Do I have reason to worry?

[clean_slate]

I mean, really- before work ? Who does that ? Not even a night, or weekend ? You might as well hold up a cardboard sign that says- I am having an affair with this woman.

 

The scariest thing about that to me is that usually the movie theater is deserted in the morning and early afternoon. Much more "alone" and intimate. Hence, much easier for a nice long makeout session. A very frightening though.

[orangesoda]

I *strongly* advise you to drop this whole mess and move on. Do NC and close this chapter of your life. Don't do the workplace gossip - just drop the whole mess and start living simply again.

 

I also don't think you should quit your job - yes it sucks to have to work with them, but again, surrendering your job is just empowering these two idiots. You shouldn't have to pay anymore for their infidelity.

[tangi39]

I'm not sure if she kicked him out or if he left on his own accord. My girlfriend tells me that his wife flipped out because he was up until 2am doing work on the computer. Whether or not that's true, who knows. And she defends him by saying "his wife gets to spend all day home with the baby." As if raising a child nearly on your own because your husband is always at work isn't difficult. Puh-lease. I'd flip out to. It was his choice to not have her work, and to have her stay home with the kid instead. People need to learn to accept the consequences for their actions.

 

Well, at this point I wouldn't believe anything she says. Besides, do you really think he's gonna tell her the truth anyway ? His wife probably DID kicked him out.

"Gets" okay Yeah, raising a baby IS hard work. It always cracks me why some men wonder why their wives get frustrated in this situation- Why don't they understand your wife is constantly with your child when YOU are at work and out having fun with your buddies, she's not getting ANY break or fun time for herself here.That child is constantly with her needing care and attention. Raising a child is a LOT of work, and if your spouse never gives you any breaks, it's insanely tiring. I agree, people DO need to take responsability. But we both know there are LOTS of immature people put there. There are defending each other this heavily, something's amiss here.

I believe in kharma, it will come back to haunt them eventually.

 

Like I said, walk away with your head held high. You are SO much better than these people. You deserve a higher class of woman !

[tangi39]

The scariest thing about that to me is that usually the movie theater is deserted in the morning and early afternoon. Much more "alone" and intimate. Hence, much easier for a nice long makeout session. A very frightening though.

 

Exactly. As I said, WHY would you do that ? It just screams "Affair"

[CakeLove]

Women don't just kick out their husbands for being on the computer too much...I am quite sure that their relationship has degenerated within the same time frame that yours and hers has. She kicked him out because he has been acting like a selfish creep. But a morning movie date and then him spending the night in a hotel...things are about to blow in this affair. I would stand clear for the explosion. I hope this guys wife drains the bank account and looks after herself in the meantime. You take care of yourself too...

[auburnslp]

Yeah-if you have any personal things at her place it might be a good idea to ask for them back in a cordial way while there is still time

[clean_slate]

Nope, just gifts I've given her. But guess what I have of hers... a brand spankin' new $700 gaming laptop. She left it at my house so she wouldn't have to drag it around and could game while staying with me. And ya know what? I don't intend to give it back.

[Excalibur]

But you will give it back.....because you're the sort that doesn't believe to "keep that" is your due - becuase of her deceit.

 

YOu've gone on and on here about your character, and your intengrity and how you have a higher moral compass thanhers....so her - you could expectto keep anything you left tthere with the "but you left it, and I didn't have to return it, it was my call".

 

But according to you - you don't possess the moral compass that wuld allow you to look in the mirror every morning if you did that

[tictactoe2006]

LOL, that's where he and I Are different. I could totally keep the $700 item, with no qualms at all. If she squawked - hey, have Mr. Wonderful go out and buy you another one. Oh, what's that? He can't because his paycheck is only $150 a week after child support and alimony obligations? Well heck, have fun living in the trailer, then.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

hmm, I guess I'm still the odd one out when I say I would still tell the wife. Partly because if the situation was reversed, I would still want to know. Gives me more strength to leave this manipulating, smooth-talking, lying, cheating jerk sooner with no regrets. That's just me

 

can see your point..

[clean_slate]

I know this thread has been dead for a while, but I have a bit of an update.

