How do I make her realize she's WRONG?

[Hellzapoppin]

Quite frankly, I think she is AFRAID OF YOU, and I DON'T BLAME HER.

 

You simply refuse to accept even the possibility that she might not feel the same way.

 

And the driving to her house and sleeping outside, greeting her in the morning???

 

You are acting like a STALKER.

 

You need to get a grip - seriously!!!!!

[Gath]

He could have waited until the morning and driven to her house. No? Got up nice and early after a good night sleep and been there in the early morning to talk to her...

 

Driving to someones house (an hour or so away) late at night in an emotional state, knowing you cant go in (or wont even see the person that night), and sleeping in your car outside their house in your car... is not sane. There is seriously something wrong with that.

 

ahh, ok, i misread it. i thought he'd gone to visit and was just sleeping in his car.

 

I stand by my original reasoning though, he's overly invested in the relationship and needs to chill out some.

[Momene]

Agree. It's obsession, not love.

[aharmonic]

Tommyknocker, how old are you and her? Just curious. Because I was with a girl who also said she was scared of the intensity of it. And she also told me she never felt this way before. Maybe it's the same girl! Where are you guys from?

[anggrace]

If someone tells you their feelings, you don't ever reply saying "it's BS". No matter how much you don't trust them or dislike them. People are entitled to there feelings and they are never yours to decide. And I personally doubt she is in denial, as you suggested. The reality of it is, you have to respect her feelings. If this is what she say's she want's, than you have to let it be. You just don't argue those kinds of things. I suggest you give her space.

[Aleadragonhawk]

The OP worried me on many levels. You're talking about how she's the perfect girl and you're meant to be together, and about how her wanting to take a break has to be fear, and then emphasizing how perfectly you treat her and how romantic you are to her. You don't see anything wrong with your relationship other than her wanting to take a break, and that is a big red flag. This gives the impression that you don't have a realistic view of your relationship and what is happening in it.

 

You need to step back. Not just for her - for you too. The way you're behaving has gone past the line, and you're quickly heading into stalker-like behavior. I can pretty much guarantee that if your girlfriend were the one posting on this forum and said the exact same things about what you were doing as you did, many people here would be advising her to leave and to be ready to take out a restraining order.

[JadedStar]

Tommyknocker, the OP, has not visited this thread since he created it in September.

 

Maybe he'll come back but he hasn't been back in awhile.

[aharmonic]

This past January, my ex-girlfriend and I finally got back together, after having been broken up for over 6 years. During those 6 years apart, we kept contact, for the most part. Sometimes letters, sometimes emails, sometimes IM's, etc. She saw other people during those 6 years. Boyfriends came and went for her.

 

I was always the one that was there, the one she knew the longest, the one to catch her when she fell. There were also several times during those 6 years apart where she'd contact me out of the blue, and we'd start hanging out again, talking again, etc. And there were several times where it seemed like we'd be getting back together again, too. I love her, and I always loved her. We met in 1999, so this had been going on for a while. Anyway, this past January, she told me, "It's scary because it's so intense."

 

She admitted to me that the only reason we didn't get back together any of those other times was because she was scared. She said, "I'm not scared anymore," and added, "This time, I'm just going to jump into it head first." I didn't ask her what she was afraid of, or what was so intense. Was it how I feel about her, or how she feels about me, or both? I still don't know. She told me that I am her other half. Not better half. Other half.

 

She said I'm her safe place, her calm place and that she still felt me around even when we were apart. She told me we have a special connection, and that the boyfriend she was with before me was never anyone important. She said she compared him to me, and he didn't measure up. And she also said the boyfriend she was with before that was always threatened by me, even though he and I never even met or spoke in our lives.

 

So she must've said something. She even went as far as talking about marriage and kids, and living together. I was happy because this is what I had always wanted, that 6 years seemed like an eternity. I never stopped thinking of her, and I never stopped loving her. I knew I could never love someone else as truly and as deeply and on such a level as I love her. I used to sleep over on the weekends and we'd lay in bed late at night in the dark and talk.

 

She told me that I was hers, and she is mine, and nothing will ever come between us. All this is only the tip of the iceberg as far as the things we said, and the things we talked about. It didn't last long though. About one month and one week later, she broke up with me. She said the same thing your girl said. "I love you but not in a romantic way."

 

But this was something she said before as well. I don't know if your girl said it before. But with my girl, she said it before, in December 2005, during another period where we almost got back together. And then we didn't, until January 2007. So fast forward now to January 2007 and we do end up together, despite the fact that she claimed no romantic feelings back in 2005. So she's using this same reason again.

 

What's up with that? Not to mention that she called me in May 2006 out of the blue, saying she wanted to be friends, but not romantically. She even told me she wanted to get married and have children but not with me. She said this in May 2006. Little did either of us know that 8 months from then, we'd be back together, talking about marriage and kids and all that stuff. But anyway, she used the no romantic feelings line on me again.

 

What happened to everything she told me? It all just went away. All the fear-based reasons she gave me when she finally told me everything...where did that all go? I couldn't believe she could say all that and then out of the blue claim not to have romantic feelings. It was a total shock. I was destroyed and thought it was a nightmare. It all felt like it wasn't happened. She didn't even tell me in person.

 

She ended it over the phone. And to make matters even more confusing, the first thing she said on the phone was, "It's not that I don't think we have what it takes to make it, but..." and then the break up stuff came. So talk about confusion. Anyway, I know what it's like, and I've been there, time and time again. I never force myself on her, I never force the issue. If she wants space, I give her space. If she wants to break up, then that's how it has to be. It isn't easy but I can't control what she feels or what she does. We've been broken up now since the last day of January.

 

Then she randomly called me 8 months later, in mid October. She said she was going through a rough patch in her life. She said she had a strong urge to contact me, to hear my voice and talk to someone who knows her. She said she wasn't calling to get back together. But she said she misses me. I told her I still feel the same and that I still mean everything I said (the good stuff). So the rest is up to her. She knows how I feel. I was honest.

 

We haven't spoken since that night. Maybe we won't ever speak again. I really don't know. If she's still afraid of whatever she said she was afraid of back in January, then that's something she'll have to overcome. But for many reasons, we can't be in eachother's lives unless it's in a romantic way. I can't be anything else. It's too much to hold in, too obvious to hold back.

 

My heart can't handle that anymore. It's a very uncomfortable and nerve wracking position to be in, day in and day out, not knowing what will come of this situation. I know I'll always love her, I told her that and deep down I know she knows. If that makes me come off as someone who isn't a challenge, then so be it. I can't get caught up in all these relationship games, the do's and do-not's.

 

I said what was in my heart and I spoke the truth and that is all I can do. I'm not saying that if she called one day and wanted to be back together, that it would happen all of a sudden and be perfect. There would be a lot to discuss, a lot to make right, and a lot of trust to rebuild. But it's not impossible. It would take a lot of effort and work.

 

My love for her though is always within me, it's part of me, she is part of me. But I have to let her go and let her be free to do whatever she wants. Love isn't about putting someone in a cage. She's free. We both are now. Whatever happens next, time will tell.

[Confused_n_Dazed]

theres someone else...

 

I know this coz ive been through it,... girls always fantasize about the perfect relationship..but when it happens...

 

we think "how?? how can anything be this perfect??"

and grass looks greener on the other side of the fence ...

 

she isnt sure about u... u need to back off..leave her alone..dont text her or call her.... she needs to realize what yr worth otherwise she wont...

coz yr always around...

 

try acting rude to her...dont call her ...be short with her... so she regrets it..

u can;t force her to love u... this is something she needs to do by herself...