sunflower_girl Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 Hi everyone, For those who have been keeping up with my story, the situation is emotionally draining me right now. I just don't want to deal with this anymore--I wish that everyone can just go their separate ways and forget that this whole relationship ever happened. After my last message, I thought I made it VERY clear that we were done. I needed time to heal and we should not be friends right now. He did not have time for me and did not treat me that way I deserved. Even so, I love him still. Thus, I needed to be alone in order to get over him; I needed to have no contact with him. He texted me later that day saying that he was sleeping earlier, but if I didn't want him to call anymore, then fine. I was doing so well up to that point, but for some reason whenever I hear from him I, go back to the exact same spot. I called, we talked for a little while...for somer reason, I ended up saying that I was sorry for being emotional. I should not be the one saying sorry! I don't know why I did it, I think it's just that he was so hurt and I hate hurting him. He got the impression that we were back together again... I don't want to be back together! I'm hurt and I need time to heal. He called last night and this morning...we didn't talk about the relationship but I cried afterwards. We talked again just now for an hour and a half...just about current events, science, people...etc. It was a normal conversation but I feel so drained right now. We were not fighting, it was not totally awkward or anything, it was a nice chat. But, I just feel emotional DRAINED. I don't want to be in a relationship anymore, but I don't know how to make him understand that. Besides, whenever he calls, I always give in because I don't want to hurt him. For example, before we hung up just now, he said "I love you"..I paused for a while and then said it back. I love him still but I don't want to say that anymore, we should not be together! I'm venting...I'm just lost and I don't know what to do. What should I do? Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 What you need to do is go full NC. This will be the best thing for both of you. Sometimes saying goodbye is the most hurtful, yet most helpful. You don't feel the same way he does and you place yourself in awkward moment ie, saying the I Love You after your done talking to him. This continually gives him a false hope. NC is my advice to you. Link to comment
Stereohead Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 If you're so sure you're finished with the relationship. Tell him. Tell him it bothers you when you have those short conversations and ask him to not for awhile. Start NC.... stop caving in and heal. Worry about yourself..... ..not him. Link to comment
sunflower_girl Posted July 15, 2007 Author Share Posted July 15, 2007 It's just very hard because I still love him. We're just not good together; I'm not a priority to him. Also, I'm going back to college in a month, I don't want to have a long distance relationship again. It's hard to end things when both people still love each other and I have a hard time hurting him. I know I should grow a backbone and do this. I should think of all the times he made me sad due to his inconsiderate behavior--HE didn't care for my feelings then, I shouldn't care how he feels now. This is time for me to heal. Continuing with this "relationship" is causing me to become depressed and I've been crying so much lately. I just don't know how to make it clear that this is FINAL. I always chicken out and stay. Should I have one last converstation or should I try to go NC right this instant? Link to comment
Stereohead Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 Whatever works for you. If you're not strong enough to talk to him first. Then don't. ... start NC... we can't decide that for you. Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 My suggestion is that if you feel you will cave under the pressure email is your route. Let him know that you need to let the friendship go right now. Wish him well and start healing yourself. Link to comment
mickelido Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 May I suggest that you change you're email, phone and mobile numbers, ( and I do realise there is a little upheaval in doing so) this way he has no way of contacting you and thereforeeee put a stop to the mental termoil, and give you a chance to repair your heart. Link to comment
schueysgirl Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 I think if you cannot get through to him to stop calling, texting and emailing, and he doesnt understand how much this is hurting you (and clearly doesnt care) and you cannot get through to yourself that you need to not pick up the phone, answer texts or read emails, that changing your contact details is the best way to go. I feel for you i know exactly what your going through. After answering calls and texts myself and getting upset each time (no matter what the convo was or text said) to then going to full NC i feel a lot better and it is a lot easier to get on with my day knowing i am not going to have to deal with his contact. Changing your number is a pain tho i know, and if you can stay strong and not answer when he calls, not reply to texts etc then he will stop calling you etc because he will get fed up, bored and his ego will drop because of it. Stay strong, come on here when you feel you need to ring him or text instead. Link to comment
sandyv Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 Sunflower, I'm at where you are at.... I told my so-called ex last night to never ... ever come around here again... and believe it or not, I'm the one hurting for doing it... he claims he loves me.... it isn't love to me... oh yeah... I'm his BEST friend too, what a crock.... its so over. All you can do is move on painful as it is... gosh guess I should have first prize in that department....... Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 I wouldn't do NC. It would hurt his feelings a lot. As the dumper, you do have some responsibility for all this. Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 I wouldn't do NC. It would hurt his feelings a lot. As the dumper, you do have some responsibility for all this. So in order to keep him satisifed she needs to be absolutely miserable??? That makes absolutely no sense. This is not a healthy solution. NC is the next course of action, if the OP wants to move on and in turn help the ex move on too. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 EH, not trying to pick an argument with you, but I do sense the guy's pain. Having been in his place a few times, I know what he is going through. OP, you could try talking to him one last time and let him know that you want out, unless he backs off or something. I dunno. I just empathsize with the dumpee because I've been in that position before and know what it is like to have a broken heart and try to hang onto things. It's not healthy, but sometimes its all we have. Life isn't fair most of the time. Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 EH, not trying to pick an argument with you, but I do sense the guy's pain. Having been in his place a few times, I know what he is going through. OP, you could try talking to him one last time and let him know that you want out, unless he backs off or something. I dunno. I just empathsize with the dumpee because I've been in that position before and know what it is like to have a broken heart and try to hang onto things. It's not healthy, but sometimes its all we have. Life isn't fair most of the time. Empathize all you want, but this gal is in a bind and its affecting her life. Ive been dumped before and it sucks and it hurts but there is some point in your life you have to Buck UP! If not you will continually play the victim. The OP is tired of all of that. Link to comment
Dako Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 If your ex really loves you, he should give you your freedom as proof. Tell him he's hurting you, and has to stop if he truly loves you. He's being selfish. Link to comment
kellbell Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 I wouldn't do NC. It would hurt his feelings a lot. As the dumper, you do have some responsibility for all this. I am sorry, I fully disagree with this. The original poster told him upfront she needs time alone, needs to heal and that is draining her. As far I am concerned, she made a clean break and told him the reasons why. A person is not responsible for another's feelings, such as happiness. She is miserable. Why should she stay miserable? So she will not hurt HIS feelings? What about her feelings? I am sorry, but she is longer in the relationship anymore, she does not any responsibilty to him at all. It is my strong belief her ex is being selfish and not respecting her space and wishes. To the original poster, you have to do what is right for you and your life. P.S. After reading your other thread, you definitely owe him nothing... Link to comment
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