Open relationship question

[Hope75]

no, I have a primary partner who I have been with for 2 and a half years. Some people are more open to the triad thing but I don’t think it’s not something we are looking for.

 

I'm curious, does a primary partner have special privileges over your secondary partners?

 

What dictates primary and secondary, amount of time invested?

 

How do you divide your time, and do you ever spend time with more than one partner?

 

Is there ever any jealousy involved?

[rosephase]

Well, he really NEEDS to be open about it because if he is not, people get the wrong impression and they may not understand the dynamic of your relationship. That is why it is best to date within the poly community.

All he has to say is that he is not exclusive. Most people do not have that talk right away anyway.

 

"Not exclusive"! That was the words I was trying to think of. The kind of non scary words.

 

If someone told you there where dating someone but not exclusively, what would that mean to you?

[RayKay]

"Not exclusive"! That was the words I was trying to think of. The kind of non scary words.

 

If someone told you there where dating someone but not exclusively, what would that mean to you?

 

To me it would not mean they were poly or had a "primary"...I would take it more as casual dating.

 

Most of the time when I have started dating someone we have both been "not exclusive" meaning we were still meeting others for at least the first couple weeks or so (not being sexual, just meeting) or until we decided to be exclusive.

 

I would not be turned away by someone whom was still 'dating', but I would be walking away from someone whom had a "primary" and was looking for a poly relationship.

 

In other words, I don't think saying "not exclusive" really explains things!

[rosephase]

I'm curious, does a primary partner have special privileges over your secondary partners?

 

What dictates primary and secondary, amount of time invested?

 

How do you divide your time, and do you ever spend time with more than one partner?

 

Is there ever any jealousy involved?

 

 

I only have un protected sex with my primary. So far we only spend the night together but we have been talking more about that one recently. He is the one my family knows. And he gets introduced as my boyfriend. There are a lot of little things but those are some. And every partner ship is different.

 

I spend way more time with my Primary. I live with him.

 

There are a lot of jealousy issues. But we work thru them together. All of us. Not just our partners but our whole group of family and friends. It is a lot of work.

[ycmanvs]

"Not exclusive"! That was the words I was trying to think of. The kind of non scary words.

 

If someone told you there where dating someone but not exclusively, what would that mean to you?

 

It means just that...they are dating multiple people because they are not in an exclusive relationship. It is very common for people to do this before they make a monogamous commitment. Most people do not talk about it the first few months they are dating anyway. As a matter of fact I think poly people are much more honest about it than the regular population.

[Hope75]

I only have un protected sex with my primary. So far we only spend the night together but we have been talking more about that one recently. He is the one my family knows. And he gets introduced as my boyfriend. There are a lot of little things but those are some. And every partner ship is different.

 

I spend way more time with my Primary. I live with him.

 

There are a lot of jealousy issues. But we work thru them together. All of us. Not just our partners but our whole group of family and friends. It is a lot of work.

 

It seems very risky to be having unprotected sex with your 'primary' partner, when both of you are having sex with others (even if it is 'protected' there is no 100% protection and quite a few STI's are transmitted even with the regular use of condoms).

 

How often are you screened for STIs, and are your other partners screened regularly also?

 

Do you consider your secondary partner your boyfriend also? He doesn't get to meet your family? How about your friends?

 

Does your family know about your lifestyle?

[JadedStar]

"Not exclusive"! That was the words I was trying to think of. The kind of non scary words.

 

If someone told you there where dating someone but not exclusively, what would that mean to you?

 

It would mean to me they are casually dating but I would not assume polyamory unless they specifically stated that. Since this is not typical but rather atypical i think that someone who is polyamorous should disclose that if they want to pursue flirtatious advances and ask someone out or accept a date from someone ...

[rosephase]

It seems very risky to be having unprotected sex with your 'primary' partner, when both of you are having sex with others (even if it is 'protected' there is no 100% protection and quite a few STI's are transmitted even with the regular use of condoms).

 

How often are you screened for STIs, and are your other partners screened regularly also?

 

Do you consider your secondary partner your boyfriend also? He doesn't get to meet your family? How about your friends?

 

Does your family know about your lifestyle?

 

Well both my primary and myself and his secondary have herpes. I got it form his secondary. We are all aware of each others STI status. And we all believe in full discloser before having _any_ kind of sexual interaction with anyone new.

 

I get screened ever three months. Everyone gets screened a few times a year.

 

Yes I call Craig my boyfriend. He gets to meet my parents at some point but it will be as a friend. I am not open to my parents or brother, I feel like they don't need to know about my sex life and when I introduce someone as my family they treat them as family weather or not I'm sleeping with them doesn't come into it.

[ghost69]

so if you are out with your secondary, what do you introduce them as?

 

and wow herpes? first this guy has to explain how he already has a 'secondary' gf. now he has to explain herpes on top of it. yikes.

[JadedStar]

Well both my primary and myself and his secondary have herpes. I got it form his secondary. We are all aware of each others STI status. And we all believe in full discloser before having _any_ kind of sexual interaction with anyone new.

 

Holy crap. Just even READING that sounds complicated! Whew.

[ycmanvs]

so if you are out with your secondary, what do you introduce them as?

 

and wow herpes? first this guy has to explain how he already has a 'secondary' gf. now he has to explain herpes on top of it. yikes.

 

her secondary does not have herpes...so he does not have to explain anything but the fact that he is having sex with someone who has herpes. i know some people that have herpes and they have not had outbreaks in a long time, so it is not as bad as people think...it is more of a stigma than anything else.

[Hope75]

Well both my primary and myself and his secondary have herpes. I got it form his secondary. We are all aware of each others STI status. And we all believe in full discloser before having _any_ kind of sexual interaction with anyone new.

 

I get screened ever three months. Everyone gets screened a few times a year.

 

 

Yikes!

 

So you are all tested every three months, use protection, and you still spread herpes to one another.

 

That's awful!

 

This is part of what makes me leary about this arrangement- in addition to the obvious issues regarding trust and jealousy that I can only suspect would arise and create difficulty.