annie24 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 i'm sorry about your NYE, that really sucks. i agree with the other poster, take care of yourself. go for a nice walk or something that gets you out and about. go rent a funny movie. call up some other friends you haven't heard from in a while. you deserve the best. Link to comment
maddylou. Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 mk.. so my personal opinion is that the letter didnt mean he HAS changed in 2.5 months.. but that he wants to. the short time frame was a long one for him to sit and think about what a douche he was to you. and it has made him realize that he WANTS to change. meaning.. it would start taking place and continue thru the future. (: that is beautiful. in the end its your decision but i must say that is RARE. also, im extremely jealous of your willpower. ): i need to wake up and do the same damn thing!!! Link to comment
Tamoko Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Make a list of pros and cons. Compare lists. Link to comment
gee Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Hi mari, Sorry, to hear you are down, but you will get over this obstacle. Don't you worry. We are already in January. What happened to the NC he spoke to you about? I don't get his behavior. You seem to be in limbo land. I hope 2009 brings you lots of blessings! You deserve it. You have a beautiful heart. gee Link to comment
mariposa81 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 Thanks so much for the wonderful words of encouragement everyone. Even though I often feel like I'm lacking a friend support system in my physical day to day life, I feel so blessed and fortunate to have you all here on enotalone and I wouldn't trade it for the world I did take that time for myself like you all suggested, watch a movie, drank wine and just tried to do things that I enjoy (after wallowing for a while of course ;-) ). Gee--As far as his behavior after he said we would do NC, I feel the same way. I don't really get his attempts to contact me either after he said he wouldn't. I'm assuming he's returned back from LA and the NC has officially begun as I haven't heard from him. We'll see.... Thank you all again...I wouldn't know what I would do without you all! ~Mari Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 mari - why not think about YOU? and what YOU want?!?? look, we're not going to get 110% of what we want in a man. we're not going to meet a man who is handsome as a GQ model, as good a chef as martha stewart, as talented a dancer as mikhail barishnikov, but still..... you deserve someone who makes you feel happy and secure and loved. does your guy make you feel that way? Link to comment
mariposa81 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 mari - why not think about YOU? and what YOU want?!?? look, we're not going to get 110% of what we want in a man. we're not going to meet a man who is handsome as a GQ model, as good a chef as martha stewart, as talented a dancer as mikhail barishnikov, but still..... you deserve someone who makes you feel happy and secure and loved. does your guy make you feel that way? That's true Annie24. I really do need to think about what I really want. I'm tired of hoping that he'll be the one who makes me feel that way after waiting all this time for what he decides. He has made me feel that way at times, but not consistently, and it has changed even as fast as from one hour to the next. I guess I've been so consumed with this whole situation (until I recently just got so mentally exhausted with the whole thing) that I haven't really even thought much about what really makes me happy. Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 That's true Annie24. I really do need to think about what I really want. I'm tired of hoping that he'll be the one who makes me feel that way after waiting all this time for what he decides. He has made me feel that way at times, but not consistently, and it has changed even as fast as from one hour to the next. I guess I've been so consumed with this whole situation (until I recently just got so mentally exhausted with the whole thing) that I haven't really even thought much about what really makes me happy. You can start by ending your posts with a instead of a HUGS and know you're loved here! Link to comment
mariposa81 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 So he just called me. I didn't answer. He left a message that said, "Hey, it's me. I'm still at school. Call me back when you get this. I thought maybe we could talk for a little bit. Okay. Bye." What the hell is he doing??? I can't just not call back, so I'm going to return his call in a minute, hopefully not before I get a little feedback. Did he NOT ask me for time apart until the end of this month?? Shouldn't he just follow through and leave me alone until then?? Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Maybe call him and ask him just that. Enough games. Link to comment
mariposa81 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 Maybe call him and ask him just that. Enough games. My thoughts EXACTLY. I think that's just what I'll do. Link to comment
gee Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 So he just called me. I didn't answer. He left a message that said, "Hey, it's me. I'm still at school. Call me back when you get this. I thought maybe we could talk for a little bit. Okay. Bye." What the hell is he doing??? I can't just not call back, so I'm going to return his call in a minute, hopefully not before I get a little feedback. Did he NOT ask me for time apart until the end of this month?? Shouldn't he just follow through and leave me alone until then?? wow. Mari, your ex or whatever you want to call him is so indecisive on what he should do. Good thing you didn't pick up. We are almost into the 1st week of Jan. and whatever happened to going "NC?" He's all over the map. GHG, said, enough games! He is absolutely right! Good luck. gee Link to comment
mariposa81 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 I called him back. He was talking to me as if nothing was going on, making small talk about what I've been doing, my New Year, etc. I must say, it was pretty awkward for me and I think maybe he could tell. I talked to him about the fact that I'm sure he passed his boards, etc. I also asked how his meeting went about the job in California. He said that his brother wasn't back from a trip yet so they're having a phone conference sometime this week. After our awkward conversation, he says, "okay then. Well I guess I'll talk to you later." We both said bye, but then I called him back. I said, "So I shouldn't expect to hear from you until the end of January, right?" He said, "..........who said that?" I said thought to myself, what the ??? YOU DID!!!!! I said, "You did....remember?" He said, "I guess.....why?" I said, "Because you wanted to get things straightened out, etc. It's very confusing for me when you say you want to not talk and then you call me. I just wanted to know that I shouldn't expect to hear from you until then." He said, "Maybe sooner." I said, "Why sooner..are you waiting for something?" He said, "I'm just running errands, getting things straightened out. you know, taking care of sh*t." I said, "Well, okay. I guess I'll talk to you in a few weeks then. Bye." He said, "Okay. Bye." I just don't get him sometimes, especially these last couple of months. I can't figure him out. Arghhhh! Link to comment
