ImThatGirl Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 So some of you know my situation and some of you don't. I'm mama to two beautiful children, a son that is almost 8 and a daughter that just turned 5. They are wonderful wonderful! I've never been married. I grew up in a bubble of disillusions with little goals or expectations.. I didn't realize that I could leave that little town. I got into a relationship with my son's dad, thought it would be a long lived future with him. Engaged. Got pregnant... Had my son, started working out of town, realized that living with an alcoholic / drug addict and having my son in the home with him wasn't what my son deserved. Moved in with my mom - afterall they all said I couldn't do it on my own. I believed them plus was a little concerned about living alone.. (21 at this point sigh..) Couple years later, same thing kind of. Only it was with someone that was different, someone that had goals and plans for life! Got pregnant. Weighed options... We agreed we wanted to move forward with our relationship slowly. Lived at my mom's while I was pregnant and then moved in with her dad when she was born. Things were great briefly. But he hated me... hated me. He felt I trapped him. I had my own job (have always worked.) He started seeing someone else (I didn't know,) I moved out with my little ones this time getting our own place. His new girlfriend moved in a month later. So it's been many years of trying to better myself (college, check.. moved away from family and have become quite independent, check... have a great, longstanding, flexible position with a great company still... check.. ) and prove that I am worthy - that I am a good person - that my kids and I deserve the world and will stop at nothing to get it. Looking at things realistically, making better decisions, teaching my children...... Really, we're just simple people happy.. I guess my reason for starting this thread is to vent.... and also to make points like "the sky is the limit... never settle.. never live by limitations.." And, for those people that think someone is going to change and they make light of others that they may date. Think before you act. And for those fellow single parents, I'll be sharing the trials and tribulations and excitments of single parenting... To post or not to post . . . . that tis the question... Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted June 14, 2008 Author Share Posted June 14, 2008 Few things to get off my chest... Had a great week, work and then the pool every evening. And then dinner and bath time and time for a snack and this and that and... dishes and cleaning. Ah! I was beat by yesterday! Kids were great but these summer days make the days last forever it seems! My daughter ended up going to her dad's for the weekend since it's fathers day. Poor guy picked her up from daycare and had to deal with all the construction - getting lost in the little neighborhood. I happened to pass him - we pulled over - and he actually had a smile on his face instead of being so angry! (My daughter was laughing because Daddy was lost...) So nice to be able to communicate well with her dad these days. My son and I met my mom for dinner last night. She offered and he asked to go home with her. They are on their way back to town now for his ballgame. So - -- that left me with neither of my children. Called a girlfriend to wish her a good time at a concert. She realized I didn't have kids and would not take no for an answer for me to go out with them. I tried to tell her no and she said she was going to come get me if I didn't agree and meet them. Really didn't want her to show up at my door so I just left it that I'd meet them (horrible of me I know! There was a big group of girls so... I'm sure they still had a ton of fun - I just haven't had an opp to meet her out for a very long time!) Couple of my guy friends had endless suggestions on what to do to. Soooo what did I do? Went to the tanning bed and then came home and went to sleep at 9:00 pm! And it felt great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Besides the part that 3 people called me at least a few times and are possibly aggravated with me now. Pfff...) Time to get ready for the game now... Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted June 28, 2008 Author Share Posted June 28, 2008 This has been such a trying week! I got strep throat and wasn't allowed to work at the office - had to work from home. My children... they love being home and I don't have the heart to send them to daycare when I'm working from home so Mon-Wed I was multi tasking as much as possible! By Thursday, the lack of work that was doable from home and the stress of being sick / keeping my little ones entertained / along with a birthday party for my son Wednesday (which I pulled off wonderfully might I add,) I was beat! I took vaca days for yesterday and today. Went to the casino for my mom's birthday today. I won! I won! I won! Not a ton of money but it definitely helps! I've been trying to survive through the daycare times... Always making it but wondering how I managed! My daughter is going to kindergarten this fall. So, although not wanting to wish away time, I've been anxious to get to fall. The money I won tonight has made it to the point that I don't have to wait til fall to breathe! I can do so now! Wonderful!!!!!!!!! Have to add - this was my first time at the casino and I won after spending $40. Lucky day! Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted July 4, 2008 Author Share Posted July 4, 2008 For so many reasons... Thirty years ago my mom went into pre-mature labor with me on this day. I was born 2 months early on the 5th ready to join this wonderful world. Maybe that's part of the reason this is my favorite because there's so many good thoughts on this day with my upcoming birthday. I've always loved this day. The memory of our troops that have always stepped up and fought for what this day stands for. Freedom in the U.S. Our rights to choose so many of our own paths and speak about our beliefs.. I remember when I was 5 years old.. I was so sick with a migraine. I slept in the car for a few hours to make sure that I was in the car when everyone loaded up for fireworks. So many memory's of stepping back from the hustle and bustle and enjoying a peacefulness with family and friends during cookouts and fireworks - sometimes sympony music or concerts. My children were both born in June. My son on the 26th and my daughter on the 2nd. So the 4th is also their first holidays. Again, a couple of 4ths that have so much meaning to them and memory's with them. Link to comment
Massari Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 HEY I'AMTHAGIRL. I never seee your posts!!! so I had to look for them in your profile! Your life is very fulfilling i think. Being a mom or a dad I think is an extraordinary thing, some of u may say no its not look around you every one can do it, but I would say look see how many of them can do it successfully. I like how you are changing the everyday's routine by going to the tanning salon. I actually tried that for the first time, bought a $150 dollars (CAD) would give me 150 min and the tanning lotion and the exfoliation body wash lol weird for a guy. My point is changing that routine is good for everyone. For example in my family, we spend lots of time together, me my younger sister and my parents but sometimes its just too much that we need to just go for a short vacation, not all of us together but separately like mom and dad go together I go with my friends and my sis go with the bf and friends. Reading your post made me wonder what would I be when I turn 30, would i have kids? I hope so and most importantly can I be a parent like you. For the past few weeks I have beein thinking about my life so much!! a little too much I think, I am hitting the age of 25 soon ( in Jan) and it makes me wonder what have i accomplished by now! and its almost nothing. I had to change university and go to college and owing the government about 20,000 by now which is gonna take ma alife time to pay. I don't have a steady job, keep changing them for various reasons, i am single at the moment which doesn't quite help to the whole situation. The fact that at the age of 24 I am still in my parent's house makes me think why am I not on my own now, non of my frinds are though, and ppl around me but I am the one who is thinking about it all the time. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted July 20, 2008 Author Share Posted July 20, 2008 Wish it didn't have to end. We went camping with family and friends. Absolutely wonderful! Peaceful! I'd love to live out in the country with my little ones - away from the hustle and bustle.. But yeah guess I'll get back to the real world now. We swam, went to the waterfalls, hiked, etc. etc. etc. Can't wait to go again! Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 And I'm ready! Ready for the schedule that we'll have once it does start. No more Wednesday overnights away from home for the kiddies. My schedule at work is going to be great. Work from the office 8 to 2 and then home 3 to 5 four days a week and from home one full day a week. I am so very blessed to be able to have those hours. Kids will get on the bus in the morning and come home on the bus. No babysitter - no daycare!!!! Finally made it! Summer has been great - been everything I'd hoped it would be. Much time in the sun, at the pool, couple of ballgames, fair, camping, pool, pool, pool! Much fun and time relaxing having a great time! I've had "me" time on a regular basis. It's been different for sure. Having time to do whatever I want... Getting some things accomplished around my place, dates, time with friends. Packing as much in as I can because when school starts, back to complete focus and all.. Maybe have a few hours free on the weekends here and there. Went to the fair last night! Had a blast - kids rode a couple rides, seen some cows, a dancing monkey that collected coins from peoples hands... kettle corn! mmmmmmmm! Almost thought about not going this year - am glad that we did go! And now to another weekend.... Ahhh - Sleepy! Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted August 8, 2008 Author Share Posted August 8, 2008 Not technically but school starts next week. I need no advice per se with this but I need to vent.. need to get this out. Before school ended, I was wishing away the summer. Oh how I love the school year, the routine, the activities, the learning and fun of the school year. I so didn't want summer to start because the routine changes.. Now, I'm still excited that school will be starting next week. I'm so fortunate to have the job I have with the flexibility. I'll be able to save much, much more money.. I'll be putting my kids on the bus and be home when they get off the bus. How wonderful is that. I'm so tired though! I am so worried that I won't wake up early enough (silly fears...) Change.. I hate change. I've been distractable now for eh... weeks. I suspect because we are not on a "strict" routine that "I" need. That stuffy nose in books routine that I love. I feel like I need the first week off. To sleep during the days the kids are at school. To re-group. As much as I try to embrace it, there's always a period of time right before and during the adjustments that it bothers me. My daughter starting kindergarten. I'm so happy for her and excited for her but pffff - I don't want her to start! lol Family time... We've had so much time to visit family and done so many things to enjoy the summer. We'll still be able to visit on the weekends. But going back to school cuts out the weekdays.. I remember last year, last winter.... was so damn difficult being away from family. I'm going to miss seeing them so often and it makes me sad. Sigh........ I love living here, the schools, close to work and all but I miss my family too. I am sad... I am not ready. Yet I'll embrace it trudging forward with a smile on my face...... ..... ..... . Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted August 8, 2008 Author Share Posted August 8, 2008 Funny how much voicing something helps! I used to talk, talk, talk to my friends and family... voice everything. At some point, I got tired of hearing my own voice and started internalizing. I scheduled Monday and Tuesday off work as vacation days. I feel better... Give me the first day (Tuesday) to rest after getting all excited and prepared for school on Monday. Or something like that. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 They were both so excited to head out to school. I took a vacation day and it feels so weird sitting at home knowing they are at school.. My daughter is now a big kindergartener and my son in second grade. They grew up too quickly. It seems that the past eight years just flew right by. Bitter sweet.... This new phase of both of them being elementary students, both learning so well, is absolutely exciting to me. But sad.... What I would have done differently: Only worked part time (if at all) and stayed home with them instead of having been away from them so much. In a sense, I feel like too much of their baby and toddler years was missed. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 Finally figured it out!!! Please don't quote any of these as I plan to delete them in a little bit! Thanks! Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 your children are lucky that you have so much strength! Thank you DLtoken~~~~ Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 ITG...you're children are beautiful just like their mother! Sooo sweet! Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 Uh oh, watch this one.... Too pretty for her own good. Looks like she knows it too. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 How adorable are they!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 As much as I don't want my kids to grow up, I have this serious feeling of relief. Trying to pinpoint it. Daycare - was a need yes. Obviously had to work and full time. But, I never felt at peace with taking my little ones to daycare. Taking care of them Mon - Fri during the day, that was supposed to be my job! Paying someone else to take care of them so I could go to work and pay a large portion of my pay to them... never settled well with me. Missing out on the times of them being really little. So the relief comes in with... More structure. No more having two children at two different locations. Or running around to pick them up at two locations. Have to - School is a necessary part of learning, developing, and growing. And it's something we absolutely "have" to let go of our children and allow them to attend. So no longer will I feel "guilty" for dropping my daughter off for someone else to care for her while I go to work. Financial - Need I say more? lol Daycare fee's are outrageous - a huge chunk of money. And a little rant.. People complain so often about the single parents that don't work. In a way, I regret not taking that route. It wasn't for me. Caring for my children financially was something that was very important to me. Teaching them responsibility and all. But whew - there were times that I thought "why am I doing this??" Times that I worried that I wasn't going to be able to make it - that something was going to fall apart. Something needs to be done... daycare reform or something. (Or of course for every parent to plan way ahead would work too but that's not going to happen.. unfortunately.) Link to comment
