Wife fell out of love with me - Possibly cheating - Ouch!

[RinTinTin]

Married 8 years; 2 Children ages 3, 5. Very light drinkers. No hitting or yelling at each other. No real deep conversation at all.

 

Wife has been slowly falling out of love with me and has been admittedly faking feelings of intimacy for me for 2 years. Physical relationship has never been a problem - Mental connection is what we are missing.

 

We haven't given each other any together (couple) time since the arrival of our first daughter. Also, my wife is a very poor communicator. She feels that I am too controlling and there is some truth there; I am critical and tend to overthink everything. I can be negative too often but I always to try to act in the best interests of the family.

 

She works nights (large hotel manager) 3-11pm and most often gets home at 12:30 or 1:00am. I work days and am always home with the girls when I am not working.

 

Pretty typical so far huh?

 

She has dieted and lost 40+ pounds. She has become a Vegan (Full vegetarian) and works out alot. She has begun taking online classes to get her bachelors degree, and she has been buying very attractive clothes and is looking better than ever. I am proud of her and have repeatedly told her so. All of her actions are geared towards her.

 

Her feelings came out a month ago while I was being playful one night with a copy of Mens Health comparing her thoughts to a magazine poll.

Since then she wants us sleeping in separate beds with no physical contact of any kind except a peck when she leaves for work.

 

We started reading Dr. Phil Relationship Rescue and I really respect his mehods and think he knows his stuff. I was optimistic about working things out by using this book together but she quit reading because she says it was hitting too close to home and her feelings are too far gone for the book to help.

 

She had one session with a councelor this week and she says she will let this (hopefully) specialist figure it out. I hope this person is qualified to help us.

 

My wife admits to the following: She has thoughts of cheating but insists she hasn't. If another man shows interest in her, she may not resist his advances. She pictures us divorced. She wants to make this work only because it is best for the girls. She is not sure that she can (or even wants to) love me the way I expect us to - mentally and physically through communication and closeness. She admits that she is only interested in her needs right now and that is what feels right to her.

 

She is very tired of me asking her about infidelity and the consequences it would have on our family but she WILL NOT promise me that she won't allow it to happen while we are together. The thought is eating me but is out of my control.

 

All she wants is space - alot of it! I feel the more space I give her, the further we will drift apart and the greater the chances of cheating. I have never considered her the cheating type until recently.

 

She seems fine with this situation which has me all knotted up inside. My thoughts are totaly consumed with feelings of how did this happen, infidelity, lonliness, divorce, child custody. It is affecting me at work and my ability to keep a positive attitude around others. I want to see a lawyer to protect the girls and I (I cannot live without them - they are everything to me - especially now) should the seemingly inevitable happen. Nothing positive about resolution or loving acts of kindness come from her (Loving acts were never really something she did anyway) but I am actually asking her for something positive or hopeful which is pushing her away. She says she can't continue to make up feelings for me that aren't there.

 

I will do anything (legal) to give us a long happy family life together but that turns her off. She is the only one I want.

 

Wow I've laid alot out and sure I've missed some important facts but I've got to go - The girls are awake and I value time w/them more than ever.

 

Any advice or good (easy reading) books? I'm feeling very lonley and insecure right now (I hate admitting that). Any good books on divorce might be helpful too. I should be educated on the possibility.

 

Many thanks-

[avman]

You mentioned a counselor, but are you both going together? Or is she going alone. I'm not exactly clear on that part.

 

I'd seriously recommend joint counseling for you both ASAP. There is something going on that you don't seem to have a grasp on and its driving her away. I don't mean to criticize, just to point out that there must be some reason for why she is feeling this way. What needs of hers are not being met in the marriage.

 

Right now it sounds like she has "checked out" of the relationship. And thats pretty much the last step before divorce. I wouldn't bother with the books at this point my friend. I'd ask straight out for counseling. If she agrees, then great you can buy the relationship books too. If she refuses, then the books you should buy are the divorce/custody ones.

 

Let us know how the counseling question goes. Then I'll give you some good books to read depending on her answer. Oh, and be an absolutely MODEL parent from this point on. If you drink, quit. If you do drugs, stop. If you have any pornography, get rid of it. You get the idea. Make connections with your childrens teachers or caregivers and be sure that your children are the first priority in your life. If you have a custody battle, you'll need all those things working for you. And if you don't, then your kids still benefit so its a win-win for them

 

Good luck my friend.

