depression in relationships

[amylyn930]

has anybody ever dated anyone with chronic depression or bipolar disorder? how did it affect your relationship? was it able to be overcome or is it a lifelong battle

[Balbina]

I think the important thing is being honest with yourself and your expectations - whether you're the one suffering from it, or the one dating someone who is.

 

Having a healthy way of dealing with issues, whether with a shrink or a method that helps you stay on top of your emotions. I think depression isn't a hindrance to a relationship if it doesn't consume it... if the depressed person becomes reliant on the other person to fix their problems, be their emotional punching bag, or read their minds, then it will never work. I think you have to enter any relationship with a sense of control over yourself, mind and emotion, or the ability to see clearly when patterns begin to repeat.

 

Relationships are about trust and support, but the other person shouldn't become your safety zone.

[redhearts]

From what this person who has known me for a while said I'm either bipolar or schizophrenic. My bf seems to think I'm just crazy though, this person said, well you are crazy. You just need to ACCEPT it. He gave me a good quote, if you want to see it is on my UNTITLED thread. It makes sense, because I'm trying to be someone I'm not. I think I am bipolar that or highly depressed, but I was trying to cover it up, be someone else to the point where bottling it up, just makes it worse.

[Rose21]

I wouldn't say I have bi-polar disorder, or chronic depression. Maybe a borderline mood disorder at most.

 

My moods just highly fluctuate. I had just gotten off the depo shot, 3 months ago, and my doctor says it would take another 6 months to get totaly out of my system.

 

That totaly messed with my hormones, and I do blame it on that because I was NEVER like that before I got on that shot.

 

Mostly, my boyfriend has just learned to deal with my mood swings, he just calmly talks me through them, tells me he loves me, and brings me back to reality.

 

They never last long.

[_Asti_]

My partner battled with a bout of depression that lasted around 8 months.

It was tough, and he just kept going down further and further, and bringing me down with him. And I have a history of depression and I knew for my personal well being something had to be done or I couldn't be in this relationship.

I reached out to some people, got help for myself and from others in how to handle the situation and they all told me to look out for #1 - myself. It was HARD, very hard. Knowing what I knew about depression personally, and how you push the other person away, but sometimes you just need the other person more than ever made it hard for me to walk away. And I knew when I gave a slight ultimatum of "Get your act together or I'm gone.." and he said "Go.." I knew we had something serious on our hands, because never would he have spoken those words.

 

It took a while before he started realizing what was going on, and I felt strong and pulled the weight in the relationship for a while and didn't give up. I did what I could, our dates revolved around physical activity [a natural antidepressant] I made sure he was eating well, went out of my way and read self-help books, marking and tabbing pages for him, got his buddies involved in making sure he was keeping up with his social life and even paired up with his mother to get through it.

 

Now for me, it was alot of work. And we're talking a low grade depression [like a slighty version of dysthymic disorder] and possbily paired up with Seasonal Affective Disorder..

 

I was glad I stuck it out, as was he..to him it was the ultimate show of commitment in his eyes, and at that point we were almost 3 years into the relationship..so I wasn't just going to throw it away and walk away, but I certainly knew I wouldn't be able to handle it in a long term situation...at that point in time I was very self secure, independent and mentally healthy that I could take it on, but in other conditions I am not so sure.

[amylyn930]

Thank you _Asti_. That's the kind of story I needed to hear. I'm at the point where he said "go" and got really mean... so I went. And now debating to help or walk away... but i love him so much and cant just walk away..

[_Asti_]

Well given the type of guy my boyfriend is, very sensitive, emotional, romantic, worships the ground I walk on and get the comments of "Don't ever leave me.." kind of deal, I knew for him to tell me to leave, I realized how badly far this had gone. To me, it wasn't HIM talking, it was the DEPRESSION talking.

 

I guess its just a matter of evaluating the situation. Is this a one time ordeal? [Part of his depression stemmed from being turned down the first time he tried to get hired as a cop..his ego took a huge hit and he gave up on everything...] if this is a chronic disorder of sorts for your partner, a true chronic depression, or even bipolar disorder, you have to figure out if this is someting you can handle in a relationship and in a partner. And if you are ok with that, I believe there needs to be some level of openess in regards to it, what is acceptable, what isn't, medications, treatments, etc.

 

I know when my guy said "Go.." I said fine..but I couldn't do it. That was I think the most pivotal point for us in realizing how serious this thing was and how are we going to get through this.

 

If this is nothing new for your boyfriend and has a history of it and its a repeating thing, having someone close may just be an annoyance during this time.

[bleeder]

Hi Amylyn,

 

I believe that every soul deserves to be loved, but loving someone mired in depression or bipolar disorders can be trying. Truth be told, both parties should ideally be in a sound state of mental health to achieve a healthy relationship, and it is an underlying truth no one should ignore.

 

A person suffering from manic depression or hypomania has a tendency to hurt themselves and worst of all - their partner. I am not tipping about physical hurt here. On the contrary, it is the emotional wounds they inflict on their loved ones with their constant withdrawal and unprocessed discourse which often ends up as the unkindest cut of all. Reality can be harsh but we have to face it come hell or highwater, don't we? You can be there for him and to help him along as a concerned friend, nothing more. As much as love itself is deemed as an embodiment of altruism to many, there comes a time when lovers would have to choose the egocentric route in order to protect their own sanctity.

 

You can't love another without first loving yourself, isn't it? This applies to both souls, the sufferer as well as the "victim". I hope that your friend gets better with time. Cheers.