His Ex!

[lilsmc]

well so i have been talking to this guy for almost 2 months and things have been so great between us. He is someone i went to school with for a few grades in middle school but he was transfered to a different one so we never got to see much of each other til recently when we bumped into a club and exchanged numbers. He called me one night to ask me if i wanted to come to this party. That's how things started. I really wasnt expecting ANYTHING TO HAPPEN, considering the fact that i slept with him that night! ( I know it was one of those drunken nights!) it didnt feel weird at all because again, he is someone i have known for a while. Now ever since that happened we have been inseparable( again, something not expected) I met all his friends and coworkers. Sometimes, i feel he tries to rush into things. Like, he'll start talkin to me about my birthday which isnt for another 2 months.

 

So i know he broke up with his girlfriend(4 yrs together) about 1 yr and a half ago when he found out she was cheating on him. I totally didnt have a problem with that because i could really see that he was really into me and vice versa.

- Last week was his birthday and she called him to wish him a happy birthday and all. I was over his house when she called so he made the convo very short. I'm not going to lie , i was a little upset about it but didnt make big deal about it. Now, just a few days ago i was being nosey and decided to go through his text messages. ( bad habit, i know) and i saw a text message that he sent to her saying "I missed ya" and when are you comin to jersey for the weekned? and then he was calling her all the cute names he calls me!! NOW, i am completely thrown off because i really dont know what to think anymore.

clearly, he is NOT over her! and ever since i read his texts, i havent been acting the same way wit him, I am so upset at the fact that i feel he is playin games with me.

 

I brought it up to him, but obviously didnt tell him i went through his phone. i asked him if he has spoken to her since and if they hang out or plan on hanging out. He said no, that he hasnt seen her in over 6 months and she has a new boyfriend. He said he likes me a lot and why would he introduce me to all his friends if i wasnt important to him.

please help! i dont know what to think anymore, because i really like/d him and now i am so confused about this whole situation and i dont know how to deal with it. Should i keep talking to him knowing that he invited his ex over for the weekned? or should i end things with him? or if you have any other suggestions, that would be very appreciated.

[annie24]

putting your situation aside, i really don't have a lot of respect for a guy who is still stuck on his ex-gf who cheated on him forever ago.

 

well, you essentially found out that he is lying, that he still seems to have feelings for the ex..... so, what are you going to do now.....?

[lilsmc]

what am i going to do now?

 

well BIG part of me wants to Completely stop talking to him. Its not the first time i have been in this situation concerning someone's ex. Ex's always seem to come back and cause so much drama.

 

My gut feeling is telling me to leave him behind.

 

but i still need ways to tell him this, because he is not someone i just met, he is someone i have known. please help

[Anna.]

It sounds like he is lying to you and you will have trust issues if you don't leave or resolve this. Own up to reading his texts and see what happens. The worst that could happen is that the relationship ends which will probably happen anyway if you don't confront him b/c you will always be suspicious and like you said, you're already acting differently towards him.

[angelsoft]

lilsmc,

 

You caught him red handed. You need to get out of this relationship before you become too attached. He is being dishonest and that's not acceptable.

 

You know what you need to do. All we can do here is give you advice and our opinions. It's your choice about what you want to do with the information.

 

He lied to you. Don't even give him a second chance. It's not worth it.

[ghost69]

you can miss an ex. doesn't mean getting back together or seeing each other is happening. i do find it odd that you asked if he talked to her and he said he hasn't seen her. he didn't deny talking to her. so i'm not sure if that's a lie or he just copped out on the question. your call though. you aren't his gf are you?

[EQD]

wow.. sounds like my ex. *shiver*

[annie24]

you can miss an ex. doesn't mean getting back together or seeing each other is happening. i do find it odd that you asked if he talked to her and he said he hasn't seen her. he didn't deny talking to her. so i'm not sure if that's a lie or he just copped out on the question. your call though. you aren't his gf are you?

 

i think that ghost has a good point - you aren't actually officially bf/gf with this man, are you? so technically, he's not doing anything *wrong.* now it's a matter of if you are comfortable with the situation or not...

[ghost69]

wow.. sounds like my ex. *shiver*

 

yeah, but you guys were an item. that doesn't apply here i don't think. they aren't labeled anything but seeing each other i think.