 

avman

[Hopingpraying]

Wow Rin Tin Tin, I am going through a very similar situation only my wife has already been having the affair but won't admit to it. She has checked out of the relationship like Avman said. We are currently going through the divorce. All I can tell you is it is difficult. The hardest part is knowing I may not be able to see my daughter as much anymore. My wife really is not thinking clearly. My situation is she is too young to know any better. I believe that I need to do what the old saying says. If you love something let it go free. Hopefully she comes back but I can't say I will just be waiting on that.

 

Also understand it does you no good to live in misery the rest of your life and while it may be hard on you and the kids it is still better then living in a broken home where all you do is fight in front of the children.

 

At first I thought my life was over. I am slowly understanding that my life is not over, I am just in a tough part of my life at the moment. I will come out of it a better person and that is a good thing. Hopefully you can do the same.

 

If you need to talk keep checking here. There are a lot of good people giving good advice. I hope I can offer some too.

 

Good luck.

[tie]

All very similar stories to mine. Married 5 years, together 9. We have a three year old daughter - who is a dream. We've struggled since her birth, her with post partem depression, then my depression. Now she's leaving. Moving into an aprartment. She says that her love for me has died, she doesn't feel the spark anymore, the connection.

 

I admit, the past year has been awful. No physical abuse, no cheating (at least not from my end and I'm fairly certain none from hers). It was just not a whole lot of "us" time. Problem is, I know I still love her - regardless of how terrible I feel about myself right now because she is leaving. We were best friends.

 

I can't help but feel we never got a chance to fix things - sure she wants to go to counseling after she's already rented a place and is moving out in two weeks. My feeling is "why go to counseling - just to better understand why she gave up on us?" But I'll go. I know I deserve better than this.

 

Sleepless in MD

[Hopingpraying]

Tie,

 

All I can say is if you love her you should do the counciling. Even if she is moving out. You don't say how old your wife is, but my wife was young when we met. I was really her only relationship. I think right now she has this idea that a relationship shouldn't be hard work and thereforeeee our relationship must be no good. So She is leaving. She does not even want to try therapy. She has basically shut me out. The only thing I can do is go with the flow. So I guess what I am saying is as long as she wants to try to figure things out you should at least try. You may go and decide a breakup is for the best, or you may go and figure out how to rekindle your relationship. You owe that much to your daughter.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

 

Hoping & Praying

[atomicblonde]

You guys are killing me here.

Admitting to ignoreing feelings and just letting life slide by unemotionaly for so long until your wives are numb to you.

Then the shock and surprise hits you when we stop crying over how alone we feel inside, and how you have hurt us by doing nothing for so long.

 

We lose weight and begin to think about living for ourselves again. Meanwhile your finally experiencing the feelings you should have been having years ago.

 

The time for counseling has past.

Let her go.

In your next realtionaship maybe you can take a lesson from this one.

Face it, it really doesn't matter if shes cheating on you. The emotional infidelity begun years ago.

If your smart you will try to leave her alone and be a decent friend to her and respect the time and children she have given you.

 

You were unavailable for her. Now its all you can think about. The feeling in your stomach is guilt and regret.

 

Move on gracefully.

 

AB

[avman]

atomicblonde,

 

I must disagree. Its always worth trying to save a marriage if its savable. Especially if there are children involved. To just say basically well you screwed up, so leave her alone if your smart isn't very helpful at all to the situation. He wants to try, so lets help him try. Let his wife make the decision whether she still wants to try with him or not.

 

He feels bad enough already. Lets not rub his face in it.

 

avman

[tarquin]

go get councelling together if she will agree - it sounds like your efforts to communicate with her are falling on deaf ears, but i wouldnt give up yet. Seek the councelling you need, and if she wont go then there is probably not a lot you can do except have councelling yourself to help you come to terms with what has happened and how to accept it. i know where you are coming from my friend, i have experienced a similar situation except my wife did cheat, and the fact that you cant do much about the situation (she is in control of her life and you can not make her do what you want) and you dont know what is going to happen is soul destroying. it gets better (well it is starting to for me even though i am still in the middle of it) when you realise it is not the end of your life and you know where you stand and where you are going. Hang in thier brother! I feel for ya.

