tips for a sexy night (not with bf ;-)

[hers]

I guess we will agree to disagree. I feel that part of helping someone is to show them all the angles, not just the question at hand. If someone were to ask me if the stove was on and I said no so they put their hand on the element because I neglected to tell them that the stove was on 2 minutes ago then I would certainly be remiss in my duties as a responsible human being. Sometimes it is not sufficient to simply answer only the question that was asked...especially if you can get them thinking about possible outcomes of actions.

 

The OP was offended though by being compared to porn movies. My point is that advice that isn't asked for may scare them off of this board b/c they may see it as people/advice-givers being too judgmental. That's not fair to them on many levels.

[Batya33]

The OP was offended though by being compared to porn movies. My point is that advice that isn't asked for may scare them off of this board b/c they may see it as people/advice-givers being too judgmental. That's not fair to them on many levels.

 

If you're asking how to make a sexual tryst with a near stranger exciting, the analogy to a porn movie seems entirely appropriate, and if it's degrading then the OP should question her comfort level with the plan.

[hers]

I've had casual sex with a a few people that was very fun and exciting with absolutely no emotion involved. I realize that's not on the same levels of "right" on this board wiht some people, and I'm ok with that. But casual sex is NOT synonymous with porn. The casual sex I've had with men have been the same sort of sex I've had with long-term boyfriends, just with no emotions involved. It's about feeling good and enjoying the moment, not having a tear brought to your eye b/c you love your partner so mcuh. There's a time and place for that, yes, but casual sex does not mean that I'm going to get pounded away from behind on a boat while wearing 4-inch heels and fake eye lashes. It just means two people enjoying the physical side of sex.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If you're asking how to make a sexual tryst with a near stranger exciting, the analogy to a porn movie seems entirely appropriate, and if it's degrading then the OP should question her comfort level with the plan.

 

I agree. At any rate, people do use ideas from porn movies to spice up their sex life even when they are in long-term relationships. The idea of porn is about unbridled, animalistic sex and there are a lot of positions and role-playing that can be adapted to the real life situation. Since there is no love and no romance involved in the encounter we are talking about, and the OP has asked for ideas on how to make the sex memorable and exciting.....looking at a porn movie to get ideas is a reasonable suggestion and shouldn't be insulting at all.

[some strange girl]

my god, if you only knew what kind of person I am usually... very introspective, I am the kind that misses all the cool parties and rather stays home. this holiday was a unique experience, I made so many new friends and additionally had this fling; so I am hanging on to the good memories.

 

I like your last point, hersmudders.

[Batya33]

She asked how to make the sex mindblowing and exciting - in porn movies, people do certain things to make the emotionless sex mindblowing and exciting. I think it's a fine analogy. I don't think casual sex is wrong as long as it's between two consenting adults who are honest with themselves and each other as far as epxectations and STDs. I just have no desire for it.

[JadedStar]

I am not sure why the porn vid thing is making some of you guys, to include the OP, so defensive. To me, porn is strangers having sex for the sake of sex. How is this encounter any different really? I am not judging the actions I am just saying why is some up in arms about it when it is a very similar thing?

 

Two strangers going at it for mindblowing sex IS a lot like a porn vid. It is what it is.

[JadedStar]

my god, if you only knew what kind of person I am usually... very introspective, I am the kind that misses all the cool parties and rather stays home. this holiday was a unique experience, I made so many new friends and additionally had this fling; so I am hanging on to the good memories.

 

I like your last point, hersmudders.

 

Comparing it to the actions in a porn vid shouldn't be seen as so insulting. No one is saying you ARE a pornstar, they are saying that the encounter you are embarking on has a lot of parallels of porn sex. You are inferring that folks are judging your encounter. Two consenting adults can do what they want, just hopefully they know the consequences and plan for them accordingly.

