He's seeing someone new!

[DN]

I think you need to disengage and concentrate on other things and other activities.

[sunflower_girl]

And after the summer you would beak his heart by dumping him?

 

Or have yours broken?

 

Ideally, we'll part ways and be content with how everything turned out. I just miss him so much...

[sophie274]

...be happy? (Short term). In my mind I keep picturing us having a fun summer together; even though I know that we won't work on for the long run.

 

Dn took the words out of my mouth. Seems to me like you are trying to postpone the grief you feel, and the moment when you are going to have to admit to yourself that it's over for good. For sure, that is scary! But it's also full of possibility.

 

And as DN seemed to be hinting, it's not fair to him to break his heart all over again if you know already that you won't work out in the long run.

 

I think what you should be doing is not contacting him, as much as you can stand. It's not helping you feel better. Do you have a mother you are close to, a sister, a good friend - someone you can call when you get the urge to call him and are feeling down?

[sunflower_girl]

If you were the girlfriend, how would you feel if you found out that the ex is contacting your boyfriend? (Keep in mind that this your boyfriend had giving this ex a promise ring and they dated for a very long time.) You wouldn't feel comfortable with the situation. I understand this yet I STILL contact him...I don't want to hurt her. Why am I being a bad person?

[sunflower_girl]

Dn took the words out of my mouth. Seems to me like you are trying to postpone the grief you feel, and the moment when you are going to have to admit to yourself that it's over for good. For sure, that is scary! But it's also full of possibility.

 

And as DN seemed to be hinting, it's not fair to him to break his heart all over again if you know already that you won't work out in the long run.

 

I think what you should be doing is not contacting him, as much as you can stand. It's not helping you feel better. Do you have a mother you are close to, a sister, a good friend - someone you can call when you get the urge to call him and are feeling down?

 

We have a history of breaking up and getting back together. I've tried no contact but always managed to break up after several weeks. I've talked to friends/family about the situation...but, I can't bring myself to talk about this to them anymore. 10 months have passed, they expect me to be over it. Yet, I'm NOT.

[sophie274]

Do you think talking to a therapist would help? It doesn't sound to me like you need it, and it can be expensive, but it might also be helpful to you to have someone you can complain and moan to once a week, who won't care if she's heard it all before! Journaling can also be helpful, getting your thoughts out there and acknowledging them.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about the new "girlfriend". She is big girl and can take care of herself, and more importantly if your ex thinks you are being disrespectful then he can ask you not to contact him. I do think it would be best not to let it get to that point though. Why not set yourself small goals? (Try not to call him 3 days, that's it. If you make it that far, try for three more days. If that's all you can do, write down everything you want to say to him, and see if you feel better without having actually talked to him. ) If you go several weeks without talking to him, then "break down", that's ok. It doesn't take away from the fact that you survived just fine without talking to him for three weeks.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I disagree with the fact that she shouldn't be concerned about the new girlfriend...actually she should...because one day it could indeed be her in that girlfriend's shoes with another guy. How would she feel if a new guy she was dating had an ex hanging around who wanted to get back together with him.

 

While you are acknowledging that you are being selfish, that is not enough...your actions have defy the selfishness...in other words, leave him be. Maybe this person is more compatible with him. As you move along with your career goals, you will ultimately outgrow him. You are both going down completely different paths. It is time to let go...it sounds to me like it is really your ego that is bruised more than anything else. You dated another guy in the 10 months and didn't treat him right....time for you to really take stock of yourself and decide if this is really the person you want to be...bitter, angry, resentful, jealous, getting in the way of someone else's relationship and using a guy in order to try to get over an ex. Work on these issues instead of focusing on your ex.

[hennypenny3288]

I agree with the others, her ex is a big boy. He can take care of himself. If he didn't want her to contact him (because of his current gf), then let HIM tell HER that. She has no responsibility to his current gf.

 

If he has no disagreement to her talking to him, then there is nothing to worry about.

 

Although I do think you should move on. But, I don't see what you are doing as being wrong.

[DN]

IMO every civilised person has a responsibility to other people and should be considerate of their feelings. If you ever feel that what you are doing is inappropriate and it might reasonably hurt someone then don't do it.

[sunflower_girl]

He texted me last night at close to midnight, I responded because it seemed important; The text read "what would you do if I join the marines?" We ended up talking on the phone for an hour...I really tried to be a good friend, I gave him advice and alternative options on what he shuld be doing. I told him that he will, sooner or later, find direction in life and to not act rashly. I also said to not worry so much because there are many people who love and care about him.

 

The strage thing was, throughout our conversation, he kept getting text messages from another girl. I asked if that was his girlfriend and he said, "no...she's just a friend..."

 

I'm half sure that that WAS his girlfriend, or at least someone he's seeing. I don't know how I should feel about my actions! Was I being helpful or acting on ulterior motives?

[sophie274]

 

I'm half sure that that WAS his girlfriend, or at least someone he's seeing. I don't know how I should feel about my actions! Was I being helpful or acting on ulterior motives?

 

Only you know that! Although my impression is if you're asking it might not have been just friendly. I still think it would probably be best for you to stay OUT of touch with him. (I understand the marines may be a different situation, but still.)

 

I want to clarify what I meant about the current girlfriend, since it was interpreted in what I think was the wrong way. What I meant is that I don't think you should focus your energy on how she feels through out this process, or get caught up in feeling guilty because of what you are doing to her. I do think in a perfect world you would be respectful of their relationship, and not be actively trying to get him back. BUT what I think you need to focus on is your healing process and moving on, and I think that will best be accomplished by looking at the picture of how you broke up and why you two are incompatible etc rather than spending this much time wondering if you are infringing on the new girl's territory. I think it's derailing you from the more important part, which is that you shouldn't be in touch with him for you, which I think would be more lasting motivation than focusing on the feelings of a woman you've admitted you inherently dislike. (And, IMO, if you're fretting so much that you might be crossing the boundary, you probably are!)

 

It also seems to me that you were using the fact that you were in so much contact with him to show that he doesn't really care about the girlfriend, or to hope that she might dump him over it - which is counterproductive, since it's just feeding your thoughts of getting back together.

[Sickboy48]

And another thing, I don't understand how he moved on completely. How can guys just do that?!

 

Women do that too, just ask my ex lol. She was in love with a new guy in about 2 weeks after she dumped me, so those things happen.

 

*hugs*