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guy i met online acting weird


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Hehehhe, Now i am sure you are joking, right? Looks are only a superficial attraction for catching the interest of someone. At the end of the day, if you don't come accross as someone of intelligence and solid emotional standing then you have probably freaked him out a little.



Maybe he likes you as a chat buddy and thats all. .



I dont see what I've said that would make you think I was like that... I actually wrote a short story last year with him as the main character in which he was a rich gay prostitute in new york and i just finished a fifty page play so I dont think he is going to view me as a mental or emotional lightweight; (he always talks about the short story i wrote and he liked it..)


also about the "chat buddy" thing... i suppose i can ask him that point blank next time he is on aim.... "do you see me as a chat buddy or something more"

its not that im all that caught up emotionally in him yet; yes we do seem compatable and i would like to get to know him, but i'm not gonna die if he tells me the truth and i don't like it...

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Hey Winter , being able to write creatively, and be good at it, can actually indicated that you are emotionally not all there.


You know what though, i have read some of your other threads, I really think that maybe you are a bit of a "brat" that is used to getting her own way. I am not trying to be offensive here, but all your threads revolve around YOU , with no empathy or understanding for other people.


Maybe you could internalise some more things rather than externalising everything. Just accept that he may not like you that way.


I'd imagine it has nothing to do with your looks. It is either him in a situation where he has not been honest with you, or he maybe senses that you are highly conceited, or appear to be that way.


Sorry if the above offends, but i tend to say it the way i see it.

I have a suspicion that you may actually lack confidence in a large way and that you put on this facade to make up for your lack of it.

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why do you keep saying "hey" are you trying to be patronizing? A few things: I am not a brat who is used to getting her own way. My life is really uncomfortable and chaotic the phrase "in shambles" comes to mind... I don't know what you mean by internalize/externalize.. if you mean twist reality via imagination I do that (I notice details and am very imaginitive it is why Im a writer). Also I made the distinction of being a writer because you were suggesting I was vapid and stupid.... which I wanted to clarify I was not. (My writing alone in these threads should show I am quite smart)


Also, MY threads would revolve around ME and My Life wouldn't they? Isn't this where individuals come to pose romantic and otherwise queries and concerns???... Also, if he does sense my repellent conceit and returning to my original point why does he still talk to me on aim?


And you are right I am extremely insecure as well, I waver between hating myself and tolerating myself in some far off place...... I can't look people in the eye when I talk to them. It's a shame.

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Ok, so a slight off kilter "hey". No it's not patronizing, it was actually meant to be "understanding" but, we are from different parts of the world, so there a slight nuances in our language that may not mesh. This is why context is sometimes hard in messages etc.


What I mean by internalize, is to simply look at yourself, and concentrate clearing your feelings of worthlessness, self depreciation and trying to settle the "shambles" that you think your life may be at the this present time.


I certainly don't think you're stupid, and as for him talking to you on aim, it could simply be that he is an ego tripper that likes the attention from girls. What I am trying to get to is this : Why do you care so much what this guy thinks? Hence the reasoning that i believed you may have confidence issues.


The real issues for you that i believe you should be addressing are those that you stated in your last post. Also in reference to the brat analogy, it was not in reference to your original Posts, but moreso the common theme of asking for peoples advice/thoughts and then resisting them. As though you tend to get stuck in a certain mindset and can't let it go or evolve.


Again, "my writing in these threads should show i'm quite smart". C'mon, seriously. You don't need to tell people this. What's the point. Let this guy fade into the darkness and concentrate on yourself.

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I can understand why Winter made the point of mentioning that her threads show that she is smart because she was being portrayed here as someone of a superficial nature. I see no problem with her saying that.


She strikes me as someone who is attractive, yet insecure. So when she feels rejected, she uses her attractiveness as a defense against the feelings of insecurity it brings about in her. ("What nerve do they have turing ME down?") This keeps those feelings of insecurity at bay.


I feel that what attracted her to this guy was his "mysteriousness" which she referred to in an earlier post....his elusiveness creating a cat-and-mouse game which intrigued her creative mind.


I think she's more interested in the reason for his actions than she is in him. She feels that the reason for his actions points to something about herself...a missing piece in her own self-discovery.


As for him, I do not think he is shy based on his MySpace page. I believe he is a guy who likes the attention of many women. Of the men who are like this, they do not always meet the women. Some they meet and some they relegate to online chatting. Each woman has their place in this man's life. In additions, a man who frequents seedy clubs often does not form healthy attachments towards women.


The question is why you are attracted to unhealthy men. That is something you should work on discovering.

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Something odd strikes me about your post. I can't quite put my finger on it...



To the OP - in my experience, there are people on these dating sites who just like the typing and talking but for whatever reason don't want to meet - and not always because they are married/attached. That is why I stayed away from more than a few emails/one or two phone calls prior to meeting asap.

