CrapAtNC Posted November 8, 2008 Author Share Posted November 8, 2008 I went many months without dating. I really like this new one. I'm not in any way needy with her, and of course that is making her feel even greater attraction to me. She's fun, unclingy herself, and gorgeous. I hardly think about the ex at all now. I might have to switch forums soon. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 8, 2008 Share Posted November 8, 2008 I went many months without dating. I really like this new one. I'm not in any way needy with her, and of course that is making her feel even greater attraction to me. She's fun, unclingy herself, and gorgeous. I hardly think about the ex at all now. I might have to switch forums soon. Unclingy is right...but she takes unclingy to the extreme...she is so unclingy that she doesn't bat an eyelash cheating on her boyfriend and then once she has that new person hooked, she then ends the other relationship. Be prepared for her to cheat on you, to realize she made a mistake and run back to her ex, or bang you and her ex at the same time while telling both you that the other one is history...all the while scouting for new meat. Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted November 9, 2008 Author Share Posted November 9, 2008 Whoa! She did more than bat an eyelash: she was very torn up about it. And no one is hooked. I'm just very much enjoying what we have. And I can't see her 'banging' both of us at the same time when she was never 'banging' him in the first place; they had a very 'Christian' relationship. I prefer to enter into relationships with hope and positivity, too, so I won't be expecting any of the bad things you foresee happening. We had a lovely afternoon and evening date yesterday, and she is dropping big hints about us getting more serious. I'm keeping things relaxed and unhurried, though. Thought about the ex a little bit today, just because I found myself running a special errand that I last did with her helping. I now have a proper job again, which is fantastic, and I'm starting on the road to financial stability again. I'm looking forward to what's ahead. Hope things are going well for you too. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 A classic line of cheaters is that they are not having sex with their partner...yeah right. As for being "Christian" which I assume you mean "relgious"...well, TV evangelists have been caught cheating, there have been many scandals with Priests etc. Religion is irrelevant when it comes to cheating...many people hide behind religion but scratch beneath the surface and they are not necessarily living the wholesome life that religion teaches. If your girlfriend was living such a Christian life she wouldn't have cheated in the first place. Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted November 9, 2008 Author Share Posted November 9, 2008 Maybe - just maybe - she's just blown away by me and my new-found nonchalance. and I'm bringing out a new side of her she never knew she had. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 Maybe - just maybe - she's just blown away by me and my new-found nonchalance. and I'm bringing out a new side of her she never knew she had. Okaaay...I guess the new side must be her "cheatin' side". As the Eagles put it in their song "Lyin' Eyes" "But he knows where shes goin as shes leavin She is headed for the cheatin side of town" ](*,) Link to comment
abitbroken Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 Ok...don't shoot me. I know you say this relationship is not so serious...but are you really following the spirit of NC? I mean, the purpose of no contact is a healing time for you to sort things out/get stronger - whether you get back together or not. Doesn't look like you are working on what you might have contributed to the break up when you dive in right away with someone new. And how do you feel about being with someone, who was more motivated to break up with their bf because of your interest? You may just think you are playing around and having fun but you are also playing with this young lady's heart. Also, you say you love your ex, but if there is any part of you that wants to get back together with her, or at least open the doors of communication up for healing or closures, you are making that much slimmer because of the new relationship. Why would she even consider you already dating some young pretty thing? I Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted November 10, 2008 Author Share Posted November 10, 2008 Hi, abitbroken. Many thanks for the insightful questions. I guess you're right about NC being a tool for me to work on myself, etc., but my ex and I broke up nearly 18 months ago, and I REALLY worked on myself in that time. I've learned about my insecurities, about my codependency, about my over-defensiveness, about my clinginess ... and I've worked hard on fixing myself. I even had therapy, which was incredibly helpful. In fact, I'd say the reason that I now get so much attention from the opposite sex is because I've lost a lot of those unhealthy behaviours. Re. the new girl, I'm not playing with her heart. I'm the rebound here and very much aware of it. I'm also very loyal and very much over my ex. As I mentioned already, I probably should switch forums now. I don't want to get back with my ex ... at least not unless she works on her very serious issues. Although you may think having a new date/gf would kill all chances of winning her back, I would have to strongly disagree: last time I moved on and got involved with someone else, she came running back with very open arms. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 She may have come running back...but that was only temporary...she didn't stay...so what good is having someone who only thinks you are worth it if you are popular and have others running after you. That's rather superficial. It isn't popularity which brings the other person back...it is a severe defficiency in them which wants what they can't have or what someone else has..and once they can have it they don't want it anymore. Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted November 10, 2008 Author Share Posted November 10, 2008 Exactly! Now, which forum should I be in now? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 Exactly! Now, which forum should I be in now? Healing after Breakup and Divorce Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted November 10, 2008 Author Share Posted November 10, 2008 But I'm pretty sure I'm healed. They must have another that would suit me better ... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 How about Personal Growth! Well, it sounds like you should be on the Dating forum...finding love and soulmate.... Link to comment
The_411 Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Crap you are headed for yet another heartbreak with your latest escapade. Rule #1 if she cheats with you she'll cheat on you. You need to get involved with healthy people and getting involved with women who already involved is not a healthy way of doing this. Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted November 12, 2008 Author Share Posted November 12, 2008 I hear that all the time, and I'm paying attention. But she doesn't seem like she would ... ho hum, I guess we'll see ... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 I hear that all the time, and I'm paying attention. But she doesn't seem like she would ... ho hum, I guess we'll see ... Just be on your guard. Link to comment
Abbygail Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 How long were you in NC before you got over your ex? Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted November 13, 2008 Author Share Posted November 13, 2008 Well, I did it wrong, as I'm ... well, crap at NC. I only went NC after I was over my ex. ](*,) And I got over her by seeing just how mean, rude, spiteful, hateful, etc. she can be. She's a good person, just extremely guarded with her heart. So I've gone NC now just because I really don't want ANY negativity in my life, and she was producing most of what I was getting. Since then, I have to say, everything in my life has improved dramatically, and I'm very much enjoying myself. I'm a little sad we couldn't have made it work, and I hope we can have a friendly relationship in the future, and, if she were able to get help with her issues and become the wonderful woman she has the potential to be, I'd consider getting back with her. But that's not my goal, nor my reason for going NC. I'm just no longer in contact with her because I don't want that crap in my life any more. After maybe 6 weeks of NC, I might go LC by only responding to god-natured communications from her, but I would walk away at the first sign of hostility - for her benefit as well as mine. Link to comment
Abbygail Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Man your ex sounds just like mine. Let's hope I come to the realization you did someday! Link to comment
deang Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 hi crap, long time no talk...having my ex totally out of the picture I can tell you that even wondering what they think when they email or try to contact you is a small sign you are still not over it. I could actually see my ex with another dude and maybe feel weird but not really care. I think I'm actually figuring things out. I'm not a slave to my current relationship and make sure I think my needs are being met. I still think you need space and to not wonder what the women are doing...just be yourself and be confident that you are worth having someone special in your life that treats you right....keep to those rules and you'll be good. The more I follow that the better things seem to go...my current gf knows that I am a nice guy but that if she trys to take advantage of it I'll call her on it. It's not like the movies but I think it's infinitely healthier and will bring about the possibility of a stronger and healthier relationship in the future. Link to comment
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