diamond78 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Okay seriously.....Is he for real??? This guy is completely maddening!! No wonder why you can't settle into this relationship and are in a constant state of confusion....its because his behaviors are not consistent at all. It seems as though until he makes a decision about his life and where he wants to be that you two will remain in this forever-limbo stage. Unfortunately, that's not good for your sanity nor is it good in order to keep a relationship alive and healthy. If you two don't come together and make some concrete decisions, resentment is going to start to build between the both of you and there's going to be a total breakdown. Right now, you are on a continuous see-saw ride and it's time to get off! Link to comment
mariposa81 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 Unreal huh??!? It completely boggles my mind. He didn't even REMEMBER saying that he wanted to go NC until the end of January! I don't want to hear from him PERIOD until he's made a concrete decision about EVERYTHING. I refuse to do this anymore like this and will not allow him to play tug-of-war with my feelings. This is just crazy to me... Link to comment
Sparkie Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Mari, You are worth so much more than this. He is acting like a knob now. Taking you for granted and not really taking your feelings into account at all. Make a stand is what I'd do. He made the rules. He decided how it was going to be. Live by that. If he contacts you again, I'd ignore it til the end of the month (or forever!). I'd almost be tempted to call him and tell him more forth rightly not to contact you again because he's being out of order. Whats the worst that would happen. You'd never hear from him again. I'm beginning to think 'Big deal!' Link to comment
mariposa81 Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 He called AGAIN when I was talking to my mom on the phone. When I saw his name on the caller i.d. I was like, "IS THIS GUY FOR REAL??????????" I answered and he asked me: "Do you want to get together and watch a movie tonight?" I actually started laughing out loud on the phone! I said, "what are you doing??? REALLY?" I then proceeded to talk to him about the fact that he's playing around with my feelings and he's been so confused about everything, that he had asked for time etc. That I had gotten my mind around that the last time we spoke and now he's asking to meet as if that conversation never took place. That when i thought we were making progress, he'd still say "things were rocky etc." He said, "Can't we just talk about it in person before watching the movie?" I told him that, no, if that conversation isn't going anywhere and he's still going to be confused, then no, I don't want to meet to discuss anything. That I had gotten my mind around not talking for a month and him calling me and wanting to get together is really confusing the heck out of me. That he needs to tell me right here, right now, what's going on with him. That unless he's certain of one thing or the other, that I don't want to see or talk to him. He was trying to convince me to talk in person, but I refused. He said he'd go to his car and talk to me (he was in the video store...he actually thought that based on past behavior I would just give in and say yes without question!). He just sat there when he got in the car for about 5 minutes and didn't say anything! I kept having to ask "are you still there?" He would say "yes" and then be silent again. He then asked after about another 2 minutes if he could call me back after he collected his thoughts. That's what I'm waiting on now. I'm starting to think he's lost his marbles. We'll see what he says, because him thinking that things are just going to revert back to normal like nothing has been happening over the holidays is insane....... Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 WOW! Good for you Mari! Enough is enough. or get off the pot! Link to comment
mariposa81 Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 He hasn't called yet. He just sent a text that said, "Talking to my parents. Will call you in a little. Sorry." He'd better not just show up at my house. I'm SERIOUSLY not playing this "game" anymore. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Yes, he seriously needs to put up or shut up!!! Good job on sticking to your guns about this....This has gone on for far too long with absolutely no progression....And he's sitting there acting like he doesn't know that he told you to go NC for a month. Give me a break! I didn't even realize he had gotten back from his trip....Sounds like he got bored and wanted some company. Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Oooooooooooo..........the 'pissed off' Mari. I like.......... Link to comment
mariposa81 Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 Yes, he seriously needs to put up or shut up!!! Good job on sticking to your guns about this....This has gone on for far too long with absolutely no progression....And he's sitting there acting like he doesn't know that he told you to go NC for a month. Give me a break! I didn't even realize he had gotten back from his trip....Sounds like he got bored and wanted some company. Yeah, he got back from his trip really late late last night. I actually had thought he had came back Sunday night. He called me when he was still at school, but he had said he was going to get a passport photo made and run errands, etc. I couldn't agree with you more though...I don't want to assume, but I bet he was bored and wanted to hang out too out of boredom. Oooooooooooo..........the 'pissed off' Mari. I like.......... LoL! Link to comment
mariposa81 Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 He still hasn't called back and it's been just over an hour now. So much for "a couple of minutes to get his thoughts together"..... I'm not waiting anymore. Screw it. If he doesn't call before I go to sleep, he won't talk to me until January 31st no matter how many times he contacts me. Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 He still hasn't called back and it's been just over an hour now. So much for "a couple of minutes to get his thoughts together"..... I'm not waiting anymore. Screw it. If he doesn't call before I go to sleep, he won't talk to me until January 31st no matter how many times he contacts me. Calm down Mari. Make some tea, read, etc. Remember how it helped the other night? Link to comment
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