Cinderella syndrome

[Coleen]

I have been thinking about my relationships lately, and came to the conclusion that I have a Cinderella syndrome. That is I am still waiting for the prince! Can you imagine that!!! And the prince unfortunately isn't showing up. Um, I could say that there were "princes", but not my types, actually the opposite of whom I would love seeing beside me. I am not sure why I don't take the initiative in my hands and look for the guy I will like. What else can I say? I want to solve this problem. I feel like I go in circles, but I'm sure that there's another "way to walk" (I'm seeing it around me!! but can't do it). It's like I'm waiting for the rescuer, it's like I want somebody to lead me, when in reality I prefer being an individual (instead of a sheep that goes with the flow). I just can't get to the core of the problem.

[ElektraHere]

Hun you should read the book "Cinderella was a Liar" by Brenda Della Casa. I bought the book and it is a great read.

 

Alas we are NOT going to have a prince come and rescue us from the bell tower. We have been programmed from younger years that Cinderella has it all after one brief dance with a Prince. However, does she even know that prince? Does he have anger issues, is he a cheat, does he have good hygiene?

 

I suggest you look at the book on Amazon. Read the excerpt.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Maybe when you figure out what it is that you need "saving" from ... then you can start to work on the core of the problem?

[Leonhart]

I think most women have this tendency. And that's all it is; a tendency. It's not a syndrome or even a problem, really. Unless you see it as such.

 

But seriously, if we asked 100 females if they were waiting for a prince, if they wanted to be led, and if they wanted a rescuer... I think we'd be seeing a lot more of this than some would like to admit.

 

I'm thinking of genetic factors as the main proponent. But that's irrelevant anyway, since the cause has little to do with the situation itself.

 

Of course, this sort of thing - as learned helplessness - isn't limited entirely to women. I am probably much the same when it comes to finding a mate. I'm not pro-active enough when "looking" for a mate, and I'd love for a 'princess' to appear and rescue me from all of life's woes, too. The part about being led, however, I do not want. But really, I think it's a common experience for romantic people, especially.

 

And frankly speaking, I'd say... be proud of being a romantic! The world honestly needs more people like you. Not less. There's too many wet blankets fluttering about as is.

[darkpumpkin]

I understand how you feel. I think we all hope in some way that the prince really will be around the next corner to just appear and happy ever after to follow.

 

I would read some good self-help books on the matter as stated above. Read about realistic views on dating, relationships and compare them to your life and experiances. See where you need to change or try to work on. This has helped me in many ways.

[downward spiral]

I think it is ingrained in women through society, that a man will come and sweep them off their feet and be the light in their lives. Well, women wanted equal rights, they got it. You now have to get your own man. LOL

 

Seriously, it is what it is and always will be. Whatever does happen happens when you least expect it.

[jul-els]

Love songs and fairy tales are just that and have nothing to do with reality. Unfortunately society likes to tell us that they're real. They're not. You'll find the one when you are ready to open yourself up to someone and accept them with all of the foibles and faults that they come with along with all the traits that you find to be exceptional, great, and worthy.

[itsallgrand]

I wonder too what you want rescue from?

 

I don't know, I see this a bit from the other side, as it is hard for me to accept guidance and to allow someone else to lead.

 

I think all of us; male and female, at some point or another and in some way or another, are afraid to make our own choices. Sometimes we want someone else to do it for us.

 

But if you think of how scary (at least I think so!) blindly trusting another human being who really knows no more than you do about the big deal of life, who is simply making choices as they go the best they can (or not, has bad intent), man, THAT is scary.

It's like gambling and hoping for the best. But you may get the worse, or maybe never even get in the game at all...you may be dropped lost and with little resources of your own to get back up.

 

Helplessness for a lot of people, imo, is a way to deny self responsibility and basically cop out. "Not my fault."

 

How is being a child appealing to you? What do you get out of holding onto this fairy tale? What do you get to put off doing or facing?

So what is it that you are afraid of handling on your own? That's a good clue of where to work.

[FortunateOne]

Here's a book I read when I bought it for my sister and it's a great way to understand some of what you feel.

 

link removed

 

I also read her book for stupid men and I it changed my view of how to treat women.

[RayKay]

I too am curious what you are wanting to be "saved from".