[hers]

I am not sure why the porn vid thing is making some of you guys, to include the OP, so defensive. To me, porn is strangers having sex for the sake of sex. How is this encounter any different really? I am not judging the actions I am just saying why is some up in arms about it when it is a very similar thing?

 

Two strangers going at it for mindblowing sex IS a lot like a porn vid. It is what it is.

 

But do people in long-term committed relatiosnhips not have animalistic mind-blowing sex? I've done dirtier things with boyfriends than I have with strangers, and good sex is promised in either situation. Porn is more about the plot, the surroundings, all of that. I don't think the OP wanted her broken copy machine fixed by a buff guy with a ponytail and his chest hair hanging out. At the same time, I think she and the guy just wanted to feel good. Isn't that what people in relationships want out of sex a lot of the time too?

[Batya33]

my god, if you only knew what kind of person I am usually... very introspective, I am the kind that misses all the cool parties and rather stays home. this holiday was a unique experience, I made so many new friends and additionally had this fling; so I am hanging on to the good memories.

 

I like your last point, hersmudders.

 

I had a friend who used to have frequent casual one night stands. He said the typical response afterwards or the next morning from the lady in question was (while hiding under the covers) "OMG I NEVER do this kind of thing!"

 

OP - there's nothing wrong with having casual sex - who cares what you're "like" usually - what is of concern is that you seem uncomfortable with analogies to other casual sex situations - like porn movies - while at the same time asking for x-rated tips. I would give that a bit of thought if I were you and see if you really do feel comfortable with traveling to see this guy mainly to have sex. Before you go.

[JadedStar]

But do people in long-term committed relatiosnhips not have animalistic mind-blowing sex? I've done dirtier things with boyfriends than I have with strangers, and good sex is promised in either situation. Porn is more about the plot, the surroundings, all of that. I don't think the OP wanted her broken copy machine fixed by a buff guy with a ponytail and his chest hair hanging out. At the same time, I think she and the guy just wanted to feel good. Isn't that what people in relationships want out of sex a lot of the time too?

 

 

With all due respect, if someone in a committed relationship asked for tips on mind blowing sex i might give the same suggestion. I am not sure what you are up in airs about.

 

I am a bit shocked that a person who creates a thread looking for tips on mind blowing sex with some guy she just met is getting offended so easily over a suggestion of looking at porn! This is not me judging her this is me scratching my head at a very paradoxial situation.

[Batya33]

But do people in long-term committed relatiosnhips not have animalistic mind-blowing sex? I've done dirtier things with boyfriends than I have with strangers, and good sex is promised in either situation. Porn is more about the plot, the surroundings, all of that. I don't think the OP wanted her broken copy machine fixed by a buff guy with a ponytail and his chest hair hanging out. At the same time, I think she and the guy just wanted to feel good. Isn't that what people in relationships want out of sex a lot of the time too?

 

Yes, but the OP made a big deal out of the fact that this is not a committed relationship in the least and apparently wanted input based on that fact - just look at the title. When committed people have mindblowing sex, they assume that if what they try doesn't go over well, there's always tomorrow, next week, etc. In a casual situation like this, the concern I guess is that if it doesn't work he won't be motivated to keep hooking up with her since there is no foundation of a relationship and no emotional bond. So the input she needs is more of a foolproof way to turn him on and make it an unforgettable night.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

my god, if you only knew what kind of person I am usually... very introspective, I am the kind that misses all the cool parties and rather stays home. this holiday was a unique experience, I made so many new friends and additionally had this fling; so I am hanging on to the good memories.

I like your last point, hersmudders.

