Is the truth better left 'untold'

[55]

and I had such a great weekend and our relationship has been going perfect for the last month and then all of sudden yesterday while laying around we started talking about our past.

 

 

 

He started to ask me specific questions like what’s the nastiest/freakiest thing I’ve done and I had to really dig deep to find something and I told him about a golden’ shower I did on my ex when I was a teen and he asked me if I had ever licked a man back there and I told him once w/ice.

 

 

 

Yeah I know those things don’t look too favorable but thing is I told him there is a lot of women out there that could put my sexual experiences to shame. He got so upset and was utterly disgusted about something that happened over 6 years ago!!!! He admitted that he was being childish but he said he couldn’t help how he felt but all of those things tainted his image of me. I was like “how, these are things that happened in the comfort of a relationship w/someone I thought I would be with forever”? He proceeded to say he understood why I did it but knowing I did that to someone else turns him off. He told me he wasn’t sure if he could marry me anymore b/c for the rest of the day every time he looked at me, he envisioned me licking a man’s a** w/ ice.

 

 

 

I was so hurt, I was like wow I guess the truth is the death to a relationship huh? I guess the saying some things are better left unsaid is true. So now he is saying in time it will prolly pass but I’m upset that things are all shaky over something I did many moons ago.

 

 

What is this all about guys?

 

Have you ladies told SO/hubby about all of your skeletons?

 

Is it a way to fixing things like this?

Anyone ever been in this situation? Thanks in advance for your responses.

 

p.s. I told him I was going to post for some feedback to show him that everyone has a past and that what I did wasn't the worst.

[honeybee52]

He shouldn't have asked the question if he wasn't prepared for the answer.

[Russ]

He shouldn't have asked the question if he wasn't prepared for the answer.

 

Cue victory bell. Bingo.

 

 

I saw 'marriage' in that story. I don't know what kind of relationship you've got with him, but I can't imagine how deep it must be if he is willing to end relations with you because of the past.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Let's put this into perspective... Some people would say oral sex is 'nasty'... what is sexually appropriate is really a sliding scale between the 2 individuals. And many people will do something once or twice when really pressured by someone they love to do so. They may not like it and never do it again, but they can't 'undo' what's been done.

 

So he's being a drama queen (king?) saying he won't marry you because once you did something that plenty of people do sexually... and you didn't even do it again and may not have liked it that much.

 

There really is a double standard too where if men have done 'everything' they are considered adventurous or successful with women, whereas if a woman does the same thing she is labelled a tramp or not worthy of marriage!

 

So ask him if he never wants a b.j. again... lots of women won't do that and think it is nasty, so maybe you should stop now if he wants a 'pure' bride?.... i think he might change his mind about that whole subject if you decide to 're-virginalize' yourself and give up on everything but vanilla missionary sex...

[Mindy1607307824]

I agree, those questions always end wrong.

 

Sometimes the truth IS better left untold.

[rosephase]

: He admitted that he was being childish but he said he couldn’t help how he felt but all of those things tainted his image of me. I was like “how, these are things that happened in the comfort of a relationship w/someone I thought I would be with forever”? He proceeded to say he understood why I did it but knowing I did that to someone else turns him off. He told me he wasn’t sure if he could marry me anymore b/c for the rest of the day every time he looked at me, he envisioned me licking a man’s a** w/ ice.

 

 

 

I was so hurt, I was like wow I guess the truth is the death to a relationship huh?

 

He is scared because you are a sexual entity, a lot of guys have this virgin/ * * * * * complex where they want you to be both, and then get sad if you aren't freaking enough or freaked out if you have more experience then them.

 

The question becomes do you want to be in a relationship with a guy who is so hung up sexually that he judges you for things you have tried. He is silly and scared. Give him a chance to see how he is behaving.

 

If you where with someone who had a little more perspective he wouldn't be beating you up over it. People get so dumb about sex. His loss.

[novaseeker]

It was dumb of him to ask that question (really dumb), but he needs to get over himself and get past this. It's in your past. You are with him now.

 

In general I like to know the "general" relationship history of partners (because I think it is useful info), but in no way do I think it's a good idea to go through the play-by-play of intimacy with prior partners. That info does no good at all. No-one (unless you are polyamorous and experience compersion, hehe) likes the thought of their partner being physically intimate with someone else, and asking those kinds of questions is playing with fire.

 

He needs to get over himself on this one -- he shouldn't have been asking those kinds of questions to begin with, and he needs to get over himself in his reaction to your truthful answer.

[bmwm3]

Its never a good idea to tell your so other what you did in the past... some can handle it.. but its best left in the past... i never wanna know what any girl did in the past... he def shouldnt of asked if he cant handle it... and he sounds a little inmature... because i am sure he has done things in the past.. maybe you wouldnt like....

[Crazyaboutdogs]

He shouldn't have even been asking those questions. I bet he has some sexual adventures in his past that might be questionable as well.

