I want to cheat on my husband

[gomango]

My sympathies to OP. I dated someone for five years before marrying her. We had sex about once a week (I prefer 2-3 times a week). After we married she became pregnant several months later and we had a son a year after we were married. Then the sex fell off drastically. After about a year of once every 6-8 weeks I started trying to have discussions about her lack of interest in sex. She said she talked to her friends and their sex lives was the same frequency as ours. Since she is a social worker I tried reasoning that I'm sure Sexual dysfunctions can cause marital problems. She said she never had a couples who came to her with this issue. Sadly I came to realize that sex was a chore to her. Straight missionary only once every two months or so regardless of my feelings. I'm not a cretin, I'm a hopeless romantic, took her out to nice dinners, bought flowers, cleaned the house more than she did, cooked more meals than she did etc. The final straw was when she avoided kissing me so as not to arrouse me ( I guess) and told me to masturbate to satisfy my urges. After a while I had this seething anger and hatred build up for her. I gave up and moved on after 5 years of marriage. I didn't hound her for sex every day but did try to reason with her and tell her my needs. At least your husband is caring and affectionate and is trying to meet your needs. What drove me to leave was not so much the lack of sex but more the lack of sensitivity on her part for my feelings.

[FeelingNumb]

I've been married to my wife for 12 years we've been together for 20 total... I',m tellin gyou right now your feelings are normal... BUT DO NOT DO IT YOU WILL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. IT WILL CAUSE HURT AND PAIN THAT YOU WILL NEVE BE ABLE TO TAKE BACK... YOU CANNOT SERIOUSLY SAY THAT YOU LOVE HIM AND THAT HE IS A GREAT HUSBAND AND STILL WANT TO DO THIS... HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF THE TABLES WERE TURNED??? You sound like a great wife and mother PLease honey don't do this to him, your child or yourself!!!!

[FeelingNumb]

My wife has been having and emotional affair with a high school boyfriend, her first one, from more than 20 years ago. They've talked on the phone for hours sometimes 4 or 5 hours at a time. I work out of state three to four days a week to support my family. She told me a month ago that she is not happy and does not want to be with me.. I found our home and her cell records show this has been going on since mid july. he lives on the East coast we live in the mid-west. She is in Vegas right now, her first time ever, for four days with a girlfriend from high school she's not see in over 20 years. She'd called last night and said she went to a club dancing until 4AM A club called Tryst. A club on the Wynn website for lovers. I have lost close to 30 lbs in less than a month.. I cannot sleep eat or function at work... I am scared to loose the family I've worked so hard for... I'm scared and have contemplated suicide... I've housed feeling of guilt that cause me physical pain.. I woke up at 3:30 AM this morning dreaming of her making love to him in Vegas. If you'd like your husband to have pain like this, If you have no problem with losing all you have now, If you can live with yourself after doing it then I suppose there is no reason why you shouldn't sleep with another man... DON"T DO IT!!!!!!

[jumper71]

To OP

"I thought for a while that he wasn't attracted to me because I'm moderately overweight."

 

Focus on losing the weight. It will take your mind off of things and in the process make you more attractive to your man. He may have libido issues, but myself and several guys I know and have known lose sexual interest in their women once they get fat. Sorry girls, it is rude and unfair, but it is the nature of the beast.

 

 

FeelingNumb - I am sorry for your distress. I think you need to confront her and get this over with. If she is having an affair then you need to bring it out into the open before it tears you apart. As someone who has survived an affair, life does continue on, you need to find your own self worth. See a good therapist.

[ChangeMyMind]

Hi all - I figured I'd write an update. Not that any of you have been sitting awake at night wondering about me but I just realized I had some messages in my inbox from some of you asking for updates.

 

It's been an unbelievable couple of months. Shortly after I posted this message, I told my husband that I thought it was time to retry counseling. He agreed, so we went a few times and it was going really well. Then...

 

Hurricane Gustav blew 4 of our friends and 2 of their kids to our house, and they stayed for almost 2 weeks before they were allowed back home.

 

While they were here, I discovered that I was pregnant, which for me (loooong story) means no sex during the first trimester. The counselor laughed and said that was fine, and most of her assignments required abstinence anyway.

 

My pregnancy wasn't going smoothly, and in the beginning of October I found out that my baby had passed away. I'm still trying to get past the depression stage of my grief.

 

Our counselor had a baby and is out on maternity leave, so we won't see her again until January.

 

We went on a vacation for my high school reunion and Thanksgiving.

 

Christmas is insanity, and I've been sick for the past month, which is NOT helping.

 

I have, for the most part, stopped talking to David, although he is one of my closest friends. I realize that entertaining these extra-marital fantasies is not good for my marriage, and not good for my soul.

 

I have not cheated and will not cheat on my husband. Now that I look back on the date of this post, I realize that I was ovulating, which kicks my hormones into HIGH gear. These are generally the times I have these thoughts and get especially touchy about the subject, and start thinking about other men and getting whiny about the lack of sex, etc. Not that I'm okay with it the rest of the month, but there are times where it's easier to handle than others.

 

My husband remains my best friend - his compassion and understanding and love over the past several months have reaffirmed this - and I have every confidence that we will be together the rest of our lives. The sex "thing" is our only major issue. The second biggest thing we argue about is the fact that he never remembers to bring the trash cans in off the street

 

I thank all of you for your support and help and understanding. I think I remembered to give you all "helpful post" points!

[ChangeMyMind]

To OP

He may have libido issues, but myself and several guys I know and have known lose sexual interest in their women once they get fat.

 

Nice. I'm thinner than I was when we started dating. What's true for you and several guys you know is not necessarily representative of a larger cross-section of the male population.

[melrich]

I think you have made some really smart decisions and you seem in a better place though I am really sorry to hear about your lost pregnancy. hope you have a great Xmas.

[allypally]

Maybe the fact that your husband has the role of 'carer' for your son has put a dampner on his libido?

 

When people's energies are so focused on helping others (he has no choice in this case, its his son), then he likely has very little energy left for love making.

[lady00]

I am so sorry to hear about your baby Hang in there.

 

As far as the issues that you posted about in your original post, it sounds like you have made some very good choices and that it has strengthened your marriage. I'm really glad for you and your hubby.

[ChangeMyMind]

melrich and lady00, thank you. I'm feeling very positive about everything.

 

allypally, I'm not sure what you mean. Although I am a stay-at-home mom, my husband and I have fairly evenly distributed the care for our son. I take care of him during the day and get up with him at night if he needs it (which is rare) and my husband gives him his bath every night and puts him to bed. He will take care of him if I go out with friends or have errands to run, but that duty is pretty evenly split as well - he has his nights out too. I guess I don't understand what you mean.