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Everything posted by Myles

  1. I've always been someone who wasn't quick on their feet with learning or following directions or what have you. I don't know why but I've always been a little slow at doing things.My parents always referred to me as knucklehead or slow, they do it in a playful way but I know they're serious about. Throughout life people have always said things about how much of an idiot I am. I often make mistakes with everything I do and it's so hard for me to focus and catch on to the most simple things and tasks. At my new job a lot of people don't like working with me because they know how backwards I am with getting things done. I work at a grocery store and sometimes I just mess up a lot with following order and directions and often, people get frustrated with me because it takes me a long time to catch on to something. One old guy at my job one day just referred to me as a dummy and we got into a heated argument over that and I reported him to my manager. I don't know I've always been like that and maybe perhaps something is wrong with me but I don't know what it is. I've been idiot and dumb by so many people that I actually believe it's true now..
  2. Right now I just have this attitude like I'll show them!! Like I want to prove to them I can lose the acne and become this really hot stud. It just has me so determined now. I wanna just come back looking good and all of the people that put me down, rejected me etc etc, I want their mouths to drop. I'm really about to drop this girl as my friend. She just comes off so immature and she is the main one that teases me. This was the same girl who made that ugly comment about me when we were going out a night ago.I soo wanted to retaliate Ellie2006 but I didn't. Then she turns around and has the nerve to ask me for money and I told her that I can't give her any money at the moment. She claims she needs 50 dollars for school. I told her to find a job and then she wants to say that I'm not being a good friend. Like I said, I'm just soo past people's ignorance. I'm at a point where it's really annoying me and I want to do something about it. I'm just fed up with being a nice guy and getting nothing for it but ridicule and isolation..
  3. It's not all of them, just a certain few that I think I'm going to cut out of my life anyway. One girl did it to me today, I actually addressed her on that issue. She even said something to this effect, sure your face is messed up but I still love you as a friend."When we make fun of you it's harmless, we still care about you and you shouldn't take comments like that so seriously". She then have the nerve to tell me to stop acting like a punk and that all of us have flaws, it's just that my flaw is acne.She then proceeded to say things like, yeah your skin makes my skin crawl at times but we just tease each other because it's harmless and fun. It's really immature.I'm really trying to feel good about myself. I don't like the way I look period, I don't like how my face looks, I'm skinny and no one seems interested in me. I have pics of me on myspace and I respond to girls and they never respond back to me meaning they wasn't interested in me at all. It makes me feel bad. I think I'm going to try to eat healthier, drink lots of water and excercise. Maybe this will help my acne & not only that but I'll be in good shape too. I just would like to feel attractive as I'm not feeling very confident right now.I'm just so tired of people making fun of me and using me..
  4. I have acne but I really can't go to a derm right now, maybe in the future but right now is not good because I have to save my money for more important things. My skin is really messed up right now with blemishes, bumps & I'll admit I look very horrible and I've tried store products and everything but no luck. Then I have had these dark circles under my eyes that I've had for years. Then I have like a skin rash on my back and a little on my stomach & I've had that since summer. All of this just makes me feel horrible about myself. I can't even look at myself in the mirror.. It's embarrassing going out as it is with the way I look. Then I have people that are constantly putting me down about it doesn't make me feel better. I really just want to get out of this ugly duckling syndrome. It makes me want to work out and get rid of the acne to show everybody that I am good looking. I really have this fixation to improve the way I look..
  5. Cool thanks I'm about to read it right now! My friends are good people but I think they tend to be more on the immature side. I told them about how I felt and they just tell me to not take it so hard.I have to ask myself are these guys really my friends if they feel the need to do it? They don't tease me in a bullying type way. We might make jokes toward each other but I just seem to take it harder then anyone. Like yesterday, a female friend and I were going to the movies.She came over to my house and I was still dressing up. She then replied with a comment like, "I don't know why you're trying to look good.. you're ugly" and laughed. I tried to laugh it off and shrug it off as a joke but comments like that annoy me and bother me. Maybe it's time to find some more mature minded friends...
  6. Lately I've been feeling very unattractive and it's making me depressed. It doesn't help that I have so called friends that seem to make fun of me too. They claim that I need to stop being so sensitive but why crack jokes on my looks?Like I might be out with friends and you know how friends might crack jokes on each other for fun? It just seems like they target my skin problems and the way I look. Like they might say things like shut up pimpleface, or big nose or things like that. I can understand them if these things weren't true but they are... Yet they claim it's a joke. I can deal with the fact that I'm not attractive, I just don't need people constantly reminding me that I'm not. Lately it seems like different people have done this. Makes me begin to wonder if it's true.Then I have pics of me on myspace or whatever and hardly anyone hits me up, makes me wonder if my pics are ugly. I know I shouldn't worry about how other people think but I would like to feel attractive so I can feel more confident but it doesn't help when people are constantly downing me.
  7. During the summer I was outside in the sun alot so I got a tan and it turned my facial skin and arms like 3 shades darker than my original skin tone. I really don't like how my skin turned out and I liked it better when it looked lighter.I am african american by the way. Well I've stayed inside alot more and people say that my skin will eventually lighten up but when exactly? Im afraid that it might stay dark forever. Is there anything I can use to speed up the lightening process??
