Any childfree people?

[hers]

I really enjoy this forum b/c of the diversity of posters in terms of age and lifestyle and locations and all of that, but I haven't really seen this topic come up.

 

I'm 25, almost 26, and I decided about 5 years ago or so that I don't want to have children. I have many reasons for this (I've thought long and hard about this), including reasons involving not fitting my lifestyle, family disease problems such as alcoholism and cancer, body changes, financial reasons, many others. I wish to be sterilized but my doctor won't till I'm 30, which is understandable. Most of the boyfriends I've had since I've come to this decision have not wanted children either, or they were undecided.

 

I'm not writing this thread for people to tell me that I'll change my mind; please don't do that. I'm not writing this thread to ask if I'm making the right decision either, so I'm not looking for advice.

 

I'm just writing this thread to see if there is anyone else on this forum who made the decision not to have children, and if so, when did you decide? Has it affected your relationships? What are some of your reasons for not wanting children? Can you still tolerate being aroudn kids, but jsut don't want your own?

 

This is mostly just for curiosity's sake!

[hamsalad]

I find myself indifferent about children. That means I shouldn't have any! One should only have them if the want to have them, not because they feel obligated.

 

Maybe I'll change one day.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

i dont want children either.... i love kids... don't get me wrong... but i'm entirely too selfish to devote my life to a child the way i would want to or need to.

[hers]

When I was around 17, 18, I always said I wanted them, but in retrospect I was doing that b/c of everyone talking about it after they get married one day (I myself was planning to marry my HS boyfriend just 2 years after graduation and having a lot of them). Now that I realize taht I don't HAVE to do anything, I decided my life would be much happier without them.

 

I don't know how to entertain them--they make me nervous when I'm around them, like I'll mess something up or I won't be fun to them. I'm also very selfish--when my dog has to go outside and pee and I don't feel like taking her, she waits. More reasons, but yeah, I do think I'm too selfish to have them, and it's better for me to realize that and not have them than to have them and treat them badly b/c I'm selfish. Does that make sense?

[Excalibur]

I didn't want kids - but got into by my own choice a really dysfunctional and violent relationship and ended up getting pregnant at 18 and a mother at 19.

 

That kid wishes he'd never been born to someone that didn't want kids - and I can honestly say that the destruction I created for him as a world becuase I didn't want them was scandalous to an extreme degree and I should have been shot.

 

So if you know that kids aren't for you- that level of sacrifice, commitment, and obligation is not up your alley - you're making the right deicsion not just for you - but for the future children you will not have.

[jengh]

I'm about 95% certain I don't want kids. I've never had that desire. I realise I'm quite young and could change my mind, but I don't see it happening. I've always hated babysitting, being around kids...I just don't see it happening

[Mythical_Suicide]

Kudos to everyone who decides they don't want children and sticks to that. Too many people are having kids and not taking care of them because they take up too much of their time or they feel they have better things to do.

[hers]

Kudos to everyone who decides they don't want children and sticks to that. Too many people are having kids and not taking care of them because they take up too much of their time or they feel they have better things to do.

 

Thank you, MS--that means a lot coming from someone who has a child! (unless I'm getting you mixed up with someone else! AHH??)

[jengh]

Kudos to everyone who decides they don't want children and sticks to that. Too many people are having kids and not taking care of them because they take up too much of their time or they feel they have better things to do.

 

I agree completely... I was thinking the other day. What happens if I accidentally get pregnant? I don't think I could go through with an abortion, there are too many people who would love to have a baby and perhaps I could do that for someone. But keep it? No way. I think I might end up resenting it .

[hers]

I agree completely... I was thinking the other day. What happens if I accidentally get pregnant? I don't think I could go through with an abortion, there are too many people who would love to have a baby and perhaps I could do that for someone. But keep it? No way. I think I might end up resenting it .

 

People tell me all the time that I'll regret not having children, but woudln't I rather regret not having them than regret having them?

 

I came from a very messed up childhood with my mother, and I have a lot of her in me, and I could'nt put a child through the same sort of behaviour. My list of reasons tops the hundreds for sure.

[i_win]

I can't wait to be a dad. I'd be a good one.

[Mythical_Suicide]

Yes I have a child and it angers me to see people who don't want kids still having them and just not taking care of them so it's good to see people like you and the others who have decided that they don't want them and just avoids having them. Not everyone is made to become a parent and its a good thing when you can realize that. It doesn't make anyone a bad person.

[NorthDallas40]

I never wanted kids when I was married. But after we divorced, I met my (now ex, hopefully future) gf and I would *totally* have kids with her, even now.

 

I think I realized that the reason I didn't want kids with my wife was because I knew we'd have serious disagreements about raising them, and besides she had FIFTEEN cats!

