greenmonster Posted December 19, 2007 Author Share Posted December 19, 2007 But you're posting b/c you feel something is missing right?? do you think its a meaningful relationship that's missing? hell I dunno...I feel like theres something missing for sure, but what it is I couldn't tell ya. I just feel like I'm not living up to the typically expected "lifestyle & standards" of your "typical affluent white christian type 30 year old male"... Link to comment
rocio Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 I guess I am just too lazy(or scared of what the result could be) to apply myself into finding someone I could get into a serious relationship with, so instead I look for the pretty little thing to have a couple month fling with. is that so bad? I bet it would hurt your girlfriend's feelings if she read that. Does she know that she's a pretty little thing to have a couple month fling with? It doesn't sound like you have alot of respect for her. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 If 40 is the new 30, then the 30 is the new 20, so I guess you are very mature for 20. They also say that women are 10 years ahead of guys, so your 20 year old girlfriend is probably on the same maturity level as you. I do not think most people feel their age. Sooner or later you will get bored with your lifestyle and then you will probably try something different. For now though, if you are happy, who cares if you seem like you are doing silly things? Link to comment
greenmonster Posted December 19, 2007 Author Share Posted December 19, 2007 I bet it would hurt your girlfriend's feelings if she read that. Does she know that she's a pretty little thing to have a couple month fling with? It doesn't sound like you have alot of respect for her. its not like I actually plan things out!!! her and I started off as just a fling sort of thing...and it has moved along into more than I initially expected...but its a very pleasant surprise. I do have a lot of respect for her and all women for that matter... its not about respect...what I was saying in that post is that the last 4 girls I've dated have all been these 20-22 year olds that things go well for a couple months then seem to fizzle out and thats that...no hurt feelings or anything...just move on. but this one and I have actually gotten quite a bit closer than the others...so I dunno...who knows... Link to comment
Jeen Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Silly question is the people around you getting married, I had a chat today with a guy at work he said basically the same things you mentioned in your post and it only made him feel this way because all his friends of his age was getting married. Don't stress , take your time, don't force it, you still have the time. Link to comment
love4life Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 its not like I actually plan things out!!! her and I started off as just a fling sort of thing...and it has moved along into more than I initially expected...but its a very pleasant surprise. I do have a lot of respect for her and all women for that matter... its not about respect...what I was saying in that post is that the last 4 girls I've dated have all been these 20-22 year olds that things go well for a couple months then seem to fizzle out and thats that...no hurt feelings or anything...just move on. but this one and I have actually gotten quite a bit closer than the others...so I dunno...who knows... Did these feelings start when you found this more meaningful relationship with your GF to be a "pleasant surprise"? Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Did these feelings start when you found this more meaningful relationship with your GF to be a "pleasant surprise"? lol we all sound like doctors trying to diagnose him. Link to comment
Siriana Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 I pick my nose. Outside of the office I only wear jeans I still smoke, but only when I'm out at night drinking I pay 2 latino women to come by my house every other week to clean it because I am too lazy to do it myself. I pay to have my laundry done because I think its a waste of time. I lie to my parents about random stuff just to avoid talking about it I stopped seeing a really great girl because her accent annoyed the crap outta me You can exclude these from your list..that sounds normal. Welcome to "I like to pick my nose" club Link to comment
greenmonster Posted December 19, 2007 Author Share Posted December 19, 2007 Silly question is the people around you getting married, I had a chat today with a guy at work he said basically the same things you mentioned in your post and it only made him feel this way because all his friends of his age was getting married. Don't stress , take your time, don't force it, you still have the time. yeah...I'm basically the last man standing...hell I even know a couple guys that have been married, divorced, and remarried... Did these feelings start when you found this more meaningful relationship with your GF to be a "pleasant surprise"? no...these feelings started back in the middle of October...when I turned 30 and started looking at my life a little closer because I felt old. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Welcome to "I like to pick my nose" club Oh siriana did you have to share that? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 lol we all sound like doctors trying to diagnose him. Unfortunately, however, we are not getting $150 bucks an hour out of him. LOL Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Unfortunately, however, we are not getting $150 bucks an hour out of him. LOL Pay up OP. Link to comment
love4life Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Unfortunately, however, we are not getting $150 bucks an hour out of him. LOL Yeah, and apparently it's not the "She's the One!" syndrome, either...Hmm...I'm at a loss! Let me write you a referral to a specialist... ;-) Link to comment
greenmonster Posted December 19, 2007 Author Share Posted December 19, 2007 Pay up OP. I already pay my shrink too much as is...and he never says anything basically...just asks me what I think about this or that or whatever...what a waste of money THAT guy is...200 bucks a month to go hear myself yammer on about stuff...my dog is just as good as he is at that Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 I already pay my shrink too much as is...and he never says anything basically...just asks me what I think about this or that or whatever...what a waste of money THAT guy is...200 bucks a month to go hear myself yammer on about stuff...my dog is just as good as he is at that Hmm, but see I actually WOULD talk during our sessions. LOL Link to comment
greenmonster Posted December 19, 2007 Author Share Posted December 19, 2007 Yeah, and apparently it's not the "She's the One!" syndrome, either...Hmm...I'm at a loss! Let me write you a referral to a specialist... ;-) hehe... to be 100% honest I don't have a problem with the idea behind being married...its the whole asking a girl to marry you and being engaged that I have issues with... I walked in on my ex-fiance getting nailed by the Air conditioning repair guy...I had left work early to pick up our wedding invitations and had the whole box of em in my arms when I walked in...so...that kinda left a dark mark in my mind about that whole engagement process. but that was almost 4 years ago now...and I'm over it...just think that subconsciously I still have an issue with it. Link to comment
