have you ever been rejected by someone you'd only settle for?

[annie24]

Its not that I technically thought I was better...its that I thought that by normal standards, I'd be much higher on that totem pole and so losing me would be too much of a risk since I was lowering my standards for him and he was getting higher than he could normally.

 

I didn't think I was better except by normal measuring standards that have to do with wealth, looks, etc

 

ok fine, let's say as an extreme example...... a blue collar worker, likes NASCAR, makes $20,000 a year, watches ESPN, starts dating a gorgeous young woman from one of the most prominent families in the country. she's rich, beautiful, and likes to watch polo matches, go shopping for designer clothing, and going to the opera.

 

let's say he breaks up with her because he finds that they just don't have a lot in common - they like different hobbies, they are just different. and it's true! what, is he not allowed to break up with her just because she is better looking and richer than he is?

 

relationships are about compatibility, and if it's not there, it's not there.

[JadedStar]

Okay Mom and Da- I mean, ENA people, thanks for the great advice. I got what I needed, you made your point.

 

You're welcome.

[SupaflyTNT]

Its not that I technically thought I was better...its that I thought that by normal standards, I'd be much higher on that totem pole and so losing me would be too much of a risk since I was lowering my standards for him and he was getting higher than he could normally.

 

I didn't think I was better except by normal measuring standards that have to do with wealth, looks, etc

 

I think the problem with this is that attraction is relative for most people and even if you thought that by most standards he should have wanted you, maybe he doesn't base his attraction on the same standards as most other people.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Okay Mom and Da- I mean, ENA people, thanks for the great advice. I got what I needed, you made your point.

 

And, if you do consider yourself better than him in any way, what do you care if he walks away?

 

Use that confidence you had going into this relationship in order to gracefully exit. And, for god's sake, don't settle if you feel that you are. Only go for guys you like and who treat you properly. It isn't fair to either of you if you don't.

[Caterina]

ok fine, let's say as an extreme example...... a blue collar worker, likes NASCAR, makes $20,000 a year, watches ESPN, starts dating a gorgeous young woman from one of the most prominent families in the country. she's rich, beautiful, and likes to watch polo matches, go shopping for designer clothing, and going to the opera.

 

let's say he breaks up with her because he finds that they just don't have a lot in common - they like different hobbies, they are just different. and it's true! what, is he not allowed to break up with her just because she is better looking and richer than he is?

 

relationships are about compatibility, and if it's not there, it's not there.

 

 

It makes more sense, except that he dragged me into a mind game situation where he managed to set up a situation where I chased him and then he rejected me. What is it about me that I actually fell for it? I mean, he constructed the elements, and I played into them.

[JadedStar]

It makes more sense, except that he dragged me into a mind game situation where he managed to set up a situation where I chased him and then he rejected me. What is it about me that I actually fell for it? I mean, he constructed the elements, and I played into them.

 

YOu fell for it because your mindset was that he wuold be grateful that you paid attention to him and he caught you offguard. He wasn't as grateful as you thought.

 

I have seen similar posts by other women on this forum on this same topic.

[Cognitive_Canine]

It makes more sense, except that he dragged me into a mind game situation where he managed to set up a situation where I chased him and then he rejected me. What is it about me that I actually fell for it? I mean, he constructed the elements, and I played into them.

 

anyone can have dellusions of grandeur.

[Caterina]

YOu fell for it because your mindset was that he wuold be grateful that you paid attention to him and he caught you offguard. He wasn't as grateful as you thought.

 

I have seen similar posts by other women on this forum on this same topic.

 

 

Actually, this might have some merit to it.... maybe you're right on that.

 

Actual rule: don't make assumptions unless the evidence is more than 95% strong, lol

[annie24]

i'd say that the moral is not to chase a guy, or be tricked into chasing a guy that you're not really into. i'm not really a fan of chasing guys anyways. but especially if you aren't all that excited about him.

[Caterina]

i'd say that the moral is not to chase a guy, or be tricked into chasing a guy that you're not really into. i'm not really a fan of chasing guys anyways. but especially if you aren't all that excited about him.

 

 

Good point. LoL, one day I'll learn all the lessons and stopping making the mistakes...

[kuhl282000]

Hummmmmmm .......something to ponder for sure.

 

I think nerds should have their own planet

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Its not that I technically thought I was better...its that I thought that by normal standards, I'd be much higher on that totem pole and so losing me would be too much of a risk since I was lowering my standards for him and he was getting higher than he could normally.

 

I didn't think I was better except by normal measuring standards that have to do with wealth, looks, etc

 

 

It is interesting that your avatar is Colin Firth who had starred in a production of Pride and Prejudice. He played Mr. Darcy whose first proposal to Elizabeth Bennett was made in an insulting way because he clearly told her that he struggled with it knowing that her and her family are inferior to his. After rambling on and on about how her family was inferior and how he was lowering himself by proposing to her, he was absolutely shocked that she would refuse his offer of marriage. He thought she should be grateful and appreciate his sacrifice.

