bummedout4 Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 Well I haven't posted on here for a while and really haven't been on here for a while since i have been doing better lately. To make a long story short, my ex broke up with me in Sept after 4.5 yrs of being together. We were both 22 at the time. She said she wanted a break and it turned into a break up with her starting to date someone else. It was really tough for the first 2 months but after time, i realized i had to just move on and get on with my life. We talked here and there, mostly her calling me once a month or on my bday, nothing special. Fast forward to this past Wednesday, she texts me saying hi and to see how i was doing. I kept it short and that was the end of that, I figured it was her way of just checkin up on me or something. Then friday comes around and she texts me again, saying hi and if i was busy Saturday, she then asked me if she wanted to meet up. This really caught me off guard so i played it cool and told her to text me Sat. and we see whats going on. Later on Friday she calls me crying, saying she is so sorry for everything she did, she has been miserable for the past 2 months, she can't believe she ruined what we had and still misses me and loves me. We talked for like an hour, mostly her talking about how she was confused, scared of the future and just wasn't herself during this time. She got caught up with some guy who lied to her and has been with him for the past 2 months b/c she is scared of getting out of it, he is a psycho apparently, and his mom and sister would prob call her to at her , etc. So as you can imagine , this is all shocking to me. As far as i knew, she was happy with her life and with me not in it. All this time i have missed her and thought of her everyday, wondering if we ever have another chance. Its still surreal that all this happened and she still loves me and wants me. So we met up yesterday, got some lunch, she basically talked about how she has been depressed, getting sick, feeling like a different person and regretted that i wasn't there for her bday, xmas, new years and her graduation. She didn't feel right , and those occasions felt weird without me there. So she says she is ending it with this guy, she already told him she wanted space and hasn't made attempts to talk to him for days. This is what i have been dreaming for since the day she broke up with me but i know she needs to prove that i can trust her, and that she is really the person i fell in love with a long time ago. We agreed to take it slow, see how things go and not rush into the old habits and the old relationship. I have learned a lot during this time and she says she has as well........I know many people will say to tell her to screw off but people make mistakes and i do love her. well i appreciate everyones support on here and advice, its weird how a lot of the things said on here are right on and so TRUE. Thanks to everyone, wish me luck! Link to comment
mezmerist Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 Good luck! I wish you the best, and I hope it works out for you. Take things slow, talk things out, because you definitely don't want to go through the heartbreak again. Make sure that things are going to change, and that both of you really want to work at it to make this a *new* relationship. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 Take it very slow...she is bouncing back and forth. You don't know if this guy dumped her so she is coming back to you as a safety net. Make sure she is really dumping this guy...make sure she has told him so...no just this space BS...her telling him that it is OVER. Then give her space to be alone and get her head together. Right now she is in panic mode and using you as backup...I would have been less skeptical had she actually really dumped the guy, spent a bit of time alone AND THEN contacted you when in a rational state of mind. Her contact has been out of panic...this is all about HER. Be careful...she can still hurt you very badly because she has not really come to terms with what she has done. Link to comment
NorthDallas40 Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 Great news, 4! But I agree with what has been said thus far, especially what CAD said. You need to make sure that she's coming back for YOU, not just to escape the situation she's in. And she definitely needs to drop this other guy COMPLETELY before I'd recommend getting your hopes up too high. So don't rush into anything, and let her make the moves and prove herself. She's come this far, and if she's REALLY serious, she will come closer even if you only meet her part of the way. Luckily it sounds like you've handled everything GREAT so far, and it seems like you will continue to do so. Best of luck and everyone here I'm sure is wishing that this turns out to be a real success story! Link to comment
toshiba Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 It sounds to me like when things go wrong, she runs to the next best thing. It doesn't sound like she's capable of working things out in relationships. I would be VERY leary of her as she could do it all over again to you. Link to comment
bummedout4 Posted January 20, 2008 Author Share Posted January 20, 2008 I understand what you all say about making sure she is coming back to me and not escaping. She has told the guy she doesn't want to be with him anymore, he still calls her but she doesnt answer, she deleted her myspace to avoid any comments by him and his sister. I know she may seem like a person who can't make up her mind, but to admit all she did and take responsibility is the first step. She didn't know how i felt, she didnt expect me to want to see her or even talk to her. I know her really well and I know when she is being herself and when she was confused. She was confused, now she is trying to get back to herself and be happy again. I know I cannot rush and jump back into a relationship with her but there is always a starting point. We are there now, hope that everythign works out fine and the love we had and still have is worth saving and continuing. If i didn't think she was worth it, i wouldnt go through this and have the possibilty of heartbreak happen again, but you only live once, so i have to follow my heart, wherever that leads me. Thanks again for all the advice and support! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 You have to start somewhere and hopefully this will be the start of a new and improved relationship. Good luck and keep us posted....I am sure a lot of people on this board would love to read about a success story. Link to comment
lovemeorleaveme00 Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 hey..goodluck! you sound like smart and very secure..remember superdave's love story? this one sounds like it!Youre the only one who knows her worth for you..so goodluck! Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 I hope everything works out for you. CAD has given good advice, so proceed with caution, but I'm glad you are following your heart. Link to comment