 

You wrote that you are hanging on to the good memories. I have seen people get burned by holiday flings...a holiday is fantasy and eventually reality of your own life sets in. Are you trying to keep the good memories alive by continuing this fling? What happens when it burns itself out once he leaves town? Are you being honest with yourself about your intentions? You say that you are usually introspective and miss out on all the cool parties and that this was a unique experience. So why are you doing it if it goes against the way you normally are? Are you tired of being introspective and missing out on cool parties? Did you feel you had to prove something to all these new friends and yourself that you can be "cool"? I am not trying to be disrespectful or insulting...I just sense that there is more to this and perhaps an underlying issue that is resulting in you wanting to carry this holiday fling past the holiday and into your real life. This is where you are treading dangerous waters. The more you indulge, the more you will want to indulge. You were not satisfied with leaving the fling once the vacation was over...what happens after this fun and frolick weekend...will you be able to put it to rest then? This is what happens when people embark on an FWB...they think they will be fine with it...but it feeds on itself and eventually they are no longer fine with the emptiness of it. All the people who pat you on the back and encourage this behaviour are not living inside your mind so while they walk away from it after giving you all kinds of "go for it, you only live once" encouragement...you are ultimately left dealing with it once it fizzles and you no longer have the fantasy. So I encourage you to really dig deep within yourself and figure out why you are doing this...forget about the rah rah club and really think this through. Why is someone who is normally so introspective and careful doing something that is contrary to that.

[some strange girl]

As I said before, I am aware of the consequences. I know that he’s leaving in two months time, and I am also sure that this relationship would not work in real life even if we seriously tried (which I don’t want to). When I said I’m introspective I didn’t mean that I am a weirdo, it’s not like I have a psychological problem or anything like that. I just don’t see why I shouldn’t use the two months that are left to full capacity if we’re still in contact and on friendly terms. Feels like an appropriate fadeout…

All I really wanted was some suggestions to make the night a little more special, other than “I’m here, let’s do it” (which, of course, it is in a way).

[Batya33]

Just remember that "using the time to full capacity" doesn't have to mean continuing to have sex with him until he leaves. It sounds appealing, sounds like it makes sense - but what if you do develop feelings for him? What if you get pregnant during those two months? If those are risks you are willing to take, cool, but I wouldn't presume that you will feel like you used the time to full capacity if you have sex with him - there are other options.

 

I understand you wanted tips to make the sex part "sexier" - but for some reason you found the porn analogy degrading, which I found strange.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

As I said before, I am aware of the consequences. I know that he’s leaving in two months time, and I am also sure that this relationship would not work in real life even if we seriously tried (which I don’t want to). When I said I’m introspective I didn’t mean that I am a weirdo, it’s not like I have a psychological problem or anything like that. I just don’t see why I shouldn’t use the two months that are left to full capacity if we’re still in contact and on friendly terms. Feels like an appropriate fadeout…

All I really wanted was some suggestions to make the night a little more special, other than “I’m here, let’s do it” (which, of course, it is in a way).

 

This is the definition of introspective:

"Examining one's own perception, perceptions and sensory experiences; contemplative or thoughtful about oneself."

 

Being introspective is an amazing gift which has absolutely nothing to do with being a weirdo or having a psychological problem. I am not sure why you would assume that I was calling you a weirdo for having that ability, is beyond me...unless it is your peers who are calling you that and that is why you suddenly feel the need to prove them wrong and be reckless. Given your reactions on this board, I really really question why you are doing what you are doing. Being introspective is not a problem..trying to fit in with the masses by behaving against who you really are, is the problem.

[novaseeker]

I've had casual sex with a a few people that was very fun and exciting with absolutely no emotion involved. I realize that's not on the same levels of "right" on this board wiht some people, and I'm ok with that. But casual sex is NOT synonymous with porn. The casual sex I've had with men have been the same sort of sex I've had with long-term boyfriends, just with no emotions involved. It's about feeling good and enjoying the moment, not having a tear brought to your eye b/c you love your partner so mcuh. There's a time and place for that, yes, but casual sex does not mean that I'm going to get pounded away from behind on a boat while wearing 4-inch heels and fake eye lashes. It just means two people enjoying the physical side of sex.

 

It is the same as porn in the sense that there is no emotional connection -- that is the essense of the sex depicted in porn. The key isn't fake eye lashes or high heels, the key is sex detached from a relationship and an emotional connection. So I'll have to agree that the analogy to porn seems apt.

