taking time to give props to the guys

[cristalgold]

I'm just taking time to give props to all the guys. I think I now empathize more with what you all have to go through when approaching us ladies. I recently had a huge crush at work and I approached him about the way I felt. I've never done that and it takes a lot. "What if he doesn't like me? How do I start the conversation? How do I ask him out? Will I look stupid?" Those things ran through my head.

 

I'm a woman. Once I let him know it became much easier for me. Once you let a woman know you're interested you still usually have to endure the chase. I didn't although I did feel like I went through a lot emotionally trying to convey to him that I was interested (I'm shy when it comes to someone I like).

 

I look back at times when I was approached by guys while I was with groups of friends. I think that takes a lot because women in groups can be intimidating (and not so nice at times). Props to the fellas. Props to the fellas for initiating the first phone call. Props to the fellas for finding ways to make us feel good. Props to the fellas for putting for the effort! Especially with me because people say I initially come off as an intimidating person until they get to know me. Props to the fellas for enduring the chase! Double props to the shy fellas (plus your mystique is kinda sexy)! Players get no recognition. You have the Players Ball for that.

 

Ok. I'm done now.

[tylercdurden2004]

Hey whats will all the generalizations!

 

PS Thanks good to be regonized and not nagged!

[cristalgold]

I know this doesn't apply to every individual, but I felt inclined to say it. I know every guy is not the same. Every woman, or group of women, is not the same. Just my experiences combined with talking to many guy friends about how they feel when it's time to approach someone they really like and the emotions that go with it. I always understood where they were coming from, but never felt it until I recently went through it myself. This may not apply to every situation, but there is some truth in it.

[Yates33]

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Finally...a woman WHO UNDERSTANDS how much harder it is for guys. Guys have to do EVERYTHING. All the girl really has to do is sit there and accept or deny. If a girl ever has to work for a guy...he's just not that into you or has learned the SECRET to have women chasing you, muahahaha

[bubblyblonde11]

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Finally...a woman WHO UNDERSTANDS how much harder it is for guys. Guys have to do EVERYTHING. All the girl really has to do is sit there and accept or deny. If a girl ever has to work for a guy...he's just not that into you or has learned the SECRET to have women chasing you, muahahaha

 

But to be fair about "how much harder it is for guys" we as women have harder things we do have to go through i.e. periods, the pill, pregnacy & getting big, child birth, looking after the child more so than the man, waxing, plucking, etc etc etc Lol

[shes2smart]

Everyone...male, female, transgender, or anything inbetween...has their own unique set of challenges when it comes to dating. No one's got it "easier" or "harder." Someone you think has it easier probably has to deal with crap you hadn't thought of, and it really does no good to hang onto the the mindset that you (or your gender, race, religion) have it harder than everyone else.

 

It's great that cristalgold got a glimpse into what someone different from her experiences. That is likely to make her respond more kindly and compassionately to others from this point forward, and it's good of her to share that insight here.

 

But, please, let's not let this degenerate into a heated discussion along the lines of "Men have it harder/No, women have it harder," ok?

[Miss M]

For all you guys who think women don't sympathize with you because they haven't started a thread about it, you should know that plenty of women sympathize/empathize with you when you ask them out. I've had friends who date guys just because they don't want to hurt the guys feelings by saying no. (I don't think that's good either, but just saying there are women who agonize in an extreme way about it.) And there are tons of women who say no as politely as possible because they don't want to make it any harder for the guy. Not every woman who doesn't opt to date you feels cold and insensitive about turning you down.

[Yates33]

Everyone...male, female, transgender, or anything inbetween...has their own unique set of challenges when it comes to dating. No one's got it "easier" or "harder." Someone you think has it easier probably has to deal with crap you hadn't thought of, and it really does no good to hang onto the the mindset that you (or your gender, race, religion) have it harder than everyone else.

 

It's great that cristalgold got a glimpse into what someone different from her experiences. That is likely to make her respond more kindly and compassionately to others from this point forward, and it's good of her to share that insight here.