[jengh]

Yes, exactly. I'd rather regret not having them than regret having them. It would be so unfair to that child. No kid should have to grow up KNOWING their parent(s) don't really want them.

[hers]

 

I think I realized that the reason I didn't want kids with my wife was because I knew we'd have serious disagreements about raising them, and besides she had FIFTEEN cats!

 

WHOA 15??? I want dogs instead of kids, but definitely not THAT many!

[Mavh25]

My sister absolutely hated children, she could'nt be around them atall and even when our baby cousin came round, she would leave the house. I truly believed she would never ever want children, she was so bitter towards them and horrible about it.

 

That was until she was about 25, she got pregnant and got an abortion.

 

She did it with no problems atall, did'nt regret it.

 

But then all of a sudden she started wondering what could of been, now she is 28, 6 months pregnant and can't wait.

 

Minds can very much change.

[jengh]

 

besides she had FIFTEEN cats!

 

thank you for the laugh

[NorthDallas40]

WHOA 15??? I want dogs instead of kids, but definitely not THAT many!

 

One of many reasons she is now my EX wife!

[Mythical_Suicide]

Yes, exactly. I'd rather regret not having them than regret having them. It would be so unfair to that child. No kid should have to grow up KNOWING their parent(s) don't really want them.

 

I agree. You see that so often these days because people feel they 'have' to have children. If children aren't for you then that's great to me it doesn't make you any less of a person.

[EQD]

I dont think you can be sterilized if you havent had a child yet.

thats what i heard anyway. i thought about doing that too when i was.... 17.. 16..

but everyone told me they wont do it unless you have had kids or its lifethreatening.

[hers]

Yes I have a child and it angers me to see people who don't want kids still having them and just not taking care of them so it's good to see people like you and the others who have decided that they don't want them and just avoids having them. Not everyone is made to become a parent and its a good thing when you can realize that. It doesn't make anyone a bad person.

 

Thank you so much for the support! I don't often get that kind of support, especially from people wiht kids!

 

There's a line from that movie "Parenthood" that was made in the 80s with Steve Martin and a lot of others. Keanu Reeves has a part in it and he said "You need a license to have a dog, drive a car, even catch a fish. But they'll let any ***hole be a father". That's how I've always looked at it...just b/c you CAN have them doesn't mean that you shoudl, b/c you have to think about what you'd be bringing the child into. If you're not cut out to be a parent, you shoudln't be one, ya know?

[Mythical_Suicide]

I dont think you can be sterilized if you havent had a child yet.

thats what i heard anyway. i thought about doing that too when i was.... 17.. 16..

but everyone told me they wont do it unless you have had kids or its lifethreatening.

 

Most doctors won't do until you're of a certain age (Most places around here it's 25 or 2 kids). Which I think is stupid. It's a personal decision and I don't believe it's right that a doctor can decide whether or not a person can be sterilized. To me it's better than idiots out here having 15 kids and not taking care of them because they don't have the first clue.

[hers]

I dont think you can be sterilized if you havent had a child yet.

thats what i heard anyway. i thought about doing that too when i was.... 17.. 16..

but everyone told me they wont do it unless you have had kids or its lifethreatening.

 

No, you can become sterilized without having had a child first. I know many other childfree women who have had it. There's a relatively new procedure out there called Essure that is like a tubaligation but non-surgical and safe and practical. My doctor just won't sterilize me b/c I'm under 30 and unmarried and i could "change my mind". I can respect that, so I'm waiting.

[Nixee]

Kudos to everyone who decides they don't want children and sticks to that. Too many people are having kids and not taking care of them because they take up too much of their time or they feel they have better things to do.

 

I agree... there is absolutely nothing wrong with deciding not to have children if you don't want them, and shame on anyone who gives you a hard time for it.

 

There is too much pressure in society nowadays to hurry up and reproduce, and it can be downright scary sometimes.... there is more to life, and frankly, we don't exactly have a shortage of people in this world. It is a personal choice.

 

Personally, I DO want kids... just one or two... for myself, and for my parents to have grandkids, but I'm trying not to be in a rush. Yet still society makes me feel old sometimes for being 28 and not having them yet. Babies babies babies on the brain! Ahhh! Kudos to you for being able to live for yourself.

[Mythical_Suicide]

Thank you so much for the support! I don't often get that kind of support, especially from people wiht kids!

 

There's a line from that movie "Parenthood" that was made in the 80s with Steve Martin and a lot of others. Keanu Reeves has a part in it and he said "You need a license to have a dog, drive a car, even catch a fish. But they'll let any ***hole be a father". That's how I've always looked at it...just b/c you CAN have them doesn't mean that you shoudl, b/c you have to think about what you'd be bringing the child into. If you're not cut out to be a parent, you shoudln't be one, ya know?

 

 

That's true and it always annoys me not everyone can own a pet but anyone can have a child What the hell kind of crap is that?