Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 what the hell? you never lower your standards...... Link to comment
Superfreak Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 what the hell? you never lower your standards...... Lowing your standards might be a good tactic if they're unreasonably high. But the standard of "I don't want a guy that creeps me out" isn't really an unreasonably high standard that this poster should drop. Link to comment
lady00 Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 But the standard of "I don't want a guy that creeps me out" isn't really an unreasonably high standard that this poster should drop. Exactly right. I couldn't have said it better! Link to comment
BronzedSkin123 Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 I have only had serious relationship..and it wasn't even a real one where love was involved. I see all of my peers who are involved in relationships BUT me. I am at an age where relationships should be thriving but I am always alone, and I never seem to find the right guy. I am at a point where I don't even care if the person I am with cheats on me, I will just let him have his cake and eat it to--as long as he is good to me and gives me the companionship I so desire that is good enough. Link to comment
RayKay Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 So in your eyes being good to you includes cheating? I am sorry, I wish I could say this without coming off as judgmental so I just want to be clear that I am not saying this about your "person" but rather about your attitude...it is pathetic. There is nothing alluring about this kind of desperation and it is bound to get you in trouble including either with someone whom treats you badly by cheating or is abusive (and certainly you would not be okay with abuse? A woman here was killed a couple blocks away from me this weekend by her partner with a hammer...in front of their son...certainly THAT is not better than being alone?). Part of the problem IS your desperation to be honest. I guarantee many of your friends are also going to go through many breakups with the people they are with right now. Your focus should be more on figuring yourself out as a person and fostering friendships, than "getting a guy". Believe me, NO man can fix the emptiness you feel in yourself. And honestly, a decent man does not deserve a partner whom expects them to fix them. Link to comment
BronzedSkin123 Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 I think being single is simply a coping mechanism that I am just not good at. Lately, I have not been having good luck with men at all, I don't know whether it's because I have poor social skills or it's just me (boring, uninteresting). It's gotten to the point where it's embarrassing to meet up with an old friend and to tell them I am single--cause I was single the last time they saw me. All of them are in relationships, and/or married. I am so tired of doing everything by myself and trying to "find myself as a person" I want to find the right guy! I am at the point where I will take whatever comes my way Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 You know, there's a difference in lowering your standards and finding fault. It really depends on what your core values are. Once you've figured out what you like and don't like in a partner, it's much easier to let new people in and keep the bad ones out. Like, if you just MUST have a man with money, then you could be missing out on a lot of great guys that don't fit that preference. And true values have litte to do with possesions anyway. (Not sayin you are that person, tho). You have to figure out if it makes YOU feel good...? It's not all about them. I will never ever settle again. And I suppose post-divorce I am a little more rigid than I'll end up being (at least I hope so!) But figure out your OWN values and rest assured, it takes MANY YEARS to figure out your true core values... I didn't know mine till I turned 30! And, oh, I was married to the wrong man who didn't meet my values... Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 I think being single is simply a coping mechanism that I am just not good at. Lately, I have not been having good luck with men at all, I don't know whether it's because I have poor social skills or it's just me (boring, uninteresting). It's gotten to the point where it's embarrassing to meet up with an old friend and to tell them I am single--cause I was single the last time they saw me. All of them are in relationships, and/or married. I am so tired of doing everything by myself and trying to "find myself as a person" I want to find the right guy! I am at the point where I will take whatever comes my way Gosh...I don't know what to say here. You seem to really be of the mindset that any relationship is better than no relationship, and that mindset, while it may bring you a relationship, will most likely not bring you a healthy, long-lasting one. Why? Because desperation leads us to accept whatever we can get (which is exactly what you're saying you'd do here), and when we're not picky, we get the bottom of the barrel -- losers, users, and abusers -- and we tend to hang onto them and stay with them for FAR longer than we should because we have ourselves convinced that we can't do any better or that it's better than being alone. Healthy people are NOT attracted to desperation, which is why desperate people often end up with other desperate and/or dysfunctional people. I know you don't want to hear this, but...YOU'RE YOUNG. I am almost 15 years older than you, and I have been single for a lot of my adult life -- in fact, for most of my 20's, I was totally single. In my 30's, I've had a few relationships, but they were fairly short-lived, and I have recently lost someone that I cared very much for. I worry at times that I won't find someone else, but you know what? In NO way am I willing to just settle for whatever comes along, because I value myself enough to know that I am worth more than just taking whatever I can get. I would 100 times rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't see my value, doesn't respect me, cheats on me, etc. Your problem is not being single; it is your self-esteem. You don't think well of yourself, hence you believe that you MUST have a partner to be happy and you have convinced yourself that settling is better than holding out for what you really want. I'm not sure what to tell you about your self-esteem; therapy might help you to learn to view yourself differently and thus have higher expectations in terms of relationships. Link to comment
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