What goes through a woman's mind?

[BILLEON2005]

When you care for someone so deeply and have compassion for them,why do they try to hurt you so bad? I just asked my ex for closure so I can heal my wounds and I get responses like "you are a fraud" "LOSER" "GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM" I am having a hard time getting the closure over with and there is no sympathy or compassion! WHY? I used to hear the words "I love you with all my heart and we will be together forever" "I will never leave you" to this! Why are for the most part women more cold hearted then men? I just want to put in perspective? When we split she was open to us healing then getting back now its as if I am a piece of trash?

[anggrace]

First of all, Its a very bad idea to generalize women as more cold-hearted than men. That is just your perception. I don't think your ex girlfriend was simply trying to hurt you. It is likely that when a person responds as she did, she is either hurting or angry and full of resentment. Did she give you any reason at all as to why she left? What kind of closure are you looking for?

[EvaGina]

she just needs you to leave her alone.

she feels that you are pressuring her into talking about things that she is not ready to discuss.

give her time.

[kellbell]

"Why are for the most part women more cold hearted then men? I just want to put in perspective?"

 

*SIGH*

 

Gosh, I am SO TIRED of sweeping generalizations! This is very untrue and in-accurate statement.

 

I have been treated like garbage by guys from my past.

 

Okay, with that out of the way.

 

You cannot get closure from someone else. Closure comes from within. If she keeps calling you those names and making you feel terrible, stop contacting her. If she goes out of her way to make you feel bad, then she was not the gal for you. You deserve so much better.

 

I am sorry about your breakup man. Hang in there.

[Master Sasori]

I don't mind the generalizations, because i know thats not your point that you wanted to make.

 

You need to be like a castle gate closing yourself to bad people/things/events, and open yourself up to good people/things/events, if you let the enemy into your castle they will only end up destroying it(even if its family), and leaving you crying over the ruins.From there you can keep on crying, or rebuild your life, i advice you to rebuild your life.

 

Love has to go both ways, and you need to understand that we are talking one-sided love coming from your side here.

 

When you two broke up, that WAS the closure, you seeking closure afterwards is just beating a dead horse, it won't budge it will keep being dead.

 

Focus on you moving on now, you should never have gone into the relationship thinking it would work out just because it concerned you, the reality is that a woman can pack her bags and leave anyday. You can love someone but you don't own them. Wether they want to be together with your is their choice.

 

Pick up the pieces of your broken heart, glue them together again and move on.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

When you care for someone so deeply and have compassion for them,why do they try to hurt you so bad? I just asked my ex for closure so I can heal my wounds and I get responses like "you are a fraud" "LOSER" "GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM" I am having a hard time getting the closure over with and there is no sympathy or compassion! WHY? I used to hear the words "I love you with all my heart and we will be together forever" "I will never leave you" to this! Why are for the most part women more cold hearted then men? I just want to put in perspective? When we split she was open to us healing then getting back now its as if I am a piece of trash?

 

Those are the kinds of comments that come from someone who was hurt really really badly in the relationship. You have not talked about the kind of relationship you had. There must have been a lot of strife..maybe she felt used, abused, unloved..who knows. I think you need to take a step back and see your role in this relationship. Unless she has been abusive throughout the course of the relationship, those words are very telling about her state of mind and how damaged this relationship made her feel.

[BILLEON2005]

Read my post-"A HORRIBLE SITUATION" A FEW LINES DOWN!! I am sorry I did not mean to offend any one!

[EvaGina]

No one is offended, a derogitory additude will only hurt you in the end.

again: I think you need to leave her alone, she is obviously hurting or angry at you.

Being pushed while breaking up does NOTHING to reconcile any differences, it just breeds resentment and hatred

[JadedStar]

When you care for someone so deeply and have compassion for them,why do they try to hurt you so bad? I just asked my ex for closure so I can heal my wounds and I get responses like "you are a fraud" "LOSER" "GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM" I am having a hard time getting the closure over with and there is no sympathy or compassion! WHY? I used to hear the words "I love you with all my heart and we will be together forever" "I will never leave you" to this! Why are for the most part women more cold hearted then men? I just want to put in perspective? When we split she was open to us healing then getting back now its as if I am a piece of trash?

