get to know her when she can have an uninterrupted conversation.

 

She's a parent. There is no such thing as an uninterrupted converstation. LOL

 

Have you asked her if you can have dinner without her child?

 

Personally, I don't think a child should be introduced to a new man right away anyway.

[timetogrow]

I'm attracted to a friend of mine, who has a young son, and am wondering input anybody has.

 

I've brought the two of them out for coffee and shopping with me, but I'd like to get some more meaningful time out with her (dinner, perhaps, but her kid doesn't behave himself if she's out with friends)

 

Has anybody been in a situation like this? In no sense do I want to take her away from her kid, but I would like to get to know her when she can have an uninterrupted conversation.

 

Can you date her out during week days when her kids are in school and not around her?

[ghost69]

Can you date her out during week days when her kids are in school and not around her?

 

do kids go to school at night?

 

well, OP, i don't date girls with kids. so my answer is don't get involved. just one point of view.

[drewciouS281]

She's a parent. There is no such thing as an uninterrupted converstation. LOL

 

Have you asked her if you can have dinner without her child?

 

Personally, I don't think a child should be introduced to a new man right away anyway.

 

i COMPLETELY agree with this! It may be hard to get some alone time with her dude. All the women i have seen that have kids didnt introduce me to the kid or want to introduce me until we were exclusive. Otherwise whats the point in mommy introducing another one of her F buddies. haha

[SuzieQQ]

I am a single mother. The guy I am dating happened to already know me and my son, otherwise I wouldn't have introduced him until we were serious. In any case, I do go out with him 2 or 3 times a month without my son so that we can have alone time. She is probably looking for a reason to go out without her kid, so why don't you just ask her out? It would also be nice if you offered to pay for the sitter.

[KG]

Being a single parent is not easy, and getting uninterrupted adult convos is a real treat!

Suggest something to do, well in advance, so she can get a sitter. Do not offer to pay for the sitter, but pick up the tab. I honestly think she'll go for it.

 

"Hey, some night do you think you and I could some time alone...coffee or a drink?"

[Jbomb]

A bit more information: I met her at a friend's house (she is my friend's roommate's friend, so its a friend of a friend of a friend thing.. haha), the reason I know her kid is from meeting them there.

 

I have had a couple conversations with her, and it seems the problem is that she doesn't know any sitters, and is pretty protective / doesn't trust to get one she doesn't know, the last person she had babysitting turned out to be irresponsible and admitted to breaking her rules while she was out.

 

The only possible time I can think of is if she brings her kid to the day home on one of her days off during the week (she tries to work as many of them as she can, and normally keeps her kid when she stays home).

[shikashika]

I can see this as a problem. I don't and won't date guys with kids. I did before and never again.

 

I think another poster mentioned this as well.

 

When you date her, you have to take the WHOLE package and if that means a toddler at your ankles over your coffee date then thats what happens when you have a kid.

 

It doesn't sound like you are really prepared for dating a woman with a kid if this is causing concern this early on.

[cruzer]

Im dating a single mother, so dont take this the wrong way, but if u cant put up with the kid interrupting a conversation, u wont be able to put up with the kid in any other form.

 

im sure she would love to spend time just the 2 of u, without the kid, however it is also a way of her testing you. if u cant handle the kid being around on dates, she will realize it.

 

i would suggest offering to go out to a place just for the kid. idk how old the kid is, but for example, chuck e cheese. the kid will be occupied playing games only bothering u guys when needing more coins. u guys can sit back and talk or maybe have to follow him around but u should be able to still talk without as many interruptions. idk how this would go with the woman tho, she might think ur sweet for thinking of her kid or she might be like he wants to take me on a date to chuck e cheese?

 

lol good luck

[Jbomb]

I don't want to give the impression that its causing concern...

I'm actually asking for advice about how to approach the "relationship".

I like her company, the company of her child, but I'm somewhat lost when it comes to the "dating" aspect of it. She doesn't have much free time between working and caring for a child. I'm really just wondering if anyone has any helpful information. I'm not trying to force myself in, but I don't want to seem uninterested, or let time pass us by.

[cruzer]

In a months time, i only got to go out 2 times with the woman i am dating. just between work and the kid its going to be hard for all single women. I dont think it will be hard for you to show and for her to know your interested.

 

Time will go by, i feel like i have only met the woman im dating for a few weeks, yet its been a little over a month. I think this will get better when u guys get closer or have been dating for longer. instead of always going out on dates or meeting up to do something, she might invite u to come over and hang out or have dinner. u will get to spend more time with her because there is nothing limiting u coming over except if u guys dont want it.