[guitargirl]

My parents have just recently separated. When they did, I was happy! They never faught, but both of them are depressed, especially my mom. My grades went up and I knew that both of my parents were happier. Whatever makes them happy makes me happy, and the only thing that upset me was(not including getting over the shock) that they had kept this all from me for so long!!! Just be true to yourself and your wife. If it doesn't work out, then try to let go...it is hard, but life will go on. There is hope where you would never think to look for it. In this case, that hope could be hidden in divorce/separation. Good luck...

Love,

Hannah

[t-dog]

It seems like she is in a period of needing to evaluate about the things that are important in her life. While this is very hurtful to you, it seems like your only choice is to let her. By pressuring her to stay with you, you will only succeed in driving her away. You said that if you give her more space it will give her a greater opportunity to cheat. You have to ask yourself if that would be the end of the world. What if she does cheat? Either she could fall in love with someone else and leave you, or more likely, it will reaffirm her feelings toward you. You can't stop her from doing what she wants to do...the best way to ensure that she stay with you is to give her freedom to explore what she needs to. As they say, if you love something, set it free.

[Spee]

What I want to know is – have YOU gone to therapy? With or without her?

 

Go to a PhD. A counselor doesn't have enough training and a MD focuses on medication. Go even without her.

 

I agree that if you can save your marriage, that would be the best.

 

If she has grown cold and distant, it very well could be a cry for help. Do you really, REALLY listen to her hurts? Or do you just blow it off and a 'girl thing'? When she does talk about her hurts do you get defensive or take it in?

 

Forget this 'giving her space' business. Reach out to her.

 

I'm not as concerned about her losing 40 pounds, rather I'm concerned about why she put them on in the first place. Often women put on weight out of stress.

 

It sounds like you haven't given your relationship top priority.

 

Take a look at yourself and where you may have missed the mark. It seems to me she is in a lot of pain.

[mystery92065]

Wow! This is my story EXCEPT, I am the woman in this scenario... we were married 19 years. I started to feel like I was lost in the shuffle of everyone elses needs and demands. I resented being unappreciated and began to think that maybe life would be better without the demands of husband and family. The "other guy" in my story is long gone now, and was a really bad choice in the first place. I chose someone who was emotionally unavailable - a complete, self-proclaimed commitment phobic with a terrible drinking problem. By the time I "woke up" and realized what I had lost , it was too late...my ex had remarried.

I'm now divorced 3 years and now engaged to a divorced-with-kids man. Let me tell you what I've learned in these 3 years:

 

The grass isn't any greener on the other side. In fact, there are a lot of brown spots over here.

 

Infatuation is as powerful as any street drug you could buy. Maybe more powerful. It hooks you on the high produced by endorphins just like morphine. It makes you feel really good...It's an addiction

 

Divorce ISN'T the answer, it's painful for everyone, especially the kids.

 

A womans standard of living drops markedly after divorce, while a mans typically does not. I had a 4000sqft home with 6 bedrooms and a swimming pool on 4.5 acres before the divorce. I lived in a 2 bedroom apartment on the crappy side of town for 2 years after the divorce.

 

Trying to build a step-family is SO MUCH more difficult and demanding than anything that happened in my marriage. believe me, it's not for sissys.

 

 

Get counseling PLEASE. Give her some space. Yes, she may have an affair, but in the end, when reality hits, she may realize what an idiot she has been. I'm not suggesting to wait forever. All I'm saying is that you don't need to get divorced immediately. If you think you have enough invested to work through the inevitable loss and rebuilding of trust , then get some counseling and hang in.

 

Good luck

[Hopingpraying]

Mystery,

 

Boy I sure wish I could get you to talk to my wife. I am pretty sure she is going to end up realizing the same thing you have. He reasons for leaving me are pretty petty, and the fact she has fallen for a married man makes it all the worse. She denies that she is having an affair though, so what ever.. N-E-Way... I am glad to here there are situations like this. I am not saying I am glad it happened to you however, but at least you are big enough to admit you made a mistake. I think in my wife's case she may never be big enough to do that.

 

Thank you for your story though.

[Fancy111]

Rin your situation sounds like mine, except I'm the women with the disconnection. I don't know what happenened, I think it started when I felt like I was doing everything by myself. I felt as if the world was on my shoulders and I didn't have a husband there to remove the weight. Imagine being in a room with someone yet still feeling alone, that's what happens sometimes when your a wife and mother, everyone else's needs come before yours (let society tell it), us women also do it to ourselves. Then one day you wake up and start taking care of yourself, you become selfish and withdrawn, I don't think you start out to hurt your sig. other but that's exactly where your headed when you care less about other's feelings than you know you should.

