She isn't saying "I love you" as much in messages

[i miss her 2]

My gf of almost 3 years has this weird thing about her lately where she cannot say "I love you" in messages she sends me. I mean, she does it sometimes, but lately it seems like she just doesn't say it. Is this something I should be concerned about? I actually brought it up to her on the phone like last week and she was like, "oh well I thought you didnt say it all the time in messages either." This is true, I wasn't always saying it,but that is because she wasn't either! She always says it on the phone or in person atleast once a day...but usually when she say's "I love you" to me on the phone she sounds nervous or something.

 

Does she not really love me or what? We are about to move in together and yes, we already signed a year long lease. This makes me second guess things.

 

Let me also add that almost a year ago we broke up because of MYSPACE. She met some other guy. Now I admit that I screwed up and we were technically already broken up before she even met him and I probably drove her farther to this guy butshe did come back to me because she realized I was the one and we have been together ever since. We got back together in October. So it was just a two month split. She deleted her myspace after that as I did mine. However, I have just opened up a music account on myspace and I randomly got a request from her explaining that she reopened an account strictly to network with photographers and show off her photos because I guess the model site she goes through only lets you show off 20 pics without havint to pay extra $. She say's the page is strictly for networking. It just irritates me for some reason. Am I being irrational here or what? What should I do?

[george237]

I don't like to say that a hundred times a day because it looses meaning. I wouldn't read to much into. Think your freaking out.

[tranquil]

In my opinion, she has that right since you re-opened a myspace account for your music, and she's using hers for modeling. For you to get angry at her about that would be hypocritical.

 

And about the I love you's, there could be a million different reason's for that. She could just be at the level of comfortability where she doesn't feel the need to tell you that she loves you every time she talks to you, or there could actually be some underlying problem. The only way you're going to find out the real reason is to talk to her and ask about it.

[ghost69]

sounds like you took the 'i love you's for granted. once you notice a change, then they mean something huh? kind of ironic how that works.

 

but if you are noticing definite behavior keep your eyes peeled.

[hmmmbored]

I don't like to say that a hundred times a day because it looses meaning. I wouldn't read to much into. Think your freaking out.

 

i agree. i wouldnt worry about it.

[theartofruin]

Not being irrational mate. I've had the girlfriend not say I love you as much before and it was always just before the end. And whenever I've stopped saying it as much to a girlfriend it is because I'm having second thoughts/feelings fading etc. There IS a reason she is acting this way.

 

As for the myspace thing -- you haven't said clearly what the deal is. You broke up because of another guy, but it happened when you were already broken up??

 

All sounds a bit dodgy to me

[i miss her 2]

sounds like you took the 'i love you's for granted. once you notice a change, then they mean something huh? kind of ironic how that works.

 

but if you are noticing definite behavior keep your eyes peeled.

 

I don't see how I took her for granted if I was telling her I loved her too.

[ghost69]

but once the frequency in the 'i love you's changes you have to question them.

[JadedStar]

This might not be a sign of anything but anytime a partner changes behavior suddenly it could be cause for concern, especially if she has a history of issues and meeting up with the guy on myspace surely qualifies. Not only that she opens an account again after saying she wouldn't. When someone does something like this the onus is on them to rebuild trust and her opening another account surely isn't doing that, is it? I'd be more concerned about that behavior than the lack of I love you's in email.

[jettison]

Don't let your fears become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Just because she didn't concede a few "I love you's", you're telling us that you're rethinking things now. So, as you're filled with anxiety and stress over something this minor, you're going to "keep your eyes open" for any other sign/clue that you two are on the outs.

 

In relationships, if you look hard enough for something then you're sure to find exactly what it is that you're looking for. How do you imagine your new "I don't trust her" stance is going to affect your relationship? Positively? Negatively? In your head, will this newfound mistrust help or hinder?

 

Also remember that there is a set amount of worry and fear in every relationship, and that anxiety is shared by both partners. Think of it like a jar of sand if you will. If you're worried about her leaving/cheating/not loving you, etc. enough, then you're monopolizing the worry in the relationship. The more you freak out, the less she will have to. So, if you keep along this path, take 90% of that worry jar, then her worry levels will be at about 10%, consistently.

 

It's not intuitive, but you'll think to yourself, "What the hell?! Does she even care about me anymore? I'm sitting here freaking out, and she's doing nothing!" And the more you worry, the less she will. If you ever get to the point where you've got 100% of that worry jar then that will spell the end of that.

 

Just for kicks, go wiki "The Passion Paradox" and see if it doesn't lend you some insight.

[JadedStar]

^^I would agree with yiou Jetti but the part where she met someone on myspace that really rattled their relatinoship and her creating an account when she said she wouldn't is probably the real cause for his concern and heartburn. You can't rebuild trust by doing the things you promised not to do when you were in the process of trust rebuilding.

[bijoux27]

Go with your gut feeling. If you feel like there may be something wrong, there might be. Like another poster has said, sometimes our partners start to change their behaviour towards us before the end. It's like they're getting ready to leave. Just keep your eyes open and communicate with her, she's innocent til proven guilty.

