dreamguy Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Some of you, those who know me or have read my posts, may be wondering where is DG today in his life with regards to his ex ? First of all I have to start by saying that it must have taken me almost a year to fully appreciate and grasp the meaning of all the replies I received on this forum. Going back in time, when I read them all one year ago, I remember thinking to myself: "But how can I let go when I love her so much ? How will I be able to go on without her in my life ? What if she forgets me, starts dating someone else and falls in love with them because I stopped contacting her ?" These are all questions/fears that used to race through my mind. Questions I'm sure most of you must have had at one point or another after a break up. Today I was browsing through my threads, reading what I once wrote and trying to evaluate my feelings to see if they are still the same... if I still have the same outlook on life and on my break-up. It’s been exactly 6 months since I last saw my ex before she traveled. It's been exactly 5 weeks since I last had ANY type of contact with her (I haven't even looked at her picture or talked about her to anyone). That must have been the longest period I have been able to go through without having any contact with her since we first broke up (the 1st time) in Oct. 2006. I don't know if I'll ever contact her again. I don't know if I'll ever hear from her again. Do I miss her ? HELL YES ! There hasn't been a day where I haven't thought about her and/or wondered where she is, what she is doing and if she is seeing someone else. Whenever I am not distracted by work or something else... my thoughts immediately drift and, once again, all the wonderful memories I keep of her, the times she looked me in the eyes to tell me that she loved me (and I believed her), the plans we made together (and I believed in them), the late night calls and even the make-up sex after the fights... it all comes back to me as if it was yesterday. In the past, my initial reaction to this had always been the same: I ended up calling her and telling her how much I missed those times and maybe heard her voice again and let her know I was still in her life in the hope that this might have stopped her from running into another man’s arms. In the past, I have surrendered to my impulses every single time. Today, I look back on the past year and I realize that ALL my attempts to win her back, to make her wildly love me like she used to when we met and to keep her from meeting someone else were useless attempts. Today, I still hate the thought of not having her in my life and/or not being able to hear her voice or her laughter but I also accepted the fact that my life WILL GO ON with or without her in it. It simply has to ! I feel like contacting her every single day but, so far, something has successfully held me back. Is it the acknowledgment that LC doesn’t work ? Is it the desire to regain my self-confidence in the sense that I do not need her to go on ? Is it the curiosity to see how she will react if I disappear for months on end ? All of the above ? I could have posted this in the "breaking up" section but the reason I am posting it here, in the “getting back together” section, is because I want to say to all the broken hearted people who still have hopes of getting an ex back that you need to find yourself again, you need to stand up on your two feet and believe that you can be fine without your ex before you can ever think of having them back in your life. The only way to achieve this is to simply DO IT. You might tell your ex, your friends or yourself that you have the intention of doing it but it won’t have the same effect as just making it happen. We all miss our exes, most of us wish they could get another chance to make things right and a lot of people wait around and waste years of their lives hoping the ex will change their mind and/or realize what they lost. To quote Bruce Lee, the famous martial arts expert “If you love life, don't waste time, for time is what life is made up of !” Ladies and gentlemen, missing them is part of the process, hoping is part of being human but loving yourself enough to move forward is something ONLY YOU can do to yourself. So get OFF your ass, get ON your feet and get OUT there and start living. The best lies ahead... the magic resides in an unknown future, not in a past you already know and cannot change. The charm of life only exists because we do not know what life has in store for us and because we can, with our actions, shape the future into a better one ! One day, when you are standing in the sun, you will look back on this and be happy you had the strength and the will to change your life when you were going through one of the hardest moments a person can go through and the feelings you will experience at that particular time will be one million times worth the efforts you do now ! Link to comment
pace of ace Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Dreamguy Excellent post, was something i needed today. I'm on day 2 of NC. Although i'll admit it isn't strictly nc as i haven't told my ex not to contact me. If she wants to call/text/email to say hi, i feel i am emotionally ok to respond. When i say nc, for me at least, i mean me not contacting her. Getting myself back to a point where i dont itch every day to call her. It's been 5 months since we broke up and this is the first time i've been serious about trying to let go. Naturally i can't help but worry she will start to forget about me or something. I guess this is natural and i shouldn't let it get the better of me. Great post again. Link to comment
dreamguy Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 PoA, you don't need to tell her to stop contacting you. Don't even tell her that you will disappear as those are all words. Just disappear. That's where the power lies... in your actions. Worrying that the ex will forget about us when we go NC must be the #1 reason why most of us keep breaking NC. Believe me, she won't forget about you even if you don't hear from her for a long long time. You might want to read about my previous experience with NC here: Link to comment
a_lifters_life Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Very great post ! As the Nike saying goes : "JUST DO IT" ! Link to comment
pace of ace Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Cheers DG I read your previuos post and it was very touching. I guess it's important to remember that the more you contact your ex the less likely you are of ever getting back what you had. Don't get me wrong, i know the time has come to start healing but i'll never stop hopeing she'll come back. It's just now i don't expect her too the way i was. Thanks again Link to comment
Advice Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 A great post. I have been looking through my old posts and the one thing that surprises me the most is that no matter what the situation is reagarding splitting up, our thought processes all seem to be the same. You do get over them when you think you won't and you will be happy again when you think you won't. I did a summary post of my experience last year Link to comment
WlknCntrdiction Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 A very insightful and helpful post DG. I, like you think about my ex everyday, its been about a week since I last spoke to her after about 2 months of NC, she forgave me for the things I did to her in our relationship and we're now friends, though I've initiated NC again and this time it's alot easier than when I first started it and I have several girls on my tail atm so they're keeping me occupied to say the least lol. My ex is still on the rebound with my friend and has told me a few things about him(all which scream obsessive mind * * * * )but I saw what she was doing and resumed NC with her, I'm not going to be an emotional punchingbag, it'll only make her stay with him longer and I don't want that for her because I still care about her and I want her to be truly happy. Link to comment
dreamguy Posted July 18, 2008 Author Share Posted July 18, 2008 It should become easier for you to maintain NC for another 2 months now that you have already done it in the past. At least that's how I see it. I don't think it's fruitful to remain in touch with an ex who broke up with you and is currently seeing someone else. It might just help them get over you and fall straight into the arms of the other person. Granted, when we first disappear, our exe's are somewhat relieved because the bad memories and the reasons why they broke up with us are still fresh in their minds. But after some time has passed, we all tend to remember the good times and this is when exes start missing us... when we are not around to give them a constant reminder as to why they broke up with us in the first place. Link to comment
gracerules2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 My ex girlfriend broke up with me in January 07. I remained in LC contact with her for a little over a year. Now I've been 4 months in NC. That's the longest for me. I'm starting to see things from a different perspective. Link to comment
dreamguy Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 It's been 6 weeks and 1 day for me since there was any type of contact (from both sides) and I am already starting to see things from a diffferent angle. NC works wonders. You either move on or the ex comes running back. Period. Link to comment
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