love4life Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 I already pay my shrink too much as is...and he never says anything basically...just asks me what I think about this or that or whatever...what a waste of money THAT guy is...200 bucks a month to go hear myself yammer on about stuff...my dog is just as good as he is at that Well, a therapist is there to guide and ask questions but you're the one supposed to be doing the work and finding "the answers." No one can tell you "Do this and that and you'll be happy". You can't live life by someone else's standards. Link to comment
love4life Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 hehe... to be 100% honest I don't have a problem with the idea behind being married...its the whole asking a girl to marry you and being engaged that I have issues with... I walked in on my ex-fiance getting nailed by the Air conditioning repair guy...I had left work early to pick up our wedding invitations and had the whole box of em in my arms when I walked in...so...that kinda left a dark mark in my mind about that whole engagement process. but that was almost 4 years ago now...and I'm over it...just think that subconsciously I still have an issue with it. BINGO! Talk to your therapist about that... Link to comment
greenmonster Posted December 19, 2007 Author Share Posted December 19, 2007 Well, a therapist is there to guide and ask questions but you're the one supposed to be doing the work and finding "the answers." No one can tell you "Do this and that and you'll be happy". You can't live life by someone else's standards. I've gone to this guy for almost 3 years now...and I think the only words he knows are "so...what do you think about that?" and "how does that make you feel?"... in 4 years I don't think I've ever heard him say anything else.. would be nice to get SOME kind of point in the right direction Link to comment
greenmonster Posted December 19, 2007 Author Share Posted December 19, 2007 BINGO! Talk to your therapist about that... Oh...I have...I went through 3 shrinks dealing with that.... Link to comment
love4life Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 I've gone to this guy for almost 3 years now...and I think the only words he knows are "so...what do you think about that?" and "how does that make you feel?"... in 4 years I don't think I've ever heard him say anything else.. would be nice to get SOME kind of point in the right direction Have you tried CB therapy? That's what I do and it does provide tools to help. I've been very happy with my therapist. She's kind of a no-nonsense type. Not mean, but she also knows how to balance "feeling" with "thinking". Link to comment
Entropy Smith Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 People are bored because they are boring. You are very status conscious and do alot of score keeping. Drudgery is the result. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 aww.. i know it's not the topic but that's horrible about your ex fiance, like some horrible scene from a movie. no wonder you went thru so many therapists about that. other then that read your list.. i think it's great when people don't get all "serious" and do what "adults are supposed to" like get boring and go to work, come home, watch tv and sleep. (ok that's not really true not but at least you still get joys out of the small things in life still and are still able to get as excited about them like when you where a teenage kid). priceless! i wish i had stuff like video games/toys to get really revved up about. Link to comment
Snoopy24 Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Well I think as long as you are happy with what you do, it doesn't matter what age you are. You have a good job, nice house, car, friends, having sex with hot young girls. I think after what you fiance did, made you afraid of commitment. I could be wrong but it seems like you see all of your friends go "home to their families" and a part of you wants that, but you don't want to start a long term relationship again to get hurt all over. That is the thing about relationships. You never do know. It's about taking a chance, and when you do find the right one it will be worth it in the end. Instead of having flings with 20 year olds, try finding girls you have something in common with, and are happy being around. A little older. Even 23+. Link to comment
enchiladaman Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Quite honestly I admire you. You aren't giving in to societies pressures. You've probably saved yourself from a divorce or two by not marrying too young, too early like 50% of couples do and I bet there are even more that feel trapped and unhappy in their marriage but stay together because of kids or are afraid to be lonely. Most of the content men I know in my life waited till they were in their mid-thirties to get married and so I am not going to rush into anything just because I'm feeling pressured. I almost got pressured and what a mistake that would have been because I simply put was not ready for it. I think you've reached a stage in your life where you are successful and have pretty much everything you want and do whatever you want to do and are starting to wonder if there is more in life than this. Maybe you are wondering if you are missing out because you aren't married or don't have kids. My opinion is, unless you are really into the idea of marriage and kids...it probably isn't for you quite yet. Heck, you might completely change your mind in a year or two and have decided that is what you want now. There are two types of guys I work with. Guys that are happily married and love their family and spending time with their kids, and guys that are unhappily married and feel a strain every time they have to do this or that with their kids. The guys in the second category are definitely some of the most miserable men I've ever met and you don't want to be in that category. I think they are the men who got forced into a marriage that probably wasn't with the right person and had children because they felt it was a remedy or solution to their unsatisfactory marriage. Guys in the first category found the right woman for them that makes them happy and doesn't cramp their individuality to much and they work as a team together. Marriage and kids just kinda came naturally and they are genuinely happy. Lastly, I think you just haven't met the right lady yet. There are plenty of great catches out there around your age and they have the youth of a 20 year old but the wisdom and experience of someone older. There are some really cool women your age that are both fun and attractive and very single because they have lived life like you or got married too young and are now divorced. I would suggest maybe trying to find someone a little closer to your age. I think the minute you meet the right lady your life will completely change. I think perhaps you should get away from the 19 and 20 year olds and get something closer to your age. The 19 year olds are safe because they are young and wild and not looking for marriage...thereforeeee you can't get hurt because you expect them to be a casual fling. Someone older and more challenging could be better for you but a relationship or someone that challenges you probably reminds you too much of your bad relationship so you avoid it. I also mean this the kindest way possible, but the only problem I see with your situation that could be potentially harmful to others is that you've developed a very selfish lifestyle where you do what you what when you want. This is perfectly fine as a single individual...but will cause problems in any new relationship if you aren't aware of it or don't research on ways to deal with it. Hope this helps...you can just send me the 200 bucks each month instead of him...I'll listen and ask rhetorical questions Good luck bud, and good luck with expert level...it's a killer at times. Link to comment
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