CrapAtNC Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Hey, there. Quick question: My ex and I broke up about 18 months ago, mainly because she has a huge wall around her heart that prevents her from relaxing with me, showing she loves me, being affectionate, etc. She went all out to prove to the world that she was over me, that I was constantly harassing her, that I couldn't let her go, that she didn't want anything to do with me, and that she just wanted me out of her life so she could move on. And she did a very good job; I sensed very clearly from mutual 'friends' that I needed to leave her alone. But the reality was that, whenever I did move on, she'd do all she could to bring me back. She's spend hours and big bucks calling me while I was away on 'moving on' holidays abroad, would cry when I made it clear that I was no longer interested, would get back in touch with an email after three days of NC, and did all she could to get me back when I starting dating others. We remained affectionate up until last month, and became lovers again on several occasions. We dated at least twice a week, and even went away on vacation together. And all of this was in secret, because she didn't want anyone to know that she was still into me. I'm sure it's because she was also dating others and didn't want them to know that she was still attached to the ex. Well, she's gone very cold again now, after I told her I was leaving the country to go home (I'm leaving because life is too short and precious to be wasted trying to get someone to acknowledge that we should be together, and also for study). There's no longer any friendly contact - though she has come back to work for me within my organisation. She refuses to give me the photos I've been asking for, from her camera, of us together on holiday (she'll only send the ones that show me and not her). And she desperately wants to prevent me letting anyone know that we went away together, lest they know she really is still keen on spending time with me. I have a couple of online photo albums where I love posting images. My holiday photos (the one I went on with her) so far look like I went alone, as I've catered to her demands and cropped her out of any pics she's in and been careful not to show that she was with me. But she told some of her friends she came with me, but only regarding the 'work' part of our trip (a conference). But I don't like being a secret, and I don't like propagating this story of hers that I'm the one who can't let go and she just wants me out of her life. We've been affectionate ever since we broke up, and she was an important part of my life for the last two and a half years. I don't want to pretend it never happened, and I also want to show that I'm not crazy and she did choose to remain in close contact with me. I asked a usually sensible friend of mine if I should just go ahead now and add the images of her to my online holiday albums, including Facebook, and I was surprised when he said he thought it was a good idea; he said it would show her once and for all that I wasn't going to march to her beat any more, live her lie for her any more, and demonstrate that I really can move on because I accept she'll probably stop talking to me once I do it and that would show that I really don't care now. What do you think? Would it be unkind of me, ungentlemanly (though no images of her in bed, for instance), disloyal or unwise in any way? Or is it a great way for me to really let go of our secretive past and show that I'm only prepared to have an open and honest relationship from now on: if she wants to stay hiding behind her wall - fine - but I'm not doing it any more. I'm tempted to do this. I know there'll be fallout, but I think it'll be a release for me and a call to reality for her. Any thoughts? Cheers! Link to comment
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