Ok I finally admit I'm not attractive, how to deal with it??

[ilovepoemsalot]

That's true. No one looks that different on photos than they do in real life, unless they've been severely altered in Photoshop (the photos, I mean).

 

I'd love to know which of my photo's look the most accurate, I ain't really got anyone to ask though.

[Stinkweed]

I'd love to know which of my photo's look the most accurate, I ain't really got anyone to ask though.

 

Lol, sometimes I think that too. I think I look decent enough in the mirror, then look at a photo, or just look at my reflection's reflection's, or something, or maybe just compare my reflection to someone standing next to me and start thinking maybe my head is out of proportion, maybe this, maybe that... I don't like mirrors either... or cameras.

[ilovepoemsalot]

Oh yes they do!!! Shadows, angles, lighting, lack thereof. People LIE! The person who started this thread looks different. Way different. She drove away. What does that say?

 

That's true about the photo's, but I don't think he ment any harm by it. Maybe he was hoping that the good photo's really did look like him. There's no way that he deserved what she said to him.

[ilovepoemsalot]

Post them here. We will tell you.

 

Honestly. Or at least I will.

 

Lol, how can any of you though when you haven't seen me in real life?

[ilovepoemsalot]

Lol, sometimes I think that too. I think I look decent enough in the mirror, then look at a photo, or just look at my reflection's reflection's, or something, or maybe just compare my reflection to someone standing next to me and start thinking maybe my head is out of proportion, maybe this, maybe that... I don't like mirrors either... or cameras.

 

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I think a lot of the time, and I'm being honest here, that I actually look very attractive in the mirror. But when I look at a reflection of my reflection, which shows how my face looks in real life it suddenly looks really distorted and asymetrical, in other words way ugly.

[Raiden]

Oh yes they do!!! Shadows, angles, lighting, lack thereof. People LIE! The person who started this thread looks different. Way different. She drove away. What does that say?

 

I don't agree. The "chassis" of your facial structure remains consistent, irrespective of lighting etc.

 

I guess some people notice it more.

[ilovepoemsalot]

good point.

 

Webcam then.

 

I can vary on webcam too.

[ilovepoemsalot]

I don't agree. The "chassis" of your facial structure remains consistent, irrespective of lighting etc.

 

I guess some people notice it more.

 

I'm not sure, at least I don't think it does with everyone. It's amazing how much my face can change I mean like I don't even look like the same person.

[ilovepoemsalot]

But its more real. True ugliness will show.

 

There's times on the webcam where I look very attractive. Change my distance a lot from the camera, or change the angle so the lighting is different on my face, and I can look like a right troll.

[Raiden]

I'm not sure, at least I don't think it does with everyone. It's amazing how much my face can change I mean like I don't even look like the same person.

 

Tom Cruise and Keira Knightley look like Tom Cruise and Keira Knightley in all of the pics I've seen. I look like me in all the pics I've seen of me and what I see in the mirror. My mother looks like my mother, my friend looks like my friend... et cetera.

 

Like I said, perhaps some people are more receptive of minor variations in people's photos than I am *shrugs*.

[ilovepoemsalot]

Actually I've just made a spin off topic from this conversation, it's been something I've been meaning to ask people for a long time,

 

Don't want to derail this guys thread either.

[shoppingGirl]

When I met my fiance (he is 58 by the way and I am 29) I had no physical attraction at all. I just saw an older man whom was to old to even think about dating. But as I got to know him and see who he was I completely fell in love. Women don't just want whats on the exterior...a nice woman will recognize the wonderful person you are. Sometimes it takes a long time but you will meet that special woman who will fall in love with you. Be patient...and work on being happy with yourself because people who love themselves attract the same kind of person. Take care...and I hope this helps...Anna

[Stinkweed]

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I think a lot of the time, and I'm being honest here, that I actually look very attractive in the mirror. But when I look at a reflection of my reflection, which shows how my face looks in real life it suddenly looks really distorted and asymetrical, in other words way ugly.

 

I think my face is pretty symmetrical... It's like the rest of my head (shape) and the proportions in my body that look especially weird when I'm looking at myself anywhere that's not a good ol' mirror, lol. I'm thinking "yeah, my hair looks fine" then I happen to look at my reflection's reflection and it's just "whoa! My hair is NOT bad! what was I thinking?"

[Myles]

That's true about the photo's, but I don't think he ment any harm by it. Maybe he was hoping that the good photo's really did look like him. There's no way that he deserved what she said to him.

 

 

Quite honestly I delude myself into thinking the modeling photos look like me... I hate taking pictures. I guess I rather meet people in person.

 

 

I give up.... life sucks.. I wish I could die.. Seriously I do. Nothing can lift my spirits. I'm bitter and I feel quite jaded. I just don't care about life anymore.

 

I'm just so tired of being pushed around and treated like crap... I really am.. I'm one of then nicest people you can meet yet people just step all over me like I'm a bug or a rodent.

[ilovepoemsalot]

I think my face is pretty symmetrical... It's like the rest of my head (shape) and the proportions in my body that look especially weird when I'm looking at myself anywhere that's not a good ol' mirror, lol. I'm thinking "yeah, my hair looks fine" then I happen to look at my reflection's reflection and it's just "whoa! My hair is NOT bad! what was I thinking?"