 

But, please, let's not let this degenerate into a heated discussion along the lines of "Men have it harder/No, women have it harder," ok?

 

I disagree.

 

There is definetely groups of people who have it harder, easier in all kinds of life situations. Sexual orientation: what problem do straights have compared to homosexuals? After 9/11, which religion had it harder? In the sport of amateur wrestling, what gender would be looked down upon for joining a wrestling team and thus, have it harder? Everyone, because of something that makes them different from someone else, will have it harder/easier. An extremely short man will have a much harder time, IN GENERAL, with his confidence than a tall man.

 

I am not saying, "let's all make excuses", that's not the point. However, to say that no one has it easier/harder because of a characteristic they posses is to be blind to the facts.

 

In dating, of course men and women have their struggles. Of course women have difficulties. However, you cannot deny the fact that the majority of society expects the men to do all the approaching, contact, asking out in the beginning of a relationship. It's common sense in common culture. The pressure it always on the men, thus it makes it harder on them. They are the ones that are seen as chickens if they don't approach, they are the ones that have to deal with rejection when they ask someone out, they are the ones that have to time everything in terms of when to call, where to take the date etc....

 

Just like women have it harder because like a previous poster said, they have to go through the pain of pregnancy among many other things......

[BurnerMan]

I'm just taking time to give props to all the guys.

...

 

Thanks, Cristalgold. Much appreciated.

[ghost69]

thanks for the props. i didn't find it hard to approach women though. i did long ago when i was much younger. so i understand the heartache. now, i can talk to anyone.

[shyguy1]

Great post.

 

Nice to see things from a woman's perspective.

 

Sadly though those same feelings you describe in your head from the first paragraph, are the same reasons I've never felt comfortable doing the initiating.

 

I at this point in time don't see myself ever willing to do the things outlined in this last quoted portion of your message either.

 

I do hope through a combination of therapy and anything else needed to prove myself wrong, though realistically I can see a point in time where I'm happier with myself and no longer depressed and full of self loathing.. but still having the shyness get in the way of things. Bummer!

 

 

I look back at times when I was approached by guys while I was with groups of friends. I think that takes a lot because women in groups can be intimidating (and not so nice at times). Props to the fellas. Props to the fellas for initiating the first phone call. Props to the fellas for finding ways to make us feel good. Props to the fellas for putting for the effort! Especially with me because people say I initially come off as an intimidating person until they get to know me. Props to the fellas for enduring the chase! Double props to the shy fellas (plus your mystique is kinda sexy)! Players get no recognition. You have the Players Ball for that.

 

Ok. I'm done now.

[CaptainPlanet]

Well I might not have a great deal of self confidence but I do have a degree of courage, so asking a woman out is not all that hard. In the grand scheme of things it a bit of a "meh" the part that is difficult is rejection. Constant rejection.

[Batya33]

Everyone...male, female, transgender, or anything inbetween...has their own unique set of challenges when it comes to dating. No one's got it "easier" or "harder." Someone you think has it easier probably has to deal with crap you hadn't thought of, and it really does no good to hang onto the the mindset that you (or your gender, race, religion) have it harder than everyone else.

 

It's great that cristalgold got a glimpse into what someone different from her experiences. That is likely to make her respond more kindly and compassionately to others from this point forward, and it's good of her to share that insight here.

 

But, please, let's not let this degenerate into a heated discussion along the lines of "Men have it harder/No, women have it harder," ok?

 

I agree with this particular because her premise is that men have to "chase" women who are interested in them.

[someguy88]

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

All the girl really has to do is sit there and accept or deny.

 

Ha! Thanks for blowing what could've been a thread full of women taking a moment to see things from our perspective. LOL

[CaptainPlanet]

Most virgins (not by choice) over 25, are male.

[Batya33]

Do you have statistics for that? and if so, how was the study done, what questions were asked, etc.

[servedcold]

Think I'm gonna renew my virginity by waiting a year, that's the way it works these days, right?

 

Thanks for the sympathetic thread, Cristalgold.

[ghost69]

i think more women are virgins than guys are. but this has nothing to do with the OP.