 

I realized from quite a young age - maybe after having seen my own parents failed marriage - that fairy tales seem to coincidentally end at "happily ever after" without actually showing us the ever after. That princes may come and rescue their princess from the tower, but they forget to show the princess five years later trying to talk to her prince whom is now more focused on his new secretary.

 

This is not to say I am bitter or jaded at all. I believe firmly in love, commitment and happiness with someone. I also live in it everyday.

 

I am however not so naive to believe that it will just fall into my lap and that it does not take any effort from me - both in the relationship, but also effort in developing whom I am as a person.

 

I know I certainly would not be comfortable with someone whom had the attitude of "saving me"; nor would I expect someone to save me. I am not in need of saving, and I am an independent, intelligent and strong woman whom can take care of her own self. I do however, like having a partner by my side, to face life together. I also realize we need to fight our dragons and not let them bring down each other and the relationship. We can help one another out, but we should not be fighting one another's dragons FOR them while the other passively goes along for the ride.

 

I don't see how you can find a very balanced relationship if you are being "rescued" all the time or feel you need to be rescued.

 

You need to sit down and figure out what it is you are expecting to be rescued from, and figure out how to fix it by YOURSELF, and then also look at what you really expect in a relationship, and compare it with what you truly need.

 

Real love tends to find us once we have found real love for our own selves first.

[segagirl]

Eh, I say wait for the Prince...but I'm a romantic.

[Scout]

Well, I personally think there is some basis of reality for the so-called Cinderalla Syndrome, it's just the concept is mispackaged a bit.

 

Basically, we humans are geared towards wanting to partner with someone, to find a companion to spend our life with. As Tantalus pointed out, both males and females want this.

 

And it's natural to feel lonely sometimes when we don't have someone steady in our lives. Let's be honest, many things and situations are even better when they're shared with someone we love.

 

Of course, some people can't handle being alone at all, and go from relationship to relationship with very little time in between. Or stay in problematic relationships for too long. That's not healthy, either.

 

Because we can certainly be happy as single people. There's not too much we can't accomplish on our own. So, if you're hoping for a partner to fill in the gaps in the areas you feel weak in, so to speak, don't. Those aren't usually the right reasons to seek someone out.

[Olive.Juice]

When you go out to eat, do you let the waitor decide your meal?

 

No. You order for yourself so you get EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT.

 

Same concept in dating. If you want a King, you must pick him yourself... don't wait for one to come to you.

[segagirl]

When you go out to eat, do you let the waitor decide your meal?

 

No. You order for yourself so you get EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT.

 

Same concept in dating. If you want a King, you must pick him yourself... don't wait for one to come to you.

 

what a great analogy

[JadedStar]

I wonder how many men have Prince Valiant syndrome. LOL I am sure there are as many men on this earth hoping to find a Cinderella as there are women who are hoping to find a Prince. Truth is, neither are very realistic.

 

People all have quirks and thinking we will find someone who doesn't have any is a huge mistake.

 

We should rescue ourselves vs looking for a prince to do it for us. Once we are self reliant and can take care of ourselves then we can find a nice man to compliment our lives and we do the same for him.

 

Just remember a man should enhance and compliment your life, but not rescue you. You must rescue yourself.

[HellFrost666]

This seems off subject... but just bare with me for a minute...

 

My girlfriend has this female friend who is always reading those trashy romance novels. The friend of hers is also 20 and a virgin. She was telling her friend one night that when she finally has it, she will be so disappointed, because sex is not like in those novels at all. The girl refused to believe her.

 

But, I think that ties in with this thread to some degree. The prince does not exist. There is no happlily ever after. Once people realize this they have more realistic empectations.

[ElektraHere]

It ties in to what the "Cinderella Syndrome" is. Sex is not a romance novel your first time. If she is building up that first time to be like a novel she is going to be extremely disappointed.

 

Sex is I hate to say it, but just sex to most men. Women are the ones who put the meaning and the emotions behind it.

[HellFrost666]

^ I don't know... I find it pretty meaningful. But I am also in a serious relationship, and I was single for nine years before this. Or maybe I am just not like most guys, idk.