  8. I don't know what's wrong with me the past couple of weeks but I'm just really emotionless.Like nothing matters anymore, there's just nothing that makes me happy or excites me anymore. I'm annoyed with everyone in my life, I'm not being able to relate to my family or my friends. My parents are just old,boring and annoying. They aggravate me and get on my case about every little matter.I'm just bored with my circle of friends because I'm just not feeling them anymore. Yesterday I went out with them to hang out at the mall. I was just nonchalant and just withdrawn. I was just basically hanging around them, as I was watching them I realised that I really have nothing in common with these friends. Plus they're just very immature and I guess I'm just past that now.In all, I'm just in a don't want to be bothered type mood. I'm staying in my room more and more just listening to music and sleeping. I'm ignoring people's phone calls because I just don't want to talk anymore. Nothing seems to make me happy or excite me anymore.I also feel like I can't relate to anybody and I'm just different from everybody else. I don't quite understand what my problem is.
  9. Ever since I hit 13, I've been having acne problems. Even though in the last couple of years, my acne calmed down. I still get 3 or 4 pimples here and there every so often. However with years of having acne, it's messed up my facial complexion. It looks very rough & uneven. There's tiny bumps everywhere & there are tons of acne marks all over my face. My skin doesn't look very youthful, it looks very warn out like the face of an old man. It's not cute for the ladies. I can't see a derm at the moment but hopefully soon in the future. Does anyone have any tips or special creams and remedies for a more youthful looking skintone?
  10. Ok I've been getting mixed signals from my friend's sister. She's pretty cute & she's only about 2 years younger than us, I wouldn't mind having a relationship with her.Everytime we see each other, we're constantly getting at each other playfully. She'll hit me or she'll call me ugly, & I'll basically do the same thing back to her.Then sometimes she likes to play around & hold my hand & say I'm her boyfriend. She quickly lets go & says she's just playing though. It's always like that. Or she'll blow kisses at me & she'll do the same thing again. Personally I think she's flirting with me. However, just recently my friend told me she has a boyfriend.So I don't know where she is coming from most of the time. She's been doing this the whole time she has a boyfriend..
  11. That sounds good & very insightful. I'm still hoping for the day we have a good Gay leader or something that will come along & change the mindsets of most straight people & have alot more people accepting us. Sorta like the Martin Luther King for gay people! I wish someone would come along one day.Maybe I could lol, but I'm not that bold or brave! This also confuses me about religion.. Who exactly put that in the bible & should we take everything from it so seriously? There's a god, however I'm starting to question if I should believe in any religion & just accept the fact that there is a force greater than us that is watching us now.Everything as far as religion goes is so confusing & in some cases, it doesn't seem to help the world but makes it worse in some aspects. I think everyone should believe in god, but not take everything that's being said in the bible so seriously!
  12. The friends I currently got are on the immature level still & I guess I want to make new friends that I can relate to more & carry more of a conversation with.I'm having a hard time getting rid of this annoying dude who calls me constantly. He's so self absorbed in himself. He never listens to what I got to say. It's always about him. He's too materialistic & always talking about what shoes to buy, etc etc. There's more to life than that. I'm trying to find away to let him go gently, without it being a big issue. I've been trying to avoid his calls & the rings on the doorbell, but he just doesn't seem to get it that I really don't want to be bothered.I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to change & move forward in my life. Getting rid of the friends that are not really friends to begin with is a good start for me. Making new friends is so hard though! I've basically gotten everyone to stop calling me. It's hard being alone but I will have to deal with it. Most of the so called friends I got are two faced anyway. They really can't stand me.
  13. This is so hard... I've been trying to think of something that motivates me & something I would be interested in but nothing has rung a bell to me. Last night, I tried writing a story like I used to do, but I seriously wasn't into it like I used to be & I stopped on the first page. I'm just feeling so blah & nonchalant about everything. Nothing excites me anymore & this is the problem..
  14. Lately, I've been confused about what I should be doing with my life. Now that I have graduated high school this year, I've been spending alot of time at home.I haven't enrolled into a college yet & I still don't know what college is best for me.To make things even more complicated, I haven't a clue what I want to study in.It frustrates me for the longest because everyone is so sure of what they want to be & what talents they have. I really don't have any. Back in school, I wasn't really involved in extra curricular activities. I didn't really have alot of friends, I wasn't the most popular or the most attractive. I was usually the shy quiet kid who would sit in the back of the classroom.I wasn't good in school, that's because me being dumb, I didn't put forth the effort & took it seriously. I barely made it out of high school. My gpa is really bad,I don't even want to say what it is. I've been writing alot, basically a journal. I think I would be good at studying something in writing. I've always like writing stories & comic books when I was younger but how can I be for sure if this is going to get me anywhere?Life has been very dull & boring lately. I spend most of the time still at my parents house trying to get myself together.I'm single & hating it & I really hate being alone.Jobs are scarce here & it's really hard for me to find one. I've been going everywhere for months. At least with a job, it would keep me occupied. It just seems everything is at a standstill in my life...
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