[Cognitive_Canine]

It is interesting that your avatar is Colin Firth who had starred in a production of Pride and Prejudice. He played Mr. Darcy whose first proposal to Elizabeth Bennett was made in an insulting way because he clearly told her that he struggled with it knowing that her and her family are inferior to his. After rambling on and on about how her family was inferior and how he was lowering himself by proposing to her, he was absolutely shocked that she would refuse his offer of marriage. He thought she should be grateful and appreciate his sacrifice.

 

lol, good call. I didn't even notice but I do remember both the book and the movie.

[JadedStar]

hummmmmmm .......something to ponder for sure.

 

I think nerds should have their own planet

 

i love nerds! Lol

[Cognitive_Canine]

i love nerds! Lol

 

me too! I wish more guys had that geeky adorableness about them. All of my serious boyfriends were band geeks. But, I was too. So, it sort of makes sense. haha.

[DaBladeRoden]

I'm geekily adorable, I have references. I'm just not book geekily adorable

[Brightest Dark]

In reply to the original question - yes, I think I have, once. Basically, there was a guy that I knew of through a friend. I was always chatty to his friend and never noticed HIM (although we said hi on occasion). I knew of him for a long time before I eventually found out a bit more about him and suddenly became attracted to him (I found out he was single & shy). Then I tried to reach out and become friendlier to him. One time after that I sent him a message online telling him I was gonna be in his city and how about we meet up. He ignored me.

 

I will say that I kind of saw myself 'settling for him' because to me he wasn't as attractive as some other guys. When I see him I don't think 'wow, he's gorgeous'. I became more attracted to his personality. I didn't and don't think of him on a lesser level than me - I just hadn't been physically attracted to him, until I actually heard he was single and shy - and then after finding out that it made me think 'hmmm!' - and that's when my attraction for him grew. He's not bad looking but he wasn't the type of guy I usually go for. Plus he gave me the best hug I've ever had when we met one time. But anyway, he decided to ignore my 'shall we meet up?' emails - and I ended up giving up trying. I WOULD have 'settled for' him rather than a guy who blew my mind away with his looks - but he didn't show me any interest. He's still single... and I'm still single. LOL.

[Caterina]

THAT sounds just like my situation.

[Caterina]

It is interesting that your avatar is Colin Firth who had starred in a production of Pride and Prejudice. He played Mr. Darcy whose first proposal to Elizabeth Bennett was made in an insulting way because he clearly told her that he struggled with it knowing that her and her family are inferior to his. After rambling on and on about how her family was inferior and how he was lowering himself by proposing to her, he was absolutely shocked that she would refuse his offer of marriage. He thought she should be grateful and appreciate his sacrifice.

 

 

Gee, thats just what I was thinking when I put up that avatar of this hot actor.

[flyingSolo]

Yup, not too long ago. Talk about an ego crusher. Ugh.

[somethngwrng]

I don't know what you mean about "got humbled". ALl I ever do is get rejected by people I fall for. Now I even get rejected by nerds. If you mean "by humbled" that I've had my face ground into the dirt, then yeah, I have -- but I don't see how its a good thing.

I hear you.

 

I asked out a girl who I have extremely lukewarm interest in... and on no uncertain terms, I got a firm no. This girl has been single for the past 4 years and always complains about it. She has from time to time called me one of her best friends, even though I don't pay much attention to her. She's pretty, but she's such a dork I can't stand talking to her. Asking her out was pretty much a desperation move. I'm glad she said no, now, anyway.

[ghost69]

why don't you call when you AREN'T bored?

[Scorpion Fury]

maybe they sensed that you weren't all that into them and they got out of there?

 

agree. And no I have never been rejected by someone I would only settle for, because I will not settle

[My Advice]

It seems like there is something about me: even nerds think that they can play mind games with me!

 

Caterina you invest too much too quickly and have a tendency to pick the worst guys. If somebody starts playing mind games, play the best mind game back you can. Shrug your shoulders and say, okay, and walk away.

 

You come accross as very hubris. Like this guy is lucky for you to just bat an eye lash at him. That isn't attractive.

 

People aren't being mom and pop by suggesting your "wow, this guy who is total crap on the dating pole compared to me just missed his opportunity" is pretentious and degrading.

 

By the way, nerds are in style now.

[anya85]

I know how you feel Caterina. That happened to me too. Maybe I needed humbling too, maybe not. Met this guy on Myspace, we exchanged messages back and forth--he seemed interesting. But I wasn't attracted to him. Call him nerdy, whatever. Stereotypical "nerd" I guess. Tall, very thin, lanky, glasses, acne, played warcraft all day, awkward. I wasn't really into him in the beginning, but I enjoyed talking to him. And I was lonely.

 

We met up, again, I wasn't attracted to him but I liked his personality. He grew on me. I didn't care what he looked like. I liked spending time with him. He was funny. He was awkward with people, seemed a little depressed, but whatever. He acts super interested too--the attention was nice. Again, I was lonely--recently out of bad relationship. Well, he starts distanting himself from me out of nowhere. He dumps me after a month. We get back together a few days later. Then he dumps me again after another month. Talk about a blow to my ego. I was hurt pretty badly. We remain "friends" for several months afterwards, but I didn't get over it until I stopped talking to him. I know it was short, but it still hurt a lot. I was a mess for several months.

 

Good thing though...I met my current interest not long after. This one's perfect!