[kevinm]

Several posters here need to lay off the OP. There is a huge difference between porn and casual sex. In porn, people are PAID to have sex. Yes there are parallels between the two regarding strangers, role playing, etc, but let's be honest at the end of the day porn has a very negative association. Beyond all of this, none of the debate on porn addresses the OPs original concern about how to, as Borat would say "Have sexy time."

 

Individuals have the right to their opinions, as do we all have the right to feel the way we feel, regardless of whether it "makes sense" to anyone else. Our moral compass, no matter which way the pointer directs, is ours alone. There IS an assumption of the negative when talking about caual sex... if you don't believe that, then go back and re-read this thread. Sure sure, the OP could end up having AIDS. And yes, that would be a terrible outcome of having casual sex. But to assume there is going to be a negative outcome... whether aids, unwanted pregnancy, unwanted emotional attachment, etc is to pass judgment. Just because there are many cases of this, or even a majority of cases ending in this manner, doesn't mean the OP will end up in this situation.

 

Rationalize your respective positions all you guys want, but the "compassion" posts come off as smug.

 

-Kevin

[kuiks8]

Wow look where this thread went. I don't think casual sex is in any way comparable to porn and to say so is very insulting to the OP and those who do look at sex differently from yourselves (CAD-you know i love you k?!? and Batya) Yes there are those that come back and are hurt but then its a lesson learned and we have all had to learn hard lessons in our lives or i am pretty sure we wouldn't be on this forum. There are also others who are more liberal sexually and are able to differentiate between casual sex and long term relationships. No one should judge either of those people.

The OP seems to have a good strong head on her shoulders and I am sure she will handle whatever comes of this.

I wish the OP much luck and lots of hot randy sex!!! I say keep it simple b/c its not about a relationship, the bubble bath suggestion seems fairly intimate...i say do up a sexy outfit, maybe some light bondage and tease him till he is begging you for it..

(if it doesn't work out and you are hurting feel free to PM me-I don't judge either way)

 

[Crazyaboutdogs]

There is absolutely NOTHING smug about the compassion posts. They are trying to be helpful rather than turning a blind eye. I know you yourself are into casual sex and that is fine for you, but there are realities and risks and to not point them out and simply feed into the peer pressure would to me, be irresponsible. It is shocking to me to read that warning someone of possible negative consequences is viewed as passing judgment. Sorry, I do not do the rah rah, turn a blind eye if I see behaviour that could have some very negative consequences, especially when it is very possible that there are other issues going on which could be aiding and abetting these decisions. You can disagree all you want, and call my posts smug...but at least I am trying to help in a constructive way...not encouraging someone to go do something just because it is fun for the moment. People get themselves into a lot of messes by simply focussing on the pleasure of the moment rather than on possible long-term consequences. There are enough people on here doing the nudge nudge wink wink "go get laid and have fun" that I think that it is important to hear the opposing voice as well to give a more balanced view. There is nothing smug about giving the opposite point of view and showing some harsh realities of reckless actions.

 

As for porn and casual sex...I would say that at least porn stars get paid and that puts food on their table and a roof over their head. Casual sex is just for a fleeting orgasm and then on to the next person for a fleeting orgasm...like some kind of search for a drug. Running from casual sex to casual sex is about animal instincts, just like porn movies..many of the people who star in these porn movies enjoy the causual sex just like those who are not getting paid for it. The actions are still the same...in one case it is physical pleasure and monetary remuneration, in the other case it is simply physical pleasure.

[kevinm]

Why CAD do you always feel the need to be so defensive? Why the negativity with your posts? Just like above... you assume I don't care, that I'm "turning a blind eye" or doing the "rah rah" thing. Where does my position on casual sex have any bearing on the OPs original question? Answer: IT DOESN'T!!!!!!!!