Crows Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 This sounds exactly like my ex. Dumped me, in confusion, went to some new guy, who treated her horribly, hit her etc. While she was still with him, she would contact me at night and hint to hang out. She now dumped that guy about 2 weeks ago.. she's kinda been in a tailspin. She needs time. We had tentative plans to hang out, they didn't work out. This eekend... we were going to, but she kinda disappeared. But anyway.. take everything she says with a grain of salt and be very cautious! But hopeful. i would like to follow your story as it is very relevant to mine. We should talk Link to comment
nikkers04 Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 congrats and good luck I hope I can have your same situation happen Link to comment
dreamguy Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 Congratulations. Just be extremely careful before you allow her back into your life and, most importantly, into your heart. I wish you the best... truly. Link to comment
bummedout4 Posted January 21, 2008 Author Share Posted January 21, 2008 Thanks to everyone for the kind words and advice. I hope this is the start of a great relationship with my ex. I know I probabaly wouldn't have this opportunity and be at this point without everyones advice and this board. Link to comment
bummedout4 Posted January 28, 2008 Author Share Posted January 28, 2008 Just wanted to update everyone on whats going on with me and my ex. We have been hanging out, went on a few dates and spent time together this weekend. Things are going good, just everything is happening so fast, i think it is getting to her. She did call me and missed me and wanted me back in her life which i have wanted. We may have rushed into things a little bit and started to feel like it was before. She seems to be a little overwhelmed by how everything is changing so fast. She really feels pressure to not hurt me again and wants to make things right. I know that no one knows what the right choice is and all the answers, that is what makes life so unpredictable. She says she loves me , knows that she wants to be with me and that i am right for her, but sometimes still has thoughts of the guy she was with for 4 months. It has only been a week since we started talking and hanging out together, so i am guessing this is normal and will fade with time. All i know is that i don't want to be hurt again and i am finding it hard to protect my heart, since i do love her so much. Just venting a little bit, I am confident in our love and that we both want to be together, I guess i was expecting everythign to be great so fast, i know that it takes time to get to where we want to be. Link to comment
lady00 Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 It sounds like you two are communicating well so that is a good first step. You sound like a patient guy and I imagine you need to be when getting back together because things won't automatically go back to the way they were. Ideally, they shouldn't...they should go somewhere new and exciting. Congrats and good luck! Link to comment
remainstrong Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 in my opinion make some distance between both of you dont just rush in because you love her, if u want it to be for good even walk away yourself tell her causally that you feel more space is needed. Do you want to be with someone who is thinking about someone else? I have a feeling too much too soon and it will be lost. only my opinions and every situation is different best of luck Link to comment
Dutch_gert Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Hey bummedout4, I think we have the same situation. You are just some phases futher. I think...But I have a 9 month of NC. Just read my post... Can you analyse this Link to comment
Josh07 Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 I'm happy for you bummedout4. I broke up with my ex of 3 years back in late August as well. I feel the same way you do. I hope everything works out for the best for you and her. Good luck! I'm glad you shared your story, it helps keep me motivated and gives me hope. Thank you. Link to comment
bummedout4 Posted February 3, 2008 Author Share Posted February 3, 2008 thanks for everyones advice. It seems when things are going well, she starts to re-think and overanalyze everything. She is so scared of hurting me again, and everyone telling her to be careful not to hurt me again, i think its getting to her. She seems to be ok one day and then feel differently the next. I know she loves me , but i think she is just so worried about doing the right thing that it is scaring her. We have talked and talked and know it will take some time, i just hope that she sees that we are worth the work and time. i don;t know what to call "us" right now and from my point of view i want to be together with her again officially but i understand from her view it may be too much too fast. I don;t want to rush her and make her feel even more pressure. Well i will keep you all posted, i hope things continue to grow and we eventually get to where we want to be. Link to comment
HibachiKiller2010 Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 bummedout4 - you have no idea how much our situations mirror each other - to the point where it seems beyond eerie coincidence, both in terms of time frame and substantive relationship issues. stay focused on growing yourself. try to avoid conversations with her about the relationship and where it's going. stay positive and give her all the time and space she needs. don't be that wounded puppy. in the meantime, i highly highly recommend you watch the Tao of Steve. Link to comment
JerryG Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 Hey, this might be blunt, but I want to offer my opinion because you sound like a stand-up guy. Give her space I guess, but don't forget that she broke up with you. SHE should be the one proving that SHE is good enough to be with you. Remember that. I know you love her and want to get together with her, but I hope your not the only one being patient and doing the work in getting this relationship off the ground. I got concerned when you mentioned that she's "confused" and "scared of hurting me" and still has "thoughts" about this psycho ex-boyfriend. True, these might be very valid feelings, but at the same time part of me would want to tell her to quit the bullsh*t. You have feelings too, and its not all about her. Link to comment
Crows Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 This sounds like my situation as well. A confused girl, who is showing signs, but is hot and cold. Link to comment
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