BronzedSkin123 Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 Well, I'm tired of waiting for Mr. Right. Being single has become a coping mechanism that I can no longer cope with I met an older guy..yeah he's a bit creepy but I'll give him a chance. He told me a lot about himself and said that he once paid a girl at our school to have sex with him. I don't know maybe he just did that one time and will change. I'm going to have to seriously lower my standards or i'll find myself never finding a husband or anybody. I just need somebody to talk to about my dating life since i have gotten so lonely. I've cut out friends in my life and I'm left with pretty much nobody Link to comment
lady00 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Dating someone whom you find creepy is a bad sign. I think lowering your standards will actually lead you to be unhappy. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 First of all, this guy sounds creepy...I'd be wary Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 You're young, you should date a bunch of people and continue to date them as long as you are happy. After a while, one of them will really stick with you and that's when you start being serious. It takes a long time for some one to actually become Mr. Right. Don't lower your standards, just be more patient with some boys. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Don't lower your standards...I have met people who have lowered their standards and ended up miserable with their choice. Also, there are degrees of lowering your standards...but lowering them so much that you end up dating a really creepy guy is not a good idea. Link to comment
mrmaximum Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 First of all, this guy sounds creepy...I'd be wary Bad idea, for sure!!! Link to comment
BronzedSkin123 Posted April 19, 2008 Author Share Posted April 19, 2008 There aren't a lot of guys out there that I have find dateable. I'm just not having any luck with men right now. I spend most of my time just utterly alone. I feel like I am just wasting my youth away. I find things to occupy my time but that gets old. I've been to every museum in my city, and I am so tired of giong to the mall by myself. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 sounds like you need girlfriends, not boyfriends. Link to comment
lady00 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 sounds like you need girlfriends, not boyfriends. Agreed. I do so much stuff with my friends, male and female. It sounds like you need to spend more time building up the friendships you already have and getting new ones. You're not wasting your youth by being single...get some friends together, get out there and have some fun! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 There aren't a lot of guys out there that I have find dateable. I'm just not having any luck with men right now. I spend most of my time just utterly alone. I feel like I am just wasting my youth away. I find things to occupy my time but that gets old. I've been to every museum in my city, and I am so tired of giong to the mall by myself. Better to be alone than to be in a horrific relationship. Link to comment
Blue Streak Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Why do you feel, at 22 yrs of age, a need to lower your standards? Do you truly believe it is in your best interest to date an older guy that is in your words "a bit creepy"??? Probably, not. I'd be willing to bet that you know better when you look deep down inside yourself. Right??? You are still growing and learning. Do your best to not tie yourself down into believing that you need others to increase your level of happiness, comfort, etc. This is a very common experience today that many times, just ends up in disaster. Please consider the decision you are making. Is it really in your best long term interest to lower your standards as you describe? Or are you just trying to fill a short term desire?? Link to comment
RayKay Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Well, at this rate, you might end up with a "husband" if that is your ultimate goal, but you certainly are not going to find yourself in either a healthy relationship, with a healthy partner, or any happier than you are right now. And quite frankly, that is just sad. I think you have a lot of work to do on yourself before you worry about having to 'settle'; personally I think if you really were a strong individual, you would not feel the need to "settle" however long you had been single. Link to comment
Blue Streak Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 I think you have a lot of work to do on yourself before you worry about having to 'settle'; personally I think if you really were a strong individual, you would not feel the need to "settle" however long you had been single. Good words RayKay. Like attracts like. The strong attracts the strong, the weak attracts the weak, etc. Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 OP---NEVER SETTLE! Just explore. You don't have to sit and wait for "the one". In fact, waiting for THE ONE will leave you empty as all hell and prevent YOU from really growing into your own true person. You have to deal with a lot of CRAP before you understand what YOU want and what you DON'T want... Hang in there... I know how lonely it is. Just try not to make the next one, THE ONE. Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 There aren't a lot of guys out there that I have find dateable. I'm just not having any luck with men right now. I spend most of my time just utterly alone. I feel like I am just wasting my youth away. I find things to occupy my time but that gets old. I've been to every museum in my city, and I am so tired of giong to the mall by myself. Try joining a club of some sort. Volunteer at a local church or some kind of "giving back" group. It will help you find some inner peace and self-worth and I think that's what we are both missing... VALUE how YOU are. It's a cliche, for sure. But it's true. I'd be willing to bet that you know better when you look deep down inside yourself. Right??? You are still growing and learning. Do your best to not tie yourself down into believing that you need others to increase your level of happiness, comfort, etc. This is a very common experience today that many times, just ends up in disaster. Nothing needs to be decided right NOW. You're young (and I'm sure you hate to hear that) I was young once too. I married my BF of 5 years at 25. I settled. I didn't know squat about myself or what I wanted. I was always too preoccupied with what HE needed... Thus, I became needy, emotionally DEAD and empty as can be... PLEASE don't become me. Check out my post to see how horrificly bad my situation turned out! Link to comment
