HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Mike..do you agree that maybe your behavior is a little controlling? Maybe you need to let your GF fall down a few times so she learns a valuable lesson? Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 What do you hope to accomplish by making this into an issue? (this is not sarcastic, its meant as a question to make you think about what your relationship will gain from this disagreement) Link to comment
mikeyc77 Posted July 9, 2007 Author Share Posted July 9, 2007 I just don't want to worry any more. That's all I want to gain. Link to comment
shikashika Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 I think we will always worry about the ones we care about... but i think if we needa detailed list of what they are doing all the time, we will just end up driving ourselves crazy and making ourselves sick with worry... which seems to be what you have done here.. and its not healthy for either you or your girlfriend! Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 I just don't want to worry any more. That's all I want to gain. Have you told her that you have these concerns? Your worry and restrictions will not protect her, they are not going to keep things from happening. You assume the worst will happen, but for what reason? Do you feel she is not capable of taking care of herself? Like I said before it might be a good idea to take her to a self defense class. It doesn't just teach about being able to fend off attacks, but there is a good deal of awareness taught as well. They talk about recognizing threats and knowing your surroundings. She will get a better awareness of what is and is not a potential threat. Link to comment
mikeyc77 Posted July 10, 2007 Author Share Posted July 10, 2007 Off work ill today. Just to make matters worse i think i picked up a bug over the weekend which decided to reer it's ugly head last night and prevent me from getting any sleep. I talked to my girlfriend this morning and explained that it is me who has the problem. I apologised for using emotional blackmail on the phone yesterday and I told her that I don't expect her to change her ways. She is a grown woman and can look after herself. I also told her the truth... that I have no idea what to do now. Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 sorry you aren't feeling well. what did your GF say when you talked to her? Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 Off work ill today. Just to make matters worse i think i picked up a bug over the weekend which decided to reer it's ugly head last night and prevent me from getting any sleep. I talked to my girlfriend this morning and explained that it is me who has the problem. I apologised for using emotional blackmail on the phone yesterday and I told her that I don't expect her to change her ways. She is a grown woman and can look after herself. I also told her the truth... that I have no idea what to do now. That is really all you can do. Tell her how you feel and what you are thinking. It is up to her to decide how to live her life. It is up to you to decide if you want to be with someone who does not take care of themselves. I hope that all works out for the best for both of you. Link to comment
mikeyc77 Posted July 10, 2007 Author Share Posted July 10, 2007 She explained who the people were. 4 guys and a girl they met in a bar. She said they were nice people. She also said she knew I would not like it and she said that if I did the same she would not be happy. She said she knew it was inconsiderate but she said she's not going to promise it won't happen again. Obviously, I didn't ask her to promise anything. Link to comment
taosnake Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 She explained who the people were. 4 guys and a girl they met in a bar. She said they were nice people. She also said she knew I would not like it and she said that if I did the same she would not be happy. She said she knew it was inconsiderate but she said she's not going to promise it won't happen again. Obviously, I didn't ask her to promise anything. In what ways are your "happy" with this end result you have gotten? Link to comment
mikeyc77 Posted July 10, 2007 Author Share Posted July 10, 2007 I'm not happy at all. I'll still have to sit here and worry about her when I'm not with her. The only solution to this is for me to bottle it up and keep quiet. Link to comment
taosnake Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 I'm not happy at all. I'll still have to sit here and worry about her when I'm not with her. The only solution to this is for me to bottle it up and keep quiet. How is that a good solution or even different from what you have been doing in the past? Link to comment
mikeyc77 Posted July 10, 2007 Author Share Posted July 10, 2007 Do you have another suggestion? Link to comment
taosnake Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 She told you she doesnt care about your feelings at all and that if you did the same she wouldn't be happy about it one bit. And you apologized, you have no power in this relationship and you are getting what exactly from it? I know you love her and you have to give me more reasons than that. Link to comment
