Women.....Husband gone for the night?

[KG]

A friend asked me to post this Q...

Her husband is part of a bunch of hardcore mountain bikers....every Tues, nite, 10 or so go clear trails, really serious down hill screaming! Every Fri. nite they do the trails, then go out for beers. It's a mix of men and women, 35 - 55.

Lately, monthly, they go bar hopping on the bikes, then throw a party, and he doesn't come home till morning. He told her tonight not to expect him.

She doesn't bike, or even know more than 3 of the people he keeps company with. We agreed he is probably not having an affair, that is just not him....her Q is ...is this normal? One night clearing trails, one riding trails, then partying and not coming home, sleeping at his buddy's house?

They have 2 great kids, she's a stay at home Mom, he works full time.

I told her I'd post this for her....

TIA,

KG

[annie24]

she should ask if she can come along and meet them at the bar after the race. if he says no, i would be suspicious.

[BellaDonna]

As a general rule, I don't think over-night sleepovers is appropriate "married behavior"...especially if it is simply to party.

 

My husband has gone on camping trips with friends and such- I've stayed out overnight here and there to help a friend or family member or if the roads were dangerous (snowstorm, etc.) and it was getting late.

 

But I don't think it's appropriate to plan an entire night out to get drunk and not come home until the next morning if you're married with a family. I find it immature. (and that is assuming he is telling the truth and that there's nothing else going on)

 

I just don't see the need to "sleep at a buddy's house" once you're a grown adult with your own home and a spouse and family.

[hardcharger]

if it is just "tonight" that might not be a big deal, (but is possible), but if it is regular that he is staying over at a buddies house, he is having an affair.

[BellaDonna]

But that sounds more like camping....and it makes a lot more sense.

 

However in the situation that KG mentioned, after they are done biking the husband plans on spending the night at a "buddy's house" after they go out for beers.

[annie24]

i think if everything is innocent, he should have no problem with her going to the after party and being his designated driver.

 

i don't see why he can't take a cab home after the night of drinking instead of staying at a buddy's house. i don't know how often he does this, but they have children.

[NowandZen]

It's a red flag. An often overlooked emotional need for men is that of recreational companionship. In his recreation, a man will often attach the good feelings of what might be missing in his life. If the recreation involves the opposite sex, then he may transfer those good feelings to those people he shares it with.

 

Does this mean that all men who recreate will have an affair? No, but it does take away those pleasurable feelings from the marriage.

 

Best scenario: Have husband and wife choose a recreational activity they can BOTH enjoy. 2nd best: Have your friend join her husband.