[ljoy74]

Like everyone else has said, he shouldn't have asked if he couldn't handle the truth but props to you for telling the truth and not dancing around it. My SO knows what happened to me in the past with another guy (this was more of a negative experience for me) and just chooses not to talk about it with me because it makes him angry. He doesn't ever mention it because he knows it hurts me just as much as it hurts him. Your man shouldn't hold your past against you, it simply isn't fair. As for fixing it, you can never fully change how he feels but you can ask for him to respect the fact that instead of lying to him you answered honestly and that's something to be rewarded for.

[55]

Like everyone else has said, he shouldn't have asked if he couldn't handle the truth but props to you for telling the truth and not dancing around it. My SO knows what happened to me in the past with another guy (this was more of a negative experience for me) and just chooses not to talk about it with me because it makes him angry. He doesn't ever mention it because he knows it hurts me just as much as it hurts him. Your man shouldn't hold your past against you, it simply isn't fair. As for fixing it, you can never fully change how he feels but you can ask for him to respect the fact that instead of lying to him you answered honestly and that's something to be rewarded for.

 

 

That's the part that he doesn't get....that he should value the fact that I was 'completely' honest. But instead he is more afraid there is more to learn. He said that he would've never asked me to perform those things b/c he would've felt as tho' he was being disrespectful. I believe it's more of him and not me b/c after I confessed and swore on the bible that I had told him everything...he continued to probe me w/nonsense questions like have I ever danced at an Amateur night strip club and such....I was like wow never knew all those went hand in hand...he said that based on what I told him it makes him feel as he doesn't know me b/c he never would've thought I was capable of such.....we hadn't spoken to each other at all today but he text me last night and said he needs time to see if this will pass and that he hopes it does

[Clementine orange]

We seek the truth and endure the consequences

[novaseeker]

He seems like he labours under some unfortunate stereotypes.

 

Assplay is not equal to stripping. He may have some sexual hangups or just be insecure that you have experienced things he hasn't, so he needs to equate you with things he thinks are "base" in order to shore up his self esteem. But he needs to get over himself on this.

[Superfreak]

I always want complete honesty in a relationship. If I'm dating with the intention of finding a woman that one day I'm supposed to trust to help raise my future children, it seems completely asinine to lie about my past and I definitely would react very unfavourably to a woman that lied about hers. Honesty and trust iare key and it's not something that just applies selectively, they both need to apply accross the board.

 

Yes it can be uncomfortable and can cause problems, but the alternative of refusing to say anything about your past is more troublesome.

[melrich]

He started to ask me specific questions like what’s the nastiest/freakiest thing I’ve done

 

It's his issue. If he cannot handle the truth then he should not ask the question because he puts you in a no win situation, you either lie or you upset him.

 

He should grow up...or you should find someone with a bit more maturity.

[Seymore]

It's his own fault for asking. I've got a great relationship with my gf, but I'd never ask that question for the simple reason that if she said something like "I did two guys at once" I'd have that picture burned into my head. Plus it's the past.

 

I wish I could go back and slap myself for asking certain questions that didn't need to be asked and that to this day the answers still unnerve me, though I admire my gf's honesty and would have no right to hold her past against her anyway. Knowing the answer to what your bf asked you provides no useful knowledge. Good for you for being honest, though. There should be more people like you.

 

Sure, I'm sure most guys are curious, but curiosity killed the cat.

[Enigmatika]

Have you ladies told SO/hubby about all of your skeletons?

You must be kidding?

 

None of his or anyone else's business.

[arcadefire]

Things that you do with your previous relationships shouldn't be brought up in current or future ones. It does no one any good by knowing. Especially specific details that are sexual in nature are private information.

[thejigsup]

The things you did were a little wild, I must admit. But many people have done wild things in their past, maybe not golden showers, but crazy stuff nonetheless. I don't ask, ever. I would probably react like your bf and that's really not fair. Everyone has lists of things in their head that they think of as "going too far sexually". As I never know what my partner's views on those things are, I always say, "It was in the past and I've forgotten most of it." Remember this for the future. He doesn't have to know, even if he asks. Believe me, I've done a couple of things that I would never do again, or tell anyone about. Honesty is fine, but this is not important info and they don't have to know.

[friskydingo]

let me be the freak here, i too asked questions similar to these of my former wife, at first, i thought i couldnt deal with/handle it, now keep in mind my wife was my "first" and my first love. after thought and consideration, i realized, to me it wasnt sickening or disturbing, it was a major major turn on. i know im a freak, but what can i say. if you ever heard the song "Unnamed Feeling" by Metallica, you might know what I mean, you feel something but can place it. I know its hurtful but give him time he may confide in you that he was enticed

~Frisky~

[ghost69]

He shouldn't have asked the question if he wasn't prepared for the answer.

 

that's how i am. if you ask me, i'll tell ya. most women like this actually.

[ycmanvs]

I tend to think that when people are younger, they ask these kinds of questions. As we get older, most of us stop caring about all the experimentation that occurred in ones' youth. The past is better left in the past. If you are not cheating on him and you two are getting along, then the diplomatic answer is " I am not comfortable talking about past relationships."

[midnightrambler]

He shouldn't have asked the question if he wasn't prepared for the answer.

 

words to live by