mikeyc77 Posted July 10, 2007 Author Share Posted July 10, 2007 She does care about my feelings. She said what happened this weekend was inconsiderate of her and she apologised. I honestly don't know what to do other than leave it. I can't tell her never to do it again... that would obviously be too controlling. Link to comment
taosnake Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 She does care about my feelings. She said what happened this weekend was inconsiderate of her and she apologised. I honestly don't know what to do other than leave it. I can't tell her never to do it again... that would obviously be too controlling. She did it before and knew it hurt you and did it again and knew it was going to hurt you and she has told you she will do it again. What does she have to do for you to now begin considering breaking up with her? What are you in the relationship for specfic reasons? I understand that many of the women got on your thread and told you how controlling you are and how they wouldn't tolerate that behaviour yet you have a choice to make when it comes to what you are willing to accept in your life and if you dont or can't control her in a way that makes you happy at some point you must now realize that it might not be a relationship that you continue. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 I think you are doing fine and it is normal to feel the way you do. You have no actual control over her, but I am hoping that she will see your concerns and take them into consideration next time she decides to go out drinking.... Link to comment
mikeyc77 Posted July 10, 2007 Author Share Posted July 10, 2007 but i also have to consider that it's only happened twice in 3 years. The rest of this relationship has been amazing. How can I throw away all that over just 2 incidents? Link to comment
taosnake Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 A woman who goes to a house with 4 guys and 1 girls after a night of drinking is not normal esppecially when she would not tolerate her man going to a house with 4 girls and 1 man. The type of worry and concern you have right now is not normal for a man in a relationship, or at least a man who wants to be in a happy and and healthy relationship. When you add in the fact that it is a long distance relationship it makes this entire situation disturbing and sad. Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 but i also have to consider that it's only happened twice in 3 years. The rest of this relationship has been amazing. How can I throw away all that over just 2 incidents? exactly .... Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 I understand that many of the women got on your thread and told you how controlling you are and how they wouldn't tolerate that behaviour yet you have a choice to make when it comes to what you are willing to accept in your life and if you dont or can't control her in a way that makes you happy at some point you must now realize that it might not be a relationship that you continue. it wasn't just woman ..and telling someone they can or can not do something is controlling. and i'm sorry tao..the part i bolded is disgusting.. you do NOT control people to make yourself happy. Link to comment
taosnake Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 but i also have to consider that it's only happened twice in 3 years. The rest of this relationship has been amazing. How can I throw away all that over just 2 incidents? But she has only slept with two other guys in three years, or he has only hit me twice in 3 years. The rest of the relationship has been amazing. How can I throw away all of that over just 2 incidents. How many incidents will it take, especially when she has now agreed with you to do it whenever she feels like it. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 but i also have to consider that it's only happened twice in 3 years. The rest of this relationship has been amazing. How can I throw away all that over just 2 incidents? Hey, you guys are still young and still exploring. You are in a long distance relationship which is hard enough. You must really love eachother because you have kept it going. The drinking is a bit worrisome but it's not the end of the world and as long as you talk to eachother and work out a system, then you will be OK. I am tired of people saying GIVE UP.....not everything is that black and white. Link to comment
mikeyc77 Posted July 10, 2007 Author Share Posted July 10, 2007 My girlfriend has now said she won't go back to a strangers house again. She agrees it was irresponsible. I told her I would not worry if she was socialising with a group of lads provided it was in a public place. Things become more risky and I would start to worry when it moves to a strangers house. Link to comment
Siriana Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 My girlfriend has now said she won't go back to a strangers house again. She agrees it was irresponsible. I told her I would not worry if she was socialising with a group of lads provided it was in a public place. Things become more risky and I would start to worry when it moves to a strangers house. Good, give her some time to process it and see how she behaves. Than after some time if this happens again I guess you should recosider the relationship. I am not thrilled by her first answer to you - it sounds rather selfish, but as you said you can't just drop the relationship if you feel there is left enough space to work on. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.