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i didn't think he was weird. he used that as an excuse.


i stopped talking to him because it wasn't going anywhere... i started talking to him because its the holidays and girls get lonely this time of year... and i guess i wanted to know what his deal was all along.., a-- ----


Two words come to mind:




He want some fun cyber times with you but if he is not wanting to meet you, and it is clearly not because of your looks because you are gorgeous, he is probably married or seeing someone and looking for cyber friends and playtrysts.


If I am wrong it is STILL in your best interest to cut this off right away. If he wanted to go out with you badly enough that would have happened by now. Move on...he apparently isn't THAT interested.

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We haven't gone out... he's actually on aim right now and I am having a bad day so I'm tempted to i-m confront him. But, I don't want to have to cut him off if he tells me something I don't want to hear...


Also, I am very sure he's not married(def not) or in a relationship because he is on so many social networking sites (myspace, facebook) all of which are related to his job (it says where he works) and he has many friends and it says he's single.... if he had a gf his friends/coworkers would realize he was lying somewhere... Also, he's not having cyber fun with me because we just talk about normal day to day stuff (we arent having cyber sex or secretive sex)..... all he's getting out of talking to me is an "aim buddy" men who cheat on their wives usually do it for sex (right?)

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^ I think the OP is asking why would people want IM buddies, not to know its not your bag.


Some people don't want the responsibility to have a full blown friendship with a person. This way they only contact you when they want to.


i'm saying i have no idea why somebody would want an IM buddy.

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i'm saying i have no idea why somebody would want an IM buddy.


It's like a stranger you can talk to. Sometimes things are so personal that you can't talk with your friends or family about it. I've got one IM buddy I've had for years, and can always rely on her when I"m down and need somebody to vent to. None of my 'real' friends have been there like that.

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^^I see your point, Ghost, I don't have IM buddies, either (except a few friends I already know in real life who don't live near me, and IM-ing is cheaper than talking on the phone), but a lot of people do make friends on the 'net and correspond through IM on a regular basis. Case in point: I have a friend who has a lot of really unique hobbies, and she's a vegan. She doesn't know a lot of people "in real life" who share her interests or who are vegans, so she "meets" friends from all over the country -- mostly other women -- on forums relating to her interests, and they talk online.


Getting back to the OP's situation -- I agree with the posters who said that some people just enjoy the attention they get through the "typing and talking" thing. It makes them feel good to have someone interested in them, to have someone to *talk* to about their woes, etc. I wouldn't put too much stock in IM conversations with people you haven't met before. If he hasn't made a move to pin down a date for a meeting, he's probably not interested in anything other than a "typing and talking" thing. I'm not convinced he's married or anything, but I think he's probably just not interested in anything more, for whatever reasons.

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I have several IM buddies. I actually like them as much as real life friends. LOL Sometimes more because with the IM friends if you feel ill one day you just don't log into the PC. Face to face friends barge in on you. Then get hurt when you tell them "go away". LOL


Me too! But, with most of them if I did just go away they would worry and e-mail etc and vice versa.


One that I did meet in person - we met for the first time on her wedding day 2.5 years ago!

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We don't talk about really personal things (doesn't confess/anonymously spill his guts to me)... just day to day stuff... we met on a dating site and he lives very close to me... So I dont know what he is getting out of having me as a chat buddy. Most guys if given the opportunity would want to meet a girl who was interested in them... he is a weird b-stard... also I i-med him "hi" earlier this afternoon and he signed off! which is very, very odd. I guess he anticipated the confrontation I was planning? Because last time we talked he was medicated (sleeping pill) and I was confronting him mildly... this time it was going to be super confrontational... lol.... maybe he's reading this thread???? and now he's more scared??? i dunno...

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Honestly - I don't think it matters WHY he wants to be just an IM buddy, or does not want to meet (maybe he is married - believe me people whom want to can create entire lives for themselves, seeing someone else or just not that interested in meeting you) - because it is pretty clear to me in his actions he just is not interested.


I really quite honestly don't see the point in confronting someone on this when their actions have shown they just aren't going to meet. Just stop talking to him - wish him good luck if you choose but that's it. He does not owe you anything and you do not owe him anything either.



Why bother being "super confrontational" or even mildly confrontational for that matter?


When I was dating online, if I had not met them within a couple weeks (or set up a date within that time) - I just moved on. I had no interest in building a relationship online itself. If it seemed we were not going to meet; I moved on.


Whether I am attractive to him or not, smart enough or not, none of that is relevant....not interested enough to meet = not worth any more of my time or consideration.

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I agree with Raykay and Sarah Jessica. The thing about on line dating - you have to park your ego at the sign on when it comes to whether the guy wants to meet or not. One way to make this easier is not to let things continue more than a few weeks at most, as Raykay suggested.

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Me too! But, with most of them if I did just go away they would worry and e-mail etc and vice versa.


One that I did meet in person - we met for the first time on her wedding day 2.5 years ago!


Well of course I wouldn't go away wthout telling them. LOL But it is easier to say "i have to go and do laundry" with an IM buddy vs a friend who is at your house and won't take the hint and leave. lol

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