polisci727 Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 Hi everyone, I am new to the forum here, found it by looking at "are they cheating" sites. Let me apologize for what will be a long post. I'll list some things, so to make it easier to read. I have been married for 17 years and have 2 children, 12 and 14. Everything was "fine" between us up until 6 months ago (I say fine, but all marriages that long have some baggage and issues). He had to go on a two week research trip abroad (he and I are academics) in March. On the 5th day of the trip, he just dropped out of site and stopped emailing me. He was in a Middle-Eastern country and the last email said "people here are hostile toward me." Heard nothing for 5 days. Since he was in that situation, I emailed security at the research institution where he was working (on the 3rd day of not hearing from him). Finally, after 5 days, he emails to say he is fine, just decided to go on a side-trip. When he gets back, he accuses me of not trusting him. I told him I did, was just concerned for his well-being. He then informs me he must go back to this country for a month on another trip. He left for the second trip about 5 weeks later. During this 5 weeks at home, he was completely distant, would push me and the kids away if we tried to hug him, yelled at everyone constantly over little things (one night one of our children used a wrong verb tense in a sentence and he slammed the table with his hand and told our son he would never amount to anything because he cannot speak well.) After his departure for the second trip, I discovered he had opened a PO box without telling me, right before he left. He said he did it to send some research materials back to the US. He said the materials were "sensitive" in this day and age and since "big brother" is always watching he did not want to send them to the house or the office. So, he sends them to a "big brother" installation instead?!? Then, as I am opening some mail that had piled up - I was taking comprehensive exams for my PhD right before this - I find that he had taken out a prescription for Cialis right before he left. The prescription was not found anywhere in the house. I emailed him then, accusing him of an affair. He said that the Cialis prescription was for us when he got back, he had been under incredible stress at work and that is why nothing had happened between us in a long time. He wanted to "surprise me." He said that he had not actually filled the prescription before he left, which turned out to be a lie. At this point, I told him that if he was having an affair, he should come clean with me and I would be willing to work though it. He denied having an affair and again accused me of not trusting him. Then, the next week, he edits his Facebook page to say that we were no longer together. Our son sees this when he logs into his Facebook page. I asked our son if it could be a mistake. He says no and shows me the entire process one must go through to change a part of the profile. Our son sends him a pretty nasty email about it. He replies that the "internet and facebook don't work the same in other countries" and tried to say it was all a mistake. When he gets home, he is angry and hostile all the time, especially when I try to ask him about all of this evidence. He will not understand how I came to these conclusions and refuses to have a rational conversation with me about it. A bit later, I find a text message on his phone from a woman that says "call me ok baby." I asked him about it and he says that she was a former student who was very flirtatious. He says that she is no longer around, as she went on to a different university for graduate work. The very next day, I find out from another professor that she went onto to the same university where he went to do his research!! I then find a bunch more texts from her: Call me - I love you. I am running late - stay online. Can you call me on Skype Credit? And several more on a similar theme. My son also looks at his internet history and finds that his entire history for the past 7 days has been nothing but internet porn, including several visits to Adult Friend Finder. I check the credit card statements and find he had been buying Skype Credit. (There is also a charge of nearly 100 dollars to an online clothing store for women, specializing in lingerie.) When confronted with this, he accuses me and our son of spying and not trusting him (calling our son "a filthy rat" and a "bad person") and says he is leaving. A week later, he goes back to the university where she is. 3 weeks later, he comes back and says he wants to work everything out (but does not admit to an affair). This was about 3 weeks ago. This past Tuesday, out of the blue, he accuses me of turning the kids against him. Our daughter had been acting normal the entire time since he came back, but our son was a bit standoffish (which I think is probably pretty normal, considering what his father said to him). He leaves. 3 days later he calls and says that he cannot stay in the marriage anymore. He comes over to talk to our son and tells him that it is all his fault (our son's) that the marriage is ending. Would anyone believe this story that he is selling - that she is just obsessed with him and there is nothing going on? And does anyone know of a way to get the actual message that was in the texts he sent to her? Link to comment
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