JadedStar Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Well, all I can say is that I have gotten all kinds of responses from this man, from him being very friendly and chatty and pursuing a conversation with me, to me being ignored in a public setting (but I always ignore him in a public setting around our peers, too), to me catching him totally staring at me when he thought I wouldn't catch him, etc. The bottom line is that I will never know how he feels, because neither one of us will ever cross that line to find out. I'll never really know the answer. I think there is a possiblity that he's attracted, but it's a pointless thought. SO HOW CAN I FORGET ABOUT THIS PERSON????? These thoughts are now starting to get annoying. HOnestly, all of the things you describe - being nice and chatty sometimes, ignoring sometimes, an occasional stare... Dont we ALL do that with people we are just casual friendly with? That is normal for a person to do with a person they see as a casual acquaintence. I sure hope everyone i ever got caught staring at didn't think i had a crush on them! we all do that sometimes for various reasons. To forget about him - for starters not alllowing yourself to obsess by creating threads about him will help. I am really not being flippant - its just that creating these posts is feeding your crush on him. You can forget about him by occupying your mind on other things. For starters, maybe creating a thread on how to recapture the romance with your husband? Another way is to think about the fact that this man has a wife, and put yourself in her shoes. What if your husband were doing tihs? Obsessing over some acquaintence he sees at work? Or at an event of your childs? And you were walking around oblivious to it all. Put yourself into the shoes of the people that a liasion with this man would hurt for starters. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Huge sign for you that it's time to get a life and work on your marriage. Why in the world do you need validation from someone else's husband? How would you like it if another woman was this focused on your husband? Link to comment
fhgal Posted November 20, 2007 Author Share Posted November 20, 2007 Jaded Star, you are right on with everything you've just stated. And chances are there's nothing going on in his brain where I'm concerned. And if there is, it doesn't really matter, anyway, because nothing will ever come of it. I have never allowed myself to go to this place before during my almost two decade relationship with my husband, and it's just unhealthy and a waste of energy. I'm running out of energy to even ponder the question of whether or not he's attracted to me. I think it's all just for a big ego boost for me. Perhaps I'm having a mid-life crisis, and want to feel like I'm still attractive to the opposite sex. Used to get looks all the time; now, not so much, and it's a hard pill to swallow. In any case, I would not want my husband to be feeling the way I feel when I bump into this person; I also feel very two-faced when I am around this man's wife, who is the nicest person. I have lots of giving, good qualities, but somehow, I've fallen from grace a bit with this situation, although, considering the fact that I haven't even really gotten to the flirting stage with this person, it's not so bad. There's a lot worse out there. You're right, though. This thread is helping in one sense, but not helping in another. Time to move on to another subject. Thanks for your amazing advice and wisdom. Link to comment
fhgal Posted November 20, 2007 Author Share Posted November 20, 2007 My husband comes home and tells me stories of women that approach him on planes, on the supermarket line, etc. I have actually witnessed a few incidents myself, while standing at a distance from him, where a woman, total stranger will just approach him and compliment him on his good looks. One time another mom (a casual aquaintance of mine) winked at him, blah, blah, blah. Those things make him feel good, and I'm not really jealous, because I know he loves me and I trust him. I don't really take it seriously, because he doesn't take it seriously. WOuld I ever wink at another dad? Absolutely not. I think it's quite inappropriate, but apparently, there are women out there who don't think twice about approaching a married man with a compliment (and he does wear a wedding band.) Now, if someone was obsessed with him, that would be a different story. But no one would ever let on that they were obsessed with him, so I would never know. And in the end, he's mine, and it's a non-issue. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Well, no, because if you could consider straying then so could he, right? Now I am not saying either one of you would but if you really believe "he is mine" how about channeling your energy back into "I am his" which is so much more important than a silly ego boost, from someone else's husband no less. Link to comment