JadedStar Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Well, I'm tired of waiting for Mr. Right. Being single has become a coping mechanism that I can no longer cope with I met an older guy..yeah he's a bit creepy but I'll give him a chance. He told me a lot about himself and said that he once paid a girl at our school to have sex with him. I don't know maybe he just did that one time and will change. I'm going to have to seriously lower my standards or i'll find myself never finding a husband or anybody. I just need somebody to talk to about my dating life since i have gotten so lonely. I've cut out friends in my life and I'm left with pretty much nobody Lowered expectations for sure here. You are so desperate for company you'll date a guy you find creepy and who is so disrespectful that he decided telling you that he paid a girl for sex was a good idea? If you want him to just be a chat buddy to go out with and not be romantically involved that is one thing, but i hope you are not thinking of dating him? Why are you cutting friedns out of your life? Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 I don't know maybe he just did that one time and will change. Nope. Men don't change. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Nope. Men don't change. Anyone can change, but in this case it is not even so much a question of maybe he would never do this again. Even if he wouldn't it is a matter of he must not respect bronzedskin very much if he is telling her, a potential dating partner, that he paid a girl for sex. Sounds like he was gauging her reaction and if positive maybe he'd ask her if he could buy her too. I wouldn't give any man the time of day who discussed sexual matters before they even knew me very well. Huge turn off. Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 True Jade... Sounds like he was assessing how he could best manipulate her. He's looking for her weaknesses and seeing her desperation. He WILL take advantage of you, Bronze... You are worth WAY more... Many men try to break down women to make themselves feel powerful. (Yes, many women do it too) I believe people can change, but their reasons have to be their own. No one changes because someone else wants them to. they have to do it for themselves. Link to comment
RelaxByWater84 Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Don't ever lower your standards. We are the same age I see. Have you ever been in a relationship? I haven't and I know I need to work on myself before I even think about being in a relationship. Why don't you try to make yourself the person you want to be. Try volunteer work. Also why have you isolated yourself from your friends?? I know I'm lonely now, however that is because most of my friends already graduated and have moved. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 You sound unhappy. And when you get unhappy, do you often hurt yourself because of it? In one way or another? Isolating is a form of punishing oneself. "Settling" is a form of self hurt. The thing is you can't learn from these types of mistakes. Dating a guy you know is no good for you - well, you already know how that works out. I hope you decide to do something different and take a risk. Taking a risk for you isn't dating - it's being on your own and learning how to take care of yourself through thick and thin. I know that isn't always an easy thing to learn...but it's worth every single bit of energy you will ever put in it. Link to comment
just M.E. Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 You are 23, that's like just starting to date ...I'm not trying to sound harsh, but the wrong person can make you wish you were alone and finding a "husband" is not the goal. finding love and someone you can enjoy life with, respect and be happy with is. But everyone is right, you have to start with how you feel about yourself. Husbands don't just "show up" and you and he live happily ever after. It just doesn't work that way. Creepy only gets worse, they do not change, they do not get better. Mostly a person lets down and gets worse in marriage because they don't have to try to impress you. If he's creepy and he's still trying to impress you, what will he be like later. Yuck!! Link to comment
Ammy Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 Firstly, you are 23... things are not dire. Secondly, if anything all you might do it try to look outside your usual type - but that does not mean looking for total weirdos or settling... Surely there are normal guys that you may have overlooked before that are worth a try before you hit the weirdo creepy guys... In fact nothing is that dire that you would date a creep who is also quite possibly a "dirty old man"... I'd rather be alone forever than with a creep!! Ammy Link to comment
kluv224 Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 Don't lower your standards. It won't make you feel any better about yourself and from your post you agree that this guy is a creep. Just move on and find something else and someone more your age that you don't get that creepy vibe from in the beginning. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 i will look for my standards forever. if it takes that long. i will never settle. Link to comment
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