guy i met online acting weird

[CaptainPlanet]

I think if a guy is in love with you it will take him a lot longer to ask you out. I think it is better to start a relationship where there is interest on the guys part to begin with than a relationship where he asks you out just for the heck of it.

[JadedStar]

I think if a guy is in love with you it will take him a lot longer to ask you out. I think it is better to start a relationship where there is interest on the guys part to begin with than a relationship where he asks you out just for the heck of it.

 

You cannot tell if you are in love with a person over IM. Those who have a genuine strong interest in that person will ask them out sooner rather than later unless they have personality issues or chronic shyness that makes them afraid of moving forward with face to face contact. SInce the guy in question is a banker I do believe I read I don't think he suffers from chronic shyness.

[JadedStar]

I think its awesome if she slept with her professor and tried to get a grade changes. I'd have given her points for thinking outside the square.

 

CP i am absolutely not surprised.

[Gratsy]

CP i am absolutely not surprised.

 

I think you guys aren't acting very nice.

[CaptainPlanet]

You cannot tell if you are in love with a person over IM. Those who have a genuine strong interest in that person will ask them out sooner rather than later unless they have personality issues or chronic shyness that makes them afraid of moving forward with face to face contact. SInce the guy in question is a banker I do believe I read I don't think he suffers from chronic shyness.

 

 

When you really like a girl, you have a lot more to lose by asking her out. You've got to time it right and say the correct things it can take a lot longer.

[JadedStar]

When you really like a girl, you have a lot more to lose by asking her out. You've got to time it right and say the correct things it can take a lot longer.

 

An entire year? That is dysfunctional.

When you really like a girl you will move mountains to see her in person.

 

I don't think giving a person false hope is the way to go. If i really thought he was into her i would say it. I never lie to people on these threads. My advice is that she is wasting her time. If she does not like that advice that is absolutely okay by me. But i could not give her any other advice with any level of good conscience...

[JadedStar]

I think you guys aren't acting very nice.

 

Why is that? I am not surprised. That isn't being mean.

[CaptainPlanet]

An entire year? That is dysfunctional.

When you really like a girl you will move mountains to see her in person.

 

I don't think giving a person false hope is the way to go. If i really thought he was into her i would say it. I never lie to people on these threads. My advice is that she is wasting her time. If she does not like that advice that is absolutely okay by me. But i could not give her any other advice with any level of good conscience...

 

One year, hahaha try seven.

[JadedStar]

One year, hahaha try seven.

 

Seven? Umm...that would be dysfunctional on levels I can't even begin to describe. Who waited seven years?

 

If the guy were 18 or 19, or early 20s and possibly had maturity issues i would be more inclined to believe he just is afraid to ask her out. But this man is a professional - an investment banker. He didn't get to where he is by being afraid of people. A man of his position who would be that afraid of asking a woman out has redflags waving all around his head and one to avoid.

 

The phenomenon you describe about a man so enamored he is afraid to ask out a girl would rarely happen in someone older than 21 or if they are older than 21 they likely have chronic shyness and that in itself can be a redflag to someone who is not that shy themselves - as the OP obviously is not.

[CaptainPlanet]

Seven? Umm...that would be dysfunctional on levels I can't even begin to describe. Who waited seven years?

 

If the guy were 18 or 19, or early 20s and possibly had maturity issues i would be more inclined to believe he just is afraid to ask her out. But this man is a professional - an investment banker. He didn't get to where he is by being afraid of people. A man of his position who would be that afraid of asking a woman out has redflags waving all around his head and one to avoid.

 

Are IB's really flashy salesmen, REALLY ?. I mean REALLY ? its finance, its econmics... you can make 100k+ being an excellent salesman selling more interesting things.

 

Like air conditioners.. and you don't need a college degree.

 

My Dad knew my Mum for seven years before they started going out.

[JadedStar]

Are IB's really flashy salesmen, REALLY ?. I mean REALLY ? its finance, its econmics... you can make 100k+ being an excellent salesman selling more interesting things.

 

Like air conditioners.. and you don't need a college degree.

 

My Dad knew my Mum for seven years before they started going out.

 

I'll be they weren't IM buddies tho CP. He "knew" her in the flesh not just behind an IM window. My husband had a thing for me for years but we were just friends, but we knew each other face to face. He wasn't chasing an IM icon.

We were friends for 12 years to be exact. Took me awhile to feel chemistry. LOL We were only off and on friends and he dated other people but we never lost complete contact and met up again face to face a couple of months before we started dating before we got married. So i am not saying at all that people can't be friends for a long time first...but we are talking about an IM pal here.

 

No, IB's are not flashy salesman. But they do have to have the ability to create and maintain business relationships and if they can't do that in their personal life I'd stay far away.

[CaptainPlanet]

I'll be they weren't IM buddies tho CP.

 

I don't think they had IM back then.

[JadedStar]

I love the discrimination that shy men receive from women. It's just lovely.

 

I am very sorry Brimley but it is what it is. I was once very shy when i was younger so I am not without sympathy for shy men, but shy guys - just like shy women - at some point in their lives have to go for the gusto if they want to reach their goals. I literally forced myself out of my shyness because I knew it was holding me back from accomplishing things in my life that were important to me. It took time, several years, but I was able to conquer it and I know if i could anybody can as I was VERY VERY shy at one time.