meincanada Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 This has been very interesting, and no doubt perfect timing for me to come accross. I am in the same boat, so to speak. I can totally relate to what you are going through. You are right, it does feel so good to have that infatuation/attraction, and the only thing that helps is time away from that person. It is so encouarging for me to see that I am not alone! Yah... I thought I was losing my mind, 'cause sometimes after I see him, that is how I feel.... Personally, I think a woman's intuition is pretty bang-on, which for me is all the more scarier! Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 This has been very interesting, and no doubt perfect timing for me to come accross. I am in the same boat, so to speak. I can totally relate to what you are going through. You are right, it does feel so good to have that infatuation/attraction, and the only thing that helps is time away from that person. It is so encouarging for me to see that I am not alone! Yah... I thought I was losing my mind, 'cause sometimes after I see him, that is how I feel.... Personally, I think a woman's intuition is pretty bang-on, which for me is all the more scarier! I think the best advice anyone can give you guys is to pretend a guy is asking the same questions about a married woman. How would you advise him? Link to comment
KG Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 sometimes we're attracted to people we find attractive. sometimes it's to do with a mutual chemistry, and other times it's one way. But you are attracted to him. And that's normal. You never mentioned you had any intention of having an affair, so I won't even go down that path. It's just attraction. Chemistry, as the above poster said. normal normal normal. Well said. It happens, attractiveness. When it leads somewhere else....trouble! Link to comment
scotty77 Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 I guess I agree with most of the advice given in this thread but sometimes think it can be impossible to analyze one's feelings/emotions objectively.Yes,everyone agrees she shouldn't get involved with this man but her heart is likely telling her another thing.Perhaps she just doesn't have strong feelings for her husband anymore and no amount of trying to spice up her marriage is going to salvage it. Link to comment
meincanada Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 Perhaps she just doesn't have strong feelings for her husband anymore and no amount of trying to spice up her marriage is going to salvage it. You called it right in my case. I love him dearly, but am not 'in love' with him.... we make wonderful room-mates, but not husband/wife and certainly not lovers. This thread has been an interesting read indeed. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 why did you turn around and say hi? you just rekindled any interest he may of had. you sent him a signal. Link to comment
tess9980 Posted September 27, 2010 Share Posted September 27, 2010 Well, it just feels good to have the feeling of being attracted/infatuated with someone, the infatuation feeling being something that is impossible to feel with the person I've been married to for 15 years (although I love him with all my heart and soul)...it's hard to ignore it and put it on a shelf, so I ponder it. I'm not doing anything about it. But sometimes I wonder how I could feel this without there being some underlying vibe thing going on. Anyway, thanks for your input. I happen to disagree with most of the other responses, because I am currently in a similar situation myself and have spent A LOT of time analyzing this. And believe it or not, I have even talked to my husband about it. I am 31 years old, married with kids. And I gotta tell you, as much as I adore my family and would never, ever think of cheating on my husband, I absolutely miss the thrill you get from flirting or from discovering a mutual attraction. And this is not something that is going to go away with time or just pass. I have a very healthy marriage, but it doesn't change the fact that I am human, I notice other guys, and a part of me still wants to know that other men notice me and find me attractive. It doesn't mean I want to act on that attraction, it just means that--especially if you are home with your kids all day--it feels really nice to know that you are still desireable to other people besides your husband. I've been honest with my husband about this and he understands. He says if he was home with the kids all day he would probably be feeling the same way. Anyway, there is someone I happen to be attracted to and I am dying to know if the attraction is mutual. Not so I can act on it and have an affair, but just to know that I've still "got it." I do not think there is anything wrong with that. And if you ever figure out how to tell if a married man is attracted to you, let me in on the secret! I'm still trying to figure it out... Link to comment
Applewhite Posted September 27, 2010 Share Posted September 27, 2010 This thread is a few years old. Link to comment
tess9980 Posted September 27, 2010 Share Posted September 27, 2010 This thread is a few years old. i know. I just came accross it in my searches and felt like commenting. Link to comment
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