 

A LOT Of people do this after break ups. MEN and WOMEN. It is their way of trying to move on. I'd be lying if I didnt say i called my ex a loser when he kept calling and calling. It was wrong, but i was frustrated.

 

Stop calling her dude. She is trying to move on. It hurts like crazy but sometimes people who say they will always love you don't always know what the future holds. Yeah it SUCKS but is a fact of life.

[JadedStar]

Read my post-"A HORRIBLE SITUATION" A FEW LINES DOWN!! I am sorry I did not mean to offend any one!

 

No one is offended I don't think. Just trying to keep it real. People dislike generalizations, and when you make them you'll get responses like that everytime.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I am not offended, just to let you know.

 

I read your other post about this woman and wow, what a mess. I have seen this situation happen before and more times than not, there is not a good outcome.

 

She was or is still a Meth user. I work with clients on Meth and it ain't pretty. I have never seen a drug like it, it is pretty dang scarey. You met her, felt sorry for her in some ways, wanted to help her, be her hero and so forth. Relationships that start off this way rarely work. My belief is because one person is not on even ground with the other. When one party is needy, it is not equal. So for the most part, the other person is the "enabler" while the other is the taker. This is a classic co-dependecy relationship.

 

People like in your ex girlfriend's situation have so much baggage, so much stuff going on, it is virtually impossible to have and maintain a healthy and growing relationship. His/her baggage weighs it down and becomes a dark cloud over the relationship.

 

For now, I would seek closure within yourself. Perhaps check out some books on co-dependency. And perhaps the next go-around, go for someone whom is in your playing field and not so needy. The folks can really drain you, emotionally, mentally, physically, and even financially. I know you had the best intentions when you got into the likes of this girl but take this as a lesson learned.

 

Again, I am sorry things have been hard. You will feel better, just give it time.

[Dako]

Dont feel too bad for your anger, it's part of life.

 

I once despised all women because of one disturbed woman's treatment of me, and I eventually repaired the damage to rediscover are women delightful. Don't blame them all for the actions of one.

I hope you bounce back from this misery and meet someone who reshapes your view.

[BILLEON2005]

Well, I got off to a good start. Sorry Women I should have worded it properly, generalizations where not my intention here I just wanted a woman's prospective no offence! But in most of the relationships I have been in or heard from in the past which is ALOT!!! In my humble opinion I never here a man say the things I hear from (not a generalization) a woman! And I have been leaving her alone I just sent her an e-mail.

[EvaGina]

Well, I got off to a good start. Sorry Women I should have worded it properly, generalizations where not my intention here I just wanted a woman's prospective no offence! But in most of the relationships I have been in or heard from in the past which is ALOT!!! In my humble opinion I never here a man say the things I hear from (not a generalization) a woman! And I have been leaving her alone I just sent her an e-mail.

 

what was that email like?

 

Believe me, both men and women say terrible things

[BILLEON2005]

My E-mail was.... Hello, Hey her name here, I just wanted to say that I am happy you are doing well and that I wish things would have worked out, and that I still care about you and your daughter and I am sorry fo my part of this thing! I also want to know how you really felt about me for our time together, I just am having a hard time with this and would like to know why after 1.5 you won't talk to me anymore? I just don't understand it! I tried to be there for you through thick and thin! Love always...

 

Thats when I got the you are a fraudulant person, lier and deciever,loser,go back to where you came from lines!!! Go read my post "A HORRIBLE SITUATION" On the second page to get more insight, I only have male friends who say man "charge it to the game" or "Skip that B*tch" but I did care for her and wanted a womans view so I can put my feeling in order! But in a way I feel I made her life better, because she says she has never been more happy! But in no way was I perfect!

[EvaGina]

ah

ok

when you send an email like that, you have to claim more responsibility than just saying "my part for this thing". You have to explain to her WHAT you know you did, and if possible, why. Or it just looks like hollow apologies and mind games, especially if you are going to ask a loaded question like that straight afterwards.

 

but, IMo, you should have left it completely alone. You dont need to know how she felt, because its over now. as one poster said, closure come from within, and it will take time. Its not like a magic switch.

[BILLEON2005]

but, IMo, you should have left it completely alone. You dont need to know how she felt, because its over now. as one poster said, closure come from within, and it will take time. Its not like a magic switch.

 

I know! I feel like a chump, I wish I could have different results,

but I guess if she had unconditional love for me we would be together now!