you were not there.

[mellybelly]

(as suggested by allie, i'm posting this here.)

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I met up with your family, all the kids ran up to hug me, usually it is you they attack so wildly with love,

but, you were not there.

 

I walked the streets where we roamed so young and carefee, the streets we took so many bicycle rides, the streets where we zoomed off on your moto, the streets where we fell in love,

I couldn't find you.

 

I heard our friends play their music. They drew quite a crowd. I actually found myself getting angry. Your music should be that which is heard. Your's is more beautiful, more full of truth. As it was I stood off to the side wishing you were there holding my hand.

but, you were not there.

 

Everyone told me I need to come around more,

but in all these places,

you are nowhere to be found.

 

I put on my face and said I would,

gave some hugs, turned away and walked the busy streets back to my car crying all the way. I wanted so badly to call you up and tell you about my night and then to rush to you for the only comfort I could find on such nights,

but you are not here.

 

Instead I cried all the way home,

and spoke to you in case you were listening.

I hope you are, but sometimes you feel so far,

 

I couldn't find you in any of the usual places. No matter how many faces I see there now, they are empty.

[tiredofvampires]

Instead I cried all the way home,

and spoke to you in case you were listening.

I hope you are, but sometimes you feel so far,

 

I couldn't find you in any of the usual places. No matter how many faces I see there now, they are empty.

 

It's so good to see your story/poem here, and what a wonderful suggestion from allie! She was right, it belongs here...and I'm glad to see you put it up, and to be prompted to read it again...as desperately sad as it is, how clearly that comes through.

 

It's so full of imagery for me, being there with your experience. Who, who has ever felt love and separation, the pangs of closeness yet distance, being surrounded by people and yet alone, cannot relate to this?

 

It brings all such things right up to the surface for me...

 

And though I haven't experienced the same loss as you have, I know so intimately the feeling of being surrounded by people and yet solitary. I can only even imagine layered over that the sense of presense and absense all at once of your beloved.

 

It's just so hard when a spirit leaves the body to live with the limited knowledge we have of where they have gone...to feel realms apart. And while there is nothing I feel sure of (just because I'm a questioning sort), I have a strong sense that Michael is in a realm that is much less limited, because he's no longer bound by the senses we still have, that cause us so much pain and hurt, and torment in the mind. So even when you listen for him and can't locate him, remind yourself that it's only because at the moment, it's because of the human limitation you are experiencing, not because he is not there.

 

And that the music you love, the art you love, the things you love to do are a divine connection that you both are still sharing, as the magic of these things bridges the realms.

[CallingAllAngels]

I'm so glad you took my suggestion and posted it under the poetry section.

 

It reads like a poem. The pain comes accross very poetically. It really belongs here for everyone to read.

 

As painful as it was for you to write, many more people will see it here. You never know who you will touch.

 

~Allie

[Dagless]

If I'm not posting much it's because I'm crying and lost for words.

[mellybelly]

If I'm not posting much it's because I'm crying and lost for words.

 

OH dags,

this is the human condition isn't it? Once we find that love that is so filling, and then it is taken away, we can never feel completely whole again? Can we?

 

Just know I gather strength in these weak times looking through your posts and seeing the road you have walked down, and still are, and that you are still surviving. I'm glad I found this site and those that can understand this pain.

 

Much love to you.

[mellybelly]

I'm so glad you took my suggestion and posted it under the poetry section.

 

It reads like a poem. The pain comes accross very poetically. It really belongs here for everyone to read.

 

As painful as it was for you to write, many more people will see it here. You never know who you will touch.

 

~Allie

 

thank you allie.

[mellybelly]

thank you tov for continuing to share your wonderful insight with me! you give me confidence of my feeling and belief that Michael still is with me, though not in this world, the way that I am.

 

And, you're right. I believe anyone can feel alone like this, without actually experiencing the kind of loss that some of us have on here. It's hard. I guess in these moments, we truly get to know ourselves, and what we are made of, because that is all we are left with.

[Dagless]

OH dags,

this is the human condition isn't it? Once we find that love that is so filling, and then it is taken away, we can never feel completely whole again? Can we?

 

Just know I gather strength in these weak times looking through your posts and seeing the road you have walked down, and still are, and that you are still surviving. I'm glad I found this site and those that can understand this pain.

 

Much love to you.

 

From where I am now I can say that you don't always feel like half a person. The part of you that remains seems to grow somehow but as stong as I feel I have grown there is still a part of me that wants to be with her and wonders where she went.

[civilservant]

wow... I never cry, but thats a real tear jerker.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Very beautiful and wonderfully written.

 

As the others have said it definitely wells up the tears.