[jettison]

^^I would agree with yiou Jetti but the part where she met someone on myspace that really rattled their relatinoship and her creating an account when she said she wouldn't is probably the real cause for his concern and heartburn. You can't rebuild trust by doing the things you promised not to do when you were in the process of trust rebuilding.

 

Anytime I read the word "MySpace" I completely throw it out of any relationship conflict/equation when I'm reading a post. It's akin to "she was super hormonal, crazy, and off balance all day, and then she just blurts out, "I hate you and I always will!". MySpace = hormones. Neither are indicative of any kind of actual reality. ;-)

[CallingAllAngels]

I wouldn't want to date anyone that had a Myspace account.

 

They are nothing but trouble.

[jengh]

I wouldn't want to date anyone that had a Myspace account.

 

They are nothing but trouble.

 

Eh, boyfriend and I both have one and it's never caused any issues, but we're both pretty secure despite the 2500mile distance.

[CallingAllAngels]

Eh, boyfriend and I both have one and it's never caused any issues, but we're both pretty secure despite the 2500mile distance.

 

You're probably an exception to the rule Jenny - I hear a lot of crap about myspace...glad it works for you guys though!

[jettison]

Eh, boyfriend and I both have one and it's never caused any issues, but we're both pretty secure despite the 2500mile distance.

 

MySpace is pretty age-centric.

[jengh]

MySpace is pretty age-centric.

 

that is true, though I'm finding a lot of my friends' parents with myspace accounts! That weirds me out a bit...

[JadedStar]

Anytime I read the word "MySpace" I completely throw it out of any relationship conflict/equation when I'm reading a post. It's akin to "she was super hormonal, crazy, and off balance all day, and then she just blurts out, "I hate you and I always will!". MySpace = hormones. Neither are indicative of any kind of actual reality. ;-)

 

Yea but it is a key relationship killer. Meeting someone on myspace and wrecking your relatinoship over it - that is a hard thing to really ignore in these messages.

 

Now if it were just a matter of i am upset that my SO's mood on myspace says XYZ or things like that I agree. It's so petty> But this girl broke his trust with some suspicious behavior with someone on myspace.

 

This doens't mean everyone with a myspace account is going to wreck their relationship. I am sure there are many people who are not using it for "hook ups".

 

But in the case of the OP myspace is indicicative of reality because of the breach of trust she caused by her interactions with a person she met there. That cannot be ignored by the OP.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This might not be a sign of anything but anytime a partner changes behavior suddenly it could be cause for concern, especially if she has a history of issues and meeting up with the guy on myspace surely qualifies. Not only that she opens an account again after saying she wouldn't. When someone does something like this the onus is on them to rebuild trust and her opening another account surely isn't doing that, is it? I'd be more concerned about that behavior than the lack of I love you's in email.

 

 

I totally agree with this. I would suggest you see if anything else changes in her behaviour.

[jettison]

You see Jaded, I was just about to read what was sure to be a thoughtful, well layed out response to my post, then I read "myspace" and had to stop reading. ;-)

 

 

Yea but it is a key relationship killer. Meeting someone on myspace and wrecking your relatinoship over it - that is a hard thing to really ignore in these messages.

 

Now if it were just a matter of i am upset that my SO's mood on myspace says XYZ or things like that I agree. It's so petty> But this girl broke his trust with some suspicious behavior with someone on myspace.

 

This doens't mean everyone with a myspace account is going to wreck their relationship. I am sure there are many people who are not using it for "hook ups".

 

But in the case of the OP myspace is indicicative of reality because of the breach of trust she caused by her interactions with a person she met there. That cannot be ignored by the OP.

[theartofruin]

I wouldn't want to date anyone that had a Myspace account.

 

Myspace or facebook, I wouldn't date anyone who said they DIDN'T have one because I'd know they were lying.

[JadedStar]

Myspace or facebook, I wouldn't date anyone who said they DIDN'T have one because I'd know they were lying.

 

Hmm, you might limit yourself. I don't have one and I know i am not lying, so i am sure you will meet people like me who really dont have either.

[jettison]

I totally agree with this. I would suggest you see if anything else changes in her behaviour.

 

Ok, definitely don't listen to Jaded or CAD. As is obvious from their post rankings, they know very little about handing out good advice.

 

To add to their sentiments though, I would say that it's fine to "keep an eye open" as long as that's all you're doing. Once you let a sharp eye morph into a fixation then you're no longer part of a solution, but part of the problem. Sudden changes in behavior are "red flags", sure, but there are too many people out there who have "learned their lessons" from past relationships to the point where any little comment, look, or action makes the color of any old flag appear red. Sometimes, that flag is really just pink. Don't overdo it.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Ok, definitely don't listen to Jaded or CAD. As is obvious from their post rankings, they know very little about handing out good advice.

 

To add to their sentiments though, I would say that it's fine to "keep an eye open" as long as that's all you're doing. Once you let a sharp eye morph into a fixation then you're no longer part of a solution, but part of the problem. Sudden changes in behavior are "red flags", sure, but there are too many people out there who have "learned their lessons" from past relationships to the point where any little comment, look, or action makes the color of any old flag appear red. Sometimes, that flag is really just pink. Don't overdo it.

 

Very true. You definitely have to make sure that you are seeing things as they really are, not out of fear...in other words, keep a level head.