Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 1, 2008 Share Posted November 1, 2008 She wanted to leave him, and, like so many women, needed another relationship to go straight into. I'm not going to feel bad about that - it's life. I guess it is a matter of what you want to settle for. Personally, I don't think much of people who view relationships as if they are waiting at a taxi stand...one is just as good as the next and if one leaves the next one is right behind. I would prefer someone who is more selective. Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted November 2, 2008 Author Share Posted November 2, 2008 But sometimes the one behind has a grumpy driver, or maybe a drunk vomited in there earlier in the night, or he just doesn't know his way around. If the taxi that's right in front of me smells nice and the driver seems to know what he's doing, I'm going to jump in and tell him to take me where I want to go. If he should be on another job, that's not my concern. As long as he charges me according to the meter and doesn't take me the long way unnecessarily. And please bear in mind: I'm very honest if I've been using another taxi service, I give a bigger tip than most, and I never get out until the taxi has met its destination (at least once). Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 But sometimes the one behind has a grumpy driver, or maybe a drunk vomited in there earlier in the night, or he just doesn't know his way around. If the taxi that's right in front of me smells nice and the driver seems to know what he's doing, I'm going to jump in and tell him to take me where I want to go. If he should be on another job, that's not my concern. As long as he charges me according to the meter and doesn't take me the long way unnecessarily. And please bear in mind: I'm very honest if I've been using another taxi service, I give a bigger tip than most, and I never get out until the taxi has met its destination (at least once). And sometimes the taxis we pick are so loaded down with all the driver's baggage, there's no room for your own. Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted November 2, 2008 Author Share Posted November 2, 2008 Or, as happened to me in Thailand once, you're just about to get in and you discover it's not a real taxi at all! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 Or, as happened to me in Thailand once, you're just about to get in and you discover it's not a real taxi at all! Yep, just like married or attached people who go looking for a bit on the side....they take everyone for a ride! Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted November 2, 2008 Author Share Posted November 2, 2008 But it's an enjoyable journey, and I don't even have to pay! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 But it's an enjoyable journey, and I don't even have to pay! Ultimately there is always hell to pay for everyone concerned. If you think you have come out unscathed, think again...you have an ex who is jerking you around and causing you pain and frustration. Karma always comes right back at you in one form or another. Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted November 2, 2008 Author Share Posted November 2, 2008 Ultimately there is not. Have all these suffering souls on ENA done something you deem downright wrong to have brought all that pain on themselves? If there was such a thing as karma, I would be in my own little heaven right now. I've been a very, very good boy in most regards. Anyway, you didn't use the taxi analogy, so your post doesn't count ... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 Okay...I am not sure if this was a Henny Youngman joke but it was something like: " Can you call me a taxi"...."You're a taxi". No, not everyone who gets burned in love deserves it. As for you being a "good boy"...let's see..you were juggling multiple women at once and sleeping with them, have had multiple relationships with married or attached women...I guess it all depends on your definition of being a good boy. Okay..found these Henny Youngman quotes: "She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face." "My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea." Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted November 2, 2008 Author Share Posted November 2, 2008 Those relationship issues I agree are something I need to look at to see why I do it (you've got me thinking now and actually this has happened far more often than not, and I'm interested to know why). I really am a good person otherwise; I can't think of any other vices, I'm generous, supportive, caring ... and I've dedicated much of my life and savings to helping animals in need - sometimes people too. So unless it's a little late in settling balances, karma doesn't seem to be keeping tally in my life. I have to go now. Can you take care of the fare and I sort you out when I see ya? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 Those relationship issues I agree are something I need to look at to see why I do it (you've got me thinking now and actually this has happened far more often than not, and I'm interested to know why). I really am a good person otherwise; I can't think of any other vices, I'm generous, supportive, caring ... and I've dedicated much of my life and savings to helping animals in need - sometimes people too. So unless it's a little late in settling balances, karma doesn't seem to be keeping tally in my life. I have to go now. Can you take care of the fare and I sort you out when I see ya? Most people are not all good or all bad...there is a little of both. However, being good in some ways does not justify being bad in other ways. The wealthy philanthropist can be into white collar crimes, siphoning off money that doesn't belong to him. So just because he donates a million dollars to some charity (and gets a room or building named after him), doesn't mean it is okay for him to siphon off money from his company. The fare was $10. Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted November 3, 2008 Author Share Posted November 3, 2008 Most people are not all good or all bad...there is a little of both. However, being good in some ways does not justify being bad in other ways. The wealthy philanthropist can be into white collar crimes, siphoning off money that doesn't belong to him. So just because he donates a million dollars to some charity (and gets a room or building named after him), doesn't mean it is okay for him to siphon off money from his company. The fare was $10. Well, if what you say is true, then my behaviour is pretty much standard and I have nothing to worry about. Re. the fare, I'll get the next one, OK? As for the ex, she's a weird one. She now manages the animal care side of things in the organisation I founded. She changed the rules there and now I - the founder - have to make appointments to visit and they must be approved by her; I can't just show up! LOL! I went along with it because I'm actually happy to encourage her to take full responsibility for the centre, and I also need to spend less time there. Well, after ignoring her last two emails and two calls, I received another email this morning, and it seemed to be hinting that I should be visiting the centre more often to check up on some of the animals I put there - but it's anything but a polite invitation: it's all "You need to do this!" and "You should help more!" She's saying I've abandoned them (the animals), basically. Not sure what to read into that. Anyway, I've not responded and instead forwarded her emails to others who can address her points better than I could. Her first few communications were more on the friendly - or at least helpful - side; the latest one contains a little more anger and accusation. No matter, NC commences. It's surprising that, previously, it would be completely the other way around: I'd be sending occasional messages and she wouldn't respond. At the time I remember thinking that I HAD to keep it up or we'd have no communication and I'd definitely lose her. But now it's reversed and she's the one keeping communication going - albeit pretty cold communication at times. Strangely, since going NC, other areas of my life have improved, mostly because this new sense of feeling in control has lead me to actively fix things up all those things around me in need of some attention. I'm off to seek a new job today. I can't see that I'd be able to work in my desired field (animal welfare) while I'm still in Asia, but it will provide me the means for me to get back on track once back in the UK. Things are going great with the new lover, aside from the obvious. It's an incredibly uplifting experience. My most recent relationships other than with the ex have been filled with affection and happiness and not a single angry word ... wish the ex and I could have enjoyed the same. Ho hum ... Day 9 of true NC and all is pretty good. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Your ex sounds like a pill...a bitter pill! I think you should just put her out of your mind..her hot and cold behaviour would not make for a solid, satisfying relationship. However, being with a married woman is also very unhealthy, regardless of how on top of the world you are feeling about it. Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted November 3, 2008 Author Share Posted November 3, 2008 She's not married - just making that clear for the karma officers out there. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 She's not married - just making that clear for the karma officers out there. Okay, but she still has a boyfriend whom she is cheating on....so the karma officer is still reporting for duty. Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted November 3, 2008 Author Share Posted November 3, 2008 Fewer demerits, though ... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Fewer demerits, though ... Not necessarily....all depends on whether you were drinking and "driving"! Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted November 4, 2008 Author Share Posted November 4, 2008 Quick update: my current lover just told me she broke up with her boyfriend today! Not sure what to think about it ... she wants to be left alone. She also said this was the first time she'd played around ... She's lovely. I have mixed feelings now: happy for me, but sad for her, as she's a good girl and doesn't like seeing him hurt, but she doesn't love him. Nothing from the ex. Just starting day 11 of NC ... Link to comment
Yodabell Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 You've been sleeping with someone who had a boyfriend?? "She's a good girl" - one who cheats on her boyfriend? Why do you think that if you and her keep seeing each other, she won't do the same to you? It might be useful for you to look at why you are attracted to emotionally unavailable women...your ex doesn't sound very stable or grounded, and now you have been involved with someone who was already in a relationship. Not loving someone is not an excuse to cheat on them. And lie - remember that cheating always includes lying and deceit. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 You've been sleeping with someone who had a boyfriend?? "She's a good girl" - one who cheats on her boyfriend? Why do you think that if you and her keep seeing each other, she won't do the same to you? It might be useful for you to look at why you are attracted to emotionally unavailable women...your ex doesn't sound very stable or grounded, and now you have been involved with someone who was already in a relationship. Not loving someone is not an excuse to cheat on them. And lie - remember that cheating always includes lying and deceit. Great post! I have been trying to drum that point home as well. Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 Wake up - you're a few posts behind: I've been asking myself the same thing already. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Wake up - you're a few posts behind: I've been asking myself the same thing already. Oh, sorry..I think I am still half asleep Getting ready to grab that "Big Yellow Taxi" (hums the Joni Mitchell song). Continue asking yourself and thinking about your patterns. It is never too late to make positive changes. Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 Thank you. I am. It's a very serious concern. The more I think about it, the more I realise I've been doing a hell of a lot of it. Is it because they're emotionally unavailable? Or something else? May need to go see the counselor again ... Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 Wait ... My ex-faincee wasn't seeing anyone when we met and hooked up, and I loved her and that relationship very much. And my recent ex was also unattached when we fell in love. I'm thinking that the recent 'affairs' were because my own heart isn't yet available. Though it's more and more available every day ... thanks to NC, actually. Thing is, I now have to ask myself some serious questions, about how serious I am about the new lover. She broke up with her boyfriend because, she said, she wasn't in love with him. But last night she asked me if I was ever going to settle down ... I like her a lot ... could love her very easily ... but I'm worried that I'm not completely over the ex. I guess I'll just take things slowly ... I am the rebound now, after all. Your thoughts? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 I think you need some time away from dating to sort your head out. Link to comment
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