southerngirl Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 What beautiful kids and a beautiful mom! You are wonderful! Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 Ooohhhh!!!! Squeal of excitement! Time to go wait at the bus stop!!!! Thank you all for your compliments!! You're all so sweet and I am so fortunate to be a part of this crowd! Link to comment
thejigsup Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 I am a single mom of a twenty-year-old son. I am divorced and always worked at least two jobs and went to school the entire time he was young. He looks up to me as a success story! He always tells me he is so happy I did what I did because he could brag to his friends about his mom. He is a well-adjusted college student who does not smoke, drink, or use drugs. He gets great grades and many adults comment on how well-mannered he is. He learned from me working that you have to work hard for what you want. Some of his friends who had moms who stayed home do not have anywhere near his work ethic. Your kids will be better than fine, they will be great! Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted August 13, 2008 Author Share Posted August 13, 2008 I am a single mom of a twenty-year-old son. I am divorced and always worked at least two jobs and went to school the entire time he was young. He looks up to me as a success story! He always tells me he is so happy I did what I did because he could brag to his friends about his mom. He is a well-adjusted college student who does not smoke, drink, or use drugs. He gets great grades and many adults comment on how well-mannered he is. He learned from me working that you have to work hard for what you want. Some of his friends who had moms who stayed home do not have anywhere near his work ethic. Your kids will be better than fine, they will be great! Oh Jigs, thank you so much for sharing with me! I do see that the kids whose mothers don't work in our neighborhood seem to be a little on the rough side. You'll have to share with me how you pulled off 2 jobs and school! I'd REALLY like to go back to school next fall (thinking I may not be able to pull it off that soon though...) Sounds like you did an amazing job with your son!!! Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted August 21, 2008 Author Share Posted August 21, 2008 I love, love, love my children - I love the school schedule - I love my new schedule - I love the routine and relaxation - I love my job. So what is missing? That tis the question. Nothing that giggles and butterfly kisses can't take care of I suppose. I've been so distractable for so long. That has to change. Tomorrow will be the day. Gotta get it together. I'm good as far as being home with my kiddies but being at work, being away from home.... it's like all my teeth are being pulled. I've been at the company for 8 years. I'm a good employee. So why now, is it like banging my head against the wall to focus and be super productive, to excel. Something that stands out to me is that from 2000 until we moved here in 2006, I was always in a hurry 5 days a week to get my kids to daycare/school, get to work, get home before the cutoff time at daycare. Then rush for bedtime pretty much. Then from 2006 until this month, my son was in school / daughter in daycare and again rush, rush, rush because of two locations and rush hour traffic. And now.... everything has fallen into place. I am so blessed with my work schedule, no afterschool care for the kids, etc. etc. etc. But I think it is a job for my mind to adjust to the calm. Ramblings of a tired, stressed for no good reason, single mama. Sigh. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 You manage it by taking it one day at a time. I'm now working on my Masters. How time flies! Time is always short, but we manage. One of my jobs has always been part-time, as has school. I got there slowly, but I got there. Hang in there. You can do it! Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted August 21, 2008 Author Share Posted August 21, 2008 You manage it by taking it one day at a time. I'm now working on my Masters. How time flies! Time is always short, but we manage. One of my jobs has always been part-time, as has school. I got there slowly, but I got there. Hang in there. You can do it! Thank you Jigs! Thank you, thank you! I'd like to get to the point of being able to go back to school by next fall. Maybe. I'm going to start checking into it in a couple months. I am proud of you!! And truly appreciate you sharing with me! Link to comment
obsesor Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 Guess I missed the pics. My mom was a single mother as well. She raised two boys, I think she did a great job, however those who know me may say differently! ha! You ladies are inspirations that's for sure! Thanks for doing what you do. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted August 21, 2008 Author Share Posted August 21, 2008 Guess I missed the pics. My mom was a single mother as well. She raised two boys, I think she did a great job, however those who know me may say differently! ha! You ladies are inspirations that's for sure! Thanks for doing what you do. Thank you for sharing Obsesor~~~ I agree that your mom did a great job! Link to comment
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