 

Hence why I refrain from giving advice on the morality of the situation... it's none of my business.

 

-Kevin

[novaseeker]

The thing that struck me about some of these responses critiquing the advice to review porn for ideas because porn involves NSA, emotion-free sex is that it was a suggestion made not to demean the OP, but simply to suggest something that could be useful. And I do think that this has similarities to the kind of sex depicted in porn -- no-one was saying the OP or her paramour would be like porn actors, but that the sex between them would be similar to that in that it was NSA, emotion-free, relationship-free sex. Seems pretty useful to me.

 

And in any case it's impossible to give someone advice in a narrow way without addressing broader issues. Let's suppose someone came here and posted advice on how to pull off an affair, in terms of tips and tricks -- how to hide things, how to pull off communication in a stealthy way, how to regulate the computer, monitor if you are being watched, etc. Of course people could simply respond narrowly: get another cell phone, divert bills to your workplace, etc., etc. -- but ignoring the broader context to simply focus on technical details seems misplaced. It is equally misplaced in this situation. Casual sex carries numerous risks, physical, emotional and otherwise. It's worth pointing out those risks. I don't think anyone judged the OP at all -- but simply pointed out the risks of that kind of behavior, and made some constructive advice (porn can be pretty good for picking up ideas for what might be hot sex with a semi-stranger with whom you have no interest in developing an emotional or relational connection).

[karma85]

OH GOD LEAVE HER ALONE...SHES A GROWN A$$ WOMEN SHES AWARE OF THE SITUATION SHES PUTTIN HER SELF IN TO. SUM OF US MAY NOT LIKE OR AGREE WITH WHAT SHES DOIN I DONT AGREE THATSHES HAVING SEXWITH SUM1 SHE DONT KNO. BUT YOU WHAT SHE KNOWS WHATS SHES DOIN. AND I'M NOT GUNNA LIE I HAD CASUAL SEX @ 1 POINT.. BUT THEY WHERE MY FRIENDS AND PPLZ I NEW.

 

THIS THREAD WAS SUPPOSE TO HELP HER AND GIVE HER TIPS NOT JUDGE OR SAY YOUR OPINON'S. OUR OPINONS SHOULDNT MATTER ESPECIALYTO HER. IS IT JUST ME OR ME AND kuiks8 THE ONLY 1S THAT GAVE HER A FREAKIN TIP

 

 

I JUST HOPE PROTECTION IS BEIN USED....HAVE FUN GIRL!!!!!

[KG]

The OP's post said nothing about porn....it was about a casual sex question. You have turned this quite around....it's not a " lifestyle " post...it's asking for advice.

Condemnation for this is totally unwarranted. CAD and Batya...please back off....

all she was asking for was advice. She didn't bring out the soapbox...you guys did. I love you both, but Jeez...leave her alone. It's her life and decisions.

Can't someone post here without the strong opinions hijacking the thread?

If I were a nube, and read this, I wouldn't dare post, and isn't that the opposite of the theory of ENA?

[Superfreak]

I like the sexy costume idea that Kuik suggested earlier. It can be a corset or sexy lingerie as suggested, or even a sexy costume like a schoolgirl uniform or nurses outfit (both are GUARANTEED pleasers) .

 

The champagne and strawberries is more of a girly sensuality idea as opposed to a raunchy male fanstasy. But anything involving whipped cream should go over well.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again. The absolute sexiest thing a girl can do is give off the impression that she wants my d**k and she has to have it NOW. Check any baggage you have of being a prim, proper and ladylike at the door and get raunchy and sex craved.

 

I'm not sure their's alot to learn from reviewing porno videos, but maybe watching one or two might give you an idea of the kind of attitude to have in bed. You'll notice that the girls typically make ALOT of noise in bed and if its a good video they'll dirty talk; this is also a guaranteed crowd pleaser.

 

It also goes without saying....be safe. This may be the first time you've ever done something like this but it's unlikely it's the first time that he has.