 

If a man is 32 years old and after a year of chatting on IM with a girl is still to afraid to ask her out do you not think that woman might want to protect herself from hurt and move on?

[ghost69]

this girl looks to be good lookin. i don't see why she needs to be so stressed over this one guy either.

[JadedStar]

this girl looks to be good lookin. i don't see why she needs to be so stressed over this one guy either.

 

I dont either. THat is also a redflag - not just the guy who can't ask a girl out in a year but the girl who is hoooked on a guy who has shown minimal interest for that timeframe. This usually denotes self esteem issues because a woman who feels confident and happy with herself won't wait that long on a man who has made no effort to pursue her anymore than this.

 

Perhaps counseling can help the OP. THat is what I would do for myself if I were waiting that long on a person to make a move I had never met in real life.

[CaptainPlanet]

I agree. She's a cutie.

 

I wouldn't say no.

[JadedStar]

Shy men are much more socially stigmatized than shy women. In women, shyness is "cute" and "feminine." In men, it's called being a "passive wimp." Big difference.

 

I agree with your point, but I'm speaking generally as a shy male over the age of 21, as you put it.

 

Well the comment about shy men over the age of 21 who can't bring himself to ask a girl out after a year of IM'ing is considered pretty chronic and a redflag. Even if this fits your description, you would have to agree, right?

 

That is not being discriminatory. That is being very realistic. Again I feel for your plight but to many women this would be a redflag that would be hard to ignore.

 

You gotta put yourself out there and out of your comfortzones man or you will be brushed to the bottom of the pile if a woman has other more assertive men asking her out. I wish I could tell you different, but i can't.

[JadedStar]

I don't use the internet for dating purposes. I've also never taken a year to ask anyone out I liked, but I rarely ask anyone out I would like anyway, so that's not the best example.

 

You may be right, but it's too bad because these women who pass me up for one of those other guys is missing out on someone who would treat them well, with respect, romance and loyalty. So it's their loss in the end. If you simply take anyone who asks you out, just because they did it, what can you expect?

 

Brimley I do agree. And when i am talking chronic shyness I am talking about the level of shyness that would prevent a man from even being able to function properly in a relationship with a woman. That does not sound like you so I don't think you fall into that category.

 

And it is a bit presumptuious to think that women just go out with whomever asks. When i was single i was VERY discriminatory about who I went out with. I was big on feeling like I knew enough about that person from the get go that seemed a good match to lessen the chances of wasting our time. Dating for the heck of it was not something i did.

 

When I was single I can tell you that I gave the shy man far more of a chance if he had other attributes that i went for. I actually tended to lean towards shyer guys but they had to at least have enough confidence to ask me out within a reasonable timeframe or I'd feel taht our compatibility might be weak since my confidence is on the very healthy side.

[RayKay]

I think the posters are a bit jealous of me because their replies seem loaded and vindictive and accusatory....

 

I don't think anyone is being overly accusatory, I think they are asking why are you so hung up on someone whom really does not seem that interested.

 

I am not in the least bit "jealous" of that. I have had a few relationships, many dates and even met some online over the years. Of those that I met online, if we did not arrange to meet and actually MEET within 1-2 weeks, that was it - I moved on. Enough men did ask me out that I certainly did not get hung up on any one person. Often when we met in person we determined we did not click, and moved on. No wasting a year of this "does he like me or not" stuff.

 

One of them whom asked me out, whom grew up rather shy, asked me out within three days. We met within a week. Three years later we are still together in our own home.

 

And for those saying maybe he is shy - it does not seem that way to me given the many pictures he apparently has of him and lovely women, his profession (I agree, if you are a banker, you cannot be so shy to be socially-crippled so to speak). I just think he is quite plainly not that interested in anything romantic but is perfectly fine with the status quo.

 

Just because we are saying you are not his "type" or maybe not someone he is interested in does not mean we are saying there is something automatically "wrong" with you - not everyone is everyone's "type" or attractive to that person.

 

I do agree though with Batya and Jaded that the fact you have been hung up on someone for so long whom does not follow through or seem to be interested romantically shows that you are probably not as confident as you try to portray yourself to be, and the fact you need to put others down on here with advice (like your criticisms of Jaded's avatar) show a very defensive attitude again indicative of low self-esteem or at least a lack of compassion for others that comes of as callous and "cocky" in sorts in your mind but I would say is again rooted in low-self esteem.

[Censored]

I think the posters are a bit jealous of me because their replies seem loaded and vindictive and accusatory....

 

Damn, i was expecting a little more than that sort of response Wintersolstice.

Too predictable from you.

I wanted to read something in relation to "Beloved", and the relevance of you asking me if i had read it.

 

Oh well. Maybe next time.

[CaptainPlanet]

I think it is a pretty big redflag if a girl uses the phrase 'red flag'. Unless shes talking about communism or something. More girls should talk about communism.

[ghost69]

I think it is a pretty big redflag if a girl uses the phrase 'red flag'. Unless shes talking about communism or something. More girls should talk about communism.

 

huh? i was lost when i read this.

[JadedStar]

I think it is a pretty big redflag if a girl uses the phrase 'red flag'. Unless shes talking about communism or something. More girls should talk about communism.

 

That is only because you have no idea what "redflag" as it pertains to relationships means.

[ghost69]

i say red flag all the time with my friends. they do as well.

[JadedStar]

i say red flag all the time with my friends. they do as well.

 

YEa, CP's comment lost me as well.