a_lifters_life

Ex and I have been legally divorced now for over 2 years. We have almost 5year old son. I have within the past year and a half found an amazing woman, who is now my fiance. I told the ex this news recently and she wants to meet just the ex alone for coffee. Doesnt seem so bad on the surface, meanwhile my ex is continually doing things to attempt to undermine my credibility as a father, even 2 years after divorce. My ex has met my fiance several times, in person, at events for my son (swimming, tball, etc). With that said we generally follow parallel parenting instead of coparenting, as everything is her way or the highway. With that said, what reasons could my ex go so far as to explictly state she just wants to meet my fiance alone and have her #? How would you recommend continuing Thank you.

Hi there, IANAL however I wondered what you told your ex initially when you first began seeing someone (seriously) new ? What things specifically did you tell them? How long were you divorced? I have a 4 year old son I mentioned to my ex prior to my gf and my son meeting that they would be meeting, but this has turned into a litany of questions from my ex - many of which dont deal with my son at all e.g. whats your intentions with (girlfriend) ... have long have you been together what has your experience been?

im saying in the future, not right now or anytime soon. bottom line: mother wont meet my gf for awhile.

i plan to tell his mom in about a week. No she wont be meeting him (right now), but she will know that my son will be meeting her for the first time - which is the right thing to do in a coparent relationship. at a later date, say a school event or something where both my son and my gf are there id introduce to his mother (albeit briefly).

Oh, he will observe her - haha, so much truth. im interested to see how this goes in a few weeks

the plan is to introduce her as a special friend. i can understand your thoughts with someone wanting to literally just observe my kid.

observing how he is. id never ask him to behave differently. id be playing the same way we play at a park now for several years.

yep absolutely. Thanks.

hey boltnrun - it was final ~1.5 years ago. he is doing really well now. his mom is living about a .5 mile away. she used to live 1.5 hours away... which made things substantially harder. he begins pre-k in a few weeks at his local elementary school. I am very certain it is long lasting, otherwise i wouldnt be in it.

Hi there, i am with an amazing woman for ~9 months now. She is going to meet my 4 year old son. I was thinking of having them meet at a local park . She wants to essentially observe for the first meeting. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you approach it? What did you do?

Ive been in this situation, married, to an ungrateful person. I highly recommend run.

My divorce is FINAL as of today - had the meeting with the judge. together: 3 years divorce: took 2y 8 months and 13 days to get over. Many lessons learned, and beginning to apply in my new found life. To those going through it - it will be over soon (but not soon enough!) courts take foreverr. If anyone needs to talk about their situation I am happy to listen and help where I can. As always, thank you ENA - you've been there from the early days when I had a lot of issues with the ex, until now. Thanks -a_lifters_life

Phew, this has been a heck of a rollercoaster ride - almost 2.5 years, but yesterday I was informed by the arbitrator (private judge) in my case that I have been awarded PPR when my almost 3 year old son is of school age. Until then it will be 50/50 - at a distance - his mother moved 1.5h north. I feel so relieved, yet so happy this decision has been made. ENA as always you have always been here for me - since the day I met my ex is 2008 to present day. Thank you

Hows it going everyone? Updating again....we agreed to the majority of the finances, which meant a lot of negotiation on my end - ill be buying her out on house, 2 years of alimony primarily. This constitutes the majority of the financial issues. We begin trial next week, specifically Wed/Thurs through arbitration (and Zoom - oh dear lord). Custody and updated child support, and maybe legal fees are the only remaining issues. We're scheduled for 6 days, over the course of about a month to get through these issues. I cant see how these topics will take that long but we'll see. After then, the arbitrator (private judge) will render a decision within 6 months (but likely much much shorter). If I have a final decree by June 15th I'll be pleased. Thank you all for reading, and ESPECIALLY all of your support since well 2008 on here. There is no place like ENA I know of. -a_lifters_life