 

This may or may not be what your sig. other is going through, but I thought I would share the possibility.

[redsuede]

I completely disagree with most of the posts here. I call bull on most of this. EVERYONE makes heir own decisions here and he has been in this marraige where he didnt get his needs filled either, did he go and cheat or even allow her to think he was going to cheat. NO. That is her choice, her bad, and its emotional abuse to even cause that much havok on someone, its like saying to someone your worst fear may come true at any moment. I wont leave though..

 

MY advice.. take your self respect back. She said it in the beginning.. She is going to focus on herself and "that feels like the right thing to do" Well, wouldnt we all be in troubled relationships if we all just looked at everything we want, and not care enough about the other person to see that we are causing the ultimate hurt there is. Infedelity. Why is everyone saying it was him who should be trying to figure out this mess that it must have been something he has done.. Bull. Truth is she is probley a very selfish, self absorbed person who wants to put the blame on you so that she can feel no guilt when whatever person she is fantasizing about enters the picture, if that hasnt happened already, and if it was up to her, it would have happened by now.

 

YOu sound like a good guy, you even admitted YOUR faults in your first post. That would not happen to someone who is not looking at thier faults. You deserve better, and the pain you are going to feel WHEN this cheating thing does happen is even worse than what you feel now... GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT>>> and take what self respect you have with you. NO one deserves to have the emotional abuse that you are accepting. You are worth more.. YOu gave her years of your faithfulness and team work. she is throwing it all away cause she lost a few pounds and eats no dairy or meat.. She will see better of you anyway, if you have enough self respect to go , no i am not worth what you are treating me like.. Please take steps to take care of you. YOu are doing the best you can with what you have to work with.. My thoughts are with you.. dont give up, just give up the fantasy that she is going to come to you and say she is sorry..She wont do that until she has had her fill, and that is toooooo much pain for anyone to deal with.. self absorbed people will give you as much pain as they can as long as they are happy, they wont budge on a dime. I have gone through a lot what you have been through, if you ever want to talk about this, doesnt matter how much, let me know... ITs not a fun road you are walking down.

[single30]

I just wanted to add one piece, My husband and I are filing for divorce... we went to couples therapy for closure... what the therapist said to us in a nutshell, was that it was too bad that we had each done our own individual counseling, because studies show that the couples who go together during marriage problems, are much more likely to make it, then those who seek their own couseling. If however it really seems as though your wife is pulling away, I would seriously consider going on your own, because you need someone to talk to, who can help you through this. It is going to be hard if she wants to give up. Perhaps you should try doing some of the things that your wife has been doign? Get in shape, buy some new attractive clothes... get her attention a little bit? Good luck.

[GymSweetie]

hey, guess what!?

i agree with atomicblonde. IT'S TOOOO LATE! i have been married for 6 years with the same person for 14 years. i worked my tail off to provide a good, healthy, stable life for my family. i've done all the cooking, housecleaning, errands, banking, billpaying, laundry, etc... you name it, it has always my turn to do the stuff nobody else wants to do-who cares? I have been more like a houseslave or employee in the relationship. my husband figured his job was done after he got home from his 9-5, except piddling around in the garage (his cave). on top of that, i work full-time and couldn't put out enuf-(but wouldn't assert himself to make it happen either)-lazy, whiney, b*tch! to make it worse, during the whole course of our life together, i doubt he heard 1/8 of what i said-phased me out-must not have been too important then-. how many times when I tried to tell him what bothered me did I hear "whatever". Couldn't get along with my son-(his stepson), didn't have time for counseling. always wanted to get physical with him-now, the kid is 18, dropped school. heard only what he wanted to hear. well, guess what! even tho he tried to wear me down by trying to make me feel unimportant, old and used..SOMEBODY Special, goodlooking and super-sexy saw my potential! Yea I lost the weight, went from 160 down to 125 by eating right and working out 3-4 days/wk. Look like 110 now. miracle, what makeup, hair, nails & weight control can do. everybody tells me how great I look and that someone special is just what i need! sex is not just mediocre or a chore anymore, it's Romantic, Awesome and Passionate!!!!...and bf listens to what I say and respects me for who i am-only wants quality time, not quantity. NOW, my husband wants to spend more time, hears everything I say, compliments me, can't help out enuf around the house, has red flags about mention of bf, wants us to be a couple, yada yada yada...TOO LATE!