[lady00]

Well he's definitely lying to you. He says he hasn't seen her in months and that she has a bf yet he's talking to her and calling her the pet names he calls you. I would interpret this response as "No [i am not talking to her [i]and[/i]] I haven't seen her in six months." I think that's a very logical way to interpret it and if that is the case, then he's lying. Otherwise, he's playing with words to avoid telling a direct lie, which is just lame. I would ditch this guy. It doesn't matter if you're bf/gf or not...he shouldn't be lying to you. If he had told the truth, it would be a different story because you guys are not in an exclusive relationship. Still, I wouldn't be in an exclusive or non-exclusive relationship with someone who is talking to an ex and calling her pet names while she's in a relationship...that just rubs me the wrong way.

[lilsmc]

The bf& gf label isnt there but we act like we are..or at least we did. But see, he is the one who offered her to come to jersey for the weekend, he is the one who called her all those pet names HE CALLS ME! i just asked him to tell me if they were planning on hangin out anytime and his response was "if i'm not at work, then i'm hanging out with you, i spend all my weekends with you." Fine, HE DOES LIKE ME, that i know. but that still doesnt change the fact that he asked her to hang out during the weekend. it just sucks so much that this has to happen to me ONCE AGAIN.

i like him, i like to spend time with him but i dont think i could act the same flirty, touchy fun way anymore. but anyways thank you so much for all your responses! it really does help a lot =]

[ghost69]

then make your own call. i'm just saying you aren't bf/gf whether you act like you are or not. nothing was set in stone. you didn't have the talk or he doesn't introduce you as his gf right?

[lilsmc]

i am holding my tears back so much right now and its making me so upset. and noo, its not even about him and his ex girlfriend, its about this happening to me all the time! I MEAN ALL THE TIME. Am i doing something wrong? I am so fed up with dealing with whole bunch of jerks and their lies. and now i cant even hold my tears back anymore because i am hysterically crying so much. My life totally sucks and i am feeling so sad and depressed right now, and i'm usually never down. I always try to find positiviness in life but today i just havent been able to cheer myself up.

 

thanks

[annie24]

ok.... don't take this the wrong way..... is this your time of the month? i know i am more emotional around it too, especially about things that don't normally get me down..... look, it's not your fault, it happens, people don't stop talking to their exes. i'd just forget him and move on, i'm sure you're a great girl, you'll meet someone better.

[ghost69]

your problem in a nutshell, you put yourself out there on a shred of interest and involve your emotions more than necessary. you get too attached. you try and find positiveness, that is great. but you don't need others to do that.

[drewciouS281]

If you keep the mind set that all you do is attract cold, lying jerks than thats what you will continue to attract. Change your mind set.

[lilsmc]

so today i will confront him about it. This past weekend , i tried to act like it didnt bother me because after all he isnt my boyfriend...although he acts like it. I went through his phone again last night just to see if any new messages came from his ex and to my surprise there were!!! i cant hold it in anymore and i will tell him i went through his phone whether he thinks im crazy or not..but its better to tell him i know then to keep quiet. We'll see what happens.

[lilsmc]

yesterday i finally confronted him about the texts wit his ex. The last time, i kind of let it go and and never really said anything about it. but last night when i was callin my friend from his cell phone, i decided to be nosey and go through his texts . and to my big surprise there were lot of messages from her. He had actually asked her to hang out the night before. I was like thats it, i have to say something. So i did!! i was soo mad and upset at the same time because we have been having such a wonderful time together, or so i thought! i mean, he asked me if i wanted to meet his parents, and i did! and everything seemed to be going so smoothly between he and i. He said that i was overreacting and that she means nothing to him..they are just friends and mostly because she was a big part of his life ( 4 years) and i told him that he was just like all the guys i ever talked to and to please not talk to me anymore after tonight. I was like "why would you ask her to hang out with you when supposesivly you were talking to me?? he stood there all quiet and said i was too jealous and that he cares for me so much more than i ever will for him and he doesnt want to stop talkin to me at all, I AM obviously going to be jealous if you are asking your ex to hang out with you! anyways, do you guys think i did the right thing by telling him it is over?? I am so upset and have such mixed feelings right now. but i would like to know if what i did was right or wrong??

[annie24]

he stood there all quiet and said i was too jealous and that he cares for me so much more than i ever will for him and he doesnt want to stop talkin to me at all, I AM obviously going to be jealous if you are asking your ex to hang out with you! anyways, do you guys think i did the right thing by telling him it is over??

 

i don't know how he can say that he cares about you so much more than you ever will if he is asking his ex to hang out and not telling you about it.

[lady00]

I don't think you're wrong. I think he is making lame excuses about why he should hang out with her. Has he invited you to hang out with them? Does she know you? Does she know you exist? I'm guessing not. Yuck.