MrsE4

If you're looking for a book that will help you with your jealosy, may I recommend "The Feeling Good Handbook" -- it's a hands-on, well-written book that makes you feel as if the author is really talking you through the exercises. You MUST do the exercises, write them down and really search your soul, for them to help. But in the 6 weeks or so that I've been working on that book, my husband and friends have commented many times that I've grown so much already! I feel so FREE -- free to be me, do what I want to do and stop worrying about what my husband is doing all the time. As a result, we've grown closer because I'm not always there, I have my own life again and we're both so much happier for it! I'm not saying this book is a cure-all, but it has helped me a lot. And best of all, it's only about $20! I do suggest seeing a therapist, too, but as support more than treatment. My therapist is cool, but she's not nearly as effective as the work I've done with that book! Good luck -- we're all in this together!!!

Does your bf go to strip clubs? Does he own videos/DVDs w/ erotic content? Does he get Maxim magazine? All of these things are levels of porn. While you're right that honesty is key in any relationship, keep in mind that this is just another way of seeing the same kind of stuff he can order on pay-per-view for 9.95. If you don't mind him going to the strip club, where he can talk to the naked women in person, or getting Maxim, where the girls are more provokative looking than anything "smutty" could give him, then keep this in perspective. Also, ask him flat out if he looks at web porn. If he lies to you, confront him DIPLOMATICLY (not an explosion) and say something like "well I was going through the History to find where I'd gone to link removed (or wherever you visit frequently) and I came accross some sites I want to ask you about." Don't freak out on him, that won't help anything. State your concerns, let him know how it makes you feel and go from there. It could be a chance for you to grow closer by looking at this stuff together, or you might get the chance to learn something important about each other that you didn't know before. Who knows.

My husband and I got married less than a year ago. He has always been friends with females, and I with males. But now that we're married, I don't feel as comfortable with his female friends having crushes on him. I find it disrespectful, but he thinks that I should trust him to do the right thing no matter what the girls want him to do. I see the logic behind his statement (and definitely want him to feel that way when I am hanging out with my male friends), but how do I stop the negative thinking that I go through when I know he's hanging out with his female friends?

You both made vows to other people. If you're going to continue to see each other, end your marriages. If you're not willing to do that, you need to seriously rethink why you're seeking love (and sex) outside your marriage. I am an outsider looking in, of course, but your priorities seem to be focused on the wrong woman's marriage. Take care of your own or get out. Then figure out what to do with your much-younger friend.

You've only been dating this guy for a short time, yet he's already stopped giving you the attention you deserve? Let go now, let yourself heal and move on. You're better than that. The man you're meant to be with won't make you cry every night, and he won't degrade what you enjoy. Cheerleaders are unique people -- not everyone can do cheerleading, just like not everyone can do basketball or football or anything else. If this guy can't support you after 3 months together, chances are he's not going to be any better at it down the road. Sounds like he has a lot of insecurities he needs to go deal with on his own before he gets wrapped up in a good person like you.

I have fought with jealosy for years, and I still don't always win. But the first thing you have to do is figure out why you're jealous in the first place. Are you upset that you can't control his actions? Are you confident that he can and will make the right decisions when it comes to his contact with other females? Are you comfortable with his love for you? Do you trust him not to hurt you? Pinpoint what triggers jealosy in your mind, then replace that negativity with positive reinforcement. Say the positive reinforcement out loud if you have to (my personal mantra is "He loves me and will do the right thing"). Unless your partner is a sadist, he is not attacking you through his friendship with his ex-girlfriend. If the tables were turned, how would you want him to act toward your friendship with an ex? Would you want him to be understanding, or would you want him to be insanely jealous? If you would want him to be understanding, give him that same credit and be understanding toward him. If you would prefer jealosy, you may be experiencing problems with self-worth. Perhaps you are looking to him to help you feel good about yourself. But feeling good about yourself is an internal struggle that no one, in the end, can help you to achieve. YOU have to do it. Good luck -- you can do it!

I am in a similar position. I have been married for almost 4 months now, and I feel depressed and isolated. The best advice I can give is to talk to your husband. You were most likely the head wedding-planner, which means that for about a year now you've been focused on that one day. Now you have no goal to work toward, and you and your husband seem not to have set long-term goals. Sit down with him (preferably over dinner or another casual situation instead of the classic "we need to talk" posture) and talk about where you want to be as a couple in the next 2, 5, 10 years and beyond. Having these goals to keep in mind will help you feel more grounded in your relationship. It will also prevent you from becoming obsessed with having and raising children. You and your husband need time together before you have children, and giving birth does not solve any problems that you're already facing. Hold off if you can, and never base your worth on your children's accomplishments.