AtomicBlonde is sooo right! You cannot neglect a human being for years and then decide that your wife is a valuable asset just because you are jealous that she may have found another. Get a clue... If she is becoming more and more withdrawn and doesn't want to pursue the marriage with you, it's over and it's been over! Like me, she probably is trying to maneuver into a more favorable financial position to leave and also, may be trying to solidify a relationship with someone else...also, she may be trying to find a way to tell you with as little pain as possible to you and the family. (sounds to me like she is a very good woman with alot going on!) If you love her, let her go. You don't own her.

[pheenom]

... it should be compulsory for EVERY marraige. I mean, how hard is it to say the things you mean to say and in turn to have those things understood? Heck, there are negotiators and mediators and arbitrators between management and staff -- why not in a marriage?

 

I was a woman who wanted to leave ... he dragged me reluctantly into counselling where I promptly told the counsellor I was there for property mediation. What ensued was a few torturous weeks of ripping your heart to shreds and throwing them at the feet of the person in the next chair, drudging up a lot of pain and anguish. But you know, we'd leave that place with smiles on our faces. And we came together.

 

Now, years later, he's the one who's distanced himself from me and do you think he'll go to counselling at my request? I'll admit, part of me wants no part of it, but I really think it would be a healthy thing to do any time there was an unresolved issue on the table. Better than waiting years until the table is covered in the crap two people heap on it. The more there is to wade through ... the more it costs!

 

By gum it's worth a shot.

[storm]

to redsuede>>

.."YOu gave her years of your faithfulness and team work. she is throwing it all away cause she lost a few pounds and eats no dairy or meat.""".

 

.. "She will see better of you anyway, if you have enough self respect to go , no i am not worth what you are treating me like.. "

 

atomicblonde , got to agree with alomst everything you said !

 

RINTIN, i admire your ability to be so open with your wife about how she really feels , but im sorry to say it feels like your asking questions you dont want to know the answer to , cus shes telling u and then your not really believing it. you have known this woman for a very long time , she has closed of and i think you know why . wheather shes right or wrong is up to you to judge , not me. you sound like a fantastic dad and a good man x x x

[Lostmylove]

Your wife is messing around with someone. Hire a detective to track her, Start taking notes regarding her every move with the children. how much time she spends with them, what she does with them, etc. it may be to late but you want to build a case so you have a better chance holding on to your kids. This type of stuff happens all the time. You truly don't know a person till this starts happening. Its cold and heartless but your wife only cares about herself and then her lover(s). Times will be tough but you have to hang in there and start taking action. Don't beat yourself up. Your wife gives women a bad name. She is a shallow person who doesn't want to put in the effort and she knows exactly what she is doing. She is probably getting advice on how to get out as easy as she can. Good luck.

[shewaits]

I think it is a very interesting phenomenon. I am new to this site, and have just been browsing through posts, and I am stunned at how many men are writing in to say that their wife/lover/girlfriend just doesn't love them any more. I didn't realize it was so common.

I am a woman who has been married for more than 20 years. While I am a Christian who believes in lifelong marriage, nevertheless my feelings for my husband have died a slow death. I have not had romantic feelings toward him for quite a few years...there were many factors that played into the situation, and to go into them would take up too much space here! Suffice to say that there was a time when I did want to get closer to him, be romantic with him, bond with him...and that time is over now. He seemed to think that an overabundance of sexual activity would be just the thing to keep me happy..when in fact, I felt unfulfilled, unsatisfied, and detached after years of his sex obsession. Don't get me wrong, I love having sex, making love, whatever you want to call it! I really do! But there were some important elements that were missing in our relationship, and I didn't feel the closeness with him that I longed for. Still, I didn't concentrate on what was missing, since I'd married "for life", and that was that. When my former fiance re-entered my life, I was completely floored when I found myself falling in love with this man. It wasn't long at all before I realized that my heart was gone. My heart had seemingly been up for grabs, although I wasn't aware of it, and this man came along and won my heart. In a matter of days, I knew that I had "checked out" from my marriage, emotionally. This was several years ago, and we remain technically married, although we have been separated for one year now. I feel very bad about the way this has all turned out, for we have three teenagers whom I do not want to hurt. And yet, my affection for my husband, which I had been feigning and forcing for quite a few years, suddenly had vanished completely, and nothing I did, nothing he did, would change that.

