wintersolstice Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 hi everyone... i met this guy on a dating site last feb. he is 26 and has a job in nyc as a banker. i am 23 and in my last year of college... this person i-ms me a lot and we talk on aim, he asked me out once in a very hidden way. he never asked for my number though but we often talk on aim (he will i-m probably more than i i-m him) i got annoyed that he wasnt asking me out or for my number so i blocked his screenname and stopped talking to him... a few days ago (six months or so after i blocked him) i messaged him on the dating site just to see why he never asked me out and catch up and maybe hang out for real... we started talking on aim he said: he thought i thought he was too weird (lies), he also asked me for my number and asked me out. and he said he would call me. he didn't call me (that was last week) and he didn't i-m me all week. but, today he messaged me this morning and tonight. he seems nervous when he talks to me but he can also seem as though he isnt focused on the conversation... but, i dont understand why he would continue talking to me if he isn't going to ask me out (just for a drink)? thats whats so bewildering about this.... he continues talking to me but hasnt asked me out.... i made it clear i liked him..... also i am attractive and i thought maybe he would be intimidated by me. but, i doubt this because from his pics on myspace and facebook it seems like he hangs out with a lot of very attractive women (maybe even cuter than me) so i am very confused... i asked him why he didnt call me and he said "i usually text ppl" (i dont get text messaging) then i kept asking him and he got annoyed.... im quite perplexed... he either likes me a lot and doesn't want to get involved with someone he likes a lot or he doesn't like me that much and is just keeping me around for companionship (but wouldnt he still ask me out to a bar just to try to hook up with me)?? your take(s) would be appreciated.
wintersolstice Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 i didn't think he was weird. he used that as an excuse. i stopped talking to him because it wasn't going anywhere... i started talking to him because its the holidays and girls get lonely this time of year... and i guess i wanted to know what his deal was all along.., a-- ----
Censored Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Well, a lot of people are fine behind the computer, but in reality when it comes to actually meeting, they become very nervous and maybe even anxious. How about you just call im and set the time and place, afterall you were the one that reinitiated contact after cutting him off.
wintersolstice Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 he already asked me out and i said yes... he should set the time and place.. he is the guy and three years older than i am... im not gonna twist his little arm
Censored Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Well, you can forward about this with him, or you can sit back and go along for the ride. But if you choose the latter, then it may be a long long ride that really goes nowhere. Why not send him a message asking him when it is happening.
wintersolstice Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 i did... i said "why didnt you call me" he said "i usually text" i said "girls" he said "yea" i said "no really why did you forget" he said "(got annoyed) yea i forgot ok??" i tried to ask but he was... diplomatically deceptive... i asked a lot...
Konfetkette Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 If he is acting like this, it should be enough reason not to talk to him again. Why did you accept to go out with him? He's showing his true colors (and if he's not, I'd hate to see what his true colors are really like) before you even met!
Censored Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Why? Because she is moaning about it on the thread. Simple. She wants TO MEET THIS GUY.
toshiba Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Twice you've gone through this with him now and you've seen his pattern....so why do you continue? Is it because you're attractive and are not used to guys NOT pursuing you? That's just a possibility. Attractive people are used to having people pursue them and they often are shocked when someone doesn't--which then makes that person more attractive to them. As far as his reason for acting the way he does, there could be numerous reasons. My guess is that he might just have a girlfriend in NY. That would explain why he prefers texting over calling. My guess is that he likes the flirtation of a younger woman. It gives him an ego boost.
wintersolstice Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 Um, I think he's attractive and we are both weird and unusual. I did not expect him to call me... I thought he might be too shy to call me because he seemed very nervous last time we talked... I didn't take that as rude more just bewildering and confusing...
wintersolstice Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 I don't know if he is shy and very cautious and likes me a lot... or if he is just weird and likes talking to lots of girls on aim....
Censored Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Ok, so i agree with CB on the not putting up with that. BUT if you WANT to meet him, just call him on his BS. He is either a deceptive monkey (which i have the feeling he may be,) or he has some social issues. If you allow this to be a game, then that's all it will ever be.
wintersolstice Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 he asked me out and said he'd probably call me the next day... and he didn't call me.... he knows i want to go out with him but he hasnt taken any steps to make it happen beyond my giddy confirmation. and even that was my doing because it was instigated by my saying "why do you think i stopped talking to you? why do you keep talking to me on aim but have never asked for my number or asked me out?"
wintersolstice Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 just call him on his BS. He is either a deceptive monkey (which i have the feeling he may be,) or he has some social issues. If you allow this to be a game, then that's all it will ever be. I did call him on his BS by asking what was going on last time we talked... I guess I should do it again? But, I guess if he is just shy and weird I don't want to lose him? I don't want to force him into doing something he isn't comfortable with. I am intrigued at the mystery... what does he have to gain from talking to me on aim??? I mean... it doesn't make sense.... if he has a gf who he is cheating on he is not getting anything from me sexually if he's just talking to me on aim.. whats so bizarre is he keeps talking to me but hasn't seriously asked me out... i dont see why he would keep talking to me if he wasnt interested and if he is interested why doesn't he ask me out... i don't think he has terrible social issues because he has pics of himself with really pretty girls (though he is usually quite drunk); but, these girls also post messages to him on his facebook/myspace wall(s) and they seem quite buddy/buddy....
wintersolstice Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 He's got issues. But even so, if you can lean on him to take you out, then things might just go well and the guy could be a real gem, just too shy to make that first move. thats what my sister thinks. she thinks he might be really cautious and shy and if things do work out he would be a really good boyfriend for me... also, he was engaged to his gf in college and she cheated on him and he hasnt had any serious relationships since then.
wintersolstice Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 IDS whats you age and sex? I want to know if you're offering a male or female perspective...
wintersolstice Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 But, do you hang out with really beautiful girls "in real life" he's into techno music and seedy clubs also
Censored Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Hey winter, are you just taking the mickey now? You seem to enjoy letting everyone now how beautiful you think you are. And i can't tell if this is serious anymore LOL
wintersolstice Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 taking the mickey now? lol @ taking the mickey. I think I should lose ten pounds..... and i know arrogance is incredibly unattractive. But, in discussing someone I want to ask me out and can't imagine why he is not I feel a discussion of physical attractiveness is relevant...
Censored Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Well fair enough. Although you don't need to lose ten pounds. So anyway, at the end of the day, if you have been talking to this person online etc. then physical attractiveness becomes less important the more you get to know someone. Just IMO.
wintersolstice Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 no it's just people were dissing/doubting my me-ness... and he and i are both odd because we both like seedy clubs... why cant he take me to one... i dont get it... he might just hook up with lots of girls and he might not be asking me out because he thinks im a "nice" girl whos looking for a bf; but still why keep talking to me on aim?
wintersolstice Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 what do you think it is? maybe you think i'm not attracted enough to this person and im more concerned with the potential of him being attracted to me?
Censored Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Hehehhe, Now i am sure you are joking, right? Looks are only a superficial attraction for catching the interest of someone. At the end of the day, if you don't come accross as someone of intelligence and solid emotional standing then you have probably freaked him out a little. Forget about you being "everymans dream" and liking to go to "seedy clubs" too. They are very very shallow. Not saying you are shallow, but they will only carry you so far. You gotta have more interest with this guy or at least have some sort of mutual with him. Maybe e likes you as a chat buddy and thats all. It doesn't mean anything bad for you, just that that he won't ask you out. Move on, simple. Don't fall into the trap of wanting what you "can't have", it's silly.
Censored Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Something odd strikes me about your post. I can't quite put my finger on it... yeah, me too.
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