[CaptainPlanet]

Its not suprising, the media controls what we think thereforeeee it controls everything. Clearly it is in the interest of a lot of people to keep most of the population single.. Not saying it is an intentional thing but I believe thats the way it has worked out.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Its not suprising, the media controls what we think thereforeeee it controls everything. Clearly it is in the interest of a lot of people to keep most of the population single.. Not saying it is an intentional thing but I believe thats the way it has worked out.

 

why do you think it is in the interest of a lot of people to keep the population single?

 

I personally think its because women are marrying for different reasons... in the past woman married because they needed a prince.. jobs for woman weren't as available and if we think society looks down on women who are single now? think back..it was considered a waste of a life if a woman didn't get married and have kids.

 

I honestly believe that we are in a transitional phase when it comes to marriage and relationships..

[CaptainPlanet]

Well I think it is a wasted life if you do not have kids. If I do not have kids I can assure you I will not be a happy man.

 

I think it is for consumer based reasons a drive for selfishness is important in a consumer based economy.

 

I don't think it is really possible to know what things were like back in the day compared to now, interms of jobs, happiness ect because there is a great deal of distortion involved in reporting past events, particularily when it is in the reporting bodies interest to promote the prosperity of today. For example, in Australia, unemployment has never been lower - or so they say, but underemployment is a real problem.

[ElektraHere]

Well I think it is a wasted life if you do not have kids. If I do not have kids I can assure you I will not be a happy man.

 

I think it is for consumer based reasons a drive for selfishness is important in a consumer based economy.

 

Not having kids is a wasted life???? What kind of bunk is that? Having children is a big emotional and time commitment. Some people are not willing to make that commitiment. Is there life a loss??? NO!

 

Children may be an important factor for you but not for all people. I think you are veering this off topic. The OP was seeking advice as to why she felt she needed to be rescued.

[CaptainPlanet]

Yes it is off topic but it is in relation to my initial comments about cinderella syndrome. If you read what I said it was about what I think so you are well entitled to a different view, I accept your opinion, but I do not respect it. I do think having children and getting married is vitally important to ones happiness. My view is simply that my parents made great sacrifices so that I could be born so I am entitled to do the same if I am able for my hypothetical future off spring. Anything less is in my view selfish.

 

Now you do not have to agree with that. I don't understand why you would take such offense to my point of view.

[ElektraHere]

Yes it is off topic but it is in relation to my initial comments about cinderella syndrome. If you read what I said it was about what I think so you are well entitled to a different view, I accept your opinion, but I do not respect it. I do think having children and getting married is vitally important to ones happiness. My view is simply that my parents made great sacrifices so that I could be born so I am entitled to do the same if I am able for my hypothetical future off spring. Anything less is in my view selfish.

 

Now you do not have to agree with that. I don't understand why you would take such offense to my point of view.

 

I myself want children and can't imagine a life without them. However, I do respect those who choose not to have children.

 

We come from two separate countries with entirely different historical points of reference. Im not sure how the Fairy Tale "Cinderella" was ever viewed in the Land of Oz? Here in the US it is basically a staple to young girls.

 

We need to make our young girls more independent and less dependent on a man for their happiness. We ourselves (men and women) are responsible for our own happiness. The thought processes have to change in order for that to occur.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Yes it is off topic but it is in relation to my initial comments about cinderella syndrome. If you read what I said it was about what I think so you are well entitled to a different view, I accept your opinion, but I do not respect it. I do think having children and getting married is vitally important to ones happiness. My view is simply that my parents made great sacrifices so that I could be born so I am entitled to do the same if I am able for my hypothetical future off spring. Anything less is in my view selfish.

 

Now you do not have to agree with that. I don't understand why you would take such offense to my point of view.

 

Personally i think it is more selfish to bring a life into the world just because its what "society" tells a woman she should do.

 

There is so much more to life then just having children and getting married.

 

IMO .. i think you should research woman's history and begin to realize how poorly we were treated as women and still are. . In the US ...women only got the right to vote in the late 20's early 30's. One of the "perks" of being a US citizen is the right to vote..and for over 100 years - women didn't have that right? Freedom for all?

 

think about that.

 

At 23 ... you have a lot of life to live...and perhaps as you walk your walk through life your very rigid beliefs about women and children will change.

 

I think these posts are in alignment with what the OP is asking... because it is narrow, uneducated views like your own that cause people to feel "less worthy" because they aren't married and don't have children.