tarquin

unfortunately you cant make her come back. if she wants to she will and begging her will probably just push her away. my wife recently has had an affair with a guy 10 years younger that her, and i feel your pain - but i have had to let her go. she did not put up a fight for me when the affair was found out and i do not want to be with someone who does not want to be with me. i know that sounds callous but believe me i am as heartbroken as anyone could be - however i am mature enough to realise that if she is not willing to come to the party then i am better off without her, and if you love someone you have to set them free

go get councelling together if she will agree - it sounds like your efforts to communicate with her are falling on deaf ears, but i wouldnt give up yet. Seek the councelling you need, and if she wont go then there is probably not a lot you can do except have councelling yourself to help you come to terms with what has happened and how to accept it. i know where you are coming from my friend, i have experienced a similar situation except my wife did cheat, and the fact that you cant do much about the situation (she is in control of her life and you can not make her do what you want) and you dont know what is going to happen is soul destroying. it gets better (well it is starting to for me even though i am still in the middle of it) when you realise it is not the end of your life and you know where you stand and where you are going. Hang in thier brother! I feel for ya.

yeah allan i feel for you buddy - i am in the same boat. i think as much as i dont want them now i will regret it if i dont keep some. it will be hard but what is it gonna hurt you to take a few photos? you dont have to look at them unless you want to.

i am currently going through a divorce because my wife cheated on me after feeling no attraction to me for several years. she never told me this and athough i could sense that she was not very affectionate etc i just thought it was the way she was. well i turned out to have been oh so wrong. i would suggest you get councelling asap because if you are surpressing certain needs (like my wife did) then you are asking for trouble and counceling can help you. (it would have helped my wife but she did not want to be helped)

Inah, my heart goes out to you. not every man will treat you like this and this guy is a total loser. believe me i know exactly where you are coming from as my wife and the mother of my 3 sons has done almost the exact same thing to me and at 30 i find myself on the scrapheap. dont change anything if you dont want to, women are not the only ones who can get walked on. you and i both married cheating jerks. unfortunately it happens. but i know exactly what you mean. it is so very hard to pick up the pieces. dont go making wholesale changes to yourself - the thing you change might ruin your next relationship. I know it is hard and you will doubt yourself - i do everyday, the rage the loneliness and despair - feel them and heal, if you didnt feel them you wouldnt be human. But be yourself, be assertive and stick up for your needs, but dont ever be something other than yourself.

if it feels so bad that you are thinking divorce then i would urge you to seek professional councelling. If this is too much to spring on her then sit her down and talk with her about your feelings. if she doesnt want to listen then suggest that you are not happy with the relationship and that you want marriage councelling. dont just go on with the marriage pretending that you are happy when you are not, it is a recepe for disaster. be honest with her, she deserves that and she deserves you to listen to her feelings. perhaps she has some deeper need that is not being met - remember seek first to understand, then to be understood. every human being deserves respect and to not have thier feelings belittled. if it is too hard to listen to each other because of the emotion involved or if it just causes an argument then go to a professional, that is what they are for