 

Who invites a married man to her family's fourth of July party? My girlfriend, that's who. Apparently, the guy's wife and kid went to his in-laws for the weekend... without him. So, my girlfriend invited him to her party and he went. I also went, and it was extremely uncomfortable. Besides the fact that my girlfriend spent far more time talking to him than to me, there are two specific occurrences that bothered me a lot. My girlfriend, her brother, this guy friend, and I were all sitting in the living room talking. The brother and guy were on the couch, and my girlfriend and I were sitting on the floor near the coffee table. My girlfriend was sitting with her legs under the table (lengthwise, as the table is rectangular). I got up because I needed to stretch, and I decided to walk towards the front door. But I could still see into the living room. The guy decided to get up and sit right next to my girlfriend with his legs under the table. I mean, their legs were frigging touching because two people barely fit. What is that about? I get up and he thinks I'm not looking so it's fine to get close to my girl??? This guy is a sleaze.

 

The second situation is truly troublesome, though. I worry for his wife and kid. The guy stayed there until 1:45am for some reason. I wasn't leaving before him because, no, I don't totally trust my girlfriend, and I definitely don't trust him. So, he's clearly exhausted and even stated he was on three hours sleep. He fell asleep on the couch for a few minutes and my girlfriend went to wake him up so he could drive home (finally!), and when he woke up he blurted out "I just want to shoot my wife." What the hell is that about? He went to the bathroom and I asked my girlfriend about it. She says he's "under stress." Uh huh. Stress isn't an excuse to say you want to shoot your significant other. What should I make of this?

 

You know, for about a week I was fooled. I thought maybe I had overreacted to the text and everything and they were really just friends. But after last night? It's obvious there is a deep emotional connection going on. And if it doesn't end, then my relationship will.

[CoCo2009]

that guys is a looney tune seriously she needs to stop hanging around this guy or you need to dump her asap.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Either he's actively chasing your girlfriend (and she is naive enough to think this is about 'friendship') or they're already having an affair and you're just the beard. Perhaps she's told him she won't leave you until he leaves his wife. There are plenty of affairs where both parties to the affair have partners.

 

If it were me, I'd tell her if he means that much to her, then she can have him, but you'll not watch a nauseating spectacle of a married man dandling after a single girl who is your girlfriend. Then don't watch it, break up with her until she comes to her senses about him (if she does).

 

A decent guy wouldn't behave like this, so you know what his problem is.

[clean_slate]

A decent guy wouldn't behave like this, so you know what his problem is.

 

Yeah, it's become apparent that he has serious marital issues going on that he's dumping into my girlfriend's lap. I don't appreciate that too much, to say the least. What is odd is that he keeps treating me in such a friendly manner. Maybe I should substitute disturbing for odd. You've got to be one cold-hearted ****** to play things this cool and calmly. I can't help but reciprocate this friendliness, because I'm attempting to avoid a fight at work. It's not easy.

[Bunney]

Dude, I thought you already broke up with her? What the hell?

[CakeLove]

It seems obvious that this guy does not care about what you...or anyone thinks. What it comes down to though is what your girlfriend chooses. You seem to think that she is being manipulated and it's not her fault. She completely sees what is happening, and she must not have the integrity or the self-esteem to step back from his "situation". Her ego is being stroked and she loves that this guy is totally throwing everyone away for her. You seem to put so much onto him...he is a schmuck. She probably will realize that someday. Let her go and quit making excuses for her and blaming him. If she really loved you she wouldn't let "schmuck" interfere in your relationship...and if she had any backbone...she would have questioned why a married man...(with a kid) would not spend the fourth with his family instead of her. She is liking this way too much. She has just as many character issues as he does. What are you hoping for here? I think it would be easier for you to recover from this and move onto a fresh, new..happy...relationship, than it would be to try to save this sinking ship.

[tangi39]

Clean slate,

 

Yikes ! This guy really sounds psycho. There is SO much he is doing wrong, to comment on it all would take a five page post and Several edits by Mods ! If your gf is too blind to see the real danger she is putting herself in, it's her problem to deal with.

But you can control what you do- If you haven't already, dump her !

If this guy goes out and kills his wife, you could both be accessories to murder. Sounds crazy, but it happens. Who knows what might happen to you if he divorces his wife then sees you as an "obstacle " ?