Hey all - just updating this again ... still going on. In arbitration track - finally have an arbitration week scheduled by the arbitrator (fancy word for private trial) because the public courts are so backlogged due to covid. Anywho scheduled for the week of Feb 21st 2022 - this will mark just about 2 years since I initially filed .. tons of legal bills/heartache/etc, but i have hope 2022 will bring me a new sense of hope in my life - that i can restart. Ive been going to psychologist for most of the time too, who has been helping just pick apart the weekly situations occurring. My psychologist after knowing me for awhile, and the divorce has said he thinks my ex wife (or hopefully soon to be) has characteristics of NPD - so in new relationships I think I need to have a very high guard. Ive started my own meetup group within the past 5 months - and am constantly doing events (when I dont have the little guy) - have did some talking with women, and have gone on a few dates to get my feet wet again (its been 10/12 years...) . Anywho, to a better year to everyone!

Hi everyone - thanks for the responses. I invited her on a date today - spent some time together - panera bread, walk around - go to barnes/noble, and a shoe store. I learned a bit more about her. I addressed the sex thing at the end of the date - talked in her car for a few mins, she said mostly the same thing as before - she wanted to get to know me more, which is fine. I reiterated Im not the type of person to sleep around at all and i understood her position noting waiting longer would make it that much more enjoyable. For now I'll just focus on dates out of our houses for now, and see where it takes me. Thanks, as always!

my goal is really a true relationship, and def not to sleep around - have never been this way.

why do you say so?

Yes this is correct. i drank with this woman, her roommate, and her roommates bf

It was fun - not a huge drinker myself, but this girl had a lot of shots thursday night

Hi all, Im 32 M shes 31 F. I run a meetup group, and she attended one, and then told me before i even got home from that meetup that she thought i was very cute and provided her number. Fast forward about 5 weeks - we've been talking most days via text, and have had 6-8 dates (dinner, bowling, drinking with her roommate/bf, etc). We went through a period on text late at night essentially sexting/talking about sex positions we like, etc with the intention of doing it on Thursday. I slept over Thurs night, Fri Night this week. I said I'd come over last night (sat) but she said she was just planning to have a relaxing night, so im like okay... needless to say, doing it didnt happen. There was a lot of foreplay/second base (feeling her up), etc. She gave me hickies, all of that. She told me Thursday night when we first layed down that she didnt want to have sex that night and wanted to get to know me more before we did. I responded with I was OK with this. I guess Im just now at a loss of where things are with her.

Providing an update on this situation as of today. The ex wont agree to 50/50 custody, despite it being 50/50 since birth. He's now 2 years old. She initially requested 90 or 95% custody, and tried 2 separate restraining orders on me over the pandemic. She tried to make up frivolous dyfus complaints against me within the past few months. Everything shes tried is baseless. Anywho because she wont agree to 50/50 custody - im forced to pay a TON of money to get a custody evaluator, essentially a licensed psychologist to evaluate me and her. This will now take 3+ months to happen. That begins next week. This has been going on since Feb 20' and ongoing. I am hoping that this ends soon. Stay well everyone.

Just an update to this thread - divorce is still going on, its like a set of waves going up and down. Im hoping this divorce is over soon. I want to get back to focusing solely on my son and myself, without the constant distractions from her pitbull lawyer, whos failed her so far. For those going through a nasty divorce like me, I've found on the past year that following as close to gray rock method as possible when encountering your ex. Only speak, if you need to, and if possible via email. Cheers to a better year in 2021 for me, and for all!

Great points everyone - appreciate the replies. Yes, my 8 month old is obviously my first priority. Second priority is working on myself and introspection of all that has happened. Only then will it be to meet someone new (perhaps)

We were together 12y, married 3, and have a 8 month old. Anywho its been a heck of a saga, but she showed her hand and it was the last straw. Last tuesday I officially had filed for divorce, and im now going through the process. I wont waste time talking about her more, but am trying to figure out my path forward after this 12y saga. What sort of steps should I guy like myself do to re-invent, and re-think who i am going forward and maybe at some point get lucky and meet someone new. Im looking for thoughts and ideas. Thanks