I actually feel so much compassion for the men who write in here with women who have fallen "out of love" with them. It's a sad thing when love dies, and it causes much disappointment. It seems to be an epidemic. I have sons and I don't want this to ever happen to them. But I just wanted to share my story a bit, and show from the woman's perspective how it is. Consequently, my former fiance has made it clear that he wants to stay married to his current wife, so that the home may remain intact for their two small childrem. And although my heart was broken by this announcement, I think that is commendable. This wasn't the way I would have planned my life to go, but I'm trying to ride these waves of life without capsizing. Now to figure out what I'll do with my life...

[manfrnyc]

I do not agree... Unless woman tell us that they are not happy, they dont talk, they say well I try to tell you that I am not happy.... NO NO DO not try to tell, just TALK openly, we do not read minds...Yes in every marriage time comes both man and woman does ignore their spouses feelings, both make mistakes, both stop working on marriage, SO is that mean they have to go out and find someone??? Come on give me break this is not a joke... I had problems with my wife so I sat down and talk, I told her that she was making me feel neglected, so we discussed and found solution, I DID NOT go find anyone else...

 

THis guy at least relalized that he made a mistake and trying to save his marriage... Look what he says, Wife is poor communicator, that is my point if she does not communicate he would not know what is happening.

 

She will take her habbits with her into new relationship and result will be the same.. simple is that, so always work on your marriage and try to solve problems with open heart and mind, get help and try to improve yourslef and understand each other, if all your efforts fails then go ahaed and divorce... If you dont try you would not know, finding someone else is a sign of weak personality....and easy way out....

 

Good luck to all of you

[Jetta]

What about those of us who have talked, and nothing comes of it? Then what? I even worded it as in I need or I would like... One example was I would like us date again. I later asked him to accompany me to karoke night (something I enjoy doing) and he said no. I asked him to take us out to dinner on Sunday and again I got a no.

[liljohn]

We were married for 33yrs then the woman I loved disapered. It all started 3yrs ago she was in therapy for being sexual abused by her father when she was 10 until she was 17yrs old Everything was getting better she wasent as depressed as before.She was feeling better about herself. She went to her dr. to get something to bost her libido she was put on a new hormone estratest. That is when all hell broke loose we went from having sex once a week to 4-5 times a day she went crazy and I couldn't stop her. when she needed more than I could handle she went on the computer and started to talk in the chat rooms to men. it wasen't long before she was puting naked pic. of herself on the com. Then she bought a cam for the computer now they could see her live and she could see them. She did everything u can think of from masturbating to puting the cam between her legs and do whatever they wanted her to do. I could not stop her and she said if I tried to stop her she would leave me,I was terrified

.Iwent to are minister and told himall about everything He wanted to talk to her but she woulden't. I went to her therapyst and told her and she said susan never told her about anything about the com. susan never told her nothing about what she was doing. I told her I was going to her brothers and sisters for help and ask her to come with me to tell her side of the story but she wouldn't. They turned there back on her like they did when she was abused,I didn't know what to do. Iwatch her go from putting pic. on the com. to now making dates with men behind my back.I had a program on the com.to see what she was doing.I sat and cried almost every daynot noing what to do.Now I found out she has been having a afair for a yr and a half besides going out with 4-5 other men I couldn't take no more I told her no more and she left me three months ago and I havent seen her sience. she is now living with a girlfriend. the married man she was having a affair with moved to vegas with his wife. NOw I find out she is now moving to vegas herself.I now have nothing to live for .I change my benafishery on my ins. poll. to my children .She says she will fight this change. I can't win I have nothing to live for.

[Jetta]

liljon that is really tramatic, and I'm so sorry it turned out this way for you and your former wife. I will tell you that there are numerous women your age who would love a caring man like yourself in their life. You won't be alone forever, but in the meantime I really think getting out and doing something you enjoy would really be beneficial. Rediscover some long forgotten hobbies, or find new ones. It's a shame you couldn't talk her out of whatever meds started her on this rampage before it was too late. But living in the past never helped anyone, working towards a better tomorrow is all we can do.