Please please please protect yourself. I know you want to keep things cool at work, but this girl is NOT worth all the trouble she is putting you through.

Remove yourself from the situation. Let them clean it up. Then if it becomes a huge disaster (as it is quickly becoming) you won't have to clean up the problems that they created.

It's really in your best interest to RUN away from this as fast as you can !!!!

Even in the best case scenario, staying in this situation, I don't see things working out in your favor.

Nothing good is going to happen here- Get yourself as far away from her as possible !

[Excalibur]

Jeez, what an ego rush to have your "boyfriend' in the room - and your lover wanna be in attendance simultaneously

 

She's waiting for the jousting to begin while she sits in her high throne viewing the entertainment.

[clean_slate]

Yeah, I haven't even told you the worst part. The * * * * has already begun to hit the fan. My girlfriend told our supervisor about how I don't "trust" her and blah, blah, blah. So, after the party Friday, I made a little quip to my supervisor about how I might have to break things off. Then she tells me how my girlfriend talked to her, and that she flat-out told my girlfriend that she is in the wrong. She asked my gf how she can expect me to trust her if I've never really been introduced to her friends (after a YEAR together, no less). She put it that you have alone time with your boyfriend, alone time with friends, and time you spend with both together. My girlfriend obviously doesn't want the last.

 

Since my girlfriend decided to include our supervisor in this mess, I decided to tell my sup the facts. I described everything that's been going on, and went into details about the party. My supervisor (who is female) told me she's been in a similar situation with her boyfriend, and she told me she'd tell my girlfriend to "go * * * * herself."

 

There is NO reason to start involving people from work (especially direct leadership). That's crossing a dangerous line. Now I really don't know what to do, because this could easily come back to blow up in my face. Who knows how many others she's told "her side" to. After this, I will never date anyone from work ever again. What a mess.

[HeartGoesOn]

My question to you is...How much longer are you going to allow yourself to be treated like this?

 

She's getting all this attention from both of you, and you're playing right into this.

 

Not to sound harsh, but when he showed up alone at her party, you should have left, held your head high, and never looked back.

 

She'll keep on doing this, as long as you are willing to stand there and allow it.

[Excalibur]

And you're how old? Bad enough that she's over here telling all her "justifications' for what she does on personal time at work...to her boss, etc.

 

But you sit there and attempt to justify your position with your supervisor? Um -juvenile.

 

All your boss knows is that both of you don't know how to keep your pants zipped, you're both immature, insecure, and think attention is approval, and that both of you are a walking red alert to productivity in the workplace.

 

If the boss it at all focused on his/her reason to be at work - to work, produce results - he/she would eliminate both of you from the company as soon as possible under the quickest possible excuse.

[tangi39]

The simple solution is find a new job-and break up with her.

Just get out of the situation. Things won't get better until you do.

[CakeLove]

The longer you draw this out, the more drama that you get to enjoy. And heartache. Do you intend to actually do anything or are you actually enjoying being toyed with? I think that if you stood up for yourself NOW rather than standing on the sidelines being the "good guy"...you might retain most of your man-bits. As it stands, she is holding an important pair in her fist..and you are allowing it. I think we are all cheering for you to actually cut her off and move on. It seems like you aren't ready to really do that. It isn't noble. It's foolish. Take care of YOU ! She isn't doing such a great job is she? Good luck. Let us know if and when you actually do something proactive. Take care!

[Excalibur]

He's the actualized picture of what women look like when hey sit there "waiting for the man to break up with him" - twisting in agony that he hasn't called, hasn't come by - but won't tell them it's "over".

 

What an ugly image it is - never be that.

[CakeLove]

I guess I have "been there" before. You care about someone else...and although you do everything in your power to show them you care...they give nothing back but refuse to actually say "I am not into you!" and let you move on. Sometimes I guess they feel they are being kind, and then there are those that use people and you are somehow useful. It hurts, but once you admit to yourself that they are jerking you around...you are much better off. It's like ripping off a band-aid.

The best part is, that after you leave that unhealthy relationship...you are free to find a healthy one..and an awesome person who loves you the way you deserve to be loved.

I know this...that's the way it happened for me. So nice not to be beating my head against a wall anymore !