 

also this might be an advantage for more quality time with her alone, if u go to her house the kid might be in his room or watching tv, occupied and leaving u guys alone.

[Jbomb]

Im dating a single mother, so dont take this the wrong way, but if u cant put up with the kid interrupting a conversation, u wont be able to put up with the kid in any other form.

 

im sure she would love to spend time just the 2 of u, without the kid, however it is also a way of her testing you. if u cant handle the kid being around on dates, she will realize it.

 

As I said previously, I like both of their company, and while we're out, it seems like she's more bothered than I am (she gets frustrated because her kid misbehaves when they go out with anyone else, apparently).

My "concern" doesn't come until after, such as the night I started this thread, when I think back on the night and try to think how I could have done anything differently, as well as what I want to do next time.

 

The biggest thing for me is that I know I can't just call to see her any time, and plans are a bit harder to make... but I like the challenge.

 

As for her "testing" me... Aren't women constantly testing men?

[ImThatGirl]

I don't want to give the impression that its causing concern...

I'm actually asking for advice about how to approach the "relationship".

I like her company, the company of her child, but I'm somewhat lost when it comes to the "dating" aspect of it. She doesn't have much free time between working and caring for a child. I'm really just wondering if anyone has any helpful information. I'm not trying to force myself in, but I don't want to seem uninterested, or let time pass us by.

 

Does she have anyone (family / friends) closeby that can care for her child even once a week or once every two weeks?

[cruzer]

As I said previously, I like both of their company, and while we're out, it seems like she's more bothered than I am (she gets frustrated because her kid misbehaves when they go out with anyone else, apparently).

My "concern" doesn't come until after, such as the night I started this thread, when I think back on the night and try to think how I could have done anything differently, as well as what I want to do next time.

 

The biggest thing for me is that I know I can't just call to see her any time, and plans are a bit harder to make... but I like the challenge.

 

As for her "testing" me... Aren't women constantly testing men?

 

Dont worry about what u could have done differently. you went and u were urself and tried to have fun thats all u need to do.

 

like i said im seeing a girl who has a kid and it is hard to set up dates! i dont really like this but its probably for the best, we cant go to fast, we have plenty of time between dates, and also i think that if she does find the time to go out again it means she is really liking you. just think how busy she is and how hard it is for her to go out with u, taking the kid, having to deal with him misbehaving, but she still does it.

 

there is another thread about testing, and from what i have read, some girls do test, but most just see how you react to situations.

[Jbomb]

As I said, she's new to the city, so the number of friends she has is limited, and I don't know if she's comfortable enough to leave her kid with any of them. She has some family that she didn't know until she moved out here, which pretty much rules them out.

 

Cruzer, glad that to see that there are people in the world in the same situation. I really don't want to go too fast with this thing, because since there is a child involved, I'd like to make sure things are going to happen right (if they're going to happen). So far we've seen eachother about once a week, I guess only time will tell.

 

Thanks for all your input so far, everyone.

 

** Any activity / timing suggestions?

[avalanche2004]

watch Jerry Maguire

 

dating a single mother is a very big decision. I recommend not to but that does not mean it is not right for you. You may end up living happily every after with her.

 

a single mom wants to have fun too. You can have fun together. Great!

 

the real challenge will likely come when you cross road of forming a family with her, could you with her and her child and her x? I know, kinda early to ask yourself this question. But you must really understand and let the question sink in to the very depths of you. You owe it to yourself, her and her child.

 

Take it from me, I was that kid with a single mom and now I am dating a single mother. I though I new it all. Boy was I in for a lesson. Its tuff enough just being in relationship at times but a single mother with a child is a complete package my friend.

 

If you and her are on completely different methods of parenting, run for the hills my friend. other things to consider are the x(dynamic in itself).

 

I am not saying it will not work. But life is short and everyone deserves to be happy. This relationship has a potential for challenging things at the very least.

 

This is not always the case, I am sure there are many cases in which ppl live happily every after. Most ppl will however give you many reason why not to do this.

 

I would recommend not to, however if you must then follow these rules.

 

1 do not meet the child for a while! it is not fair the child to see a revolving door. I saw many

2 observe her parenting. If it is not similar to how you would handle things, you will never change her and you will never be the father

3 the x, I have little experience dealing with this however I have be told and have seen how delicate this can be.

ask someone who has experience on how to deal with this.

 

I know this is a lot but it is very important to consider these things

 

on another note if you and her just want to have fun, this is great! Most ppl at some point however come to a cross road of where the relationship may go that is why you must pause for a second and consider what has been said.

 

good luck

the goal is to be happy