Boys Night Out / Your Opinion?

[Rose21]

I guess maybe its just a little hard for me to understand, because I got burnt out on all the club and dance life. And my boyfriend hasnt been or ever will be interested in it.

 

I've tried to take him to a club, it wasnt anything he was ever interested. There arn't any near his college either and he would say no if he was invited.

 

I however, am kind of itching to go back to the rave, just for the social aspect, but I'm holding back.

 

I know I have much more imporant things to do then waste my time there. My friends (clean ones) and my parents hated me going there and tried to not get me to.

 

I had no business there really, expec since I want to major in Criminology!

[sarapara]

Thank you for your advice.

 

One of the reasons why I don't like him staying up too late is, he suggests we do this and that on Saturday, but we often don't do it. Because he's sleeping and tired from the previous night out. That disappoints me a lot. So I cannot help but wonder why he can't come home earlier than 5 am so we can do what we plan. I often felt like he chooses his dubbies over me, but as you pointed out, he spends a lot of time with me. I kind of think now that asking him to give up his night out with buddies might be asking a bit too much.

 

Like you suggested, I'll plan something we can do together Saturday morning and see how it goes.

 

Thank you,

[Applewhite]

 

I told him that he can go out with his buddies but not until that late. Then he thinks I'm really possessive and controlling.

 

Sara

 

 

I think he is right. Even if you do have a right to express discomfort/dissatisfaction with his behavior because you live with him, you cannot 'let' him do anything... You are not his mother...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He told me that as much as he loves me, he can't change his lifestyle. That's the way he is. That's how he and his buddies live life. He said if I can't understand this and decide to leave him, that's really sad and that's the price to pay, but he won't and doesn't want to change. So basically he said: Accept it or leave.

Sara

 

He's right. I agree with him. You cannot change him. Accept it, or if this is not for you end it. You will find someone that better fits your needs and wishes, without having to sacrifice from himself.

 

Do girls out there let boyfriends go out until that late? What are your opinions about this situation?

Sara

 

I don't stay out late, neither does my boyfriend.

 

 

Please give me some thoughts on "How late is too late for a guy who is in a relationship to stay out with his friends? And how often is too often?" so I can see things from a different point of view before I make the final decision.

Sara

 

I would also find frequent 5 o'clock returns unacceptable. But I know better than to try to change someone. It is exhausting and unpleasant and ends up in disaster.

 

I can't decide if I should leave or not because I love him dearly, and I have no complaints about anything else.

 

Sara

 

Is that really true? You are also complaining about something that seems to be an issue regardless of this. He sacrificed things for the other gf but not for you. Obviously there is some missing reassurance, some missing feelings, trust issues, concerns on your part...Am I wrong? So I doubt this is really the ONLY problerm..

[sarapara]

It' not like I'm not letting him to have his own time with his frineds. I usually encourage him to have dinner or drinks after work. If your boyfriend doesn't want you to stay up until 5 am and ask you to come home earlier, will you dump him? You choose socializing over him? While I know and uderstand it's very importnant for both my bf and I have our own time with our friends, I thought socializing doesn't have to be styaing up until 5 am drinking. I felt like he was choosing his night out over me, and I thought he wasn't very considerate. That doesn't feel good.

 

But I uderstand your point. It's up to individuals in regard to what time one should come home. I now understand that I was trying to impose my mindset on him when he has a differnt one.

[Georgevanberge]

Boys nights out are very important and he should be granted the opportunity but at what cost? 5 am is not acceptable as a return time. That being said a few things have caught my attention. He puts more emphasis on what and how his friends feel than he does on you. Red flag. I've been out that late maybe twice in the 34 years that I've been with my girl. Too excessive, too late and he needs to place more weight on his pals than his life partner. A man belongs home with his wife at 5am unless it's been specified before he goes out.

[Seraphim]

This thread is from 2008.