 

My body still seems to look symetrical, but like you, the shape of my head looks all weird and bent in on one side, and my hair suddenly looks ****ed.

[Lana0120]

One word: humour. Just because all these people are telling you that you're ugly, doesn't mean you are, but if they tell you that and you act 'comfortable' with your apparent ugliness, that would take some guts and would start to make you feel better about yourself. Just go 'yeah, i'm ugly and proud of it' and DON'T stop doing things that would make you feel better about yourself because of some pathetic people out there. It hurts a lot to be called ugly, I know, but the chances are, that really, you're not.

[Hollyj]

Unfortunately, I think your self-esteem is your biggest detriment. You're responsible for not allowing people to walk all over you, when you are able to stand up for yourself, I believe things will turn around.

[Myles]

Unfortunately, I think your self-esteem is your biggest detriment. You're responsible for not allowing people to walk all over you, when you are able to stand up for yourself, I believe things will turn around.

 

Agreed but my question is how do I gain self esteem and self confidence. It's weird, whenever I start feeling good there's always someone or something that shoots my confidence down.

[ilovepoemsalot]

Myles. Could it be that you look inbetween your bad photos and good photos?

 

After all, everyone has good and bad photo's. Looking inbetween in real life is probably most likely.

 

Yeah people have said you're ugly, but seriously, I've heard other people call people ugly who weren't actually ugly, infact a couple of them were actually pretty attractive. I do mean that, I'm not making it up to make anyone feel better.

[Raiden]

I've heard other people call people ugly who weren't actually ugly, infact a couple of them were actually pretty attractive. I do mean that, I'm not making it up to make anyone feel better.

 

It happens, of course.

 

It's still an extremely rude, childish and insecure thing to say about someone though. Especially to their face, before driving off into the horizon. Eugh.

[ilovepoemsalot]

It happens, of course.

 

It's still an extremely rude, childish and insecure thing to say about someone though. Especially to their face, before driving off into the horizon. Eugh.

 

Well I could never understand it. I mean, how could you think someone is ugly if they're attractive, even if you personally don't fancy them. That's why I always thought I must actually be ugly if a girl calls me that.

 

Yet girls do do this even with attractive people they don't fancy. And it took me until around 1995 to first notice that.

 

Guys don't do this on the other hand, or at least I don't. Calling an attractive person ugly who you don't fancy at all wouldn't really make any sense since obviously they aren't ugly.

[Raiden]

Well I could never understand it. I mean, how could you think someone is ugly if they're attractive, even if you personally don't fancy them.

 

Yet this is what girls do. And it took me until around 1995 to first notice that.

 

Because they invariably are immensely insecure, and/or have low IQs. Not worth the trouble of worrying about if you ask me.

[Madoc]

Myles to let you know nobody is ugly out there regardless of what anyone says the term ugly should be laid to rest.

 

Now if you feel this way about being unattractive then fine regardless of how you look you will always be unattractive because its something that you attract into your life. I have known women who look great on the outside and yeah I could have dated them but I wouldn't even if money was on the line I would touch non of those girls because of their attitude towards themselves.

 

The bottomline women will not reject you because of your looks, I have seen some "Not so sexy men" date some pretty hot women and theirs a reason for that. You have to be confident in yourself otherwise you can look like brad pitt and women still won't like you if you ain't got the confidance.

 

 

Sometimes you need more "No's" in your life to get those "yes's" from the right people. I have been rejected over 60times by women so don't feel bad.

[Superfreak]

You don't have any control over the behaviour of some stranger on a first meeting, but you definitely have control over friends that get a power trip out of demeaning you.

 

Trust me, all of us at one time or another have had jerk friends that make us feel like crap. Get rid of them, don't return there calls, block them on msn, refuse to hang out with them. It'll help with your self esteem I guarantee it.

[Unmotivated]

Myles, there are a couple thing I'd like to point out.

 

First off, people (especially women) are going notice how you dress and your hairstyle and the style of your facial hair more than your actual facial features. Because these things are what people use as cues as to how socially savvy you are. You may be able to completely change the 'vibe' you give people by getting a new haircut or wearing some stylish clothes.

 

Second, if you're self-conscious when you meet somebody, they will pick up on it. You need to give yourself the benefit-of-the-doubt that your looks aren't a problem, because if you don't seem to care about your looks, people will pick up on that too and they won't make a big deal about it.

 

And I am speaking from experience here! In my opinion, I am pretty darn ugly, but at some point I messed around with my hairstyle and cloths until I found what worked best for me. Now people don't seem to notice my inherent bad looks. I talk to people with confidence, with the presumption that I am an interesting guy and cool guy, and they see that my taste in style is congruent with my confidence, and they respect me. This goes for both the guys and the girls I have met lately.

 

Another bit of advice, and people might disagree with me here, is not to focus too much on online dating. I think you can learn a lot more by trying to meet people in real life. Don't worry so much about trying to get a date or anything. Just try to be a fun and interesting guy!

 

If you're interested in posting a couple recent pictures of yourself wearing what you usually wear, I bet there'd be a bunch of us on this forum that would give you some ideas on what's working for you and what's not working for you in terms of style.